Fight or Flight

by Jamie Canosa

  “Jay?” Em’s voice was reluctant, like she needed an answer she wasn’t sure he could give her. “Where are we going to sleep tonight if we can’t go back to the squat?”

  The truth was, he couldn’t. He didn’t have an answer . . . yet. So, he went for the next best thing. Making her laugh. “I don’t know. What do you think, the Ritz or the Hilton? I hear they both have beautiful penthouses.”

  A small smile crept onto Em’s face and she eased the death grip she had on the blanket.

  “It’s going to be okay, Em. I’ll figure something out. I promise.” He wasn’t lying to her. He would figure something out. He had to.

  ***

  Stop, after stop, after stop . . . The entire day was starting to feel like one long flashback to some of Jay’s not-so-greatest hits. He’d dragged Em across the city and back again, checking every last place he’d crashed over the past two years.

  The final straw came when he revisited the mechanics shop he’d worked at his first few weeks out there. They’d taken him on as cheap labor. He’d put in long hours for little pay, but at least it was a job. They certainly hadn’t paid enough for him to afford his own place, so when he’d found the delivery door around back that led to a supply closet it felt like fate. Jay had crashed there for almost three months before they caught him.

  That had cost him both his job and the roof over his head when they tossed him out on his ass. But, it turned out, karma really was a bitch. It looked like the entire place had burned to the ground. Not that karma was doing him any damn favors.

  And then, because the universe was clearly against them today—just like it had been every other damn day of their godforsaken lives—it started to rain. Big, fat, cold drops pelted them from above. As the wind shifted, they were hit in the face by stinging bits of ice. Within four blocks they were both soaked and shivering.

  It was too much. Just too damn much. He must have been a pretty fucking horrible human being in a past life, for this life to make any sense at all. But what about Em? What had she done to deserve any of this? Nothing, dammit. Neither of them had done anything to deserved this crap, and now even Mother Nature was against them.

  When his feet led them to the entrance of the park, he realized where he’d been heading. It wasn’t ideal—in fact, it sucked—but it was the best they were going to manage for tonight.

  Chapter Thirty

  Em

  Jay looked haggard. Stress and exhaustion weighed his shoulders down. His hair was plastered to his face and his clothes sagged under their sopping wet weight. Em hated seeing it. But most of all she hated the look of defeat in his eyes. He’d done his absolute best, but sometimes there just weren’t any easy answers. She understood that better than anyone.

  The bridge didn’t seem so bad. It kept the rain off of their heads and blocked at least some of the bitter wind. That was enough to be happy about. Several others seemed to have had the same idea. A few people lingered here or there. A group of four older men had started a fire in an old metal trash can further down by the water. The heat would have drawn her in like a moth to a . . . well a flame, but Jay steered them clear of it.

  He led her away from the water’s edge to where the curved inside of the bridge met the ground. Pulling the blanket from her shoulders, he tugged her down beside him and draped it over them both, careful to tuck in all of the edges. Once they were sealed in nice and tight, Jay flipped the remaining blanket up and over their heads and Em found the energy to smile. He’d created a makeshift tent for them. A small space where they could huddle together hidden from the rest of the world. He was brilliant. Even as they breathed, it warmed the air around them. Things weren’t so bad.

  Her ankle throbbed mercilessly and her entire body was exhausted from shaking so hard for so long, but they were here now and she could finally rest. She wanted to talk to Jay. Thank him for finding this place. For sticking with her even when things got tough, but even her tongue was too tired to move. She’d tell him . . . in the morning.

  Just as sleep came to finally put an end to the day of misery, a dark shadow stretched over them.

  “What now?” As soon as Jay ripped back the blanket, Em wished he hadn’t.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Jay

  Some six foot meathead towered over them. Tats coved his hands and the sides of his neck. And if Jay had to guess, probably everywhere else in between. Not the professional kind, either. No, this guy had definitely served time somewhere. Fucking hell. Could this day get any worse?

  “Cold night, huh? But you two look awfully cozy.”

  Jay forced himself to his feet despite exhaustion clawing at him like a feral cat. Not a chance he was about to do this sitting on his ass. “What the hell do you want?”

  “That blanket looks nice and warm.”

  “No fucking way. Get your own damn blanket.”

  Jay’s whole body tensed waiting for the guy to react. When he did, it definitely wasn’t what Jay had expected. A fist to the face, maybe. But definitely not laughter.

  “No worries. You don’t wanna share your blanket? I can think of other ways to keep warm.” His gaze slid past Jay, landing squarely on Em.

  Oh no. No way in hell. This douchebag wanted to get anywhere near Em, it would be over his dead body.

  “You’re not touching her.” Jay kept his voice low, knowing that if he shouted it would only bring more unwanted attention.

  “I don’t think you understand.” All of the humor had evaporated from the meathead’s voice. “I will be keeping warm tonight. One way or another.”

  “The cold will be the least of your problems if you try and lay one hand on her.”

  Jay was about ninety-nine percent positive this guy could kill him in his sleep on a normal day, but not now. Now he had something worth fighting for. Someone worth defending. Someone he’d kill for. Someone he’d die for. The thought hit him like a ton of bricks and he nearly staggered under the weight of it.

