The Good Life

by Gordon Merrick

  “And don’t forget Cartier,” Billy added.

  After the first few minutes of paralyzed intimidation, Perry ordered his clothes with dispatch from the snooty salesman. Perry was amazed to discover that he knew exactly what he wanted, as though he’d been keeping notes for years for this particular shopping spree.

  The two dinner jackets were the most expensive items, but Perry scrupulously kept within the limit Billy had imposed and was even able to add at the last minute a waistcoat not unlike the one he’d admired on Lucius Beebe. The Jockey shorts looked feminine to him, but he dutifully ordered a dozen.

  When it came time for him to sign for the huge consignment, he felt like a total impostor, and he kept looking over his shoulder as he walked briskly away from the shop, expecting any minute for the arm of the law to reach out and strangle him for his presumptuousness.

  Billy did seem to like the look of gold. The ring he had designed at Cartier was a great chunky hunk with Perry’s initials worked subtly into the rough surface. He’d got an embarrassing fit of the giggles when the elegantly obsequious manager measured his finger, but Perry pulled himself together to pick out a new wristwatch Billy insisted he get to replace Mrs. Rosen’s high school graduation gift. He’d keep the old watch, of course, but it would be relegated to the back of the drawer in the desk in his room.

  Trays of watches were presented. Several had flexible gold straps that Perry didn’t like. They looked like the fake gold ones he’d seen in the cheap jewelry stores on Market Street at home. He chose an oblong one with a crocodile strap.

  “I’d like to wear it if I may,” Perry told the manager.

  “Of course. If you’d just sign the sales slip. A simple formality. The ring should be ready in the next day or so.”

  Perry’s eyes bugged when he looked at the slip. The ring cost more than $1,000, and the watch came to almost two hundred. Pretty soon he was going to be carrying around more than his father ever made in a year.

  Perry’s Brooks Brothers packages were loaded in his arm by the manager, who escorted him to the door. The uniformed doorman let him out with a salute.

  It was going to be very easy to get used to shopping in places like that. There was a ritual to spending money that delighted him. Everybody made him feel important. He still felt like a fraud, but Maybe he wouldn’t always. Marrying somebody like Barbara Hutton would be a step in the right direction.

  There was another girl called Brenda Frazier who was in the papers all the time. She had had a coming-out party a few months ago that had made headlines. The party cost $50,000. Miss Frazier also spent $5,000 a year on clothes. Perry didn’t know exactly what a coming-out party was, but it seemed a polite way of letting people know that a girl was on the marriage market. May be Billy knew her family. She was more the right age for him than Barbara Hutton.

  And, of course, there was Bet. She was even more right for him in age. Ever since what he’d come to think of as that odd moment with her photograph, she’d rarely left his mind.

  He found himself looking at the photograph every time he went into the sitting room, half expecting it to speak to him again. He’d approach it warily, sometimes sneaking up on it and saying, “Boo!” He’d decided that he wanted to model his new clothes for it, seeking Bet’s approval. Once he’d snapped open his gold case and offered the photo a cigarette and then quickly darted looks over his shoulder. If Laszlo or Billy caught him behaving like this, they’d have him locked up. He was turning into some sort of nut, and she was turning into an obsession.

  That she could like him and approve of him became as important as keeping Billy interested in him. What he’d imagined she’d said, the names she’d seemed to call him, he knew had been only in his mind, but suppose she did think those things? That was something he could never let happen, no matter what.

  He checked his watch as he started for home. It was a beauty. He was glad he hadn’t let Billy’s weakness for gold influence him.

  Perry let himself in the apartment with his key and checked his watch again. He carried his parcels up and called out on the landing. Billy appeared holding a glass.

  “There you are, dear boy.” He went to Perry and gave him a light kiss on the mouth. “I just got in a few minutes ago myself.”

  “Oh, Billy, what an afternoon. I felt like John D. Rockefeller. Wait till you see the things I got. I stayed under $500 at Brooks. I love their things. The salesman said I looked wonderful in everything. Well, I guess that’s what he’s supposed to say, but I sort of agreed with him. Look what I got at Cartier.”

