Suddenly Astronaut

by Andrew J. Morgan

  It was a huge room in a building that seemed very out of place with all the metal and glass, built of stone and lined with rows of hard, wooden benches. It was dingy and musty, and didn't feel very befitting of a memorial, but no one else seemed to notice. As they were shown to their seats, Ben was told he could speak after all, if he really wanted, but he'd have to make it quick as there were bookings for this building later on. Ben wondered how many memorials they had a day. Probably lots.

  The service was slow and boring. It went on for ages. He saw people he didn't know saying nice things about people they didn't know, and about people he knew weren't actually nice at all. There were friends and relatives of the original crew in various states of despair. Some spoke softly and solemnly, others in fits and starts through sobs and tears.

  At one point someone mentioned him, gesturing to him and speaking about him as though they'd known each other for a lifetime, but Ben had no idea who it was. Some uncle or something. Ben had been too busy looking at the weird depictions of a man being tortured with wood and nails to follow what had been said. A few more people mentioned him, too. The words miracle and blessing were used frequently on that subject.

  "You can come and speak now if you want," a lady said, bringing Ben back to the present.

  "Okay," he said, following her to the front.

  He was introduced by a man dressed in a gown, who hugged him. Ben didn't hug back. He didn't want to hug at all.

  With the stage his, he stepped up to the lectern. A sea of black clothes and hats were laid out before him. Some people were dabbing their eyes with tissue.

  Ben took out the paper he'd screwed up in his pocket, and smoothed it out on the lectern. His heart skipped in his chest.

  "Ladies and gentlemen," he began. That's how these things were started, he knew that. "Thank you for all coming out today to honour the crew of Jove station. My name is Benjamin Forrest. I'm the only survivor."

  Chapter 25

  Ben's words echoed about the great hall. He hadn't noticed that when others had spoken. His suit was tight and uncomfortable.

  "Since I was young, it has been my dream to see Earth with my own eyes. Growing up on a space station, I only get to see things like clouds and animals on screens. And now I'm here. I'm glad to be alive."

  Ben thought about the journey. It had been long, dangerous, terrifying. But there had been moments he would cherish forever, too. Chatting. Playing games. His birthday.

  The clouds, the sky, the city—he'd trade it all to spend just one more minute with his friend. He knew he should miss his parents, and he did—but it was the loss of his friend that hurt him the most.

  "The only reason I'm here is because of one person," Ben continued. "My friend, Tom. He's a computer, but I don't mind. He saved my life by giving up his own. You all may not think very much of that, but I do. You may think he's just a computer, but he's more than that, he—"

  A hand touched Ben's shoulder gently. It was the man in the gown.

  "I guess I'd better go," Ben said. "Thank you all for coming."

  No one asked him why he'd said what he'd said. Sad smiles of pity seemed to be the most of it.

  As the months passed, interest in him began to wane. People stopped coming to see him and ask him questions. He was placed with an older lady who was very nice and looked after him well, and he attended a school with thousands of other kids, where he sat quietly in class and did his work.

  At first, the other kids treated him like some sort of celebrity—or freak—but even that wore off as they realised he was just as bland and normal as the rest of them. He only stood out for the complexity and eccentricity of his school projects, which got him a scholarship into what he was told was a really great university, the same his parents had attended. He felt sure he'd got the place mainly because of who he was, but he took it anyway.

  Even then, when he was at home in his small apartment, working on a project, he still caught himself asking Tom questions. The computer would answer, but it wasn't the same.

  It was this attachment that drove his thesis, a study on the psychological impact of the interaction between artificial and biological intelligence. His professors had wanted him to pursue pure engineering, as that's where much of Ben's talents lay, but something in him steered his path ahead. He had to pretend he didn't hear the comments about him cracking up and losing his mind.

