Jake's Return

by Liana Laverentz

  "Then let me help you find him.” She moved her hand up to smooth his still damp hair. She stroked it the way a mother would a child's, but when she raised an inquiring eyebrow Jake knew she was feeling far from maternal. “You know I can."

  He heard the knowing smile in her voice and knew he was done for. It had been an eternity since he'd felt like this. Hot, needy ... and safe.

  But only with Rebecca.

  Rebecca.

  With a low, primal groan, he put his hands on either side of her face, tilted her head up, and kissed her for all he was worth.

  She moaned and tunneled her fingers through his hair, holding on tight as he lifted her by the waist and backed her against the wall. Sliding his hands inside her robe, he filled them with the feel of her, small and soft and straining against him as if she were as starved for this as he was. He slid his hands over her silk-covered buttocks, wrapped them around her firm thighs, lifted her higher and rubbed himself against her soft sweetness, all the while kissing her like he hadn't kissed a woman in years.

  Which he hadn't.

  The thought was enough to stop him cold.

  "Jake?"

  The note of panic in her voice made him realize she thought he was going to back out on her—again. The thought brought a huge rush of guilt. “No, baby. No. I'm not going anywhere. I just ... I just think maybe we ought to slow things down a little. I mean, we've got the whole house to ourselves, right?"

  Chapter Seventeen

  Free. Jake had never felt as free as he did in that big rosewood bed with Rebecca. Free to give her his heart and soul. Free to claim and worship her with his hands and lips and tongue and tell her all the things with his body he couldn't tell her with words.

  Returning her kisses, he reveled in the clean, minty taste of her, the rightness of her warm, supple body as it moved against his. She smelled even better than she had in his dreams—of sexy aroused female and sweet summer strawberries. Her breasts were rounder, her curves more defined, her kisses and caresses surprisingly self-assured and sensual.

  No doubt about it, in the past eight years Rebecca had matured into a phenomenal woman. Jake's blood sang with desire and appreciation as he pulled her closer, spreading his legs to allow her to nestle her hips against his.

  As they rocked against each other, Jake's hands never stopped moving. Over her hair, her face, shoulders, under her soft cotton nightgown and up her hips and back, greedily he filled his hands with hot, smooth skin. He prayed he wouldn't disappoint her by going off like a rocket with a too short fuse.

  "Oh, God, Becca, I don't think I'm going to be able to wait,” he rasped as she pulled back to kick off her panties and slip her robe off her shoulders.

  "Then don't,” she breathed, and reached for him again.

  He groaned and rolled her over without breaking their kiss. As her hands raced over his skin to help free him from his cotton drawstring pants, Jake realized he'd forgotten something.

  "Condoms,” he breathed. “Condoms, Rebecca."

  "What?"

  He forced himself to pull back, feeling hot and uncomfortable and disoriented. “Condoms, honey, do you have any?"

  "Me?” Rebecca pushed up on her elbows and blinked, the soft moonlight that filtered through the side windows the perfect foil for her tousled hair and rumpled look. The wide V-neck of her navy blue nightshirt slid down to expose one creamy shoulder as she looked up at him in dazed confusion. “Why would I have condoms?"

  Jake felt like an idiot. Here he was, supposedly the town sex maniac, and he didn't even carry a condom. How could he explain that there hadn't seemed to be any point to it? That he'd stood in front of that blasted rack of condoms in the grocery store in St. Mary's that day after the tornado for a full minute and a half, then turned and shoved his cart away, cursing himself for a fool for even thinking of buying the damned things?

  "I wasn't exactly planning on this, Rebecca. I guess I thought by not ... by not buying anything I'd be avoiding temptation."

  She stared at him for what felt like forever, her expression never changing, then offered a flat, “Great."

  "You want me to run out and get some?"

  "In this town? Are you kidding? After tonight?"

  She had a point.

  "I think we'll be all right,” he heard her say beside him.

  "You think we'll be all right?” he repeated, confused.

  She flashed him a look. “Okay, I'm sure we will. I haven't been with anyone since you, and—what?"

