The Secrets of Drearcliff Grange School

by Kim Newman

  Had they gone through all that for this? Gruesome Gryce back in power?

  Gryce’s boater lifted up and was torn in half… by a freak wind, they all agreed. Amy was becoming as dexterous with her mentacles as her fingers. In the hols, the others had challenged her to perfect her paper-folding and -tearing skills.

  Light Fingers made very quick movements with her hands, to distract the Heathens.

  Gryce went cross-eyed with fury. She had a deep well of resentments after last term, and – in the absence of Rayne – others would suffer for it.

  But Amy and the Moth Club would be ready.

  ‘Au revoir, mes enfants… toodle-pip and -oo.’

  The Murdering Heathens sauntered on, in search of other girls to put the frighteners on.

  ‘Look, that’s him,’ said Smudge. ‘Them. Mr and Mrs Rinaldo.’

  Outside the chapel stood a tall, dark fellow in a long black robe. He had a thin moustache and wore dark glasses with sides. His wife was, indeed, so fair as to be almost ghostly. She wore a cream dress a shade darker than her skin and hair, and another pair of those sunglasses. She held a parasol which shaded both their faces. They must be night people. The only colour about them was the rich redness of their lips. They smiled sweetly at the girls passing, accepting nods of greeting.

  Amy had a feeling about them.

  Behind those glasses, eyes were fixed on passing faces. They had already made their pick of pets, though Amy wasn’t sure what that meant.

  ‘And that’s their servant,’ said Inchfawn.

  Shambling out of the chapel came Gogoth, wearing a verger’s frock rather than a chauffeur’s uniform. His shaven head had grown out, and he sported a shaggy, greyish beard.

  ‘Ah nertz,’ said Kali.

  With Gogoth was Henry Buller, less stocky this term and with a clearer complexion. No longer a Heathen, no longer a Black Skirt. There was no telling where she fit in. Gogoth, it seemed, was devoted to the maiden fair he had rescued from a burning ship…

  …now she thought about it, Amy was envious of that lump Buller. She could think of other much worthier candidates for rescue. She even fancied sometimes that it might be nice to be rescued herself – say, by Viscount Ralph or Uncle Nugent’s surprisingly decent son, Patrick, or, strange to admit it, Dr Shade. She’d read a lot of Dr Shade adventures lately, and started collecting pictures and clippings about his career. It was said that he had a secret headquarters inside Big Ben.

  ‘Don’t think like that, Amy,’ said Light Fingers. ‘You’re Kentish Glory. You’ll be the one doing the gallant rescuing, not the one standing in the flames and shrieking like a twit.’

  Light Fingers had explained she couldn’t read minds, but could look at something and ask herself ‘what would Amy think?’ and hit very near the mark. Like Amy with her mentacles, she got better when she practised.

  ‘But it might be nice… once in a while…’

  Amy looked at Light Fingers, at Frecks and Kali…

  ‘No, Amy,’ said Frecks. ‘That’s not the dream.’

  Amy had a jumble of impressions from her dip into the Purple and sometimes thought she knew what was going to happen next… in a week or in twenty years. If she tried to focus, it all went away. Like Knowles when her cramming faded, she knew she’d known something – for certain – but was now vague about it. Some of her intimations, her feelings, had already been wrong.

  ‘The wolves are gone from the woods,’ said Smudge.

  That was strange – Smudge rarely had good news to impart.

  ‘Chased off by the Yettymen,’ she continued. ‘There’ve been footprints, scratches high up on trees, strange signs – not like last term’s strange signs, new ones! There are no birds or bugs either. It’s deadly quiet, except you know you’re not alone so you listen out for the tiniest sounds. When there’s nothing, not even a twig creaking or water dripping, you know the Yettymen are near.’

  ‘You’ve been in the woods alone?’ Amy asked.

  ‘No, but I’ve heard from those who have.’

  Amy paid attention. Frecks, Light Fingers and Kali gathered round.

  They all had masks inside their blazer linings. They were all ready for adventure.

  This was interesting. Amy’s mental antennae pricked.

  The Yettymen?

  Another case for the Moth Club.

