The Graft

by Karen Woods

  “Right mam, I’ll do it later. Can you make us some breakfast?” Emily licked her lips, she was starving.

  “I’ll make some breakfast but you’re not eating it upstairs. You’ll have to come down and eat at the dining table like everybody else does. I don’t know, sometimes Jane I wonder where you get your dirty habits from.”

  “Mother, I never said I was eating food up here. I just asked for some breakfast, that’s all.”

  Emily sat chewing her finger nails, she was anxious and knew her friend’s mother thought all her daughter’s bad habits came from her. She dipped her eyes as Jane’s mother left the bedroom. Jane let out a laboured breath. “She’s a right moaning cow lately. She’s always nit picking about daft shit. When I get my own house, I’m going to leave the pots in the sink for days. I’m not doing any housework either. I’ve had years of her ruling my life with her OCD. Honest, it’s not healthy to be obsessed with cleaning like she is.”

  Emily sniggered. “I wish my mam had the cleaning bug. Our flat is lucky if it’s cleaned once a week. Nobody does a tap to keep it clean. I’m embarrassed, you know. I know you come to our house. But I’d never let anyone else step within a mile of it. Imagine the girls from the estate coming to my bedroom to chill for a bit?”

  Jane smirked. “I know, they’d need a tetanus jab before they came into your gaff, it’s rotten. You’re right, your mam is a scruffy cow. You can tell that just by looking at her. She takes no pride in the way she looks either. Those black leggings she wears must be glued to her; she never has them off her back. Everybody can see her camel toe in them, it’s disgusting”

  Emily was annoyed. Okay, she could call her mam but she never expected it from her best friend. “Oi, leave it out. She’s still my mother and she’s had a lot to deal with over the last few months.”

  “It’s no excuse, she should still brush her hair and have a wash.” Emily sucked hard on her gums. What was wrong with Jane today? She was being so argumentative.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Elsie came sprinting into the front room. She bent down slightly and gripped her knees as she tried to catch her breath. Her cheeks were blood red. Tony rolled on his side and dug his hand down the front of his tracksuit bottoms scratching his nuts. “What’s up with you?” Elsie fanned her hand in front of her face, she was still struggling to breathe. The cigarettes she’d smoked over the years were catching up with her. Maybe she should start getting some serious exercise and salvage what was left of her lungs. Sucking in another mouthful of air she replied.

  “I’ve ran all the way home from the shops. Sit up, I’ve got some brilliant news to tell you. Go on, sit up straight so I can tell you.”

  Tony shook his head. He was in no mood for drama today. She was always like this when she had a bit of gossip. “Nar, I’m not sitting up. Just tell me. I can’t be arsed moving. My bones are creaking.”

  Elsie plonked down on the sofa next to him and flicked her hand quickly across his legs. “Nudge up then. I want to get comfortable before I speak.”

  “For fuck’s sake. You know how much my body is in pain. Why do you need to be next to me to tell me something?”

  Elsie sucked in a large mouthful of air and blew it from her mouth slowly. She was calming down. “I was just talking to that posh woman who lives on that smart street in Moston. You know the one where I’ve always said I want to live? And, anyway, we got talking whilst we were in the Post Office queue and she told me she’s looking for a gardener. Just a few days a week, that’s all. To do some weeding and cutting the grass.”

  Tony ragged his fingers through his hair and held a blank expression, he shrugged his shoulders. “And what? What’s the big fuss about?”

  Elsie gripped his knees and closed her eyes as she got ready to deliver the news. “She said you can call around for a chat and if you fit the bill for what she’s looking for she will give you the job. Tony, this is a Godsend. It’s cash in hand and it won’t affect your benefits. It’s right up your street.”

  After a second to take in this earth-shattering news, Tony burst out laughing and shook his head. “Fuck off, I’m not doing any gardening. My back is fucked, I can hardly move some days. I’m not ready for work. Tell her to piss-off” he just shook his head and carried on laughing. At least it was taking his mind off his pain.

