Accidentally Dead, Again

by Dakota Cassidy

  “Very Rudolph.”

  “If only a shiny red nose were the only problem,” Sam replied, his gaze grim.

  Her worst fear rose to the surface, bubbling from her lips like the head of a beer. “What if we find out that there is no hope for us, Sam? What if we end up like that woman?” She needed a time frame—something to go on so she could prepare Mark and …

  Sam’s jaw tightened momentarily before his eyes warmed to deep chocolate pools, and his hand closed around hers. “Then we find out together.”

  A small measure of relief flooded her stomach, loosening the tight coil of fear in her belly.

  However little hope those words gave them, suddenly, because Sam was holding her hand, everything seemed okay.

  CHAPTER

  6

  The word okay had officially been cruelly ripped from Phoebe’s vocabulary and replaced by not one but two words. Never and again.

  Who was anybody kidding here? Nothing was ever going to be okay again. Nothing. Never. Sitting on Sam’s couch as the clock struck four A.M., they’d listened to Archibald, Wanda’s husband Heath’s manservant (who was once a vampire but was now a human again in some bizarre twist of fate involving sires and words Phoebe didn’t even know existed anymore), and his friend Dmitri the Vampire explain their theories on what they thought had happened to Sam and Phoebe.

  And there were but three utterly redonckculous thoughts Phoebe couldn’t shake during the entire conversation—none of which had anything to do with her almost certainly deadly fate.

  They were actually rather meaningless.

  First meaningless thought? Who still had a manservant? No matter how endearing or adorably British?

  Second meaningless thought? Wasn’t every vampire since vampire romances had been invented named Dmitri? Or was it Declan? Wait. Maybe Hunter? Wasn’t that just a little too vampire cliché?

  Not that Dmitri was just any vampire. No. In fact, he was one of the oldest surviving vampires in the history of vampires, who’d found Archibald in, of all places, a botany club. They’d reunited after all these centuries over rare species of roses and lilies, and it felt so good.

  Third, didn’t all vampires named Dmitri look like they’d just stepped off the cover of some gothic horror novel, complete with swirling black cape, menacing eyebrows, and imposing stances? If some of those romance novelists could see this Dmitri, they’d have to reconsider the visual legend the name was supposed to bring to mind.

  Because this Dmitri was anything but gothic or imposing. He was the kind of vampire who’d clearly decided the seventies was a decade that should be celebrated for eternity, if one were to judge him by his long, graying hair and rainbow headband. The only thing missing from his bell-bottom jean-clad body and his printed disco-shirt-wearing rail-thin chest was a big, big bong.

  Hearing what they had to say made Phoebe wonder if tokin’ on a big, big bong wouldn’t be the solution to this mess. Who cared if you ended up a pile of ashes when you were stoned?

  “So I want to be clear here,” Sam’s luscious voice invaded her rambling, out-of-focus thoughts. “You think we have some kind of vampire virus?”

  Dmitri nodded, leaning his elbows on his knobby knees and rolling an old toothpick between his lips. “Yeah, man. I’ve seen it once. Way back in the seventeen hundreds. Can’t remember the exact date, but it was bad. Righteous bad. Haven’t seen nothin’ like it since.”

  Archibald gave a distinguished nod of agreement, his lined face riddled with unpleasant memories clearly best left buried. “Oh, indeed, sir. It was dreadful. Just horrid. Vampires running amok, biting not just the innocent, but one another, too. This led to an outbreak of epic proportions.”

  Sam shifted positions on the couch, his thigh grazing Phoebe’s in the process. The strong line of his jaw was tight and sharp with tension. “Do you know exactly what created the outbreak?”

  Archibald cleared his throat, brushing the wrinkles from the arm of his checkered bathrobe to settle back in Sam’s overstuffed armchair. “As was and still is the way, Master Samuel, fear of anyone or anything different was widespread, most certainly that was the case back then. It was neither hip nor tragically cool to be a vampire. If a vampire was somehow captured, he was served up the typical death, burned at dawn, or by wooden stake through the heart. However, not everyone’s views on such matters were so black-and-white. One man in particular, a scientist of sorts, though mad, no doubt, thought a vampire was a thing to be studied, prodded, tested, and thus discarded when the researcher had no more use for what people called Lucifer’s children.”