  Drearcliff Grange School Register

  Ariel

  First Form

  Susan Ah

  Hilda Courtney

  Jane Dogge

  Phaedra Hunt

  Demeter London (Captain)

  Lydia Marlowe

  Jean Orfe

  Ivy Prosser

  Anne Sercombe

  Janet Thaw

  Second Form

  Maria Biddlecombe

  Martina Bone

  Emily Dace

  Anne D’Arbanvilliers-Cleaver (Captain)

  Georgaina Fell

  May Forrest

  Monica Frensham

  Venetia Laurence

  Lucia Maunder

  Valeria Mrozková

  Third Form

  Hannah Absalom

  Chastity Banks

  Octavia Benjamin

  Catherine Bourbon

  Chloe Catchpole

  Bizou De’Ath

  Natalie Laverick

  Evelyn Lowen

  Catherine Trechman (Captain)

  Sybil Vigo

  Fourth Form

  Christina DeManby (Captain)

  Isabella Fortune

  Arabella Hughes

  Idominea Lescaulles

  Titania Mondrago

  Sally Nikola

  Fleur Paquignet

  Cassandra Wilding

  Heather Wilding

  Priscilla Wilding

  Fifth Form

  Susan Byrne (Captain)

  Thomasina Campbell

  Alexa di Fontane

  Dorothy Dungate

  Frances Farragh

  Prima Haldane

  Marion Keith

  Sonali Shah

  Charlotte Teller

  Rosina Terrell

  Sixth Form

  Angela De’Ath

  Jean DuGuid

  Jane Ferrers

  Enid ffolliott (absent)

  Yeong-ae Kim

  Brenda Manders

  Patricia Peale

  Doreen Stockwell

  Alexandra Vansittart (House Captain)

  Rebecca Youell

  Desdemona

  First Form

  Elizabeth Chick

  Jennifer Dawes

  Pearl Dennison (Captain)

  Anne Gifford

  Louise Hartley

  Ruth Hipgrave

  Taff Jones-Rhys

  Helen Knight

  Avril Parrish

  Ellaline Terriss

  Second Form

  Janet Blake

  Nancy Dyall

  Philippa Farjeon

  Dorothy Fulwood

  Elisabeth Gaye

  Kathryn Hall (Captain)

  Lillian Hyson

  Cynthia Moul

  Violet O’Brien

  Polly Palgraive

  Third Form

  Maude-Lynne Arbuthnot

  Kali Chattopadhyay

  Clodagh FitzPatrick

  Moraticia Frump

  Lydia Inchfawn

  Thomasina Hoare-Stevens

  Emma Naisbitt (Captain)

  Verity Oxenford

  Amanda Thomsett

  Serafine Walmergrave

  Fourth Form

  Janet Aden

  Ella Bowman

  Honor Devlin

  Susan Foreman

  Nicola Helfrich

  Charlotte Knowles

  Rosanna Kyd

  Lucinda Leigh

  Aurora Martine (Captain)

  Clare Saxby

  Fifth Form

  Dorothy Abbott

  Theresa Crockford (Captain)

  Fiona Fergusson


  Dilys Frost

  Rosalind Kaveney

  Saskia Kriegsherr

  Amelia Lipman

  Winifred Rose

  Pamela Soon

  Doreen Wychwood

  Sixth Form

  Gowan Caulder

  Marigold de Vere

  Constance Hern

  Dolores Howe

  Daisy Keele

  Morrigan McHugh

  Matilda Pelham (House Captain)

  Adrienne Penny

  Valmai Smith

  Donna Wise

  Goneril

  First Form

  Jane Addey

  Selina Briss

  Maureen East

  Marina George (Captain)

  Julie Godfrey

  Julianna Keddle

  Dianne Poynton

  Sabine Saussure

  Tzara Tetzlaff

  Millicent Trundleclough

  Second Form

  Margaret Carmichael

  Wilhelmina Fudge

  Muyun Ker

  Freya Outerbridge

  Annie Pridhaux

  Ruby Raven

  Tabitha Spikins (Captain)

