Under Your Skin

by Shannyn Schroeder

“Did your therapist say this was okay? You’re ready for it?”

  “Shoot. She’s been nagging me from the beginning. Said I wasn’t pushing myself hard enough. She’d be thrilled.” With her free hand, she waved ahead. “Let’s go. I think we’ll make it all the way to the end of the block today. I’m feeling good.”

  Norah sure hoped so because if Lani wasn’t able to make the entire trip, Norah had no idea how she’d get her back home.

  “Come on, then.”

  Norah helped Lani down the stairs, which she seemed better able to handle. “You’re really motivated today. What’s changed?”

  They headed down the block, Lani moving slowly, leaning on the cane. “I miss my friends. My book club meets tonight and I have to miss it. I need to start driving again. The sooner I can walk, the sooner I can drive.”

  Norah understood. Lani must be lonely sitting in Kai’s house all day alone. It wasn’t like Norah was her friend. “You were living with Jaleesa before your surgery?”

  “Yes. Her house has too many stairs for me. Another reason for me to get back to normal. I miss my grandbabies. They’re always underfoot and in the way.” She looked at Norah. “You’ll know all about that soon, won’t you?”

  Norah sighed. “No, actually I won’t. I plan to give her up for adoption.”

  “Really?” Lani said it as if it were an interesting fact.

  Norah waited for another comment, but none came. “No opinion?”

  “It’s your business what you do. If I had to do it all over, I would’ve waited longer for children. I wasn’t as young as you, but it took me time to find a man. Then I rushed the babies. I should’ve taken time to better know the man. I love my kids, but I wish I’d had more time for myself. I suppose I’m getting that time now, but look at me.” She paused her walk and touched Norah’s arm. “You do what’s right for you as long as it’s also right for the baby.”

  “Thank you.” She didn’t need anyone’s permission, but having Lani express the same desires Norah felt helped.

  “Besides, being a single mama ain’t no joke.”

  “Kai’s father wasn’t in the picture?”

  “When they were young, he was. But then he decided it wasn’t the life for him. Some men are like that. They like the idea of a family but aren’t up to the responsibility of having one.”

  Norah thought about it for a moment. Sounded like Avery. And her dad. Her dad had been there. Although he’d never acted much like a father, he always made sure they were cared for and had what they needed.

  “You look more troubled today than usual. Talk while we walk.” Lani turned and started down the sidewalk again.

  “It’s nothing. Men are stupid.”

  Lani chuckled. “Tell me something I don’t know. What did Kai do?”

  Norah stiffened. “It wasn’t Kai.”

  “Who then?”

  “My brothers and my dad. They want me to keep the baby.”

  Lani sniffed. “Are they going to care for it? Wake up in the middle of the night for feedings and diapers? There’s more to child-rearing than providing money.”

  “That’s what I said.” Norah laughed. She wondered if she would’ve had this type of conversation with her mom.

  “And the child’s father?” The question was quiet as if she wasn’t sure if she should ask, which went against everything Norah knew about Lani. “You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  “He offered money. Said he could provide for his child.” The thought still had her swallowing back tears.

  “Like you said, men are stupid.”

  They reached the end of the block. “Do you need a break?”

  Lani turned slowly, looked back at the house, and said, “No. I got this.”

  On their way back, Norah decided she wanted to do something nice for Lani. They talked about unimportant stuff like the weather and then Lani spoke about her grandchildren. When they arrived at the house, Lani paused before trying to climb the stairs. “I need to work up to that.”

  “Take your time. It’s a beautiful day.” Norah turned her face to the sun.

  “You’re a beautiful girl.”

  Norah felt the rush of blood reach her cheeks. “Thanks.”

  “Kai’s lucky to have you.”

  “It’s not—”

  Lani raised a hand. “You can say what you want, believe what you want, but I see the way you look at each other. Circumstances are in the way right now.” She pointed to Norah’s stomach. “Be patient with him.”

