Fight or Flight

by Jamie Canosa

  “But you haven’t even heard what I have to offer. I’ve got food, beds . . .”

  Jay tried to cut him off, but a series of deep chest coughs broke out the moment he opened his mouth. Cretan only smirked at him.

  “I can even get my hands on medicine when I need it. The good stuff. What do you say? You look like you could use a warm place to stay.”

  Em’s heart sped up. He may be a creep, but he had what they needed and he was offering to help. “What about Jay?”

  Cretan’s eyes flashed with so much excitement and hunger that it made her instantly regret opening her mouth. “He can come, too. If that’s what you want.”

  Jay moved faster than Em previously believed to be humanly possible. In half a second flat, he’d shoved past her and had Cretan pinned against the wall, his forearm planted firmly across his windpipe.

  “You ever proposition her again . . . You ever so much as speak to her again, so help me, it will be the last thing you ever do. You get me?”

  Em had never seen this side of Jay before. Even Cretan’s girls looked too surprised and frightened to do a thing to help him.

  “You. Get. Me?” Jay tightened his grip on Cretan’s shirt collar, leaning into him to apply more pressure.

  “Jay, come on. Let’s go.” He was resistant to release his prey, so Em laid a cautious hand on his shoulder. “Come on, Jay. Let’s get out of here.”

  With one last shove for good measure, Jay released Cretan and spun around to snatch Em’s hand. He practically dragged her down the street for several blocks before rounding into a deserted alleyway with nothing but trash and debris littering the ground around them. He was breathing hard. From exertion or anger, she couldn’t tell. She just waited anxiously knotting her fingers together while he paced, composing himself.

  “What the hell was that?”

  “He said he had someplace warm to stay. And medicine.” Jay looked at her liked she’d lost her mind, so she pressed on. “Jay, you’re sick and I thought—”

  “Nothing he offers is free, Em. Nothing! Is that what you want? Do you want to be one of his street girls working corners every night, doing God knows what with God knows who? Is that what you want?”

  Em’s eyes dropped to the pavement as she slowly shook her head. No, that wasn’t what she wanted at all.

  “I just wanted to help,” she mumbled, ashamed she’d even considered it.

  “I know. I know you did.” The anger drained from his words on a long sigh, but she still couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “And I love you for that, but don’t you ever get involved with him, Em. Not for me. Not ever.” Rough, calloused fingers dipped under her chin and gently lifted her face until she was forced to look him in the eye. “Everything’s going to all right, Em. I promise you.”

  He tugged her close and she mumbled into his chest as his warm arms wrapped tightly around her. “I can’t lose you.”

  “You’re not going to lose me, baby. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you alone, I swear.” He dropped his chin on top of her head, and she burrowed deeper into his hard chest, wishing desperately she could just climb inside him and be a part of him forever.

  They stayed that way for a long time, just holding on to one another and trying not to think about anything else until Jay cleared his throat carefully several times in an obvious effort to stave off yet another coughing fit. He was trying not to frighten her, but knowing what he was doing had already done the job. “We have to find somewhere to spend the night. Someplace warm, Jay.”

  “I know. We will.”

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  Jay

  Just the thought of what Em had been willing to do to help him caused him dread and comfort all at once. No one had ever done anything like that for him before. She was so brave. Too damn brave. And it scared the crap out of him.

  He held her close, wanting nothing more than to hold onto that kind of love and never let it go, but they couldn’t stay long. As usual their life was a ticking clock and they were running out of time. The sun would set in a few hours and he still had no idea where they’d go.

  Another cough tickled the back of his throat. Jay tried to cover it, but knew he’d failed when Em stiffened in his arms. He was scaring her, and he hated himself for it.

  “We have to find somewhere to spend the night. Someplace warm, Jay.”

  He would make this better. He had to. “I know. We will.”

  Fate couldn’t be cruel all the time. Even her favorite whipping boy had to catch a break now and then, and he was long overdue. Jay wove his fingers through Em’s and held her hand tightly, not ready to let her go just yet.