  Billy took his hand to look at the watch more closely. “Excellent. Very good-looking. I do like their things. The strap goes perfectly.”

  “I was afraid you’d want me to get the gold one.”

  “We mustn’t let my vulgar insistence on gold carry us away. You have natural taste.”

  “The ring is going to be sensational. Oh, Billy, you’re doing so much for me. You can’t imagine what it’s like to have really good things for a change. You won’t recognize me in my new clothes.”

  “I’ve been spoiled all my life. It’s your turn now. You make it such a pleasure for me. You must want a drink. Don’t let’s stand out here all evening. I was just going to freshen up. Go put your parcels away and come have a drink with me. I want to hear all about everything.”

  Their evenings were as full as their days. That night at Tony’s they heard Mabel Mercer sing in her husky, muted voice. She was a stately woman who seemed awfully highbrow for the long, narrow room filled with guys and only a sprinkling of women.

  The conversations Perry heard around him — the affected speech, mannerisms, and shrieks of male laughter — told him that this was the queer world he’d never seen openly in public. Between bites of his lasagna, he played along with the camp propositions made by the guy at the next table, amusing Billy enormously.

  They went on to Leon and Eddie’s, where Frances Faye shouted and banged away at the piano. She was more Perry’s style; he was crazy about her.

  There was a small jazz group at Eddie Condon’s. Perry made careful note of all the places on 52nd Street they visited so he could mention them knowingly.

  Billy drank. It was about 3 o’clock when he began repeating his words. He was fine all evening, and then all of a sudden something slipped a cog. They decided it was time to go home.

  Perry let them in with his new key. They mounted the landing, where Billy stopped. “Do you want to get undressed? Come back. We’ll have a nightcap together. Together.”

  Perry went to his room and hung up his clothes with meticulous care. He was going to have to start drinking less if Billy would give him the chance.

  He gathered his small cache of gold together and put it in a drawer. He took a sobering shower and put on one of the new Brooks Brothers dressing gowns and went across to Billy’s bedroom.

  Billy was in his pajamas and dressing gown and was taking a sip from a full glass as Perry entered. “Here, my adorable boy. I have it ready for you,” he said, handing Perry a glass.

  Billy went to the bed and lifted his legs onto it and sat propped up against the pillows, leaving plenty of room beside him. “Come talk to me while we’re having these. I’d love to go on sleeping with you, but I often get restless during the night, and it would keep me awake worrying about disturbing you. I think we’ll be more comfortable in separate beds.”

  Perry sat on the side of the bed within easy reach of him. “Whatever you prefer, Billy,” he said. “I’d love to sleep with you if you’d like me to.”

  “I probably often will.” He seemed to have mastered his speech again. He lifted a hand and opened Perry’s dressing gown and stroked his chest. “So many men tonight would have given anything to have you with them like this. I watched them staring at you as if they wanted to devour you alive.”

  Perry laughed. “Except for that ass at Tony’s, I’ll bet you just imagined it.”

  “No fear. You’re wonderfully levelh
eaded about it. I’ve watched so many boys get swept off their feet, wearing themselves out in a season. They get the reputation of being easy to have, and soon nobody wants them anymore. I don’t think that will happen to you.”

  “How could it if I’m with you?”

  Billy unfastened the tie of Perry’s dressing gown and pushed the folds of material aside. Perry parted his legs. Billy’s hand moved down over his abdomen. Perry’s cock stirred at its approach. He was increasingly aware that it was his exhibitionistic urge to display himself that made it so easy to get a hard-on. Since nobody knew, it must look very flattering.

  Billy lifted Perry’s cock and watched it hardening and lengthening. Perry took a swallow of his drink. Drink made him feel sexy too. Billy began to stroke his cock as it filled out and acquired its full dimensions.

  “I want to watch you suck me off, Billy,” he said.

  “You know my tastes,” Billy said, then smiled stiffly. “Although you’ve been pretty clever at making me forget them.”

