“Thanks.”
I know my breakfast is getting cold but I just want to watch her enjoying the food I made for her.
“Are you going to eat?” she asks after she swallows a bite of her pancake.
I nod then force a few bites of scrambled egg down my throat. When I look back up both of my brothers are staring at me.
“I was hoping you’d work for me today,” I say to Hunter.
While he was attending the community college, he didn’t work at the bar very much because of the demanding course load. Now that he’s off for a few weeks before the academy starts, it won’t hurt him to pick up a few of my shifts.
Haymakers, the only bar in Old Town, has been in my family for generations. When my parents died they left the bar to me and my brothers, but Jake’s the one who runs the place. I’ve been working at the bar since I got back from Iraq and Hunter works there occasionally when we need some extra hands. But he’s more focused on becoming a cop.
Hunter’s eyes shoot between me and Gracie. “It’s Ladies night. And it’s winter. We may be packed.”
“Harley isn’t working tonight,” Jake adds.
“Why not?” I ask.
He shrugs but I can see a hint of sadness cross over his features. Maybe she has a date. Jake will never admit it, even to himself, but he’s been in love with Harley for a while. I don’t blame her for moving on though. Jake can be an asshole, especially when he flaunts the other women, and there are a lot of other women, he sleeps with right in her face.
“Can you get the twins to help you?” I suggest.
“Didn’t you hear?” Jake replies. “Mazzy and Suzie got jobs at Tawnee Mountain.”
Tawnee Mountain is a brand new five-star ski resort that was built on the outskirts of Old Town. Most of the citizens of Old Town didn’t want the resort to be built but the protests fell on deaf ears. All the town council members could see were dollar signs. The resort developers had a terrific sales pitch and promised the town council members the moon, the stars and everything in between. Apparently the resort was good for economic development. Not that there was anything wrong with the economy of our small town before Tawnee Mountain.
And I suspect the brand-new luxury vehicles that mysteriously appeared in every council members’ driveway had something to do with their support of the project too.
If we had a government that still actually represented the people, rather than big corporations, Tawnee Mountain would never exist. But that’s a joke.
I went to Iraq to fight for our freedoms. It’s shit like Tawnee Mountain that makes me question what I actually fought for. What I was disfigured for. What my friends died for.
“It’s okay,” Gracie says. “I could help out if you need to go to work. Or I could just stay here and wait for you.”
I’m not sure I want Gracie back at the bar. What if Dex comes back? I don’t want the guy anywhere near her ever again. But I don’t want her to have to stay all by herself either.
“Okay,” I agree finally. “You can come to the bar with me later but I don’t want you to feel like you have to help out.”
“I don’t mind,” she says.
“Well, I’ve got a lot of work to do,” Jake says as he pushes himself from the table.
And by work, he means bookkeeping. Something he hates to do but has gotten better at since he almost lost the bar last year. My brother Cooper, who’s a hotshot finance guy on Wall Street, had to save his ass. But Cooper can’t complain too much. If Jake hadn’t messed up the books so bad, Cooper would have never met his fiancée, Riley. She works for the bank who issued our business loan and she was sent to investigate the debacle.
Hunter doesn’t waste any time jumping from the table to join Jake. I have a feeling he just doesn’t want to be alone with me and Gracie.
“See ya later,” Jake says as he and Hunter make their way out of the kitchen.
It’s quiet for a few moments while Gracie and I stuff our faces.
“I’d like to take you to get some clothes, if that’s okay?”
Gracie looks surprised. “Why?”
“Because you can’t wear the same clothes every day and we don’t have any girls living here for you to borrow anything.”
“I don’t want you to spend your money on me.”
How can I tell her that I don’t have anything else to spend it on? “Maybe I want to.”
She gives me an odd look, like she’s studying me again.
“We don’t have a WalMart in Old Town but there’s one a few towns over. Or we can go to the mall, which is about thirty minutes away.”