  On the sidewalk, surrounded by bustling crowds and noisy cars, Jay paused to get his bearings. There had to be something—somewhere—he wasn’t thinking of. There had to be—

  “Yo! Jay!” Skunk was standing at the crosswalk across the street waving frantically at them.

  Not wanting to burn the few bridges he actually had out here, Jay waved back and then turned to go in the opposite direction. Whatever he wanted, they didn’t have time for it.

  “Yo, yo, Jay, hold up man.” The light had changed and Skunk was barreling down on them. There was nothing to do but stop and wait for him. And hope this would be quick.

  “Hi, Skunk.” Em actually smiled at him, and a small part of Jay wanted to turn around and keep walking just for that alone.

  “Hey, Em. How’s it goin’?” Skunk turned his attention back to Jay for an answer. If he thought he was about to get the inside scoop on a comfy new squat he was shit-out-of-luck.

  “Not great. How ‘bout you?”

  “Good. Really good. Where you guys been stayin’?”

  “Here and there.”

  “Ah man, no new squat yet?” Yep, definitely fishing.

  Jay sighed. “No man, not yet.”

  “No worries. I got a place.”

  Well, that was . . . unexpected.

  “You found a new squat?”

  “Yeah. You guys wanna crash with me a few days or somethin’?”

  If life had taught Jay anything it was that if something seemed too good to be true, you should run like hell in the opposite direction. But Em’s hand squeezed his and she was practically bouncing on her toes in excitement. How could he deny her this?

  “You sure, man? No one’s gonna mind us showing up there?”

  “Nah. It’s cool. I got a room all to myself, and you know I’m never there at night. It’s perfect. I’ll keep an eye on your crap during the day and you watch mine at night. Built in security system.”

  Jay didn’t bother pointing out that they didn’t actually have any crap. If Skunk was offering them a place to stay just for making sure no one swiped his stuff while he was out, he’d take it.

  “Sounds good. Where is this place?”

  “I’m just on my way to meet some people, but I’ll show ya where it is first. Come on.”

  If she hadn’t been so exhausted, Jay was fairly certain Em would have been skipping down the sidewalk beside him. She was practically swimming in giddiness and it made him smile. Maybe their luck was finally turning around.

  “Okay, man. That’s it. Third floor, first door on the right. Gotta run. I’ll see ya later.”

  “That’s it?” Jay turned to glare at Skunk but he was already halfway down the block.

  Damn him. This wasn’t a squat. It was a fucking crack house. A pale faced girl lay sprawled across the front steps and syringes littered the front yard. And that was only the outside. There wasn’t a chance in hell he was taking Em in there.

  “Jay?”

  “No. No way, Em. Look at that place.”

  “Jay, please? Just for tonight? Skunk said he had a room to himself. It’ll just be you and me.”

  “And about fifty junkies that Skunk’s afraid will come into that room and steal his shit.”

  “It looks warm.” Christ, she looked like he’d just run over her puppy, and the
n thrown the car in reverse and done it again. “Please, Jay? Just one night? We can find another place tomorrow.”

  His throat tickled again and this time he couldn’t hold the cough back. When tears pooled in her eyes, his heart broke. She was really that worried about him. Worried enough that she wanted to spend the night in this hell-hole just so that he’d stay warm.

  “One night.” The hope flashed back into her eyes and he cursed himself for being so weak when it came to her. This was a bad idea. “I mean it, Em. Tomorrow we’re out of here.”

  “One night,” she agreed with a smile.

  “Stay close to me. Don’t talk to anyone. Don’t even look at anyone. You hear me? If anyone talks to you, you ignore them. Got it?”

  “I got it.”