  Distracted by his thoughts, Jay didn’t notice the two other guys coming up beside him. Not until it was too late. Shit. Things we’re about to get really bad, really fast. But he couldn’t back down. Not now. Not without—

  “Here!” Em shoved past him faster than he could stop her and walked right up to the meathead. What the hell was she thinking? “Just take the damn thing.” She shoved the blanket into his chest. “Take it! And leave us alone!”

  At first, he looked stunned. Jay couldn’t blame him, he was stunned, too. Too stunned to even react. Not until the guy snorted and waved off his two friends. Then Jay snatched Em’s wrist and yanked her back behind him.

  “You change your mind, Sweetie, you know where to find me.” Jay watched in silence, as the son-of-a-bitch walked off with their last blanket. Their last hope.

  She’d just given it to him. Let him take it away without even a fight. He was right, she didn’t belong out here. She’d never survive. But he was also wrong. She didn’t trust him. Not like he thought she did. Not to keep her safe. That hurt more than he wanted to admit, but he used that hurt to fuel his anger, and lashed out at the first available target.

  “What the hell were you thinking? That was our last blanket! How the hell are we supposed to stay warm now? Dammit! We’re both going to die out here!”

  She took a step back—away from him—and something inside Jay cracked. He was no better than anyone else in her life. Taking shit out on her that was none of her fault. Frightening her. Hurting her.

  He took another breath to apologize. To tell her what an asshole he was. To beg forgiveness. But he never got the chance to do any of that because Em was there—right in his face. Not hiding or cowering from him, but right there. And she didn’t look scared. She looked . . . pissed.

  “Well, excuse me! I’m sorry I didn’t just sit back and watch those jerks tear you apart over a stupid blanket. Remind me and next time I’ll bring popcorn!” The absurdity of the statement seemed to hit them both. He could have sworn she al
most smiled, but then held it in check. Evidently, she wasn’t done being angry just yet. “I know how important the blanket was, Jay. I’m not stupid. But I’m not sorry I’d rather see you make it through the night in one piece, either.”

  Dammit. He was an Asshole, with a capital A. It wasn’t even herself she’d been trying to protect when she handed it over. It was him. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him to defend her. It was that she did. She knew he would have fought them all if he had to. And they probably would have wiped the ground with him. She’d given up her only source of warmth to stop that from happening. And here he was, yelling at her for it. For caring about him too much. Asshole.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I just . . . I’d just prefer it if you made it through the night with all of your extremities intact.” He sat back against the wall and reached out for her.

  She hesitated a moment, and he wondered how badly he’d really fucked up, but then she sank to the ground beside him. A moment later, he had her in his lap and when she snuggled into his chest, he felt like he could breathe again. Her tiny body shivered in his arms and he silently cursed fate, and karma, and God, and anything else that might be out there in the unforgiving darkness.

  This girl. This girl he’d do anything to protect. This girl who had just proven she’d do anything to protect him. He knew, without a doubt, something about this girl. Something he needed to tell her. And he needed to do it now. Before he lost his nerve.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Em

  Em had been sitting quietly, wrapped up in Jay’s arms going over and over her reaction for the past ten minutes. She’d surprised Jay, but she’d surprised herself more. Even if she’d never been strong enough to stand up for herself, Jay gave her the strength to do it for him. Jay gave her that. He’d been her strength and her shelter through all of this.

  She wondered what he was thinking. If he was still mad about the blanket. Not having it was definitely going to suck, but there were other blankets in the world. There was no one else like Jay. No one else who even came close to this boy who had saved her, sacrificed for her, cared for her, and put himself in danger for her.

  Knowing that someone would do all of that—for her—was hard to believe. But it was becoming easier as she realized that she would do any one of those things for him, too.

  “Em?” She’d been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn’t even heard him speaking to her.

  “Huh?”

  Jay’s chest bounced with silent laughter. “You still with me? Your ears didn’t fall off yet, did they?”

  “Not yet.”

  “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want to scare you away.”

  “Well, now would probably be a good time. I don’t think I could go anywhere even if I wanted to. My legs are frozen.”

  Jay laughed nervously, shifting so that he could try to rub some life back into her legs, which had passed pins and needles and moved on to full-blown numb.

  “It’s just . . . I . . .” She had never seen him at a loss for words before. It was kind of cute. And a little nerve wracking.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s just that . . .” He paused his heroic attempts to revive her legs in order to look at her as he spoke. “I think I may be falling in love with you.” He brushed a strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear, and looked her in the eyes. “Scratch that. I’m already in love with you . . . No thinking about it.”

  Joy rushed through her, colliding with her heart and sending it into overdrive. It had been so long since she’d experienced that emotion, she couldn’t believe it was even still possible for her to feel it. A laugh she couldn’t contain escaped her smiling lips.

  “What’s so funny?” Jay looked more uncertain in that moment than she’d ever seen him before.

  “Nothing. Nothing at all, except . . . I love you, too.”