  Lillie Stevenson

  Jane Thicke

  Emily Usborne

  Third Form

  Katherine Berthaiume

  Rachel Cray

  Miriam Ellacott

  Joycelyn Hilliard

  Hermione Jago (Captain)

  Priyanki Khalsekar

  Isabel Loss

  Ekaterina Pendill

  Jemima Sieveright

  Linda Thiele

  Fourth Form

  Sophie Calder (Captain)

  Helen Davisson

  Cara Fielder

  Aconita Gould

  Mary Jones

  Netta Kinross

  June Mist

  Dorothy Ooms

  Ninja Sundquist

  Phoebe Wellesley

  Fifth Form

  Hjordis Bok

  Roberta Hale

  Janice Marsh

  Euterpe McClure

  Helen O’Hara

  Sarah Pinborough

  Emilia Pitt-Patterson

  Primrose Quell

  Susan Su

  Alicia Wybrew (Captain)

  Sixth Form

  Araminta Armadale

  Eliza Beardsworth

  Katherine Brown

  Maisie Collins

  Wendy Fernandes

  Lucretia Lamarcroft

  Gilbertine Myddleton

  Florence Rhode-Eeling (House Captain)

  Alraune Ten Brincken

  Charmaine Yip

  Tamora

  First Form

  Sarah Ackland

  Mary Candlewick

  Vera Claythorne

  Olivia Duel

  Damaris Gideon (Captain)

  Louise Gilclyde

  Laura Harvey

  Iris Overton

  Felicity Quilligan

  Carlotta Smith

  Second Form

  Cleopatra Cotton

  Elaine Finn

  Cecily Garland

  Miramara Ghastley

  Siobhan Grimm

  Clara Mill-Carston

  Cunegonde Quive-Smith (Captain)

  Victoria Silk

  Tanya Six

  Esther Stuckey

  Third Form

  Allegra Bidewell

  Barbara Bryant

  Selma Head

  Mary Jarvis

  Faith Merrilees

  Bridget Mountmain

  Silja Mueller (Captain)

  Louise Sawley

  Sarah Stallybrass

  Francesca Stone

  Fourth Form

  Zenobia Aire (Captain)

  Sarah Carnadyne

  Ottilie Churchward

  Miranda Crowninshield

  Humphrina Jarrott

  Gwendolyn Nobbs

  Mara Rietty

  Susannah Thorn

  Phyllis Thorpe

  Ruby Wool

  Fifth Form

  Erica Boscastle

  Lucia Bewe-Bude

  Caroline Cowper-Kent

  Flora Griffin (absent)

  Jacqueline Harper

  Margaret Hume

  Sylvestra Phillips

  Sylvia Starr

  Clementine Talbot (Captain)

  Heike Ziss

  Sixth Form

  Henrietta Buller

  Bryony Burtoncrest

  Zealia Clock

  Beryl Crowninshield

  Sidonie Gryce (Head Girl)

  Moria Kratides

  Elva Kyle

  Pandora Paule

  Stheno Stonecastle

  Felecia Tingle

  Viola

  First Form

  Carol Coker

  Alison Hills

  Hazel Hood

  Yung Kha (Captain)

  Margaret Ring

  Monique Soutie

  Harriet Speke

  Marianne Toulmin

  Cecily Wheele

  Jemima Williams

  Second Form

  Marie Adkins

  Annabelle St Anne

  Karen Featherstowe

  Emanuelle Gotobed

  Joan Hone

  Eve Lapham

  Juliet Lass (Captain)

  Muriel Lavish

  Helen Oakes

  Marian Phair

  Third Form

  Heather Beeke

  Theosopha Busby (Captain)

  Simret Cheema-Innis

  Ann Dis

  Sarah Ladymeade

  Abigail Pulsipher

  Antoinette Rowley Rayne

  Priscilla Rintoul

  Angela Stannard

  Morgana Vail

  Fourth Form

  Kitten Carnes

  Barbara Chess

  Isola Doone

  Daphne Gallaudet

  Philippa Hailstone

  Unorna Light

  Harmony Meade

  Sara Paço (Captain)