  Phoebe’s eyes closed in horror. If her intestines really were out of order forever, you couldn’t tell by the fear that clenched her gut at Archibald’s words.

  Dmitri shook his head in rapid agreement, his gnarled finger poking at the air. “Damn crazy was what that was! Fool scientist took a human waiting for the guillotine and did all sorts of things to him. Thought he could turn a human into a vampire with some kind of nonsense he’d hatched in his lab. Leastways I hear that was the goal.”

  “So in essence, he was developing something that would create a synthetic, albeit crudely bioengineered vampire,” Sam muttered, dragging a hand over his chin.

  Dmitri’s eyes grew dark, the lines of age around them deepening. “Uh, yup. So anyways, he used this fella like some guinea pig, but instead of turning him into a vampire like you and me, he turned him into a monster. Somehow, this vampire escaped Dr. Nutball and went on a biting spree, turning a bunch of humans rabid and vicious. Vampires were turning to ashes everywhere—if they lasted long enough to escape us, anyway. It was an ugly, ugly time. No one bitten survived that.”

  “So you don’t think this is the work of some crazy centuries-old vampire who’s still running around loose, do you?” Nina asked.

  “Bah!” Dmitri balked, toying with the peace-sign necklace he wore around his neck. “Even if the doc was stupid enough to test it on himself, he sure couldn’t have survived it—and definitely not for this many centuries. No way, sister.”

  “Okay, so anyone infected lost their minds first before they turned to ashes, Arch?” Nina asked from her perch on the edge of Sam’s desk, her tone carrying a distinct tremor.

  “I’m afraid so, Miss Nina. Those who didn’t were …” He let his balding head fall to his stately suit-covered chest.

  “Were what?” Phoebe prodded, certain the answer would be as terrifying as everything else they’d retold, but not knowing had to be a worse fate.

  Archibald reached out a weathered hand for hers and gave it a squeeze. “Slain, miss. Expunged for fear there would be no end to the spread of the disease. If the infected night dwellers weren’t killed by the humans, vampires themselves took on the dreadful task.”

  “Did they display the kinds of symptoms Phoebe and I are displaying?”

  Archibald’s bushy eyebrows rose. “No, Master Samuel. I don’t recall them having the specific gifts that have been bestowed upon the both of you, but the description of the death that young woman suffered …” He paused, composing himself. “That does fit the bill. However, vampires have evolved over the years. With a little help from technology, who knows what monkey business could occur in this great day and age? Who knows what some madman in a laboratory with today’s advances could create? Who’s to say teleportation and walking through walls aren’t a viable option with a petri dish and the single desire for eternal life? I only know that vampires—even the oldest, most powerfully endowed, the most feared of the lot do not walk through walls, sir. Ever.”

  Phoebe’s brow furrowed. She tucked her legs beneath her, letting her chin rest on her knees, fighting the continual rise of panic in order to sort through this rationally. “So you think this is a result of modern-day technology? That someone’s literally creating vampires—testing whatever this is out on humans and clearly failing?”

  “It damn well smacks of it, darlin’,” Dmitri said, his voice somber, his green eyes capturing
hers with his sympathy. “Where they’re gettin’ the humans and what they’re doing to ’em is anybody’s guess.”

  “So our deaths are inevitable,” Phoebe forced herself to say. “But not before we let loose on whomever we can get our fangs into because we’ve gone vampire AWOL.” God. That she could spread this whatever it was to someone unsuspecting without even knowing made her want to chain herself to the top of the Andes mountains until she French fried at daybreak.

  Archibald clucked his tongue, his eyes steely with determination. “Now, miss, this looks grim, I’ll admit. However, we’ve been in many a pickle and found our way to the other side with minimal harm to our persons. Haven’t we, Miss Nina?”

  Nina’s hoodie had fallen off in their scuffle, and Phoebe wondered if she didn’t always keep it on her head as a way to mask her emotions. Because her face said it all—even if the next words she spoke were to the contrary.

  “You bet’cha, Arch. This wouldn’t be the first time our backs have been against a wall. No one’s dying on my watch.” She hopped off Sam’s desk and cupped Archibald’s chin with affection in her dark eyes, an emotion Phoebe didn’t know she was capable of. It even stung a little. Somehow, as cantankerous as she was, Nina had managed to surround herself with all these people who clearly loved her.

