“You have a great body,” she comments as her fingers dance across the tattoos that cover my abs.
I have to laugh. “From the waist up.”
She shakes her head and when I look into her eyes I can see she’s dead serious.
“All of it,” she states.
When she begins to slowly work her hand down to my hip, I realize she’s heading toward my mangled excuse for a leg. I quickly place my hand over hers to stop her.
“Not my leg,” I state firmly. It’s bad enough that we’re both forced to see the horrifying thing, I don’t want her to ever feel like she has to touch it.
“Yes,” she states to my complete surprise. I see so much resolve in her eyes that I’ve never seen in her before it actually gives me chills.
“You want to touch my leg?” I don’t even want to touch the thing. Why would she possibly want to touch it?
“Yes,” she states again.
I know it’s probably a mistake but I lift my hand from hers. She just stares at me for a few seconds and I have no idea why.
“What’s wrong?”
“I want you to tell me it’s okay to touch your leg. I want you to say the words.”
I feel like the words are caught in my throat and they won’t come out. I swallow and then finally manage to say, “Okay.” Now I’m the one who’s speaking so softly I can barely be heard.
“Okay, what?” she pushes.
I have no idea why this is so hard. I have to swallow again because there’s already another lump in my throat. “You can touch my leg,” I manage to croak out.
I take in another sharp breath as she makes her way toward the top of my leg. I watch as she inspects all of the damage to what’s left of my limb. It’s almost too painful to watch as she works her way down my leg with her fingers, making sure to caress every scar and indentation.
When she makes it to my foot she looks up at me and smiles. I can’t believe she’s actually smiling.
“I’m not done,” she says.
I gulp.
She works her way back up my leg but this time she places light kisses on every one of my deformities. It’s almost more than I can handle.
When she makes it back up to my face, and wipes a tear from my cheek, I realize that I’m crying.
“It’s okay,” she says as she kisses away the few other stray tears that have escaped down my cheek.
“I just never..” the rest of the words won’t even come out. I never thought anyone would ever be with me again. I never thought I could truly be with a woman because of my leg. I can’t believe Gracie is still here with me. That she still wants to be here with me. Even after she’s seen it.
It’s more than I ever hoped for. More than I imagined was ever possible.
“I know,” Gracie says. She gives me a smile that makes my chest ache because it can no longer contain my quickly expanding heart.
I’ve never felt so much love before in my life.
“Do you have condoms?” she asks.
I feel like an idiot. I was so caught up in my leg, I didn’t even think about protection.
Not that I have any in my room. I never even considered the possibility that I would need them.
I shake my head.
“I’m on birth control,” she says softly, almost as if she’s embarrassed about it. “Dex made me get injections. He said he didn’t want any kids messing up his life.”
Kids. I always wanted them. A lot of them. A whole house full. But when I got injured in Iraq I never thought I’d get the chance. I never thought I’d find a girl who’d want to marry me and have a family.
All at once I’m overcome with images of Gracie, pregnant with our child. The two of us playing with our kids in the yard. Of us being old and having grandkids. And the images all seem so real and so possible.
I’m so overwhelmed with so much happiness I almost can’t breathe.
I know better than anyone else how uncertain the future is and how quickly things can change in the blink of an eye.
But for this one moment I just want to hold on to the idea, just the notion, that I might have a future, the possibility of a normal life with Gracie.
When I come back down from my fantasy world, I notice Gracie is nervously biting her lip.
“What is it?”
“Dex never used condoms with me. He refused. But I know he was with other women.”
“It’s okay. You’ve been to the doctor for the injections, haven’t you?”
She nods. “But it’s every few months. I don’t know if Dex was with someone else. It’s not like he usually told me.”
“Usually?”
She looks down.
“Please look at me,” I urge.
“Why did you say usually?”
She gulps. “Sometimes he’d talk about the whores he was with. That’s what he called them. He’d always tell me if I didn’t give him his fill, he’d take it from some whore who’d give him what he wanted.”
I can feel my fist tighten just thinking about how much I want to hurt Dex. It’s hard for me to believe how much Gracie had to endure with that sick creep. But it also makes me want to give her everything she never had. I want her to feel treasured and adored. I want to spoil her every day of her life.
“Come here,” I say as I pull her closer. “I don’t want you to think about Dex ever again. You’re with me now. I want us to have a life together. The wonderful life you deserve. I want to give you everything, Gracie. Don’t ever hesitate to ask me for everything and anything. Whatever you want, I’ll find a way to make it happen.”
She gives me one of her little half smiles. “I just want you.”
That’s it? I want to give her the world and she just wants me. “But I’m nothing. I want you to have everything.”
“I wish you could see that you are everything.”
I can see the seriousness in her eyes. She truly believes what she’s saying. I don’t understand it but I’m not going to argue. I just want Gracie. I want all of her. I want her to be mine.
All at once I’m flooded with so many emotions and so much desire. I pull Gracie even closer and kiss her. I feel like I can’t get enough of her mouth, her lips, her tongue. I want all of Gracie. I want my hands and my mouth on every inch of her. I don’t want there to be a part of her body that I haven’t explored.