  "You haven't been with anyone since me?” Jake stared, dumbfounded. “You're kidding."

  "I was pregnant, Jake. And then I was—am—a single mother.” That hadn't stopped her mother, but Jake knew better than to bring Chloe's name into their bed. “My period ended two days ago,” she was saying. “I'm as regular as clockwork. Always have been. There's no way I could get pregnant again. Not tonight."

  But Jake's mind was stuck on ‘regular as clockwork and always have been.’ “You mean you knew there was a good chance you would wind up pregnant last time?"

  "Of course not! I wasn't thinking in those terms back then. I wasn't planning on having sex with anyone before marriage, so it wasn't on my mind at the time."

  "And now?"

  Surprising him, Rebecca smiled and looped her arms around his neck, pulling him back down on the strawberry-scented bed. “And now it's on my mind all the time. Come on Jake, There's just you and me and this big old bed. Let's not waste the few hours we have left."

  "You're sure about this?"

  She looked up at him with the most honest blue eyes he'd ever known. “Dead sure."

  It was all Jake needed to hear. He stood and dropped his pants, then helped Rebecca lose her nightshirt. They came together as smoothly, as seamlessly, as if they'd been together for years. When he entered her, Rebecca sighed as if she'd just come home, and Jake knew he had.

  He gave them both some time to get used to each other, then moved inside her slowly, deliberately, determined to prolong their pleasure as long as he could. But within minutes he was nearly mindless again. “I can't hold back much longer, honey."

  "Then don't,” she breathed. “I'm tired of waiting."

  He groaned and they came together one last time, Rebecca arching beneath him as she came, drawing his own explosive release from the depths of his soul.

  Afterward, as they rested beneath his red and white star quilt, Rebecca's sweat-damp cheek nestled against his still-thumping heart, Jake feathered his fingers against her hip and marveled at the miracle that was Rebecca. How was it that only she had the power to make him feel happy, whole, sane and at peace with himself and the world?

  "Jake?"

  "Hmmmm?"

  "What happened to your Harley?"

  He stiffened involuntarily, remembering. “The police impounded it after they arrested me."

  She didn't say anything for a long moment. “I'm sorry. I know how much that bike meant to you."

  "Yeah, well, they had it longer than I did. After keeping it for a year, they sold it to pay the storage bill I couldn't. I wasn't working yet, and even if I had been, nineteen cents an hour doesn't allow for extras like storing motorcycles."

  "I wish I'd known."

  "I wish I'd told you. You could have gotten a good ten or twelve grand for it after springing it from storage. It would have bought a lot of formula and diapers."

  More silence, then: “What happened in Wyoming, Jake?"

  Something inside him dissolved. If Rebecca had the balls to face an entire town with her beliefs, if she had the courage to tell him she still wanted him, if she could still give herself to him so completely after everything he'd put her through, the least he owed her was the truth.

  "I don't know. I was sound asleep. Passed out drunk on the living room couch."

  She looked up. “You'd been drinking?"

  "Practically non-stop since I left you."

  "Why?"

  He forced himself to meet her troubled gaz
e. “Because it hurt so damned much, even then, knowing I could never be what you wanted."

  She pulled away, to scoot up and sit beside him, then wrap a corner of the quilt around her like a toga. Jake missed her warmth right away. “But Jake, you never asked me what I wanted."

  He sighed and rearranged himself as well. He propped the pillows against the headboard, rested his back against them, and said, “I didn't have to. I must have listened to you tell me more than a thousand times about having some big, fancy house in Glenhill and the money to go with it. For that you needed someone steady, dependable, smart and ambitious as hell. Someone with looks and money and the power to make it all happen for you. Someone like Mitchell Kane."

  "You're really hung up on him, aren't you?"

  "You wanted to marry him, Becca."

  She snorted. “And I thank God every day that I didn't. Actually, I saw Mitchell a few more times after ... well, you know. He came over the next day with a dozen roses and apologized for pressuring me to sleep with him. About a month later he proposed and I turned him down."

