Ashley's Bend

by Roop, Cassy

  “Go play, my friends,” he stated simply and the crowd began to disperse. Dominic faced me one final time before walking over to the side of the stage where I had left my bra and t-shirt. Picking them up, he walked back over to where I was seated and thrust them at me.

  “You are done here tonight. A car will be waiting to take you home,” and he walked away, leaving me wanting and needy. I was in a shocked stupor. How could he say the words he whispered in my ear one minute and then so harshly dismiss me in the next? I slipped my shirt over my head not worrying or even caring that I did not put my bra on. I was angry at his mercurial moods. He acted like he wanted me so desperately one minute and the next he brushed me off like a child who was no longer interested in the toy he was playing with. So, for the second time I ended up leaving the club just as confused as I did the first time.

  It’s dark. I am cold and trying to hug my blanket around me as tight as I can. The silence in the house is almost as deafening as the fighting that just went on hours earlier. I can still hear his voice as he tells her she is worthless, dirty and a whore. I can still hear her beg him to love her and be with her. I have watched her nearly every day in my short ten years of life, pine away after him, and be at his beck and call only for him to degrade, hit and manipulate her. I have watched her grow more and more depressed to the point where she wouldn’t come out of her room for days.

  He called himself my father, but he has never been anything close to that to me. He is nothing but a worthless excuse for a human being and I am ashamed that I even share the same blood as him. I am terrified as I sit on the floor behind the raggedy old couch. I want my mommy. I want her to wake up and tell me everything is alright. I want her to take me far, far away from this bottomless pit called a home.

  My father came home today after being gone for several weeks. He started yelling at mommy because she didn’t get his “package” that he wanted. I’m ten, not stupid. I have seen the needles my father sticks into his arm. So when he came home and mommy didn’t have them, he went crazy. He started yelling at her and he pushed her down. I could hear skin contacting with skin and bones crushing. I want to help her, but I am scared. Why is he doing this? Why is he hurting her?

  The scuffle soon stops and the only sound I heard was heavy breathing; his breathing. I no longer hear my mom’s. I no longer hear her struggling to get away from my father. I take the risk and look around the side of the couch and see my mother’s motionless body on the floor with my father sitting next to her. He has a gun in his hands and he is shaking his head back and forth.

  He lifts his head and his eyes connect with mine. I am frozen in place. A cold chill runs down my spine. I know my mommy is no longer breathing. Her chest is still and her body looks ashen. I am too scared to move, too scared to cry. That is when I see it; the silver metal reflecting off the moonlight as my father holds the gun in his hands. His eyes never leave mine as I gaze into his endless pools of dark ink. I see a malignant soul who has been nothing but a cancer to my mother and me.

  I’ll never forget those last few moments when our gazes are locked. Did he actually love her? Did he ever love me?

  He moves bringing the gun up pointing it at me. Lifting it higher, and higher. I can see down the barrel. A tunnel that leads to death, despair, to...nothing. My father looks at me with his finger poised on the trigger. He moves his hand suddenly and….BANG!

  My head snapped up off from where I was lying at my desk. My breathing was rapid and sweat was running down my forehead. It was the same fucking dream that I had over and over. No matter how hard I tried to get away from the demons that chased me, I was still captive to the darkness that they produced within me. It felt like a never diminishing storm cloud that hung over my head and constantly rained on my soul.

  I brought my hands up to wipe the sweat from my face through the sandpaper like stubble that was forming on my face. Looking to the clock in my office, I saw that it was a little after four am. The club had long closed and I was alone to fester with my thoughts. Twenty years ago, I lost the one person in my life that I had any love for. Even though she would often be in a depressed state of mind due to my drugged out shithead of a father, she never let a day go by without telling me she loved me. Having to watch her pine away after my father for so many years broke my heart.

  The night my father killed my mother was the day that I vowed to never fall in love with someone. The devastation of trying to hang on to my father was what cost my mother her life and cost me the one person in this world that I loved and depended on. My father was lucky that he turned the gun on himself that night. If he were still around, I would have relieved him of the task of having to do it himself.