  The girl on the front step barely roused as they stepped over her. Inside, things were pretty much as bad as he’d expected. Bodies were sprawled along the hall. Some conscious, some not. Some Jay wasn’t even certain were breathing. The staircase was covered in vials, rubber tubing, needles, and a spray of some brownish liquid Jay was pretty sure was blood, but he didn’t tell Em that. He hauled her up the stairs, stepping over and around junkies as they went past the second floor, where there was a rather loud argument going on, and up to the third. Thankfully, everything there seemed quiet.

  Jay cracked the door open and peeked into the corridor, keeping Em behind him. There was only one girl in the hallway standing between them and the door they needed to reach.

  “Hey there, sweetie.” The girl was rail thin, with sallow skin and limp hair. She stumbled on her way over to them and Jay instinctively reached out to steady her. “Hey, thanks. Aren’t you a sweetie? Hey, do you think you could help a girl out?”

  “I don’t have anything.”

  “I don’t need a lot. Just enough to get me through tonight? I’ll pay you back.”

  “I really don’t have anything. I’m sorry.”

  “Come on, man! I said I’d pay you back. I’m hurting here. Just help a girl out!”

  She was too far gone to see he wasn’t lying to her. There was no point in arguing.

  “Come on.” He pushed Em ahead of him toward the door, and the girl laughed.

  “Oh yeah, sure. You’ve got enough to pay for her, though.”

  Em gasped and Jay wanted to strangle the girl.

  “Keep going.” He pushed open the first door on the right and shoved Em inside, slamming it shut behind them.

  He was going to have to kill Skunk the next time he saw him. They could still hear the girl screeching out in the hallway, but at least she didn’t try to follow them inside.

  Em just stood there, staring at the back of the door. Jay wrapped his arms around her middle and pulled her into his chest. He knew this was a bad idea. He should have listened to his gut.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have brought you in here. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”

  “No. No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” The way her body trembled against his, gave her away for the liar she was, but Jay didn’t call her on it.

  “Come here.” Jay picked a corner where he’d have a clear view of the door, just in case, and pulled her down in his lap.

  That sat together quietly, listening as the girl in the hall finally gave up and moved on. There were other sounds of fighting from inside the building but they were faint.

  Jay ran his hand through Em’s hair and over her braid. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

  She didn’t. He could tell from the way she smiled into her lap. She didn’t believe him either, but she would. He’d keep telling her until she did. He’d make her accept all of the wonderful things about herself.

  “You’re so beautiful, and strong, and brave.”

  She scoffed at the last one and it felt like a punch to his gut. She still thought of herself as a coward. Even after everything she’d done and been through, part of her still blamed herself. Probably always would. But it wouldn’t break her. She wouldn’t let it destroy her spirit like his mother had. Em was too strong for that. And he loved that about her.

  Her stomach growled and he could actually feel it roll under his arms. He should have thought to find something to eat before they came here, but everything had happened so fast, and there was no way he was dragging her back through that house again tonight. They’d both just have to wait until morning and then they could start looking for another place to crash. It would work out. He knew it would because as long as he had Em with him, everything was right with the world.

  Chapter Forty

  Em

  The relentless tug of sleep was just about to pull her under when the door burst open and she was suddenly face to face with her worst nightmare on the wrong side of consciousness. Jay was on his feet in an instant, while Em tried desperately to defy the laws of physics by pushing her body through the wall behind her. What was he doing here? How could he have found her? Oh, God. He’d said he would. He’d said he’d find her. He’d find her and he’d . . .

  “Emmy, Emmy, Emmy.” He shook his head, strolling toward her like he hadn’t a care in the world. “Look what you’ve done to yourself. Just look at you. Was this your plan? To become the fuck buddy of some nameless piece of trash hobo?”

  “Don’t you dare speak to her like that,” Jay growled.

  “You make some nice friends out here?” He continued as if Jay hadn’t even spoken. “Did you sleep with all of them? I’m sure you did. After all, one of them gave you this lovely place to stay, didn’t he? Of course, then he turned around and sold you out for twenty bucks. Guess you weren’t as good as you thought you were.”