  Norah released a nervous laugh. She wasn’t totally convinced Kai even liked her. “I think you misunderstand, Lani.”

  “No. I know my boy, and I have a feeling about you.” Lani’s dark brown gaze bore into her.

  Norah sighed and took a chance. “It’s me who doesn’t understand him at all. Sometimes he’s sweet and he gives me this look, but then other times he avoids me like I’m contagious. And like the rest of the men in my life, he rarely talks, so I have no idea what he’s thinking.”

  “Kai’s like that. Never was much of a talker. When he was a child he had a stutter. I think that’s what caused his reticence. He outgrew it, of course. But it’s who he is.”

  “That doesn’t really help. I can’t guess what’s going on. I’m done with that.” Norah held out her arm. “Ready to go up?”

  Lani nodded. “Remember what I said about patience.”

  Norah didn’t know what to make of that. She knew she and Kai exchanged some heated looks, but never in Lani’s presence that she could remember. Not to mention Kai was king of the mixed signal. She’d told Lani the truth—she was done guessing what others thought. If someone couldn’t be up front, they weren’t worth her time. Now, she just needed to convince her hormones.

  * * *

  Kai’s phone bleeped with a text from Norah. Can you give me Jaleesa’s number?

  Instead of texting, he called. “What’s wrong?” he asked as soon as Norah answered.

  “Nothing. Your mom went for a long walk and she’s napping. I want to ask Jaleesa about your mom’s book club, that’s all.”

  “Oh.”

  “If there was some emergency, I would’ve called. I texted in case you were busy.”

  “I’ll send you her number.”

  “Thanks.”

  He hung up and Tommy looked up from the paper he was sketching on. “Problem?”

  “No.” This was why he preferred to take personal calls outside or in the comfort of his office. He forwarded Jaleesa’s number to Norah and wondered what the hell his—what was Norah?—needed to talk to his sister about. That hitch in his thought process was bothersome. He should think of her as an employee. But he wanted more, which was pretty fucked up.

  It was almost eleven by the time he closed up the studio and went home. He’d been able to put Norah out of his mind for the remainder of the day until of course he parked and saw her huddled on his front steps. He rushed from the car thinking that something went wrong today and she needed to talk to him without his mom hearing. As he neared, she pushed up from the step, belly first. She wore one of his sweatshirts, which mostly swallowed her, but couldn’t hide her baby bump.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She raised her hands as if being held up. “Before you go in, know that I meant well and I thought they’d be gone by now.”

  Before he had a chance to ask any other questions, noise from in the house—loud laughter—filtered out to them. What the hell? She was having a party? He shot Norah a dirty look.

  “It’s not what you think.”

  He stomped up the stairs, taking them two at a time. “Sounds like a party in my house.”

  “Okay, well, maybe it is kind of what you’re thinking.”

  He’d trusted her, given her complete access and this was how she repaid him? He burst through the door and froze. This was not the party he’d imagined thirty seconds ago. His mom sat on the couch in her usual spot. She was surrounded by an army of old ladies
.

  At the sight of him, Lani said, “Well, ladies, party’s over.”

  Unlike the breakup of a teenage party, no one lingered. They all stood, gathered their things, and kissed his mom’s cheek before leaving. He watched as they filed out. He didn’t know any of them.

  When the last one closed the door behind her, he turned on Norah, but his mom jumped in. “Don’t you yell at that girl, Kai.”

  Norah’s sharp blue eyes widened, waiting for the verbal hit, and he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t even because of his mom’s warning. He couldn’t lay into her because she looked scared. He lowered his voice. “Go home.”

  “I’ll clean up before I leave.”

  “I’ll handle it.” He turned back to his mom. “Let me get you into bed. It’s late.”

  He moved to help her up. From the corner of his eye, he saw Norah gathering her things in her bag. In the bedroom, he handed his mom her nightgown.

  She snatched it from his hand. “You stop being mean to her. She’s a nice girl.”