  “My cock is better than a whip. It’s me. I’m a strong young guy. I can hurt you without a whip if I feel like it.” He took a long swallow of his drink, then put it down and stood, dropping his dressing gown.

  “Look at me, Billy. I’m the guy everybody wanted tonight. You’ve got me. You’d better get used to giving me what I want. I don’t mean cigarette cases. You can’t buy me. You can love me if you learn how. I want you to suck my cock when I tell you to. I want you to beg me for it. I want to see it in your mouth while you make love to it. You worship it. You worship it when it gets hard. A hard young cock you can’t buy: big and hard and dangerous.”

  He was drunk, but he knew Billy was drunker. He would probably forget all this by morning, but something would remain: a threat, a fear, a danger. He might turn into a nut himself, but he was learning how to master a nut. He was going to make Billy love him in his weird way.

  He threw a knee across Billy’s hips and sat astride him. His cock reared up near Billy’s mouth. He held Billy’s shoulders and pulled him closer.

  “Suck it. Suck my cock. Make love to it. Try to buy me that way. I’m going to come quickly. Do it!” he commanded.

  Billy did as he was told. Perry swung his hips back and forth, driving it in. He had him again. He would master him and establish his total control over him. The power in him sang in his veins. Perry had a massive orgasm. Billy choked on it, and his mouth overflowed.

  Perry pulled back as Billy lay back, his chest heaving and an arm over his eyes.

  “You’re sublime, Perry,” he gasped. “You know. You know everything I’ve ever wanted. Don’t ever leave me.”

  Perry pulled his knee back and sprang off the bed onto his feet. He stood looking down at him and was touched by pity and tenderness. “Good night, honey,” he said gently. “I’ll be around.”

  “The bell by your bed,” Billy said in a fading voice. “Ring once for breakfast. Whenever you want it. You know everything.”

  Perry woke up in muted daylight and lay without moving while he reassembled the events of the previous evening. Tony’s. Mabel Mercer. Frances Faye. Those other places. It was all there.

  He got to the scene of their nightcaps and felt himself blushing hotly. What in God’s name had got into him? He must have gone as bats as Billy. He had said things that only a lunatic could say, but it had worked. How had he dreamed it all up? It was a wonder he wasn’t out in the street, sleeping in a doorway.

  The point was, he wasn’t going to have to think about doorways ever again. He opened his eyes. He was in a handsomely appointed bedroom. The light was dim because heavy draperies were drawn.

  He fumbled for his watch. It was almost noon. He found the bell beside the bed and pressed it once, then jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom.

  His morning erection was too rock-hard for him even to be able to pee. He brushed his teeth, waiting, and heard movement next door in his room. He called out, and Laszlo’s voice answered.

  “Help!” he called, moving toward the door with his erection. Laszlo looked at him blandly. “What can I do about this thing? It seems to be locked in this position.”

  “P.P.”

  “Pee-pee? I tried that.”

  “P. P.” Laszlo grinned. “Priapic paralysis. Dangerous. Especially for me. Put it away. Rock it to sleep or something.” He turned his back to Perry and put a tray on the bedside table. “Or try an aspirin.”

  “Good idea. For both of my heads.” Perry disappeared into the bathroom.

  “Your breakfast is here. Did we hit some rough weather last night?” Laszlo called.

  “Not really. I think I’m going a bit nutty, that’s all. Nothing to worry about,” he said as he crawled back into bed. “Is he up yet?”

  “He had his breakfast some time ago.” Laszlo put the bed table across Perry’s lap. “He’s about to retire to the bathroom. I’ll be back.”

  “How is he?”

  “As bright as a bird. He asked me to tell you that he hopes you’ll come to see him before you go out.”

  “Did he sound angry with me?”

  “On the contrary. He sounded particularly solicitous. He asked if I was sure I was providing everything you required. I think he wanted to know if I was making you happy in bed. It was a conversation laden with innuendo.”

  They laughed easily together. “If you’re supposed to be making me happy in bed, you’re doing a lousy job of it. I meant to tell you: You don’t have to bother with all this food when I get up so late. Just coffee and fruit juice would be fine.”