  Laura Tallentyre

  Susannah Thorne

  Fifth Form

  Ida Acreman

  Doris de Marne

  Ellen Eyre

  Sally-Anne Flyte

  Oona Kite

  Holly Queenhough (Captain)

  Gladys Sundle

  Mary Thompson

  Lavinia Trent

  Kathleen Vaughn

  Sixth Form

  Edith Brydges

  Catherine Bunn

  Unity Crawford

  Amora Dove

  Patricia Kearney

  Margaret Lapham

  Helena Mansfield (House Captain)

  Martha McAndrew

  Joanne Storey

  Jocasta Upton

  Staff

  Dr Myrna Swan

  Dr Ailsa Auchmuty

  The Reverend Mr Pericles Bainter

  Miss Ethel Bedale

  Miss Violet Borrodale

  Miss Elizabeth Downs

  Miss Jennifer Dryden

  Miss Catriona Kaye (acting)

  Mrs Rosemary Wyke

  Hilda Percy

  Louise Humphreys R.R.C.

  Nellie Pugh

  Joxer Chidgey

  Acknowledgements

  THIS NOVEL GREW out of some research I did for An English Ghost Story, in which an author named Louise Magellan Teazle is supposed to have written a series of Drearcliff Grange School books. Mostly, that research consisted of reading Mary Cadogan and Patricia Craig’s You’re A Brick, Angela!: The Girls’ Story 1839–1985 – which remains one of the best books about popular fiction ever written, up there with Colin Watson’s Snobbery With Violence: English Crime Stories and Their Audience, another influence on what I’ve been trying to do with a loosely interconnected series of stories and novels inhabiting a world of British pulp adventure.

  Among my other research sources: Angela Brazil’s The Manor House School and The Third Class at Miss Kaye’s, Evelyn Smith’s Val Forrest in the Fifth, Thom
as Hughes’s Tom Brown’s Schooldays, a lot of dimly remembered books by Frank Richards and Anthony Buckeridge, and, of course, Ronald Searle’s St Trinian’s: The Entire Appaling Business. I should also thank Dr Morgan’s Grammar School for Boys (which did have an utterly useless fives court), Haygrove Comprehensive and Bridgwater College.

  A draft of the first section of this novel was published as ‘Kentish Glory: The Secrets of Drearcliff Grange School’ in my collection Mysteries of the Diogenes Club (MonkeyBrain Books). Thanks are due to Chris Roberson and Allison Baker for publishing that. At Titan, I am grateful to Nick Landau and Vivian Cheung, Cath Trechman (ace editor), Natalie Laverick, Jill Sawyer Phypers, Lydia Gittins, Cara Fielder, Chris Young, Katharine Carroll, Jenny Boyce and Martin Stiff (for another amazing cover). Thanks also to my agents Antony Harwood, James Macdonald Lockhart and Fay Davies. And to David Barraclough, Steven Baxter, Eugene Byrne, Alex Dunn, Barry Forshaw, Christopher Fowler, Sean Hogan, Stephen Jones, Paul McAuley and Brian Smedley.

  I consulted various friends about their own school experiences – they’re mostly acknowledged by being on the Drearclff Grange register. Kat Brown, Simret Cheema-Innis, Meg Davis, Grace Ker, Yung Kha, Maura McHugh, Helen Mullane and Sarah Pinborough all get Gold Stars as credits to School.

  About the Author

  KIM NEWMAN IS a novelist, critic and broadcaster. His fiction includes The Night Mayor, Bad Dreams, Jago, the Anno Dracula novels and stories, The Quorum and Life’s Lottery, all currently being reissued by Titan Books, Professor Moriarty: The Hound of the D’Urbervilles published by Titan Books and The Vampire Genevieve and Orgy of the Blood Parasites as Jack Yeovil, and most recently the critically acclaimed An English Ghost Story, which was nominated for the inaugural James Herbert Award. His non-fiction books include the seminal Nightmare Movies (recently reissued by Bloomsbury in an updated edition), Ghastly Beyond Belief (with Neil Gaiman), Horror: 100 Best Books (with Stephen Jones), Wild West Movies, The BFI Companion to Horror, Millennium Movies and BFI Classics studies of Cat People and Doctor Who.