I can feel my erection swell as I caress her flawless skin. I’ve never felt anything so absolutely perfect. As I run my hands lightly up her leg to her hips and then to her side, I can feel her shudder under my touch.
The T-shirt she’s wearing now feels like a barrier that has to go. When I grab the bottom hem, as if on cue, Gracie lifts up slightly to expedite the shirt’s removal.
Once she’s completely naked, I take in the wonder of the scene before me. I want to capture her absolute beauty as a snapshot in my mind forever.
I pull her close again. I want to feel her skin on mine. And I kiss her. Deeply and passionately.
I’m harder than I’ve ever been in my life. The need to be inside Gracie is so strong, I almost can’t stand it. But I want her to be ready. And I want our first time to be more than special. I want it to be amazing.
I place her on her back on the bed and look into her eyes. As we gaze at each other for a long moment, the exchange of energy between us is palpable.
I place a soft kiss on her forehead then I make my way to her lips and place another light kiss there. Then I head for her neck, where I place a series of light kisses. Then it’s time for her shoulders to get their fair share. When I pepper them with butterfly kisses, Gracie shivers again and I can’t help but smile.
I kiss my way down her chest until I reach her breasts. They’re small but so perfect. When I take her nipple into my mouth, she takes in a sharp breath. I spend a little extra time nibbling and teasing the erect nub until she lets out a low moan.
I make sure to give her other nipple the equal attention it deserves and I am rewarded with another moan
of pleasure.
Then I kiss my way down to Gracie’s flat stomach and tease her belly button with my tongue, which makes her squirm. I kiss her hips then make my way down her legs until I reach her toes. I give each one of them a light kiss then make my way back up her legs until I reach her thighs.
As I kiss my way up the inside of her thighs, Gracie trembles a bit and when I look up at her, I can see that she’s closed her eyes.
“Look at me,” I whisper.
When she looks down at me her lids are heavy with desire.
As I move between her legs she starts to look a bit alarmed.
“What are you doing?” she whispers.
“I want to make you feel good.”
She furrows her brow like she’s confused. It takes me a moment to realize that she’s probably never had a man pleasure her that way before. I doubt Dex ever went down on her.
As I slowly move my tongue inside her, I can feel her body start to quiver. I continue licking and sucking and she rewards me with an exclamation of pure pleasure.
I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of Gracie. I love the way she tastes. I love having my mouth on every part of her body. I love the way she reacts when my tongue is inside of her.
But there are other parts of my body that I want inside Gracie even more.
“I want to make love to you, Gracie,” I whisper. “I want you to be mine. All of you. Every part of you.”
Our eyes lock for a brief moment and all of the air is taken from my lungs when she says, “I want you too, Tucker. All of you. Every part of you. You’ll be mine, too.”
I don’t hesitate for another moment. I move between her legs and push inside of her. It takes a few thrusts before she stretches to accommodate me but once she does, she fits me like a glove. It’s been so long since I’ve been with a woman, I don’t want to come too fast, so I take my time gliding in and out of her.
She seems to enjoy my rhythm because her body bucks to meet my pace.
I grab her ass so I can fill her even deeper and she lets out a scream of delight.
When I feel her muscles tighten around me, I know she’s getting ready to come, so I quicken the pace just a bit. I want us to share the release and fly into the sky together.
It only takes a few more thrusts to send us soaring. I pull her into me as tight as I can as my body shudders with aftershocks.
Gracie is smiling the most satisfied and blissful of smiles. I don’t even have to ask her if it was good or if she enjoyed it. I can see it written all over her.
I place a playful kiss on the tip of her nose.
“It’s going to be a little messy,” I warn. After not having sex for so long, I have no doubt that my release was substantial. “We’d better get cleaned up.”
I can see a wave of sadness cross her face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“I like having you inside me.” When she gives me a small pout, I can’t help but laugh.
“I promise you’ll have me inside you again. Very soon. You can have me inside you whenever you want.”
When she places the softest of kisses on my lips, my heart skips a few beats.
She’s right, though. When I remove myself from Gracie and get out of the bed, I feel like something is missing. Like the connection between us has been severed.
Is it bad that I already want to be inside her again?
I get washed up as quickly as I can and bring a damp washcloth into the bedroom in case Gracie needs it.
I hand her the damp cloth then lie back down in the bed with her.
We’re quiet for a moment then Gracie snuggles up next to me. I love the way we fit together. Like the matching salt and pepper shakers my mom used to have. The salt was larger than the pepper. More substantial because it was used more frequently. The pepper was smaller and more delicate. More refined. But it was obvious they were still a pair. That they still belonged together. And no one ever tried to separate them.
“I never knew that men did…what you did.” Gracie’s voice is quiet again. She still doesn’t seem to be that comfortable talking about sex.
“You mean oral sex?” I probe.
She looks down as if she’s embarrassed to talk about it.