  Elsie shot a look over at him, she was ready to kick off. “Your back is fine when that Mickey wants you to call around to his house though, isn’t it? I’ve never seen you move so bleeding fast. Listen, this is a chance for you to get sorted out. You’ve done nothing but lie on that sofa for weeks, so it’s time to sort your napper out and take the job.”

  “I’m no Alan Titchmarsh. These fingers are light, they’re not green.”

  “Just go and see what you think. You need money to take us on that holiday, don’t you? You know, the one you promised our Emily. How are you supposed to do that when you don’t have a pot to piss in?”

  Tony sat up and started to straighten his pillows. “I’ve been off drugs now for nearly two weeks and your telling me to get a job. Do I look like I’m ready to work? I’ve not slept properly for days and look at my nerves. My stomach is off too, it’s non-stop shitting every day.” He held his hand out and he was right, his hands were trembling.

  “Just stop being negative and go and see her. That’s all I’m asking. Please, for me. I’ve told her you would call later today. Don’t be making me look like a fool. You’re lucky she’s even agreed to see you.”

  “Fucking hell Elsie, why would you do that without speaking to me first?”

  “Because, it’s a good earner for us! Unless, we have a money tree growing out on the veranda then I don’t see what else we can do to earn a few extra quid.” Elsie dropped her head and her voice changed. She knew what she was doing, she was playing the hard done to card. “I just want us to be happy. Maybe we could have a few nice things in this place. We’re both guilty of neglecting the kids Tony. If we weren’t on drugs imagine the stuff we could have bought them over the years. We owe our Emily a nice home, some new clothes, something to show we care. Jordan is too old now to make amends, but we can treat Emily, can’t we?”

  She was pulling on Tony’s heartstrings and watched him from the corner of her eye. He shook his head from side to side. “I’ll go. Okay. But don’t be expect fucking miracles. I’m not a well man. Are you forgetting that?”

  Elsie jumped over towards him and flung her chunky arms around his scrawny neck. “Thank you, thank you. I knew you would see sense in the end. Just you wait until I tell Emily that her dad has got a job. She’ll shit a brick. She won’t believe it in a million years. She’ll be so proud of you.”

  Tony wriggled free. “Turn it in now. I said I’ll go and have a chat with her, that’s all. So, don’t get your hopes up.” Elsie reached over and grabbed a packet of pickled onion “Space Raiders” from the white carrier bag at the side of her legs. She shoved a mouthful in her gob and sat munching. She sounded like a horse chewing an apple. “Where is Emily anyway?” Tony asked as he walked about the living room searching for his clothes.

  “She’s at Jane’s. Emily said she was feeling down so she was spending a bit of time with her.”

  Tony screwed his face up and walked back towards his wife. “What does that girl have to be fed up about? She wants for fuck all.”

  “I’m only telling you what Emily told me. Jane’s a bit of a drama queen anyway, you know what she’s like. She’s probably been told no for something that she wants from her parents. She’s a right mard arse when it comes to things like that.”

  Tony paused. “It’s just a bit weird that’s all. Emily seems to be away from home a lot lately. When was the last time she even slept here?”

  “Last week,” Elsie said as she scoffed some more crisp into her mouth. “But, can you blame her not coming home to this shit-tip? She’s probably being treated like royalty at Jane’s house. You know they are wadded, don’t you?”

  Ton
y scratched at his face and still something seemed to be bothering him. He took a few steps forward and spoke. “Well, just keep a close eye on her anyway. I don’t like it when I don’t see her.”

  Elsie reached for the remote control and flicked the TV on as she curled her legs underneath her. “Go and get a wash and a shave. I’ve told Sue that you will be there at twelve o’clock. Stop worrying about Emily, she’s not daft you know?” Tony bit down hard on his bottom lip. Whatever he was going say he changed his mind at the last second. He left the room in a strop. Elsie fed Frank a crisp and patted the space beside her on the sofa. “Come on son, let’s get ready to watch Jezzar.” Frank was in good books for a change and didn’t hesitate to jump onto the sofa, this was a prime location and it was very rare he was invited to lie here. He sprung feet first onto the sofa and snuggled down next to his owner. Today was a good day for him.

