Raunchy Roommate

by Bethany Morgan

  To: mckenzie- i know. i love you annabel please don't ever doubt that

  To: mckenzie- it’s always going to be you

  To: mckenzie- i'm sorry for not saying goodbye i'm an idiot i just couldn't bear to see you cry again i'm so sorry for everything

  From: mckenzie- please just have a safe flight and text me when you get there and please just text me or call me throughout the tour i can't just not talk to you anymore stu

  To: mckenzie- i don't know if i can do that

  To: mckenzie- it's going to make this so hard

  From: mckenzie- stuart don't say that

  From: mckenzie- i don't want to believe this break up is real please just try and talk to me i don't want to lose you again

  From: mckenzie- you told me you would never hurt me :(

  To: Annabel McKenzie- i guess i lied

  Chapter 45

  Annabel

  My finger scrolled down even further on the Google Image results, just finding more and more pictures that were under the "Stuart and Annabel" tag. We looked so cute together in every single one, and I looked so happy, and Stuart looked so happy, and we might not ever look that happy together ever again.

  A tear landed on my keyboard as I clicked on one of the pictures from the VMA's when he kissed me on national television. I didn't even get a chance to kiss him goodbye. I didn't even get to savor what his lips felt like. Now all I could do was look at pictures of it, and shatter my heart into even more pieces.

  Grace walked into my room and gasped at the sight. I had moved back into my apartment in Los Angeles a few days ago since I couldn't bear to be inside the beach house without my roommate. Grace offered to move in with me, but it just wasn't the same.

  "Annabel, you need to stop doing this to yourself!" She yelled, taking my laptop out of my hands and closing the screen, making me let out a loud wail. "He is an asshole, Ann. Don't waste your tears on him!"

  "He's not an asshole! He was the sweetest, cutest, funniest, boy I'll ever know. I want him back," I whined loudly, pressing my palms against my eyes to try and stop me from crying.

  Grace grasped my wrists, prying them off of my face. "Babe, look at me. If he really cared about you he wouldn't have done this to you. He wouldn't have treated you like this. You don't need a boy like him when hundreds of other good boys are dying to date you, and won't leave you all alone and act like a jerk over text message."

  "I deserve it though. This is all my fault. If I wasn't so clingy maybe he wouldn't have to worry about me holding him back. I was going to ruin his whole career, wasn't I? I'm such an awful person," I blubbered incoherently, rambling off all of my worries even if they didn't make sense.

  Grace sighed, sitting down on the bed next to me. "No, Ann. You know none of that is true. He is just a coward and a manwhore and a jerk and doesn't realize that he is losing the best thing to ever happen to him. He's a complete idiot, okay? But you're not. Don't say things like that."

  "How are you so calm? Bradley dumped you too," I blurted out, cursing myself for being so insensitive, but the tears running down my face have made a bit wonky in the head.

  "Bradley and I were just a fling. I knew as soon as we started dating that it would end when the summer was over. You and Stuart both seemed to completely ignore that aspect."

  "Don't say his name," I ordered, feeling a sharp pain surge through my chest just by hearing it. "I tried to plan things but I just figured if we loved each other we'd be okay. But apparently he doesn't love me. At least not as much as I thought he did. He doesn't give a single shit about me."

  "Ann," Grace mumbled, sympathy laced in her tone. She wrapped one arm around me, and my head fell onto her shoulder. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as his. "He does love you. He's just an idiot. And the only way to get through to an idiot is to show him how better off you are without him."

  My lips curled over into a pout as the realization struck hit me. I was single again. I no longer had a boyfriend. And I didn't like it. "I don't want to be without him though," I whispered, sniffling as the tears streamed down my cheeks again.

  "No. Enough of this, Ann. You are an independent girl. You do not need a boy to make you happy. I get that you're upset and miss him and miss your relationship and you have every right to feel that way, but I'm not going to let you be sad all the time until he comes back. We're going to get you back to the strong Annabel I know and love, okay pumpkin?" Grace instructed, which made my lips twitch into a small smile as her words somewhat inspired to me.