  The feelings that I was experiencing with Ashley were becoming far too dangerous. The throbbing ache in my dick was a constant reminder of how much I wanted her. I had never wanted any woman in my life. I had always chosen women based on how hard and fast I could fuck them and get out. To stay any longer than was necessary for me to get my rocks off was never a possibility. So how come when it came to Ashley, I couldn’t stand the thought of wanting to leave her? Shit, I hadn’t even fucked the girl yet, and I was already thinking about the next time I would be able to fill the walls of her pussy with my dick.

  I pushed back from my desk and looked out of the two way mirror onto the floor of the club below. Would Ashley come near me if she knew how truly dark I was inside? Maybe if she got a glimpse of the real Dominic it would send her running for the hills. Maybe if I just fucked her and got it over with, I could move on and forget about the enchantress who had placed some damn spell on me. Yes. That was it. I needed to fuck her out of my system.

  I grabbed my things and set off to lock the office and headed for my downtown apartment. I’d go home and get some rest to get ready for the next meeting. Ashley was going to get a chance to see the real me. The real Dom at work. There was no doubt in my mind that once the night was over, it would send us both running in the opposite direction.

  I woke up too damn early the next morning. As promised, Dominic had a car waiting out front to take me home from the club the night before. I finally pried Kelly away from being Knox’s shadow to get her to come home with me. I was so confused by Dominic’s mercurial attitude that I took out my frustrations with a bottle of Jose, and Kelly had to damn near carry me to bed. All of the fucked up events in my life over the last month had me binging on liquid memory eraser and I found myself feeling good once the bottle was gone.

  This morning, however? Not so much. I tried to sit up in my bed only to crash back down once the room started to spin. All I could see were a kaleidoscope of blurry images as I tried to focus on the objects around my room. The pounding ache in my skull felt like a thousand jackhammers breaking away concrete at once. I could damn near feel the vibrations, as they rang through my brain and made my teeth chatter.

  Suddenly, my bedroom door flew opened and Kelly in all her bouncy, redheaded glory came dancing into my room. Literally dancing. Her attempt at some Thriller-like pirouette had me yanking the covers back over my head and groaning.

  “Gooood moooorning, sunshine!! Wake your sexy ass up Ashley!” she sang. I groaned in response, only that didn’t deter her. She walked over to the windows and yanked the curtains back to allow the piercing Saturday morning rays of sunshine filter into the room. Even with my head under the covers, I still felt the horrible blinding effects of the bright light and I winced in pain.

  “Go the fuck away, Kelly. It’s too early! Let me stay here and die in peace,” I begged. Kelly just laughed at me.

  Some best friend she was.

  “You see, Ash, I would do that, but it is not early. It’s one in the afternoon. You are going to get your skinny ass up out of the bed and go eat lunch with me, then we are going shopping.”

  “Ugh, one really? I hate you, you know that right? How in the hell are you so perky this morning? You drank just as much as I did.” I grumbled at her attempting to bring my head
back out from under the covers.

  “Yes, well you, my dear, are a lightweight, where as I am an experienced connoisseur. My job requires me to experience the nightlife remember?”

  “Fine, but if I puke, you are cleaning it up.”

  That last statement earned me a disgusted look from her and I knew that I had won. Kelly was a weakling when it came to things like blood and regurgitated stomach contents.

  Half an hour, one shower, and three Advil later, Kelly and I were walking down the streets in the warm Chicago breeze. Spring was one of my favorite seasons of the year, but I was having a hard time enjoying the blinding rays of the damn sun with the monstrosity of a hangover. Even after my shower, I could still feel the tequila evaporating from my pores. Ugh...I am never drinking again.

  Kelly and I went into one of our favorite little deli shops ran by one of the sweetest old men you would ever meet. Giovanni was a short, plump, balding man with a heart of gold and a contagious laugh. Every time we came in, he always had some corny joke to tell us or some story about one of his crazy grandkids. Grandkids that he reminded us that are our age. He had tried to fix Kelly up with his grandsons numerous times.