“WalMart is fine.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind taking you to the mall.”
“You can decide.” She gives me one of her hints of a smile and it makes my heart melt a little. I know I shouldn’t get attached to her but Gracie is really starting to capture a little bit of my heart. I know if I let her, she’ll capture my entire heart piece by piece as I get to know her better. But what will happen when she sees all of me? When she realizes I’m a monster and she doesn’t want me anymore? Every piece of my heart she’s taken will get shattered just as quickly.
“Have you had enough to eat?” I ask as I survey what’s left on her plate. She only ate about a third of what I gave her.
“I’m stuffed,” she exclaims.
I’m not sure why but I suspect the little she’s eaten is more than she’s eaten in a long time. It makes me sad to think about. And it makes me want to really hurt that asshole, Dex, for everything he’s done to her.
“I’ll clean up,” Gracie says as she jumps from her chair.
When I grab her arm, she flinches and I immediately withdraw my hand. “Sorry,” I mutter. I know how it feels to be startled like that. It happens to me a lot. Only my reflex is more of a fight response and hers is definitely flight.
“You don’t have to clean up,” I say. “You can sit in the living room and watch television while I clean up.”
She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “You’re going to clean up?”
I laugh. “I do it all the time.” I look around the room playfully. “I don’t see a maid anywhere.”
That makes her laugh too.
“I want to help you,” she urges.
“Okay, fine,” I agree. It might actually be fun to have someone help me wash the dishes for a change.
Four
Gracie
I can’t get over how massive Tucker’s house is. And how beautifully decorated. I feel like I’m in one of those movies where the guy takes the girl to a lovely bed-and-breakfast in the scenic countryside where they spend a romantic weekend together.
Only this isn’t a movie and I’m not the kind of girl who a guy takes away on a romantic weekend. As Dex liked to remind me, I’m not any better than yesterday’s trash and about as useful. I’m the kind of girl who should be glad just to have someone like Dex because that’s what I deserve.
I know Tucker’s just being nice. He’s obviously got a big heart and feels some kind of need to help me. But I know there could never be anything between us. Not that he sees me as someone he could be with anyway. And why would he? He’s a great looking guy who could have his pick of girls. Why in the world would he settle for a piece of trash like me?
I think he sees me like a stray dog or cat that needs to be rescued. I’m sure he’ll only keep me until he has a chance to take me to the pound. I know I just have to savor the moments I’m with him because I know I won’t have them for very long.
Of course, there really isn’t a “dog pound” for people and I have nowhere to go. Except back to Dex. And as much as I don’t want to admit it to myself, I know that’s where I’ll probably end up anyway. Dex thinks that he owns me and I know he won’t stop until he finds me. I won’t have any choice but to go back with him even if I never want to see his ugly face again. Just the thought of having to be with him again makes my stomach knot. He’s fat and smelly and he always sweats a lo
t when we’re having sex. It makes me want to puke. But I have to do it because I don’t have any other options. And it’s always easier just to let him have his way than to get beat up and then have him take what he wants anyway.
“Wear these,” Tucker says as he hands me some gloves and a scarf. “I don’t want you to get cold.”
I smile. I like the way Tucker is always doing little things to take care of me and make sure I’m okay. I’ve never had anyone do that for me before. My mother is a drug addict who couldn’t even take care of herself. By the time she went to prison, and I went to live with my dad, I was already twelve and could take care of myself. Not that my dad was the type to take care of me either.
I can tell that Tucker will make a good husband and father someday. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Of course, I’ve never been that lucky and I know I never will be.
I put the gloves on. They’re a bit too big but I don’t mind. At least they’re warm. Tucker slips the scarf into my jacket and makes sure there’s no place for the cold air to get to my neck.
I’m glad to have all the gear when we step outside and I’m assaulted by the frigid air. I can’t believe it’s gotten even colder than it was yesterday. I didn’t think it was possible. Of course, after living in south Florida the last seven years, I’m not exactly used to anything below about seventy degrees.