  "Did he know you were pregnant?"

  "No. But I did. I couldn't have lived with myself if I'd tricked him into believing Katie was his.” She smiled ruefully. “That's when I learned money didn't mean that much to me after all.

  "The last time I saw Mitchell I was eight months along and big as a whale. I won't repeat the things he said, but I knew right then and there I'd spent most of my life chasing the wrong values. Katie's arrival proved it. I'm still not sure how we made it through those first three years, Jake, but I do know I'd never been more grateful for anything in my life. But then my job at the university library was downsized, and I had to take a hard look at reality. To admit I could offer Katie a better, safer life here in Warner."

  Rebecca sighed, recalling how she'd packed her bags and boarded the bus with Katie, mentally kicking and screaming all the way. The truth was, at the time, deep down Rebecca had hated the idea of returning to Warner almost as much as Jake claimed to hate being here now. The memories alone had been enough to bring back the nightmare of her childhood.

  But she'd been back long enough now to see that change and acceptance were possible. It hadn't happened overnight, but eventually most people had forgotten about her past and her mother. Even if they hadn't, no one had mentioned it in years.

  "Even after tonight, Jake, I'd rather live in Warner than anywhere else. At least here I know who and what I'm dealing with. In Pittsburgh, the staff at the day care center changed constantly. Sure I checked the place out thoroughly before signing Katie up, but it seemed every few weeks there was someone new watching her. In that sense, Aunt Martha alone has made moving back here worth it. She adores Katie and Katie adores her, and as long as Katie's happy, I'm happy."

  "How happy are you going to be without a job?"

  Rebecca shrugged. “I've got some savings set aside. I can probably work part time for Barb if things get tight. The Christmas season's coming up, and the people with money aren't going to be slowed down by any tornado.” She looked at Jake. “But right now, I think I'll just ... take a break. See what my options are."

  Jake didn't say anything for a long time. “When did you get to be so strong?” he finally asked quietly.

  "When I realized you weren't coming back."

  Neither of them said anything for a while after that. Jake looked away, toward the moonlight streaming in the window, and Rebecca picked at a loose thread that dangled from the corner of the quilt. “Why did you go home with that woman?"

  "Why do you think?"

  She reached out and touched his arm. “The truth, Jake. We've been honest with each other tonight for the first time since we were kids. Let's not spoil it now."

  He felt the gentle warmth of her hand, remembered the love they'd shared, and knew that despite himself, he wanted more of it, and her. “I went home with her because she looked like you."

  Her hand curled into a fist and she pressed it against her mouth. “No."

  "Nothing happened, Becca. I mean, I kissed her a few times, sure, but we never had sex. I didn't want her. She wasn't you."

  Rebecca closed her eyes for a moment, then: “Why did they think you killed her?'

  He shrugged with a casualness he was far from feeling. “She was all over me in the bar. We left together, arm in arm. Since there was no evidence of sexual activity on the body, the prosecution said I snapped out when she changed her mind. The truth is we talked for a good hour before I passed out on the couch, stone cold drunk. I can't remember what we said exactly, she did most of the talking anyway, but I know I wasn't upset about not having sex. Not with her, anyway."

  He looked away, then back at Rebecca. “She was a good woman, Becca. Good, decent, strong ... like you. But this guy she was seeing, he was bad news. She'd caught him sleeping with her roommate, who she'd thrown out that week, and she was hurting bad, wanting something from this guy she was never going to get. So she decided to sleep with me to get back at him.

  "After thinking about it, and I thought about it a lot while I was locked up, I realized anger had brought us together. We were both angry because we couldn't have what we wanted.” He bowed his head and shook it wearily. She ended up dying for it, and I ended up behind bars."

  Rebecca reached out and touched his hair. It took everything Jake had not to haul her into his arms again and make love to her until he forgot all about Christine, about how responsible he felt for her death.

  If only he'd left her to cry in her beer alone...

  "It wasn't your fault, Jake. You couldn't have known what would happen."

