The Good Life

by Gordon Merrick

  “What is it? You’re sure she’s all right?”

  “Of course. Come up. She’s waiting for you.”

  He turned abruptly and moved quickly away. He heard the door close behind him.

  Perry flung himself into his own cabin. The door slammed behind him. He brought his fists smashing down on the top of the bureau drawers and leaned against them, breathing heavily. His heart was pounding. He stood without moving, waiting to quiet down. His fists were clenched. He wanted to smash the furniture. He had to get out, get away, out in the air, free and on his own again.

  He straightened abruptly and made a dash for the door, then stopped, feeling trapped. He couldn’t even cross the deck without encountering Bet. Son of a bitch. Fucking shit.

  He’d had enough of it. It was all so messy. Guys creeping around waiting to play with your cock. Women changing their tables in restaurants so as not to be contaminated by queers. The rich older man with his good-looking young stud. Why had he ever let himself be sucked into it? It was disgusting. He wasn’t allowed the slightest intimacy with an attractive girl his own age — he wasn’t good enough — but Billy could play his charades with the first faggotty kid who turned up. How dare he, just when his daughter was arriving?

  Fidelity didn’t figure in Billy’s scheme of things. He admitted to being fickle, but he talked as if decency and consideration and genuine affection counted for something. Fuck Billy. Perry’d beat the shit out of Billy if he didn’t think he might enjoy it.

  Sylvain wasn’t worth worrying about. If it weren’t Sylvain, it would be somebody else.

  For almost a week he’d thought he was finally building a life on something solid and permanent. That was probably as much as he could ever hope for. He could smile until his teeth dropped out and tell himself he had been blessed with the luck of the gods, but underlying it all was a shameful bargain whose terms could be altered without notice. He thought he was going to throw up.

  He hurried into the bathroom and stood in front of the toilet. His chest heaved but nothing came up. His stomach slowly settled. It was probably the tail end of the combination hangover, drink, and drugs.

  He had to get back to Bet. Billy might not hesitate to indulge himself, but he wasn’t going to let her see how ugly his life with her father was. She had probably seen plenty in the past. All the more reason for him to remain untainted in her eyes. The rules, if there had been any, were suspended. Whatever assurances he’d given Billy about keeping his distance with Bet no longer applied. Having her on his side would be an asset, and he needed all the assets he could find. His dream of a future he could count on would never come true.

  He rinsed out his mouth and checked his trunks. It was all there in fairly clear detail. Another asset? Like a few others, Bet might think so. If she liked it, seeing so much of it might make her want to see it all. Billy had approved of the trunks, not that Perry gave a damn now. Fuck Billy. Perry took a deep breath and composed his features, then headed back to the deck.

  Bet hadn’t moved. Emile had extricated himself from the baggage and was back on duty. He was standing beside Bet, chatting happily in French.

  A fresh beer was waiting for Perry. He picked it up and saluted them both with his glass before drinking.

  “Thanks,” he said. Emile said something in French and left them. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “He was telling me all about his girl in Toulon. Where’s yours?”

  “Certainly not in the south of France. I just got here yesterday. Give me time. Your father’s on his way. He was relieved when I assured him that you looked as if you’d survived the night undamaged.”

  “You didn’t have to wake him?”

  “Heavens no. He was practically dressed. Nobody’d told him you were here.” He smiled and chatted, confident that he was giving a convincing performance of a man without a care in the world while he got everything straight in his mind.

  The episode he’d interrupted hadn’t happened on the spur of the moment. Sylvain hadn’t just burst into Billy’s cabin and shed his clothes in an impromptu attempt to score with the boss. Billy must have arranged it. The cabin boy or deck steward or whatever he was called had been on duty last night. Whenever his working day ended, he wouldn’t have been on duty again this morning. Billy must have sent for him.

  Perry’s heart began to pound as he smiled at Bet and said something about getting an apartment in New York when he returned there in the fall.