  I exhaled loudly. "Okay. It might take a while though."

  "Of course! But we're going to put all your energy into your movie and forget about him. We'll go to the gym together and get hot and make him jealous. If you ever want to go out and party we can do that too. I'm not going to let the break-up impact your whole life," Grace explained, lifting her finger underneath my eye to wipe away the excess tears that still lingered.

  I nodded my head in approval. Since I lost four of my friends a couple of days ago when they left for tour, I was so grateful to still have such a great best friend in my life. "Thank you," I replied in an appreciative tone.

  When I went to pull Grace in for a hug, we were interrupted to my phone ringing. The ringtone was blaring and it made me jump, but looking at the contact was the most terrifying part.

  It was Stuart.

  My heart stopped. I could feel every shade of color diminish from my face, leaving me pale and breathless, with my mouth open wide.

  I lunged for the phone to answer, but Grace snatched it off of the nightstand before I had time to pounce on the green button. "No! This isn't helping you distance yourself! Let me cuss him out first!" Grace yelled, sprinting out of my room.

  I chased after her, jumping onto her back to try and grab it. "Grace! I need to hear his voice!"

  "Then listen to his album!" She screamed, flipping me off of her so I landed on the sofa in the living room. She lifted the phone to her ear. "Listen here, you fuc-"

  I peeled the phone out of her grip and lifted it up to my ear, panting for breath. Grace merely glared at me. "Stuart?"

  There was an awkward cough. "No, sorry Ann. This is Benjamin."

  "Benjamin?" I repeated, feeling my body deflate as utter disappointment crashed through my veins. "Why are you on Stuart's phone?"

  "I knew you would answer this way," He replied nonchalantly.

  His response kind of stung. It made me seem like a desperate fool who was obviously still in love with Stuart and just waited for him to speak to me. It might be true, but I didn't want to be perceived in this "damsel-in-distress" manner. "Do you really think I'm that whipped?"

  "Well, it's not a bad thing! You love each other. I don't think you guys should just stop talking because you broke up," Benjamin said quickly, trying his best not to offend me, although I still winced at his mention of us breaking up. "But I do think talking a lot while not being together might make it hard for you guys too."

  I pursed my lips together. "Yeah, I'm supposed to be trying to distance myself from him. I mean, I'm obviously mad at him, but not mad enough where I refuse to talk to him."

  "That's why I called, actually," Benjamin explained, lowering his voice a bit as if he was disclosing secret information. "I wanted to apologize for Stuart leaving and breaking up with you. We kind of pressured him into it so we could all just be single together as a band, but he's just so sad. I wanted to see if you'd be able to talk to him, cause like we have our first show tonight and you're the only one who can give him a good pep talk, Ann."

  I gulped. The thought of actually speaking to him suddenly made my heart bang loudly against my chest in fear. I didn't want him to hear my voice crack as I tried to hold back a sob, or as I finally realized that the relationship between us was forever altered. "Oh, Benjamin, I don't know..." I trailed off nervously, glimpsing at Grace with a pained expression.

  She shook her head back and forth rapidly, a stern gaze plastered over her face. "Don't talk to
him, Ann. He's an asshat. You'll end up crying afterward."

  "Come on. You guys don't need to act all weird, you know each other better than anyone," Benjamin persuaded, and I could hear shuffling happening in the background. There was a bit of muffled yelling as well that I couldn't decipher. "Stu, just talk to her!"

  "No, Benjamin, I don't want to-" I tried to say, but was instantly interrupted.

  "Ann?"

  Holy balls. It was him.

  His voice sounded raspy and groggy, as if he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep. It was definitely my Stuart though, I could distinctly tell by the way he uttered my name.

  I sucked in a deep breath in preparation, despite the fact that my stomach was already churning in complete fear. "Um, hi."

  "Hey," He said coolly, as if this was a completely casual conversation. "How are you?"