We hurry over to Tucker’s pickup and he helps me into the cab. He starts the engine and tells me it will be a few minutes before the heat starts to really warm up. I can’t wait. Even though the jacket he gave me is heavy, I can still feel my body start to shiver.
He grabs an ice remover and cleans his windshield then hops back into the truck. When he glances over at me his eyes fill with concern. He takes my gloved hands and starts to rub them in an effort to get some warmth into them.
“Is that any better?” he asks.
“A little.” I don’t feel that much warmer but I like when Tucker touches me. He makes me feel safe, which isn’t something I’m used to. I’ve lived a life of uncertainty and safe was never something I had or realized I craved.
“Do you want me to hold you?” he asks. “It might warm you up some more.”
“Yes,” I reply a little too eagerly.
I can see he’s surprised by my quick response but he doesn’t hesitate to take me into his arms.
I’ve never felt like I’ve belonged anywhere in the world but sitting in Tucker’s truck, in his arms, I finally feel like I’m where I belong, at least for the moment anyway.
The problem is that I don’t ever want him to let me go. But I know it’s nothing more than a fantasy. One that I shouldn’t even allow myself to consider.
Once the heat starts to make the truck toasty warm, Tucker releases his hold on me.
When his eyes catch mine, I notice that he looks sad. It’s not what I expect. I hope he doesn’t feel like I’m already becoming a burden. I’d give him an out if I had one but I really don’t want to go back to Dex. Not right now anyway. I realize I may have to eventually, but I want to enjoy the moments of freedom as long as I can.
Tucker and I are both quiet for a while as he negotiates the curvy country roads. Dex and I lived in a trailer in Fort Lauderdale, which is a big city with lots of people. Before that, I was with my dad in weekly rental in Miami, an even bigger city with even more people.
Rural New Jersey seems like the complete opposite of southern Florida. And not just because of the weather. Everything is different. The land is hilly and there’s so much open space. And there are so many trees. Not just palm but trees that will have leaves come spring. I miss the changing of the seasons. When I lived with my mom, we were in New Jersey, but we were in the city. I never knew that a place like Old Town even existed.
It’s quiet, peaceful even, and Tucker seems to be lost in his own thoughts. I wish I could climb into his head for a few moments just to see what’s going on in there. He’s not a guy who says very much and I get the feeling he doesn’t share his deepest thoughts with many people. In that way we’re a lot alike. I don’t share myself with many people either.
Not that I’ve had much of an opportunity.
“Thanks for all of your help,” I say finally. “You’re a good guy.”
Tucker frowns like he’s not sure what to say. Maybe he’s not used to too many compliments. “Can I ask you a question?”
I swallow hard. I’m not sure what he’s going to ask but it can’t be good. Whenever anyone asks if they can ask you something, it’s usually a question you really don’t want to answer. But then you feel like you have to because you already agreed to be asked.
“Sure,” I say, even though I’m not sure at all.
“Why did you stay with Dex? I get the feeling it’s not the first time he hit you. And when you were at the bar with him he really didn’t let you eat anything. Why would you stay with someone who treats you that way?”
I can’t help but laugh. As if I had any choice in the matter. I debate whether I should tell Tucker the whole story. I don’t want him to think any less of me than he probably already does. But I guess I really have nothing to lose.
“Dex thinks he owns me and can do anything he wants to me. And in a way he’s right because I don’t really have anywhere else to go.”
“Own you? I don’t understand what that means. Why does he think that?”
“After my mom went to prison, I was sent to live with my dad in Florida. He wasn’t into drugs like my mom but in some ways his vice was worse. He liked to gamble. A lot. And it got him into big trouble. About fifty thousand dollars’ worth. Dex agreed to settle the debt on one condition. He got me.”
“You’re saying your dad traded you for the payment of his debt?” Tucker sounds like he doesn’t believe it.
“Yup.”