  *

  Tony squeezed his eyes together as he tried to read the address Elsie had scribbled down. Her handwriting was shocking and his eye sight had gone right downhill in the last few years which didn’t help. It was cold and he was shivering as he walked along the busy main road. Nothing much was happening around him and he just plodded along in a world of his own. His head was tucked down his jacket for two reason; it was freezing, but more importantly because he didn’t know who might be on his case for any crimes he’d committed lately. The last thing he needed was some beef. Okay, there were a few questions hanging over him regarding a house burglary in the estate and of course his name had been flung into the mix as always, but he was innocent of course, or at least that was what he told everyone.

  Tony looked over at a house to the left of him and looked down at the piece of paper again, his eyes squeezed tightly together as he tried to read the words. This was the right address; he’d checked it three times. The house was set back on a winding road and inside its own grounds, what a top gaff. The Fairway was an area he’d walked past a few times when he was on his travels. It was a nice place to live and he’d often thought that one day he would live here. Yes, he could see himself being part of this neighbourhood. Maybe he would be liked by all the residents here, perhaps he could even run the neighbourhood watch and make sure all the grafters knew he was the one in charge. He was the best of the best and he’d stop them in their tracks before they knew what day it was. There would be no crime here if he was running the show. Tony was daydreaming again, visualising himself being part of this nice community. He swallowed hard as he yanked the black metal gates wide open, this was hard work, he was getting a sweat on. His eyes shot one way, then another. His heart was racing and since being off the drugs it seemed like all his old self-confidence had left him. He was a nervous wreck and hated talking to anyone, he just wanted to be left alone. This gaff was top-notch. It was like something he’d seen on TV. He felt honoured even to be here. As he walked down the long grey gravel path, he clocked the large white bay windows. The smell from the flowers at the side of him made him choke slightly. He’d already self-diagnosed himself with hay-fever and he might have been right. His eyes were starting to itch, his nasal passage was burning inside. Tony edged nervously towards the front door and looked up at the windows above his head. No one was watching him yet. The CCTV on the side of the building might not be working, otherwise surely someone would have come to see what he was doing in the grounds. He was making a mental note of this, just in case things didn’t work out...

  Tony stepped forward and rapped on the letterbox. He was flustered and trying to stop his heart from racing. He muttered under his breath. “Calm down lad, for fuck’s sake, what’s up with you?” In his head he was hoping he wouldn’t get the job. He was only here to keep the missus off his back. He could hear a female voice from inside and a dog yapping loudly. The front door opened, and a middle-aged woman stood there looking him up and down. “Can I help you?” she said in a high-pitched tone. Her eyes were glued to him, waiting on an answer.

  Tony gulped and played with the cuff from his coat; this woman was sexy, she had shoulder length honey blonde hair and a great set of knockers. For crying out loud, why hadn’t Elsie told him that this was a MILF’s house? The least he could have done was have a good wash and spruce himself up. He started to speak. “Hiya love, Elsie, my wife, said you was looking for a gardener?”

  Sue looked him up and down and elegantly flicked her hair over her shoulders. She bent down and scooped the little white fluffy dog into her arms. Oh my God, he got a right glimpse of her breasts. The low-cut chiffon blouse she was wearing was leaving nothing to the imagination. He quickly tweaked his crotch and took a few deep breaths. This image was most definitely going into the wank bank. This bitch was hot and sexy, she was everything he wanted in a woman. His cheeks were beetroot and he didn’t know what to say next. Sue fluttered her eyelashes and spoke in a gentle tone. “Would you like to come in and have a chat then? If you just let me put Savanna into the kitchen, we can have a good chat. She’s friendly enough but gets excited when we have visitors,” she chuckled and held the front door wide open, “she’s a bit like me. I get excited when I have visitors too.”