  “Gio!” Kelly greeted the old man as we entered the deli. His eyes brightened and a warm smile spread across his face.

  “Ashley, Kelly my two most favorite customers, how are you?” he said as he approached us from behind the counter. Kelly and I both had to lean down to kiss his cheeks. If I had a grandpa, I would want to imagine he would be just like Gio.

  “Ashley here needs one of your famous hangover fixes,” Kelly said with an evil grin as she crooked her thumb in my direction. I gave her a go to hell glare before looking back at Gio and smiling.

  “Tie one over good last night, huh? I remember those days. Sit down ladies. I got you gals covered,” he said as he pointed to a booth up front with a window that faced the busy sidewalk and Kelly and I make our way over to sit in the vinyl covered table. Giovanni being of Italian heritage, had the entire restaurant decked out in red, white and green. A not so subtle hint at a homage to the Italian flag.

  “So what do you actually think happened with Dominic last night?” Kelly asked me as we settled into our seats. How exactly was I supposed to answer her? One minute he’s hot, the next he was cold. I saw the desire and heat in his eyes every time we were close, and then he pushed me away any time things seemed to be going great.

  “He is so confusing Kell. I—ugh−I don’t know which way is up with him,” I tried to explain as I sighed deeply, sinking down into the squeaky vinyl of the booth.

  “Knox said that he doesn’t do relationships outside of the lifestyle. He has never had a girlfriend or anything.”

  I stilled in my seat as I soaked in her words. He’s never had a girlfriend. Well, I’ve only had one boyfriend in my life and I ended up marrying the cheating bastard. Seven years down the fucking drain. Did I want to even attempt to get involved with another man? I’ve only been separated from Jared for nearly a month. Was I stupid for wanting to be involved with a man that had commitment issues? No, but I couldn’t deny the unbelievable pull that I felt towards Dominic. It was enthralling, fascinating and alarming. I loved Jared, but never in the seven plus years that we were together, did I feel the dynamically explosive connection that I did with Dominic.

  “I say just have fun, Ashley. Experience things that you haven’t been able to, just go with the flow and be free,” Kelly suggested interrupting my thoughts.

  “You and your hippie ways, Kelly.” I giggled. Gio approached our table and delivered two Philly cheese steaks with cheese covered fries.

  “Here you go lovely ladies, two heartbreakers,” he said as he winked at us and scurried off to help other customers.

  “Do you think they call these the heartbreakers because of all the cholesterol that will clog our arteries when we are done eating it?” Kelly teased.

  I laughed. Man it felt good to just let go. Even though I had one hell of a hangover, and all the drama of my life was still hanging over me, I was just going to sit back and enjoy the time with my best friend. I glanced out the window onto the busy street. My eyes scanned the throws of people as life passed by before my eyes as I sat in the booth. For an instant I swear I saw Jared standing on the opposite sidewalk, glaring at me. I closed my eyes and shook my head. When I opened them again, he was gone.

  After lunch at Gio’s, Kelly insisted we go shopping. She said new life, new wardrobe rules were in order. They last thing I wanted to do was walk all over Chicago in my hung-over state, but I decided to humor her.

  “Ashley, what about this?” Kelly asked as she held up a triangle looking piece of sequined material.

  “What is it, a thong?” I asked as I arched my eyebrow at her. Seriously? Women wore that kind of stuff? I was used to my t-shirts and jeans. Comfortable and reliable.

  “Ha ha, funny Ash. It’s a cute top. And look, you can pair this skirt with it,” Kelly said as she modeled the clothes in front of her.

  “Kelly, I cannot wear that. There is nothing there.”

  “Exactly. Didn’t the rules of the club say no pants, only skirts and dresses? I bet you Dominic would like it.” I stood motionless in between the flowing sea of clothes racks at Kelly’s mention of Dominic. I had been fortunate enough not to think about him for the last−hell who was I kidding. I was constantly thinking of him. The memory of his touch and the way he could play my body like a finely tuned instrument played on repeat in my mind like an overplayed song on the radio.