  Jay’s fists clenched so hard his arms shook. “Shut the fuck up! And stay the hell away from her, you son of a bitch.”

  “What do you think you’re going to do about it?” He turned to Jay, acknowledging his presence for the first time. “She’s my niece, under my legal guardianship. Until she turns eighteen, she belongs to me.”

  “Em belongs to no one.”

  “Get up, Emerson. It’s time to go.”

  “Don’t move, Em.” Jay overrode his order, without ever moving his eyes from her uncle.

  “You really think you’re going to stop me from taking what’s mine?”

  “I really do.” The steel in Jay’s voice made it sound almost possible, but he was weak from sickness and lack of nutrition, and Em’s uncle was no small man. She knew it wouldn’t be a fair fight. In the end, Jay wouldn’t stand a chance.

  “Jay, don’t.”

  “Shut up, Em.”

  “Listen to her, boy. She’s smarter than she looks.”

  “Yeah, well I hope you’ve got a picture because you’re never gonna look at her again.”

  Before she could even register what was happening, Jay launched himself at her uncle. His fists collided twice before her uncle recovered enough to retaliate. After that things went downhill fast. A swift blow to the head sent Jay reeling into the wall.

  With an impatient grunt, he pushed himself back into the fray, throwing another punch that was easily deflected. Her uncle responded with a fist to his stomach, which knocked the air right out of him, and he bent double in a coughing fit trying to reclaim some of it. An upper cut to the face sent Jay flying backwards once again and this time he hit the floor hard, sprawled on his back.

  Her uncle advanced without mercy. A solid kick to his ribs had Jay curling into a tight ball on the floor boards. Blood trickled from his lips and from a gash on the side of his forehead.

  “Let’s go.” A large hand circled Em’s upper arm in a crushing grip and dragged her to her feet.

  She staggered up, trying to wrench her arm free, but he was too strong. He hauled her toward the door as she tried to dig her heels in, but it was no use. When he tugged again, she tripped over a loose floor board. A moment later her uncle’s grip was wrenched from her and he slammed into the wall.

  “Keep your damn hands off of her!” Jay was clutching his si
de, but he was back on his feet and once again putting himself between Em and her nightmares. “Leave her alone.”

  When her gaze shifted back to her uncle, he was wiping away blood from his nose and looking pissed. This wasn’t going to end well. He stormed back over to where they stood, but didn’t give Em a second glance. His focus was solely on Jay, now.

  Jay blocked his first punch, but he wasn’t quick enough for the second. Again, he hit the wall knocking chunks of plaster to the floor.

  “Jay!” Em screamed at the sight of blood pouring from his brow line.

  “Stay out of this, Em. I can take it.”

  He could take it. He was taking it . . . for her. Just like he had taken it for so many years for his mother. This is what Jay did. He protected the ones he loved at the expense of himself. He tried to peel himself back up off the floor, but when his arms gave out, Em couldn’t just stand back and watch anymore. She was stronger than that. Jay made her stronger than that. And now, was the time to prove it.

  “Stop! Please. You’re right. Just stop.” This was her fight, and for once she was going to fight it. She wasn’t a useless coward, anymore. No more. “I never should have left. I thought—I thought I could do better. On my own. But I was wrong.”

  “Em . . . Don’t do this. Please, Em—” Blood sprayed the floor as a series of coughs tore from Jay’s chest. When his other arm gave out and he sank all the way to the floor, it took everything in Em not to run to him.

  “No, Jay.” She held her ground and steeled her spine. Her fight may not have been as physical as Jay’s, but it was just as painful. “You were right when you said I didn’t belong out here. I never should have come. Just look where I ended up.” Her gaze shifted back to her uncle who was watching her intently. She couldn’t fight him physically, but there were other ways to be brave. “This isn’t what I want. This isn’t where I want to be. Please . . . take me home.” The words burned like acid all the way up her throat.

  “Em . . .” The plea in Jay’s voice was almost unbearable.