  “If you’re hung — over, that is — food is repellent.” He left Perry to his breakfast and his sense of triumph. Perry had somehow blundered into winning another important round. Billy must remember more than he had expected. Perry was getting firmly entrenched. He was eager to see if anything had been altered. He took advantage of a slackening of his erection to hurry back to the bathroom.

  He was in bed again when Laszlo returned and smiled into his eyes as he removed the table. Perry threw back the covers.

  “The paralysis is gone.”

  “I see. Did you rock it to sleep? It’s a shame I couldn’t have been of more assistance.”

  “Next time, perhaps,” Perry teased.

  Laszlo smiled at him and shook his head. “I can’t, Perry. If I let myself once, I’d never be able to keep my hands off you.”

  “So? Nobody will know.” Perry was still teasing, but he realized Laszlo was serious.

  “I’ll know, Perry.” He covered Perry gently with the sheet, a rueful little smile on his lips. “A valet’s duties have got to end somewhere.”

  “What control,” Perry said with feigned regret. “I suppose I don’t need to actually have you to love you.” He was fond of Laszlo and felt now the fondness could grow naturally since they’d both made their positions clear.

  Laszlo picked up the tray and headed for the door. “That’s when real control is needed. When there’s love there already.”

  They looked into each other’s eyes and smiled, their friendship sealed as if they had been lovers for years.

  Laszlo disappeared with the tray, and Perry threw off the sheet. He looked at his cock and gave it a little slap. “You see, not everybody wants you, smarty.” He needed a cold shower.

  Perry put on his jacket and disposed of the money and key and cigarette case in various pockets and crossed the landing.

  Billy was wearing slacks and a shirt but still had his dressing gown over them. He had a glass in his hand. He turned to Perry with a look of slightly astonished delight, as if he’d suddenly been relieved of some anxiety. He hurried to Perry and kissed him lightly on the mouth. That was becoming a habit.

  “Good morning, dearest boy,” Billy greeted him. “I think I might have had a little too much to drink last night. That can happen if I’m not paying attention. I didn’t misbehave?”

  “Good heavens, no. It was a wonderful evening.”

  “The last thing
in the world I would want is to offend you.”

  “You asked me not to leave you. One can hardly call that offensive behavior.”

  “I meant it. I admit there were moments I don’t remember with absolute crystal clarity, but I feel that we’re getting closer than I’ve ever felt with anybody.”

  He smiled, then turned his back and headed for a chair and sat. He looked at Perry steadily for a long moment. “You’re demanding. You have a right to be. I want you to demand everything you expect of me. It’s only by being demanding of each other that we can know and love one another. There’s something you probably understand, but I want to tell you anyway. I don’t give you little presents in order to dispose you in my favor. I know you’re not that kind of boy. I think you’d rather have my love than a cigarette case.”

  “I would, but I love the cigarette case too,” Perry said with blunt honesty.

  Billy uttered unexpected naughty-boy laughter. “You’re a delight, an absolute delight. Giving you things is a way for me to share the pleasure of knowing that you have the things you should have so that you’ll never feel at a disadvantage with the people you meet with me.” Billy frowned and cocked his head. “You following this? Am I making sense?”

  “Perfect.” Perry was listening with victorious incredulity. Billy’s manner was conciliatory, almost deferential, as if begging his indulgence. Guilt could do wonders. He’d learned that with Hubie. And Mrs. Rosen.

  Perry leaned down and kissed Billy gently on the top of the head. “Are you beginning to love me, Billy?” he asked with a note of surprise in his voice.

  “My memory of last night may be slightly blurred, but it’s left me with a feeling unlike any I’ve ever had before. You might say that I feel that you could become almost as necessary as breathing to me. That’s surely love.”

  “Don’t say things like that if you don’t mean them, Billy. You think I’m smart, and I know I’ve had to be tough, but I’m still pretty young and innocent in a lot of ways. I don’t know what it would do to me if it turned out that you were just stringing me along.” He tightened his grip on Billy’s arms until he knew it must be hurting.