  Grace threw her hands up in the air before giving up and disappearing into the kitchen. I took a seat on the couch. "I'm okay, I guess. Uh, so you have the first show tonight?"

  "Yeah, and I'm nervous as hell for it," Stuart ranted, as if he was coming out of his shell and breaking his original guard that was up. "I'm jet-lagged, I feel like crying all the time, I've been doing lousy interviews all day, and now we have to play an arena show and I'm going to play like crap like I always do."

  "No, Stu. You're going to do great. You're a much better bass player than you think. And you're a great singer. Just take a deep breath. You'll do great," I assured him, feeling my heart clench. I cared about him so much, no matter what the situation was. I never wanted him to feel like he wasn't good enough, even if that was exactly how he had made me feel recently.

  "I wish you were here, Ann. I'm freaking out," Stuart murmured, his voice sounding shaky.

  I sighed heavily. "Yeah, well. You broke up with me."

  "You think I don't know that?" He yelled, as his frustration reached its boiling point. "God, I just don't know how to do this, Ann! I'm used to telling you everything and you always making me feel better. You were my best friend too, not just my girlfriend! Are we just supposed to stop talking each other because we broke up? Are we just going to pretend that the last few months didn't happen and move on with our lives? Is that what you want?"

  "Stuart, I don't want to lose you either, but this isn't fair to me. You hurt me. I can't just act like everything is the same and still make you feel better all the time when I'm always reminded of how you ripped my heart out. I care about you Stuart, I always will, but that doesn't mean you can use that to your advantage while I just sit around and feel like crap because you dumped me like it was nothing," I hissed, snapping right back at him.

  I could nearly picture him rolling his eyes at me, even though I was unable to see him. "So what do you want us to do? Just not talk to each other anymore? Because I can't do that."

  "Well you obviously can't just talk to me either! You're in a completely different time zone, you're busy all the time, and it's just going to be awkward conversations because it's not the same since we're not together anymore!" I screamed, feeling the anger bubble up inside of me. "That was one of the reasons why you dumped me, right? Because we wouldn't have enough time to talk, right? Or did you just dump me because you wanted to hook up?"

  "You're so annoying! I've told you many times that you're the only girl I want. It's not like I'm going to find another girl to date, because it's always going to be you, Anna," Stuart stated. "But it's different on tour. You won't be with me everyday. We go out and drink and party after a lot of the shows. There is temptation there, and I just didn't want to cheat. But this is more about my career and my band and how that should be my main focus while on tour."

  I flopped down onto the sofa, lifting my palm to my forehead to massage my aching temple. "I would never want to wreck your career and I don't want to hold you back, Stuart. But I just think we could have figured out a better plan without putting us both through this torture."

  "I know. I'm sorry," He mumbled, his tone much lighter and laid-back this time. "I just, will you please just wait for me? We can take our little break until your movie is over and just have both of us focus on our careers and then get back together."

  I clenched my jaw together tightly. "Stuart, no. We could be completely different people by then, especially if we barely get a chance to talk to each other," I reminded him, predicting the strain that might put on our future conversations if we ignore each for the next few months. "You can't ask me to wait for you when you just admitted that there is temptation."

  "Please tell me I'm not hearing you right. Please tell me you're not thinking of dating anyone else, Ann. I don't even want to think about that," He complained, a whimper escaping his mouth.

  I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me, and moved my phone over to my other ear. "Obviously it's going to take me a long time to get over you, Stu. But that's not fair that you get to hook up with other girls but I can't date other guys. You can't say that when you're not my boyfriend anymore. We broke up, which makes me single now."

  "No! You're my girl. You always will be. I don't want to even think about some other douche-bag getting the chance to be with you," Stuart whined again, groaning loudly at the idea. "No, no, no, no, that will break my heart."

  I let out another loud exhale, sinking deeper into the couch. "Well clearly you made the wrong decision then."

  He muttered something under his breath before I heard even more shuffling coming from the other line. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Ann. And I really don't have time to have another fight with you. You were right; this whole talking to each other thing is way too hard. I have to go do a sound-check. Love you, bye."