  Had Billy fallen instantly for the exotic islander? If Sylvain proved adept with the whip, Billy might decide to make some changes, May be suggest that his dearest boy should cut short his holiday. He clenched his fists and felt his smile faltering. If Billy took a couple of days to think it over, Perry would be ready to defend himself. The doting daddy might even find that he had some trouble on his hands with his daughter.

  “Daddy!” Bet cried, springing to her feet. Perry turned and saw Billy make a jaunty appearance on deck, looking spruce and benign for a family reunion. Perry suppressed a little spasm of rage and followed to where the two were embracing fondly.

  “I’ll leave you to catch up on family gossip,” he said to the air in front of him, unable to look Billy in the eye. “I’m going to get some sun before lunch.”

  He stepped out from under the awning into the blazing sun, the picture of Sylvain vivid in his mind — an apparition materializing silently over Billy’s shoulder and just as silently vanishing. He saw him lift the whip to his forehead, handsomely naked, an insolent little smile on his pretty lips. It had been a foolhardy provocation. Perry supposed that Sylvain had been too pleased with himself to miss an opportunity to show that he was now in charge. Well, for a day, May be.

  He stretched out on a mattress and tried to convince himself that the world around him, his world, had some substance. All this — the boat, the car, the fantasy money that had at least been written by lawyers on a piece of paper, the clothes and jewelry in his cabin — couldn’t all depend on the whim of a handsome boy from Martinique. Yet the powers of a guy who knew how to wield a whip shouldn’t be underestimated. He knew it as well as anyone.

  Dreams. He preferred the reality of a slight, pretty girl, who at least brought a breath of wholesome fresh air on board. The hell with Billy. He was going to court Bet as ardently as she would let him.

  For lunch Perry put on shorts over the trunks and wore a striped fisherman’s jersey. It was cool enough under the awning for this small effort at dressing to be reasonable.

  There was a lot of talk about New York. He ignored Billy as much as possible without making it obvious to Bet that relations were strained between them. He wanted to make it obvious to Billy. It was a test of whether Billy’s declarations of devotion meant anything. If he cared, he might watch his step with the new boy.

  “What fun it would be to go to New York for Christmas,” Bet exclaimed. “If only it didn’t take so long to get back and forth. Two weeks at sea for two weeks in the city does sound rather foolish, but think of all the gay parties we could go to. I really don’t see why I go back to school after Christmas. It’ll practically be finished by then.”

  “Don’t ask me, sweetheart. It’s your mother’s idea. In any event I haven’t decided yet where I’ll be for Christmas.” Billy paused and looked at Perry. Perry kept his expression neutral. Billy lifted his hands with a shrug. “It’s tempting fate to make serious plans these days.”

  “You mean a war? Don’t say it, Daddy. It wouldn’t be fair. Just when I’m finally about to escape that gruesome school and life is about to begin. Don’t talk about it. A war would make everything horrid.”

  “Very possibly,” Billy agreed dryly.

  They got through lunch without anything being said that obliged a direct confrontation between the two men. Sulking didn’t come naturally to Perry. He hoped they’d soon have a chance in private to get it out of their systems. If he’d already had his day, he’d rather know it than go on having to keep up appearances.<
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  “I’d like to go to the beach this afternoon,” Perry said to Bet when they’d left the table to have coffee. “The car’s there.”

  “I saw the dear old thing,” Bet said. “I told you, nothing changes.”

  “Take Bet with you,” Billy suggested. “She’ll show you the best one. You used to go to Tahiti, didn’t you, darling?”

  “Would you like to go?” Perry cut in, ignoring Billy’s friendly intervention.

  “Fun,” said Billy. “It’s the best beach in the world. Pay no attention to the name. I’m sure it’s not at all like a South Seas island. Pure Mediterranean.”

  Drinking his coffee, Perry realized that Bet might soon be getting ready for the beach. This wasn’t the right time to be left alone with Billy. If Billy sensed Perry’s murderous mood, they might get into something that would keep Bet waiting. He’d find the right time for Billy later.

  “Are we going?” she asked.

