Deep Blue Sea

by Tasmina Perry

  She gave a short laugh and he came to sit next to her on the kerb.

  ‘Excellent lemonade, by the way.’

  She was only half listening to him. All she could think about was that Liam and Alicia had rekindled their relationship and the very idea of it made her feel sick.

  ‘Did I taste vanilla?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Vanilla. In the lemonade.’

  She started to laugh. ‘I went a bit off-piste.’

  ‘It was great. Inventive. Are you okay?’ he said after a moment.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Come on, Rachel. What’s wrong?’

  ‘Why are men arseholes?’ she said, turning to him.

  ‘Ah. Boyfriend trouble.’

  ‘I haven’t got a boyfriend,’ she snapped.

  ‘Whatever it is, believe me, it’s not as important as you think it is. Nothing that can’t be sorted by talking to someone.’

  ‘I didn’t expect you to be an agony aunt.’

  ‘I’m here if you need me.’

  ‘As I said, there isn’t a problem.’

  ‘Well let’s toast that with a Pimm’s.’

  ‘And hold the lemonade,’ she said grumpily. ‘I’m sick of it. I want to mainline on pure alcohol.’

  He went to the drinks tent and came back with two plastic tumblers stuffed with cucumber and mint.

  ‘I don’t drink,’ Rachel confessed, taking a refreshing sip of the peculiarly British beverage and pushing all thoughts of Liam out of her head. ‘I haven’t done since I was arrested, but the last few weeks have been hard.’

  ‘Well alcohol isn’t the answer,’ he said, taking the Pimm’s out of her hand and putting it on the pavement.

  She turned to look at him. ‘You know I was thinking of going to see Julian’s grave before I went back to Thailand. Where is he buried?’

  ‘In the grounds of the church near my parents’ house. I can take you there if you like.’

  She nodded. ‘It’s something I have to do. You know there were aspects of Julian’s life I didn’t like, didn’t approve of. But I think he was a good man. Decent. Away from the affairs and the infidelity, he was moral.’

  ‘People are complicated,’ said Adam softly. ‘No one is just good or bad.’

  ‘I need a list of Denver Group shareholders,’ she said snapping into work-mode. ‘People with significant holdings in particular. Can you get that for me?’

  ‘It might take a few days, but yes, of course.’

  She looked up and saw Liam walking towards them.

  ‘Finally. Here he is,’ she muttered, feeling suddenly anxious.

  ‘Someone you know?’

  ‘My business partner.’

  ‘Ah, Liam. The bronzed diving hunk. I heard about the mercy dash from Ko Tao.’

  ‘Does Diana tell you everything?’ He saw her annoyance and touched her arm.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that he sounds like a very good friend.’

  ‘Well, not everyone thinks I’m the Wicked Witch of the West.’

  ‘No one does, Rachel.’

  ‘Yeah? And who was it called me a bitch not so long ago?’ She was joking and he knew it.

  ‘I’ll leave you to it,’ he said, getting up to leave.

  ‘Don’t go,’ she said, putting her hand on his arm.

  Adam nodded as if he completely understood. ‘I’d better go and get us all another drink then.’

  50

  ‘Jim the butcher wants to know if you’ll join him for a do-si-do,’ said Dot, her face flushed with exertion. For a sixty-eight-year-old, Dot had certainly thrown herself enthusiastically into the country dancing, not to mention the liberal amounts of cider and Pimm’s that had been on offer at the village fair and the ‘after-show’ party – the annual barn dance at John and Elsa Deacon’s farm. Diana looked across at Jim, saw his shy glance towards her friend.

  ‘I don’t think Jim wants to do the do-si-do with me, Dot,’ she smiled. ‘I think he wants to do it with you.’

  A happy smile played across Dot’s lips. ‘Do you think so?’ she whispered.

  Jim seemed to be hopping from foot to foot, like he was waiting for an answer. It was sweet: well into their seventh decade and they were still acting like twelve-year-olds, still unsure of the opposite sex, but still hoping for that dance with someone special.