  Stuart hung up, his words rushed together as if he was on the verge of tears. Almost immediately he called me back. "Yes?" I replied, slightly annoyed.

  "I do love you. I love you more than anything. But I wasn't sure if I'm allowed to end calls like that anymore. It was just a habit," He rambled off like anxiety was creeping through his veins.

  I laughed. He was always able to make me laugh, no matter what mood I was in or even if he had confused me even further than I was before we had this conversation. "It's okay, Stu. I love you too."

  "I'm never going to not love you, Annabel. That's what sucks. I wish you were easier to forget about," He admitted, which made a sinister smile creep onto my lips.

  "Well I'm obviously easy to leave considering you left without even saying goodbye," I spat, not being able to bite my tongue.

  Stuart huffed. "Dammit, Ann. You know I'm sorry for that. Don't make me feel bad when I'm about to go to sound-check."

  "Good luck tonight, Stuart. You're going to do great," I said sincerely. I wish I was able to hate him too, this would make everything so much easier.

  "Thanks, beautiful. I'll try to call you after the show. We can figure this all out, okay? I love you, Annabel," Stuart sang, like he always used to do.

  I could feel myself about to start sobbing again just by how confusing this whole thing was. I wanted to hate him, but I loved him. I wanted to stay away from him, but I didn't want to stop talking to him. I wanted to be his girlfriend, but I didn't want to hold him back from his career or only be his girlfriend out of pity. I just wanted us to be roommates again.

  "Bye, Stuart," I managed to speak as the tears struck me again. "I hate that I love you too."

  Chapter 46

  Stuart

  I felt a rush of adrenaline flow through my veins as I made my way over to the boys to have our post-show bow. The audience was screaming so loud that I couldn't even hear myself think, and the sound echoed due to the acoustics in the arena. Flashing lights from their phones probably illuminated the sweat that I was currently dripping in.

  I pressed my palms to my lips before waving to everyone. It was such an emotional moment for me. I will never get over how my quickly my life has changed, and how lucky I am to be able to live my dream every single night.

  "We're 5 Seconds of Summer, you're
an amazing crowd, thank you so much!" Clayton called one last time into the microphone before we dashed off of the stage, careful not to slip on anything people have thrown up there.

  "That was such a great show!" I cheered once we were backstage, jumping up and down happily. I played great, opposed to what I thought would happen. God, I wish Annabel was here to see that.

  Annabel. Shit, even thinking of her made my mood change completely. I could physically feel the ecstatic smile that I was sporting a few seconds ago wash off of my face in seconds, and my shoulders slugged downwards with a huff.

  "Alright, so let's all hit the showers and get ready to go out and celebrate!" Bradley yelled, clapping his hands together with aggressive excitement.

  I was suddenly not in the mood to party anymore. I had this churning feeling eating away at my stomach, and all I wanted to do was listen to sad music.

  My body sunk down onto the leather couch in the dressing room, making my band's eyes go wide. I used to always be the one to pester everyone else about going out, but now it was me that they would have to convince.

  "Stu, aren't you going to take a shower?" Benjamin asked in a kindhearted tone, with his blonde eyebrows creased together in concern.

  I shrugged, taking out my phone and hoping to see a message from Annabel, but only being faced with an empty notification bar. "I don't really feel like it. The jet-lag is really getting to me. I just want to sleep."

  "But it's our first show on the tour. We have to celebrate," Bradley insisted, although he was speaking to me in a laid-back manner and wasn't necessarily pressuring me to leave.

  I pursed my lips together. "I'm sorry. I promise I'll go out next time. You guys can go ahead though."

  The three of them all shared a look before nodding their heads cautiously. They travelled towards the showers to freshen up, leaving me all alone in the dressing room with just my phone and my thoughts.

  I was completely contradicting myself. I wanted to break up with her so I would be able to party and hang out with my best friends without any worries, but here I am, worrying. I can't even go a second without wondering what she is up to or how she feels or if she hates me or if she misses me as much as I miss her.