  He shook his head, refusing Rebecca's offer of comfort. Sure, if he'd minded his own business it might have happened to the next guy who came along, but it had happened to him, and he felt responsible. “She was bruised and naked when they found her, which led the prosecution to their theory that I snapped out on her. It didn't help that the knife the crazy bastard used to kill her was mine. Or that I'd passed out so cold I never heard a thing, and was so hung over for days afterward that I never noticed my knife was missing. By the time I did, I wasn't interested in going back for it. I just wanted to get back to—"

  You. He looked up, knowing he couldn't say it. To tell Rebecca the truth about Christine was one thing, to admit he'd been on his way back to Rebecca was another. Kane or no Kane.

  "I just wanted to get back to my life."

  Rebecca apparently didn't have anything to say to that.

  "So what happens now?” Jake finally said. “Seems to me that earlier tonight you swore to a room full of concerned citizens that our relationship was completely hands off."

  "I wasn't lying."

  "And now?"

  "Now it can be whatever we want it to be."

  Jake exhaled sharply. “You never give up, do you?"

  "Why should I spend my life dancing to everyone else's tune? I can't change the past and I certainly have no control over the future—including the outcome of the meeting—so why not just focus on living each day the best way I know how?"

  "Don't you have dreams anymore, Rebecca?"

  "Sure I do. But if I live for the future, I miss today. And today, believe it or not, has turned out to be pretty darn special."

  Jake snorted at that. “Interesting, at least. Would you believe Feeney offered to sell me the station today? He wasn't kidding, either. He said he was thinking of retiring and wondered if I'd be interested in buying him out."

  "What did you say?"

  Jake hesitated, knowing he was about to disappoint her again. “I don't know, Becca. Taking on a successful business like that..."

  "You'd feel trapped."

  Jake closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Then stared at the ceiling. It was easier than looking into Rebecca's eyes.

  "You're not even going to consider it, are you?"

  "Sure, I'll consider it.” He met her eyes again, needing to know she understood. “But Becca, when I got out my plan w
as to pick up where I left off. For most of my life I've wanted to be anywhere but here. You know that. I thought I'd come see what the place looked like, fix it up for cash, then hit the road. Now suddenly I've got you to think about, Katie, this offer from Feeney ... I wasn't expecting any of this."

  "So what you're saying is deep down you still want to be free."

  "Can you blame me?"

  Rebecca didn't answer.

  "I'm sorry, Becca. If things were different—"

  "What needs to be different, Jake? Katie loves you, you love her. You want me, I want you. We're already living here as a family. Why can't we just try being one for a while?"

  "I won't destroy your life. You've already damn near lost everything you own because of me. Now your job's on the line. When are you going to realize I'm poison to you and Katie?"

  She took a deep breath, and fixed him with a steady look. “When are you going to stop letting Mickey run your life?"

  "Rebecca—"

  Suddenly she threw off the quilt and rolled off the bed. “Oh, forget it. If you want to go on believing his garbage—hiding behind it, then have at it. I'm out of here."

  "Rebecca. Come on, baby, it's almost dawn. There's no need to leave—"

  "There's every need, Jake. If you don't want Katie and me as a family, we have no choice but to leave.” She picked up her robe and nightgown. Jake didn't think he'd ever forget the picture she made, her hair wild and loose, her body flushed and naked.

  Turning on her heel, she did just that. Left him sitting alone in his bed, the bed they'd just spent the best hour of his life in, wishing he knew what to say to her to make her understand.

  What would happen if word got out he was buying Feeney's? What if people stopped coming and the station failed? What if he lost everything and Rebecca was blacklisted from finding another job in town? What if Katie got tired of never having friends?

  Rebecca might not have noticed, But Jake had. No one came around the house, and Jake knew that before he'd come along, Katie had had friends.

  What would happen if he ended back up in prison? After all, who would be the first person Sutter would come looking for if anything happened? It already had, if Dillenger was to be believed about some sicko preying on the town's children. Jake was surprised Sutter hadn't been by to question him already.