  “She had no business throwing a party in my house. Not for you or anyone else without my permission.”

  Hobbling to the bathroom, she mumbled, “Norah was right. Men are stupid.”

  Kai thunked his head against the wall. What had he done to deserve this?

  He went back to the living room to clean up and saw some of the mess was already gone. Norah’s bag sat on the chair. Damn girl couldn’t follow directions for anything. He picked up the remaining glasses and mostly empty bottle of wine and took them to the kitchen.

  There, Norah was filling the sink and loading it with dishes. Her spine straightened as soon as he entered the room. Without turning around, she said, “I’ll leave as soon as I clean up. It’s my fault there’s a mess and it’s not your job to fix it.”

  Her voice was as stiff as her posture and held no emotion. It sounded foreign. He set the glasses on the counter and reached around her to pour the rest of the wine down the drain. The movement brought them much too close. He didn’t know what he was thinking.

  “Look—”

  She spun, putting herself nearly in his arms. She pointed a finger at his chest as she tilted her head up to meet his eyes. “No, you look. I get that you have a certain way you live. I don’t understand what it is and I’m not entitled to that. But you told me to take care of your mom. To give her whatever she wanted.”

  “She asked for a party?”

  Her shoulders sagged. “Are you even aware that your mom has a life? She has friends and activities. All of that has been sidelined because of her knee. She’s lonely.”

  The words hit him hard, as hard as the first time she’d said them to him.

  “She mentioned her book club was supposed to meet tonight. I called Jaleesa and asked her to call your mom’s friends to see if they would meet here.” She shrugged. “How was I supposed to know that ‘book club’ was code for ‘senior citizen drinking party’?”

  Amusement lit her eyes now and he much preferred that.

  “You don’t know my mom that well.”

  He still stood too close. Norah’s belly brushed against him. If he leaned in he could easily taste her lips. Which he’d told himself he wouldn’t be doing again. He stepped back and sought to find the anger he had when he’d walked in. “You shouldn’t have done it without talking to me.”

  “Point taken. I thought they’d come and go and you’d never know.”

  “So you thought lying would be a good way to keep your job?”

  Her eyes widened again and fear flickered through them. He wasn’t being fair and he knew it, but he needed distance.

  “I’m sorry. I’ll get this stuff washed and be out of your way.” She returned to the sink and began cleaning glasses and dishes. He backed out of the room. “Do you want me here tomorrow?”

  He huffed out a breath. As much as part of him would like to say no, he had no one else. “Yeah.”

  He went back to the bedroom to see if his mom was ready to get into bed. She sat on the edge and narrowed her eyes when he came in. “Did you make her cry?”

  “No.” He helped her get her leg on the bed and adjusted the blankets. “But I’ve been thinking about placing an ad for someone new.”

  She smacked his arm. “You fired her because she invited my friends over?”

  “No.” He stepped back and ran his hand through his hair. “She was supposed to be temporary and she’s pregnant. She’s going to have to stop working soon. It makes sense to have someone else in place.”

  She crossed her arms. “I’ll run them off.”

  “What?”

  “You bring someone else in here and I’ll run them off. I’ll make your life miserable.”

  She had no idea how close she was to doing that already. “You’re being childish.”

  “So are you. Why do you really want to get rid of her?”

  “I told you. Plus, she had a party in my house without asking me.”

  “If she had asked, what would you have said?”

  He sat on the chair beside the bed. “If she’d told me it was for you, I wouldn’t have cared.”

  “Then why do you care now? She was doing something nice for me. I like her and so do you.”

  “I like that she cares about you. That’s all.”

  “You keep telling yourself that.”

  He pushed up off the chair, suddenly feeling exhausted. “Fine. She can stay, but when she has the baby, I have to hire someone else. You’re not ready to be alone all day or for going back to Jaleesa’s.”

  “You need to apologize to her.”