“I’m not sure who’s worse. Your dad or Dex. That could be one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever heard. And I served in the military.”
“Is that how your leg got injured?”
Tucker heaves a sigh. “Yup.”
I can sense that he doesn’t want to talk about what happened in Iraq. This conversation is about me.
“Don’t you have any other relatives? Anyone else you can live with?”
“I have a brother. I think he’s somewhere in New Jersey. I haven’t seen him since I was a kid. He’s almost ten years older. A short time before my mom went to prison, he and my mom got into a big fight. It was really bad. I was stupid enough to get in the middle of it. To try and stop them. That’s how I ended up with my scar. My mom took a swing at my brother but she hit me instead. I went flying into a table and ended up with a face full of stitches. Not long after that my brother went to live with his dad and I never saw him again.”
Tucker’s quiet. He’s probably not sure what to say. There’s not really anything to say. My life has pretty much sucked.
“How old were you when you went to live with Dex?” he asks.
“I just turned seventeen.”
“What?” By the tone of his voice, I can tell he’s surprised. “He didn’t, I mean, were you his girlfriend? When you were just seventeen?”
“I wouldn’t call what I was his girlfriend. But if you’re asking if we had sex, the answer is yes.”
“That’s not even legal.”
I have to laugh. “Dex is a loan shark and drug dealer. Do you think he cares about something not being legal? Dex does what Dex wants when he wants to do it. He doesn’t care about what’s legal.”
I’m afraid to tell him the rest because I know he’ll think less of me. But I want to be honest. He’ll find out anyway so better to be upfront about it. “I went to live with Dex during my senior year of high school, so I never finished. Not that anyone noticed. I’m not sure anyone knew I was there to begin with. The schools in Florida were overcrowded and I kind of fell through the cracks.”
I’m sure that my admission about being a high school dropout is probably the final nail in the coffin as far a
s any kind of relationship with Tucker is concerned. I can’t image he’d ever want to be with someone who didn’t finish school.
“I barely made it through high school,” he says quietly, and I’m surprised by the admission.
“Why?” Coming from what he described as the perfect family, I don’t understand how he could have had problems.
He shrugs. “I guess I just didn’t fit in. You’ve seen my brother, Jake. He was the star of the football team. Everyone loved him. My brother, Cooper, who lives in New York, is brilliant. He got a full scholarship to attend Columbia to study finance. I was never a great athlete like Jake and I wasn’t a great student like Cooper. And I didn’t exactly inherit the looks and charm that my brothers did. I was just a guy who lifted weights, kept to himself and stayed out of trouble. There was nothing special about me like there was with Jake and Cooper.”
“You have a good heart. That’s special.”
Tucker gives a single, cold laugh. “Having a good heart doesn’t get you much in life. It doesn’t get you girls, or a job and it’s definitely not beneficial in a war zone.”
“I think it’s important. It may be the only thing in life that truly is.”
After a few moments of silence, Tucker says, “I don’t ever want you to go back to him. No one has the right to treat another person the way he treats you. And he definitely doesn’t own you.”
“He’ll come back for me. He won’t give up that easily.”
I can see Tucker’s arms tense as his grip on the steering wheel tightens. His mouth is now a thin, angry line. “He better never try to hurt you again.”
I appreciate Tucker’s concern and I know he’s sincere but he doesn’t know Dex. I don’t think he realizes what the man is capable of. But I do. I’ve lived with him for over two years. I’ve seen what he’s capable of.
The truck is quiet for a while. As I stare out the passenger window, I notice that we’re getting further away from the country and closer to a more populated area. It’s not as scenic as Old Town and definitely not as peaceful. It’s noticeably nosier and dirtier.
When I lived in New Jersey with my mom and brother we moved around a lot, but we were always in a city, never in a place like Old Town. I always thought of New Jersey as urban, dirty and densely populated. I never imagined people lived a quaint country life like they do in Old Town.
The Wilde One (Old Town Country Romance) Page 5