“It’s okay, Gracie. We can talk about anything and everything. I want to talk about whatever’s on your mind.”
“I thought oral sex was just a woman going down on a man. I never knew it worked the other way, too.”
I don’t want her to know how sad it makes me that her first sexual experience was with an asshole like Dex, who just used her for his own pleasure. I make a promise to myself that I’ll always think of Gracie, first both in and outside of the bedroom.
When we fall asleep together this time it feels different. I no longer feel like it’s so temporary and that she’ll disappear in the morning. I don’t feel like I have to savor every moment because I’ll never have it again.
Don’t get me wrong. I still want to savor every moment I’m with Gracie. But this time, I want to savor it because I feel like it’s the beginning of something that might last.
For the first time in a long time I feel like I have something to look forward to.
Eight
Gracie
“It’s a surprise,” Tucker reminds me.
We’re in his truck and it looks like we’re driving even further into the country. All morning I’ve been trying to get him to tell me where he’s taking me but it’s been fruitless.
Part of me doesn’t want to be outside. The wind has picked up and it feels even colder than it did earlier this week when I thought it was already colder than I could handle. I know it’s completely unreasonable, but I wish Tucker and I could stay in bed together and not have to worry about the outside world.
I always dreaded sex with Dex. I’d close my eyes and think about being anywhere but with him violating me. I’d do my best to stay as far away as I could in my mind until he got it over with.
I never knew sex could be such a beautiful and wonderful thing until I was with Tucker. He made me feel so cherished and completely adored.
Even though it’s mid-morning, the sun hasn’t peeked out from behind the clouds yet. It’s overcast and I have a feeling we won’t see much of the sun at all today.
It’s more likely we’ll see snow.
I only have a few vague memories of me and my brother playing in the snow when we were young. We tried to build a snowman once but the snow was too wet and it just looked like a big heap. We thought it was funny until my mom yelled at us for tracking mud into the house.
I don’t have many memories that don’t include my mom being either angry or too high to even know we existed.
When Tucker pulls onto a dirt road, I frown. It looks like we’re pulling into a big open field. What kind of surprise could he possibly have for me here?
“Here we are,” he says excitedly as he turns off the engine.
I glance around and there’s nothing but open land as far as I can see.
“What are we doing here?”
Tucker removes a booklet from his coat pocket and hands it to me. Rules of the Road.
“You’ll need to study this booklet so you can get your learner’s permit. You’ll have to pass the written test. But I thought I could show you a few things and at least start to teach you how to drive.”
I can feel my eyes widen and I’m flooded with all kinds of emotions. Fear. But also happiness. And immense gratitude that Tucker would even think of such a thing.
I grab him around the neck and give him a tight hug. Then I place my hands on his face and look into his eyes. “You’re wonderful, Tucker. I can’t believe how much you’ve already done for me and how much you’re still doing for me. It’s a little overwhelming.”
“Get used to it,” he replies matter-of-factly. “I told you I plan on giving you everything and I mean that.”
I gulp. “But what do you get?”
“I get everything, too, because I get
you.” He gives me a big smile. “We’re going to start from the beginning. Starting the car. Are you ready for this?”
I gulp. I’m not sure I’m ready at all but I want to be brave. I feel like this is the start of a new life for me. I have a job. I’ll be learning to drive. Maybe I’ll even try to finish my high school diploma.
And I have Tucker.
It’s still difficult for me to believe that someone like Tucker wants someone like me in his life. It feels like a dream. One that I hope I never wake up from.
As he slides over into the passenger’s seat I slide over him into the driver’s seat. I feel so small sitting in front of the large steering wheel.
“We’d better move the seat up for you a bit.”
After Tucker instructs me how to adjust the seat to my height, I feel a little less tiny behind the big wheel.
Tucker is a very patient and caring teacher. I can’t help but think about what a great dad he’ll make some day. Under his instruction, I’m able to start the car, drive a few hundred yards, break, park and then turn off the engine.
I can’t remember a time that I’ve felt so proud of an accomplishment. I’m actually driving. When I lived with Dex I never even considered it a possibility. With Tucker my world is now filled with more possibilities than I ever dared to imagine.
“Great job!” He declares after my first lesson. “We won’t be able to go on any actual roads until you pass your written test and get your learner’s permit. But I can show you how to do a few things out here and you can practice a bit until then.”
“I’m going to start studying right away,” I reply. My heart is racing I’m so excited.
“I’d like for you to think about using some of the money you’ll be earning at Haymakers to buy yourself a car. I saved enough money shoveling the snow from neighbor’s driveways to buy my first car. It wasn’t a great car but I loved it because I earned it.”
I can’t help but smile. “How long do you think it will take to save the money?”
Tucker shrugs. “Maybe a few months to get something used. One of Jake’s friends from high school owns a body shop. He fixes up a lot of old cars that customers no longer want. We can stop by and see what he’s working on. He’s probably got a few things in the shop that will be ready by the time you get your license and save the money.”
The Wilde One (Old Town Country Romance) Page 10