  ‘Jim’s been sweet on you for ages, Dot. Didn’t you see when he was selling the raffle tickets, he pretended not to notice when you took six tickets instead of three?’

  ‘That’s slander!’ said Dot with mock-offence, and Diana giggled. Dot cast a quick look across to where Jim was still standing on his hot bricks.

  ‘Don’t you think he’s nice? You know he lost his wife four years ago, just eighteen months before Ron.’

  Diana smiled kindly. ‘Dot, none of that matters. All he wants is a dance.’

  Dot shook her head, her expression suddenly turning serious.

  ‘See, grief doesn’t end, you know, at least that’s how it is with me and Ron. It changes, it softens, and then it doesn’t keep you awake so much at night. But it always stays with you. I don’t want anyone to replace Ron, I just want someone to talk to at night.’

  ‘And someone to do the do-si-do with,’ smiled Diana, making a shooing gesture with her hands. ‘Go! Before someone else snaps him up.’

  ‘How am I looking?’

  ‘As tasty as your courgette and ginger cake.’

  Dot looked momentarily unsure of herself. ‘When do you think is the right time to move on? You know, thinking about other men . . . like that?’ Her cheeks turned even redder. ‘Sorry, it’s the Pimm’s, I shouldn’t have asked you that. Too soon after Julian.’

  Diana put a hand on her arm. ‘When you’re ready,’ she said simply. ‘That’s the answer, Dot. I know that Ron would want you to smile again.’

  ‘Thanks, lovey,’ said Dot, and set off across the floor, her hands extended towards her new beau.

  Diana felt herself torn as she watched them dancing. She was happy for Dot, of course she was. It was the beginning of something. That excitement of the first few minutes, hours, days, when all that was between you was hope. She had often thought how entire industries were built on that window of time. Expensive lingerie shops, high heels – all designed to make someone fall in love. But at the same time, she felt horribly guilty. When was the right time to move on? In her case, it had been three weeks after she had buried her husband. She had jumped into his brother’s bed with barely a second thought; what did that say about her? What did it say about her relationship with Julian? She had tried to put it down to grief, to her emotions playing tricks on her, but the truth was, she was attracted to Adam. She wanted his hands on her flesh, his breath on her neck, she wanted him rearing above her . . . She shook her head. It wasn’t right, she knew that. She should be deep in mourning, wearing black like Queen Victoria, weeping and wailing. Dr Shapiro had warned her about the stages of grief, about the possible need for emotional connection with another person, but she hadn’t referred to it as a ‘horny’ stage.

  She glanced across the barn to where Adam was sitting on two hay bales with Rachel and Liam.

  He was here. That was something. But they hadn’t had a chance to talk. Not like he’d promised in Brooklyn. The judging of the flower and vegetable show had taken over two hours, the presentation of the trophies another one. Then Adam and Liam had got roped into the clearing up, and since the barn dance had started, he’d sat around drinking with Rachel and Liam, making jokes, laughing, avoiding Diana if the truth be told. Not in an obvious way or even a deliberate way – he wouldn’t be here if he really didn’t want to see her. But she could sense that there would not be a repeat performance of that night in New York.
Not tonight, anyway.

  As she took a sip of the warm cider that the bar had been serving all evening, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She answered it, and heard an unfamiliar voice with a heavy foreign accent.

  ‘Mrs Denver. It’s Yohan Clarke. I’m calling from Jamaica.’

  It took a second for her to place his name.

  ‘Yes, Yohan, how are you?’

  ‘Good, and how is Miss Rachel?’

  ‘Home safe and sound. Thank you for your assistance out there.’

  ‘I am ringing to tell you to expect a call from Officer Henry of the Montego Bay police force.’

  She felt on sudden red alert.

  ‘Is there a problem?’

  ‘Not really. He thinks they have found Ross McKiney’s assailants. They made an arrest about half an hour ago. Three men with a history of robbery and violent assault.’

  She had heard that Yohan had ears around the island, and his connections were now obvious.

  ‘That’s good news, isn’t it?’