  “By all means,” Perry said, standing. “I have a few things to do.”

  “At least you look as if you know what a beach is. I’m still in this absurd street dress. I can’t wait to get out of it. I won’t be long.” She turned to Billy. “Here I am, Daddy. I hope you’re as thrilled as I am.”

  “Tickled pink. You’re really quite lovely, you know. You’ve kept us in suspense for years. You’ve been through phases that I was sure no one could recover from, least of all myself. We can all draw a long sigh of relief.” He stood and put his arms around her.

  “I’m pretty sure that’s a compliment. I never know what you’re talking about half the time, but you’re fun.” She hugged him.

  Perry had to admit that Billy was capable of great sweetness. He must have created something good with her in spite of the irregularities of his life for her to be so obviously fond of him. He thought of all his kindness to him and felt a gaping loss in him. Nothing was sure. He saw Sylvain sneering as he saluted him with the whip, and Perry’s will hardened.

  Bet was here for him if he was clever enough to get her. He’d watched her with Billy, alternating between the little girl and the slightly brittle sophisticated society girl she would inevitably become. If he could capture the imagination of the little girl, she would admire and trust him as an experienced grown-up.

  He held his hand out to her as they headed for the door, and she took it with simple spontaneous friendliness. He felt the nice little shock of connection again. He was looking forward to an afternoon on the sea with her.

  “Have you been to your cabin?” Perry asked as they started down the stairs.

  “I looked in before lunch to see how they were coping with the luggage. It’s the same one as last year.”

  “Billy told me. I’m in there.” He waved at his door from the foot of the stairs. “Give me a call when you’re ready.”

  “Five minutes. I promise. No more.”

  They exchanged smiles, and she went on to her cabin. Perry stood in his. He had nothing to do here except stay away from Billy. He wanted to keep his shorts on in case she suggested stopping someplace where he should wear more than swimming trunks. He hoped there were places that she would like to show him.

  He would enjoy being seen with her. She had the distinction of a European with the open, easy informality of an American. He admired the way she spoke, the slightly foreign intonations that weren’t snooty or affected. She had style. She was the kind of girl he wanted to feel at ease with and could learn from. He wasn’t going to let Billy spoil it.

  He remembered to bring money and picked up a book he’d bought in London, a novel by Evelyn Waugh. He wondered if she liked to read. Oh, yes, it’s something I saw in London. I thought it might be fun. It sounded good. He hoped he had a chance to say it.

  She called from the passage, and he immediately joined her.

  “All set?” he asked.

  “I wasn’t long, was I?” she demanded.

  “Amazing. I was only halfway through War and Peace.”

  “Oh, you.” She giggled charmingly. She was wearing a long cloak of rich dark blue toweling that suited her coloring. She was carrying the straw shopping bag overflowing with things.

  “I’ll take that,” he said reaching for it. She let him have it and gathered her cloak close around her. “You can put your book in there if there’s room.”

  He held the book up as he dropped it in. “Something I picked up in London. It looked like fun.”

  “Evelyn Waugh? I adore him. I don’t think I’ve read that one.”

  “I’ll let you borrow it. Did you bring a towel?”

  “I’m wearing it. They frown if you take them from the bathroom. You can have the ones on deck.”

  “Thanks for the warning. I need someone who knows the ropes.”

  Long, trim legs flashed as she mounted the stairs. She was tall — he’d noticed that she came up to his shoulder — and she already had a light tan. She was going to be a very striking lady. It seemed unlikely that he was going to be allowed to monopolize her for the whole summer. At least Billy had left him free to get ahead of the pack.

  “I’m sure you know some ropes I don’t. We’ll be a team.”

  She hugged his arm with irresistible complicity. She was accepting him much more warmly than he’d dared hope. May be his coolness to Billy had helped. May be he’d convinced her that he wasn’t just another boyfriend. He couldn’t see any other obstacle to their being friends.