  She settled herself on the arm of the chair. Archibald patted her hand and smiled like he actually liked her. “So what next, Miss Nina?”

  This time, the grim look on Nina’s face was apparent. “I dunno, Arch, but my gut tells me this has to do with O-Tech—especially after Sam’s place was trashed and his work comp was on. Maybe whatever was on that computer didn’t seem important to Sam, but somebody thinks it is. Now, O-Tech would have the kind of resources to facilitate something like this, wouldn’t they, Sammy? You know, labs and all those crazy Bunsen things you herd of nerds play with?”

  Sam’s lips thinned. “But where, Nina? I’ve been in every lab in the place at one time or another, and I can’t say I recall seeing anyone walking through walls. I think I’d know if they were testing humans.”

  Nina brushed her hands together. “Then you know what I say, Sammy?”

  “What don’t you say?” Phoebe couldn’t help but quip to the tune of Archibald’s delighted laughter.

  She ignored Phoebe but gave Sam a sly smile. “I say we poke around inside O-Tech.”

  Phoebe detected a hint of discomfort in Sam’s shift of position on the couch. It was subtle, but his vibe had clearly changed to one of uneasiness.

  Huh.

  “And we do that how? I thought we’d burn to a crisp if we go out during daylight hours.”

  “Oh, we’re not gonna do it during daylight hours, Sammy. We’re goin’ in ninja style,” Nina cackled, mocking a karate chop.

  Sam’s jaw tightened. “Despite the mostly harmless goings-on at O-Tech, we do still deal in dangerous chemicals, Nina. Which means they have armed guards. So how do we get past the security guards?”

  She shrugged her shoulders like she’d stormed plenty of castles in her time. “You’re the wall whisperer. She can teleport. Figure it out, brainiac.”

  Oh, dear God. Not only was she a vampire, but she was going to be a teleporting felonious vampire now, too?

  “So you want me to just walk through a wall at O-Tech? I don’t know if you saw what just happened only moments ago, Nina, but I wasn’t exactly Mr. Miyagi at wall walking.”

  Nina glanced at her wristwatch. “Then you two better get to crack-a-lackin’ and practice. You’ve got twenty-four hours. Eight of which will be spent passed out cold in vampire sleep not too far in your immediate future, Gigantor.”

  “Do you have any idea what could happen if we get caught?” Sam demanded, his voice, usually so easygoing and light, riddled with concern Phoebe distinctly heard.

  Nina rose, pulling Archibald up with her. “Nope. But you do have an idea of what could happen if we don’t figure this shit out. I don’t know about you, but I bet that Mark would pass out cold if he had to sweep his Phoebes up off the floor. I bet all those nice pictures of your family you had all over the place are a sure sign they’d be pretty upset if you just didn’t exist anymore, too. We got trouble, kemosabe. Big trouble. If I were you, I’d want answers.”

  Yeah. Answers. Phoebe internally rallied for answers while she pondered Sam’s hesitance. Maybe he was just one of those rule followers who never balked at authority? But who could afford to follow the rules when they were destined for death? Wouldn’t that light a big fire under your ass?

  If your two choices were break some rules or die—she was choosing rule breaking. Whether Sam was in or not.

  She sat silently, watching the play of emotions on Sam’s face and waiting. But the moment had passed and his face lightened. “You’re right. I’m just not a fan of breaking and entering. I have to go back to work sometime. Can’t do that if I’m in jail.”

  Nina wrapped her arm around Sam’s shoulder. “Sam, here’s the word. You ain’t ever goin’ back to a day job because there isn’t a sunscreen on the planet that can protect you from frying like so much egg come high noon if you’re out in the sun too long. A full day of work just won’t cut it until you build up a tolerance, and that takes time. You’d have to walk around covered from head to toe in clothing, and even then, it stings like shit. It can be done. I’ve done it. But it ain’t no walk in the park and it takes time to build up a tolerance to it for longer than an hour or so. Get used to the fact that gray and overcast are your new BFFs.”

  Jesus. Phoebe grimaced. Always with the death threats. If one thing didn’t kill them, something else surely would be happy to take a stab at it.