  Hmmm. The rules did say no pants. It was slutty, inappropriate, and completely out of my comfort zone.

  “Put it in the cart,” I said to her. Now, it was Kelly’s turn to be surprised. I could almost see the excitement vibrate off of her. She really was enjoying it way too much.

  Three stores, five new outfits, and enough lingerie to last me a week straight without doing laundry later, we were back at the apartment surrounded by dozens of shopping bags Ready to wash the grime of the day away, I told Kelly that I was going to take a soak in the tub before I got ready to go to the club. The steam rose from the tub as I turned the faucets on as hot as I could stand. I was feeling better after my horrific attempt at drinking the memories away the night before, but the bath would make me feel that much better. After pouring in some vanilla scented bubble bath, I climbed in allowing the warm water to caress my body.

  I laid my head back on the edge of the tub, closed my eyes and tried to relax. Sinking deeper into the tub, my mind started to drift to Dominic and the way his fingers felt inside of me. I instantly felt a tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach. I lifted my hands and touched my tender nipples from where the clamps were on them the night before. I recalled the electric shot of heat that they sent to my clit as Dominic clamped them onto me.

  I was now lost in sensations as I relived every erotic memory of Dominic’s hands on me. Slowly my hand drifted down my wet body, to the spot where I was aching for him most. My fingers found my sensitive bud of titillating flesh and I began to stroke it in a slow circular motion. As I imagined Dominic’s long dexterous fingers stroking my intimate flesh, euphoria began to expand and spread through my body. My back arched, lifting away from the back of the tub as I continued the slow torture on my clit with my fingers. I was riding a wave of pleasure imagining that Dominic was there, touching me. I felt the wave build and build as each sensation pulsed through my core. Soon, I was crashing down and splintering into a million pieces as my orgasm overtook me.

  I relaxed back into the tub as I tried to gain control over my breathing. I couldn’t believe that I had masturbated in the bathtub thinking about Dominic. As satisfying as it was, it still did nothing to quell the ache of wanting to feel his length inside of me. Yes, I was in a sub training program, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t show assertion for something I wanted.

  A plan started to form in my mind as I rose from the now cooling bath water. I dried off and made my way to my bedroom
in search of a certain sequined top and black mini skirt. Since the top didn’t leave me with an option, I decided to go sans bra. Hell, I’m going sans panties too. I was not going to give Dominic a choice. I would get him to want me, badly.

  At exactly five forty five, there was a knock at the door. I was just putting the finishing touches on my attire and quickly fluffed out my hair. I had smoky rimmed eyes and blood red lips. My blonde hair was curled and left to fall loosely on my shoulders. The sequined top and black mini showed off every form fitting curve I had and I paired it off with a pair of red patent leather stilettos.

  Walking into the living room, I saw Kelly talking to Drake. I guess Dominic did send a car for me. Kelly looked absolutely stunning in a strapless fire engine red sheath dress and gold strappy gladiator heels. Her auburn hair was piled on top of her head to expose the creamy skin of her neck. No doubt, she was after Knox. We were both two girls set out to get what we wanted.

  Kelly decided to ride with me in the car to the club, and the entire way there, I was a tangled mess of nerves. Will Dominic even want to see me after how things were left the other night? What if he had decided to give me another trainer?

  The club was packed by the time that we arrived. Drake helped us out of the car and through the crowd to get inside. Madame V was in the reception area again. When she saw us enter, she quickly walked over to Drake and whispered something into his ear as her eyes scanned me from head to toe. She licked her lips and her violet eyes bored a hole into me, making me feel uncomfortable. Drake turned over his shoulder to look at me before nodding his head in understanding to Madame V.

  What was that all about?

  We walked into the main part of the club to the Common Room. Before I even had the chance to walk in further to find where I am supposed to be, Drake stopped me. The music was too loud, so he had to lean in to speak to me.