  ‘Perhaps,’ he said cautiously. ‘Do you want me still to keep an ear open on things around here?’

  ‘If you think it’s necessary.’ For a moment she had the uncharitable thought that Yohan was trying to extract more money out of her. She’d paid him well for his assignment looking after her sister and Liam, but Rachel herself had described Jamaica as a dead end. ‘Yes, go ahead.’

  Across the dance floor she could see that Adam had asked Rachel to do-si-do. It was difficult to watch them, but she knew she wasn’t the only one. Liam had been left on the sidelines and she could see his eyes following Rachel across the room. Diana picked up two glasses of cider from the table at the side and walked over to him.

  ‘So, how are you enjoying the fair?’ she asked, handing him a drink.

  ‘It’s been fun,’ he said, then grimaced at the glass in his hand. ‘Mind you, you could strip doors with this.’

  ‘A bit of hard liquor is sometimes not a bad thing,’ she said quietly. ‘So you’re going back to Thailand tomorrow?’

  He nodded, his mouth turning down, and she saw him glance across at Rachel. Diana’s heart squeezed at that look. How she wished she had a man who looked at her like Liam had just looked at her sister.

  ‘You’re going to miss her, aren’t you?’

  ‘She’ll be back soon,’ he said, staring into his drink.

  ‘I’m sorry for dragging her away. You know, out of all of us, I think she wants to know what happened to Julian the most.’

  ‘She’s dogged all right. Look, I’m glad you got things sorted between you. It tore her up, the rift in the family. I can understand why you blamed her, but sometimes her ambition just gets the better of her.’

  ‘It wasn’t that.’

  Liam looked puzzled.

  ‘Julian tried it on with her. That’s why she hated him, turned on him.’

  Now it was Liam’s turn to look off-balance. Anger, concern and embarrassment flickered across his face.

  ‘She didn’t tell me that part.’

  ‘She wouldn’t. She was too loyal for that.’

  She looked at him, feeling quite certain that Liam was the sort of discreet and decent man you could trust with your secrets. ‘I hated my husband too sometimes,’ she said softly. ‘Hated him but still loved him. I had the choice to leave years ago, but I stayed because I couldn’t go. That’s what love is, isn’t it? You love someone in spite of everything, not because of it.’

  Liam nodded, looking over at Rachel again. ‘Maybe.’

  ‘You know, I was always jealous of Rachel.’ She said it with a small laugh, the alcohol making her careless.

  ‘She always said you were the one who had everything.’

  ‘Yes, I was the pretty one – our mum never stopped telling me that. But Rachel has something I never had: she’s happy with who she is. Always has been. Confident, too; this cast-iron belief that she could rule the world. Not that she’s that bothered if she makes it or not. She just wants to have fun trying.’

  Liam smiled and looked over again at Rachel, who was skipping in a line with the vicar.

  ‘Tell me about this hotel she wants to buy in Thailand. At first I thought it was bluster for the benefit of my mother. But then I remembered what she’s like.’

  ‘Then you’ll know she’s not just after a hotel. It’s a full-blown resort she wants – Racheland,’ replied Liam.

  They both started to laugh, but their hearts weren’t in it.

  ‘I’m sorry about everything that’s happened. It can’t have been easy for you these past few weeks. I hope it’s helped having Rachel around.’

  ‘It’s not been easy, but I’ve learnt a lot, about other people and about myself; about life, too. I’ve learnt that if you love someone, you have to tell them. Because one day they might not be there any more and you’ll regret that there were things you wanted to say to them and didn’t.’

  ‘Good advice.’

  Diana nudged him. ‘Ask her to dance before Adam monopolises her for the rest of the night.’

  She knew she wasn’t being entirely altruistic. She wanted to monopolise Adam herself; in fact, as the music stopped, she knew that now was the time to break up their little party.

  ‘Come on, let’s go over. Besides, I’ve just had a phone call and I’ve got something to tell her.’