  Had he just heard her, right? What was going on here, was she flirting with him? Tony had been out of the game for years now, but he still knew when a woman was interested in him. He gave her a cheeky wink. Tony walked into the house behind Sue. His eyes scanned up and down her body. Her arse was amazing and given half the chance he would have licked every inch of her bum cheeks, every single nook and cranny of it. He inhaled deeply as the smell of vanilla hit him. His house smelt nothing like this, and he looked around trying to find out where the aroma was coming from. This house had class. White marble floors in the hallway, crystal chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling, this house smelt of money. Sue invited him into the front room. “Can I ask you to take your shoes off? I’ve recently had new carpets fitted and I’m trying to keep them clean.” Tony bent down and tugged at his mucky trainers. As his shoe slid from his foot he nearly died of embarrassment, there was a great big hole in his socks. Quickly, he yanked the sock over his toe. Sue walked into the front room and sat down on a cream leather sofa facing him. That must have been new too because he could smell the leather. Sue twiddled her hair around her finger and licked her bottom lip slowly. “So, tell me a bit about yourself. Your wife told me you can turn your hand to anything.”

  Tony blushed. What the fuck had Elsie told her? She was always telling people he could do stuff when in fact, he was clueless. He just went along with it, what else could he do? “Yes, that’s correct. I’m well educated in a lot of areas. I used to play a lot of football too when I was younger. I just missed out on the big-time. I could have been as big as Wayne Rooney.” Tony was talking pure bullshit again. Alright, he might have had a chance at being a professional football player but what areas was he educated in? He was a thick as fuck, he was just a blagger who lied his way out of anything. He was showing off, winging it.

  “Oh, that’s great news. You see my husband works away a lot and well,” she paused as she ran her index finger slowly along her collar-bone. “The garden has got out of hand. I used to love tending to the flowers and planting new ones, but my social life is far too busy for me to find the time to keep them looking nice anymore.”

  Tony rubbed his hands together. “Well, worry no more. I’m your knight in shining armour. I can ease your burden. I’ll have the garden looking mint in no time at all.”

  Sue looked over at Tony and she held a mischievous look in her eye. “I’m sure we can work something out. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.”

  Tony’s jaw dropped. He wasn’t imagining it; this was the real McCoy. This woman was coming on to him. What a turn up for the books! He’d read about these rich women wanting a bit of rough and it seemed like this was his lucky day. Oh, come to daddy, you sexy beast! He was ready for ripping the back out of her given half the chance. He was confident now, breathing under control. “So, does that mean that I�
�ve got the job?”

  Sue smiled over at him and nodded. “Yes, you seem like a nice man and just what I’m looking for. Shall we have a look at the garden, and I’ll show you what I want you to do?” “Yeah, of course.”

  Tony watched as she dragged her black fur coat from a nearby cupboard. She snuggled deep into the fur and smirked over at Tony. “I love the feel of fur on my face, it makes me feel so…” she never finished her sentence, she left him stood there and walked towards the back door. Tony’s tongue was hanging out. This wasn’t happening, was it? How could this woman be attracted to him?

  “I want you to trim the bushes on a regular basis, I also need the leaves removing every week. I don’t mind what you do, as long as it looks clean and tidy. In the summer time you can plant some new flowers but it’s too cold at this time of the year for anything to grow.”

  Tony could have disagreed with her there, something was growing in his groin area, something that was getting bigger every second that passed. He made sure his erect penis was covered as he carried on walking. “I’ll look after everything for you love, don’t you worry about that. It’s a bit of a mess but I will have it ship shape in no time at all. I’ve always been good with my hands.”

  Sue giggled and slid a long slender fingernail over her cheek. “That’s good to know. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Tony was hot and sweaty and didn’t know where to look. They carried on walking around the garden and she pointed out some more jobs that needed doing. “I’ll pay you fifty pounds a week. That will be paid in cash if that’s alright. Or, would you like me to pay you in some other way?”