  Jay’s nervous grin blossomed into a stunning smile before he crushed his lips firmly to hers, and all other thoughts about numb legs, cold wind, and frozen fingers abandoned her completely.

  ***

  Sometime in the middle of the night, Em woke to a gentle shake.

  “Come on. Up. Get up, Em.”

  She groaned and rolled away from the intrusive voice, throwing an arm over her face. It was cold—brutally cold—and the loss of Jay’s warmth beside her was like being doused with ice water.

  “Up and at ‘em. Come on.”

  A hand tugged on her arm and she lifted it to glare at him. Epic fail, since she had to squint to even see the outline of his form at all in the dim moonlight.

  “What?”

  “You have to get up with me.”

  “Why?” She groaned again as he pulled her to her feet.

  “We have to move.”

  “I’m so tired, Jay.” She hated how it came out as a whine, but she was so, so tired. Her entire body felt like it was still asleep and her brain wanted nothing more than to join it.

  “I know, babe. It’s the cold. But you have to keep your blood moving. Here, do this.”

  Jay started jumping up and down, swinging his arms around in some perverted twist on a jumping jack. Either that or it was the latest and greatest dance move. He looked insane, as she stood there watching him with a dubious grin on her face.

  “Come on, Em. Please . . . if you stay still too long in this weather you could seriously freeze to death. Do I look like I’m doing this for fun? Move it!”

  With a brief shake of her head, Em joined in the insanity, trying to hold a laugh back behind her chattering teeth.

  “All right. That’s good,” Jay declared after about ten minutes of their absurd flailing. “Come here.”

  He pulled her back down to the ground beside him. It had already lost all of the warmth it had leeched from their bodies to the frigid night air and was freezing cold again. She started shivering again almost immediately and Jay cursed under his breathe.

  “Em, baby, I need you to do something for me. I know . . . I don’t want to do anything that will make you uncomfortable, but the temperature’s dropping too quickly. If we don’t do something, we could both be in trouble out here.”

  Whatever he needed, he was uneasy asking her for it, but Em couldn’t understand why. He’d given her so much. Didn’t he know she’d do anything for him?

  “What do you need me to do?”

  He hesitated, pressing his lips into a firm line, then forced them to open and spit the words out like he hated having to say them. “Take your shirt off.”

  Em’s mind immediately recoiled. Off? He wanted her to take her hoodie off? Was he insane? It was freezing out. All she wanted to do was add more layers, not lose them, but if that’s what he thought was best . . . Confused as to why exactly she was doing it—and why Jay had been so nervous about asking—she tugged the sweatshirt over her head, leaving her shivering in nothing more than a t-shirt.

  “That one, too.” His gaze dropped to her tee.

  “What?” Em stilled, even her shivering momentarily ceased in disbelief.

  He wanted her to strip? Why? What did he want? What would he do? Oh God, she’d stuck around too long. She’d gotten comfortable and stuck around too long. And now Jay was going to call in her debt. Just like he did.

  “Em, look at me. I know this is probably the last thing you want to do . . . and not just because of the cold. I know you’re scared, baby, but I’m scared too. It’s freezing out here and I’m afraid of what that’s going to do to you. To us. You have to trust me, Em. The best way to keep warm is with body heat and there are just too many damn layers between us right now for that. I’m going to take mine off too, okay? Please, baby? I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never hurt you, Em, but we gotta do this. And we gotta hurry.”

  Jay never broke eye contact as he unzipped his outer hoodie, and then a second. He only tore his gaze from hers long enough to rip his t-shirt over his head. Then he sat there. Staring at her. Wait
ing. Shivering.

  Em was shaking too, but she couldn’t be sure if it was from nerves or the cold. Despite the frigid temperatures, her palms were sweaty as she slowly peeled her t-shirt over her head and discarded it on the ground beside her. Immediately, she wrapped her arms around herself in a defensive posture she’d mastered but had never really done her much good.

  Jay’s eyes never wavered form hers. “Good, baby. Now get over here.”

  She could do this. She needed to do this. Jay needed her to do this. She could be strong . . . for him. She could. She wasn’t a useless coward. Not anymore.

  Jay wrapped his second hoodie—the one that had been spared most of the dampness from the rain earlier—over his shoulders, keeping his arms tucked inside. Slowly, Em scooted toward where he sat, until he reached out and reeled her the rest of the way in.

  In one smooth move, he had them both lying on the ground pressed together—chest to chest—with nothing more between them than her bra. Em’s heart was pounding so hard she was certain he must be able to feel it against his own. Jay slipped his arms around her and maneuvered the zipper until it was pulled up her back, zipping them both inside together.

  “The most important thing to keep warm is your chest. From there warm blood will pump and take care of the rest of your body.” Em didn’t bother asking how he knew all of that. She was too busy trying to breathe.

  It felt as though all of the oxygen in the world was suddenly trying to force its way into her lungs through only a straw sized opening. She couldn’t decide if it was too much oxygen or not enough. Jay’s hands, his body, all touching her bare skin, being that close to him without the protective layers between them, feeling him . . . It triggered something. Em forced her eyes shut to try and regain control, but that only made everything worse.