  While Dmitri, Nina, and Sam hatched a plan, Archibald extended a hand to her, tugging her upward from her place on the couch. “So, miss, I hear a welcome to the fold is in order?” His pleasant smile and soft words made the hole where her dead heart lay ache.

  “I think there’s no room left in the fold,” she said, keeping her tone light.

  He clasped her hand between his, his eyes full of a twinkling amusement. “There’s always room in the fold, miss. Sometimes the fold just needs a swift kick in the pants.”

  Phoebe laughed for the first time in what felt like eons. “I’d be happy to oblige.”

  Archibald’s smile was warm, his rounded cheeks cheerfully dusted with color. “Ah, miss. Our Nina is as you young people say, a badass. But underneath all that bluster lies a heart, and while it no longer beats, it surely exists. She grumbles. She oftentimes yells. Indeed, her language is an abomination to one’s ears. However, I’ve borne witness to countless selfless acts on her part. I do hope you’ll stick around to see some of them.”

  This wasn’t the first time she’d heard those words where Nina was concerned. Sam held the same sentiment to a degree. On impulse, Phoebe gave him a hug. “Thank you, and thank you for coming out so late to help us.”

  “I daresay it isn’t pleasant news, but I have every faith we shall find an answer. As for now, you must rest. All good vampires need a minimum of eight hours or they turn into our fair Nina.”

  Phoebe smiled at him and giggled softly. “Then maybe I should shoot for ten—you know, padding my chances?”

  He laughed before holding out his arm to her in a gallant gesture. “Come. You must drink in order to keep you strong during the final stages of the change. I shall prepare your evening feeding, and we’ll get to know one another while your Sam finishes up.”

  “Oh, he’s not my Sam,” she made a point of saying, looping her arm through his and allowing him to lead her to the kitchen. “We just met a few hours ago.”

  Archibald’s bushy eyebrow rose. “Chemistry is a funny thing, miss. Sometimes those who are experiencing it aren’t always aware they are.”

  Oh, she was aware, she thought as she slid onto one of Sam’s steel kitchen stools and watched Archibald produce more of the packets of the blood Wanda had given her back at her place.

  She was more than
aware of Sam McLean. She was aware of how his jeans hugged the tops of his strong thighs, and the tight abdomen under his shirt. She was sickly aware of his deep brown eyes with lashes for days and his long, lean fingers when they held hers. She was aware of the sexy Stetson he wore that shadowed his lean face.

  The trouble was, she wouldn’t always be aware.

  And that was a problem.

  “ARE they asleep?” Wanda asked, entering Sam’s apartment via Nina and sliding off her shoes to set them in the hall closet.

  Nina stretched, clasping her fingers together over her head and twisting her body from side to side. “Yeah. Finally. Who’s got Marky-Mark covered?”

  Wanda draped her jacket over Sam’s couch and sighed. “I left him with Marty and Say Yes to the Dress. Good gravy, they’re like a sister and brother from another mother, Nina. They were bonding over tulle and Swarovski crystals when I left. He’ll be fine. Though, he was sick with worry over Phoebe. They’ve been friends since childhood.”

  “Good for them.” Nina grunted, plopping down on the couch and dragging one of Sam’s pillows to her lap. She patted a space next to her for Wanda to sit. “Now I just want some quiet without Barbie Fabulous yakking in my head. I’m an hour overdue for vampire sleep—which makes me Bitchy Vampire. Vampire Barbie’s evil twin.”

  Wanda dropped down next to her best friend and patted her hand with a light chuckle. “It’s been a busy few hours. We’ve got a lot on our plates. I’m worried, friend.”

  “Me, too, Wanda. Me fucking, too.” Nina’s words held a defeat Wanda knew she wouldn’t have shared with Phoebe and Sam.

  “Do you really think you’ll find something at O-Tech?”

  Nina burrowed into the couch, letting her head fall back on the arm. “The fucking idea that someone’s creating vampires scares the shit out of me, Wanda, but it’s as good a place to start as any. It’s not like we have much else to go on but that memo pad from O-Tech the chick dropped. Like I told you on the phone, Arch and his stoner dude think this is some kind of research gone seriously south. Where better than a place like O-Tech to experiment with shit like that? No doubt, they have the resources.”