  “I’ll run get a towel on deck,” he said as they crossed the living room. He saw Billy was still there, talking to the captain. He grabbed a towel and stuffed it into Bet’s bag. She’d stopped to talk to her father. He crossed the deck under the awning with a wave in Billy’s direction. “I’ll get the car started,” he called to Bet without stopping.

  “Wait a minute. I’m coming.”

  She hurried to him where he stood at the top of the gangplank. Hand in hand again, they crowded down it together. They crossed to the car, and Perry gave her a hand up to the front seat. He trotted around and pulled himself up behind the wheel.

  Installed on the lofty eminence, they looked at each other and burst out laughing. They were caught up in a gale of high spirits. She provoked joy. Her features were so classically regular that he was unprepared for a gleeful imp, but she bubbled with fun. It was new to him.

  He thought of the black girl at Hubie’s. What was her name? Clarissa. She had made him laugh a lot when they were making love. Would Bet be like that if they were naked in bed together? The thought made him giddy, and the trunks felt suddenly confining. Don’t get carried away too quickly, he warned himself. He didn’t want to scare her off. He took a sobering breath.

  “Ready? Here we go.” He stepped on the bump on the floor that was the self-starter, and the motor turned over smoothly.

  They continued to giggle together as they made their stately progress through town. They came to a big square he hadn’t seen before, and she directed them around it. They started out on a small country road leading through the sort of landscape Billy had described — olive groves and vineyards with the occasional exclamation points of cypresses skirting the placid sea. Substantial houses were scattered about sufficiently distant from each other to be farmhouses but too immaculate to be entirely convincing. He caught glimpses of awnings and terraces with garden furniture.

  “It’s beautiful,” he said.

  “I love it. It doesn’t look much like a resort, does it? Daddy’s afraid it will. Look over there.” She pointed toward the sea. He saw a group of new-looking houses that had been planted along the shore. “Beach villas,” she said.” I don’t mind a few here and there, but it would be too bad if there were hundreds of them everywhere. I want to hear about New York. That’s what I think is exciting. Do you love it?”

  “Sure, but it’s not much to look at compared to London.”

  “I suppose not, really. I’ve been to New York of course, but only for short visits since I was ten. Daddy took me to the Stork Club quite a long
time ago, but we weren’t allowed in. I never knew what was the matter. May be I was too young. He was furious.”

  May be that was why Billy didn’t like it. “He doesn’t go there. I took your mother just before I left.”

  “You did? She didn’t tell me. I could spit with envy.”

  He laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ll take you there the first night you’re in town.”

  “Promise? Even if you’ve married a fortune?”

  “Promise.”

  He put his hand out on the seat beside her. She put hers in it. He closed his hand around hers and kept it while he got a cramped erection. He felt no sexual response in hers, only confidence and trust. He found it more stirring than if she’d opened his pants.

  “I hope you wait,” she said. “For your rich marriage, I mean. I want you to show me the town. Daddy doesn’t really know it very well. He hasn’t been there much more than I have. How amazing your knowing both of them. Daddy’s friends don’t usually know Mummy.”

  “I guess that’s the way it usually is with divorced couples,” he said to forestall the awkward questions that might follow.

  “That’s true. I sometimes forget they’re divorced.” She dismissed the subject with a laugh. She’d probably learned long ago not to ask too many questions about Billy’s young friends. She squeezed his hand. “We turn left up here. I can’t wait for a swim.”

  “Me too. I suppose you’re a champion swimmer.”

  “Naturally.” They exchanged a quick smiling glance, and their eyes teased each other. “Tell me more about New York. Do you go out a lot? Are you in all the columns?”

  “I know some of the guys who write columns. I’m beginning to learn my way around. I haven’t lived there long. I’m from the West Coast. It takes time to settle down and meet people.”

  “You know Daddy well.”

  “Yes, but not for long, really. I’ve met some interesting people with him. We’ve played bridge together a lot. When he invited me on the yacht, it sounded too good to miss. I was sort of a partner in a travel agency in San Francisco, but I haven’t been doing much of anything in New York. When I go home I’m going to think about it seriously. I may go into photography.”