  “I did nothing wrong.”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  He flicked off the light and left the room. If she didn’t get well soon, he might not survive this. He probably did owe Norah an apology, but he wasn’t sure for what. He’d been an ass to her, sure, but she had that coming. He’d almost kissed her again, and in his mind, that was the greater offense.

  There was no sign of her in the kitchen and when he checked the living room, her bag was gone.

  * * *

  Norah drove home in silence, dread filling her. She needed this job. Not just because of the money, although that played a huge role. She liked spending time with Lani and having Kai’s house as a place of peace. If he fired her, she wouldn’t be able to find anything for probably a couple of months. She parked and rested her forehead against the steering wheel.

  This day had to qualify as one of the worst ever. Maybe if she asked Kai really nicely tomorrow, he wouldn’t fire her. The car was getting colder, so she opened the door and dragged herself to the house. Then she realized she was still wearing Kai’s sweatshirt. It was comfy and smelled like him. She wondered if he’d miss it.

  She rolled her eyes at herself. Of course he would notice it missing. The guy noticed everything. Truth be told, it was a little unnerving. He was like Jimmy that way.

  After changing for bed, she plugged her phone into the charger and at the same time it buzzed with power, a text came through. From Kai.

  Sorry I yelled at you.

  The simple text made her laugh before she responded. I grew up with 4 brothers. I don’t think you know what yelling is.

  She lay in bed and waited for him to say something. When nothing came back, she thought that was all she’d get. But she craved more, so she called.

  “Hello.” His voice was deep and craggy and she imagined him in bed, his hair loose, his long limbs spread everywhere.

  “I’m sorry I invited people over without checking with you first. I wanted to do something nice for your mom.”

  “I know. I was an asshole.”

  “Why? It couldn’t just be that you had a house full of old ladies.”

  He was silent for so long, she thought he wouldn’t answer. “You make me crazy.”

  “I don’t mean to. Tell me what it is and I’ll try to stop.” She heard rustling on the line and pictured him sitting up, throwing the blankets off.

  His
quiet chuckle vibrated across the line and through her, doing delicious things to her body. “You can’t. It’s just you. Who you are.”

  The words came like a slap. Had she turned into the epitome of the annoying little sister? She had no other role to play? Then she remembered the way he’d kissed her, the look in his eye when he’d stood surrounding her in the kitchen tonight. “What do you want?” she asked softly.

  “That’s the problem, Norah. You make me want. And I don’t like that.”

  What she’d thought had been one of the worst days of her life had just turned on its head. His words filled her with a surge of emotions, none of which could she name. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “There’s nothing to say.” He paused. “What about your boyfriend?”

  She jerked back from her phone. “You mean Avery? We were a brief thing. It’s been over.”

  “But he came for you.”

  “For the baby. Not me.”

  Kai sighed and mumbled something that sounded like “Stupid.”

  “If it helps, I feel the same,” she admitted. If he could put it out there, the least she could do was not make him feel alone.

  “That doesn’t help a damn bit.”

  “I’d apologize, but it would be a lie and you’ve made it clear how you feel about lies.”

  “You’re killing me, you know that, right?”

  “It’s been a long time since someone made me feel like this.”

  “I’m sure I’ll regret asking, feel like what?”

  So many things: sexy, wanted, hot—even in her whale-like state. But she settled for “Special.”

  “Having this conversation is stupid. It’ll cause trouble. You have to know that.”

  Of course she knew. She was pregnant and the only reason she was in his life was because of his mom. But she wanted to hold on to the fantasy for a little while. In the quiet dark of her bedroom, none of that mattered. “I know. Right now I don’t care.”

  “You need to care, Norah. I’m not the kind of guy you belong with. I’d only end up hurting you.”

  “You wouldn’t be the first and sometimes the hurt is worth it.”

  “I don’t think it is.”

  “I guess we’ll have to see then.” She smiled because Kai liked her. Maybe he didn’t like the fact he was attracted to her, but it was enough that he admitted it. “Good night, Kai. I’ll see you tomorrow.”