  51

  Rachel needed to think, and inside the Deacons’ barn wasn’t the place for it. The music was loud and her head was spinning. A few sips of Pimm’s and a sneaky half a lager did that to you when you had been on the wagon for three years.

  She went outside, listening to the strains of ‘Come on Eileen’ fade into the background, and sat down on a stone wall. It was almost eleven o’clock and pitch black, with just a thin crescent moon spilling watery light over the village. Lighting a cigarette, she blew a perfect smoke ring, watching it float off into the air then disappear like the tiny feathery seeds on a dandelion clock.

  ‘Can I bum a cigarette?’

  She swivelled as she heard the voice behind her.

  ‘Dexy’s not doing it for you?’ she said, smiling softly at Adam.

  ‘Just needed a cig. Thought I should come out here before I set fire to a hay bale. So how’s your friend Ross? I heard Diana say they had caught the muggers.’

  She nodded. ‘The cop in Jamaica just called me, and Ross is out of a coma, so things are getting better.’

  ‘When are you going back? I assume you’re not on Liam’s morning flight to Bangkok.’

  ‘I’ve not tied everything up here yet.’

  ‘Or perhaps you’re not missing Thailand as much as you thought you would.’

  ‘I do miss it. I miss the green water, the smell of the breeze. I miss my clients, I miss my life.’

  ‘I know how you feel. Neither here nor there. I’ve made six transatlantic flights in four weeks.’

  ‘Bravo, you’ve beaten me. I’ve only managed four and a rather nice helicopter flight to Jersey.’

  She blew another smoke ring.

  ‘That was pretty good.’

  ‘You have a go.’

  ‘I can blow a smoke ring. I had a very misspent youth.’

  ‘All right, let’s see who can blow the longest chain of them . . .’

  ‘Hang on, you started before me.’

  ‘Stop it,’ she said, almost choking.

  Adam snorted with laughter and pushed her off the wall, and soon they were giggling so hard they didn’t hear the footsteps behind them.

  ‘Rachel, I’m going.’

  ‘What?’ she said, registering the voice.

  ‘I said I’m going.’

  ‘Oh, right,’ she said, stubbing out her cigarette. ‘Why so soon?’ Off to cal
l Alicia? she wanted to ask him.

  ‘I have to pack.’

  ‘I’m heading in,’ said Adam quickly, as if he had detected the tension between them.

  Rachel had been glad of Adam’s company all afternoon. Alicia’s phone call had upset her so much, had Adam not been there, she knew she might have said something to Liam she would regret. He was still her business partner. At some point she was returning to Ko Tao to work with him.

  But this time she let Adam leave them alone.

  ‘He’s not as bad as people make out,’ said Liam when Adam had gone back inside the barn.

  Rachel perched back on the wall.

  ‘He’s fun.’

  ‘I’ll say.’

  She had to mention it. It had been bugging her all day and she didn’t want to leave it like this, let him go back to Ko Tao without airing her annoyance.

  ‘You didn’t tell me you were meeting Alicia today.’

  ‘How did you know about that?’ he said, frowning in the darkness.

  ‘She called me.’

  He hesitated.

  ‘You don’t have to lie,’ she said quickly.

  ‘About what?’

  ‘You were about to lie to me.’

  ‘I wasn’t,’ he said sharply.

  ‘Well, I hope you had a fun afternoon. I’m surprised you didn’t stay on for a fun night.’

  Liam shook his head slowly. ‘If you must know, I met her to try and raise some finance for the hotel.’

  Her stomach did a back-flip, but she wasn’t going to show it.

  ‘Really?’ She couldn’t stop the words coming out as a confrontation.

  ‘While I’ve been in England, I’ve spoken to my dad, my brother-in-law, Alicia. They’ve got the most money out of everyone I know. I’ve been pitching the resort to them, thinking that one of them might be interested in investing.’

  She felt a wave of emotion. He’d been doing that all along. Was he doing it for her?

  ‘We can’t have your ex-fiancée investing in the business.’

  She could have kicked herself. Why couldn’t she just be grateful for what he had done rather than criticise him?