  Still, his research earned him a tenure at a smaller university, where he continued his studies under less of a spotlight. It kept him occupied, and he preferred the solitude. The dean often remarked how little Ben cost them, almost to a fault, but soon learned just to leave Ben alone. It was like Ben never even existed, and that's how Ben liked it. He was free to whittle away the years in peace.

  It wasn't until his thirty-fourth year that he heard from Helios again.

  Ben answered the call. He didn't recognise the area code. "Ben Forrest," he said.

  "Benjamin," a voice said. A familiar voice. "How have you been?"

  "Fine …" Ben said slowly. "Who is this?"

  "Promise me you won't hang up, and I'll tell you."

  That made Ben want to hang up there and then, but for some reason, he didn't. "Okay," he said.

  "This Zachery Dance, CEO of Helios."

  That was where Ben recognised the voice from. He remembered watching a video about Helios on the station, presented by the man himself. Granted, he sounded older now, but it was definitely him.

  "What do you want?" Ben asked.

  "I know you're a private man, Benjamin, and ordinarily I'd leave you be, but something has happened that I think you would like to know about."

  Ben frowned. "What?"

  "I think it's best we speak in person."

  After a moment, Ben agreed. They would meet, and soon, at the Helios Technologies headquarters. Zachery would be sending a car the very next day.

  Ben's mind raced with possibilities all through the night. He awoke, as he often did, in the earliest hours of the morning, gasping for air and panicking because he wasn't wearing a space suit. He got dressed and watched the sun rise.

  The car came as promised, and they flew for hours until they finally reached the Helios aerodrome. Sprawling buildings built from what looked like stretched silk dotted the landscape like silvery puddles, and it was only as they got closer that Ben realised how big they were.

  There was a huge amount of security, but Ben was allowed to bypass all of it. He was taken up to the crown of the largest building where he was left in a great room overlooking the aerodrome that was dotted with sculptures.

  "I never got a chance to say I was sorry," a voice said from behind.

  Ben turned to see Zachery Dance, old and frail, white suit hanging loosely from his bony frame.

  "I'm sorry," Zachery said.

  "That's okay," Ben said. "I know what happened."

  Zachery approached Ben, nodding. "May I?" he asked, gesturing to the chair next to Ben.

  "Sure."

  Zachery sat, and they looked out at the aerodrome together.

  "When I heard the news, I couldn't believe it," Zachery said quietly. "I still can't."

  "Well, it's true. I saw it."

  Zachery took a deep breath. "Yes, you did. And you lived to tell the tale. Quite remarkable, an inspiration to us all."

  "I'm sorry to be blunt, but can you please tell me what this is about?" Ben said.

  "Of course, of course. I understand that I am imposing on you. Before I show you, indulge me something first."

  "Okay."

  "It was me, Benjamin. I worked them too hard. I filled their days and nights with work until they broke. We were so close, Benjamin, so close … and I'm sorry."

  Ben felt like he should be angry, but he wasn't. He felt cold inside.

  "I should have said that to you a long time ago, but I didn't. I hope you can forgive me."

  Ben stood. "Can we go now, please?"

  Zachery nodded. "Yes, of course. Follow me."<
br />
  Zachery walked slow, but Ben followed quietly. He just wanted to go home—but he was here now. He would give the old man a few hours more, and then he would leave.

  They went deep down into the building, where art was replaced by science, thick doors sealing white chambers filled with equipment. They dressed in white coveralls before they went further.

  "We're almost there," Zachery assured him.

  They entered a corridor, which led to a door. Zachery opened it. A large, white room lay on the other side. At first, Ben didn't understand what he saw in that room, but as they entered fully, it made sense to him.

  It was the tug.

  There were three main pieces, and a pile of fragments. They were twisted and torn, but it was definitely the tug. In one fragment, a nutrition tube was pinched between two shards of metal.

  "We found this seven months ago," Zachery said. "At first we thought it was only fit for scrap, but our data engineers worked hard on it and managed to recover some of the systems. Now, this is old and badly damaged, so we don't fully know what will happen. We could have hours, we could have seconds. I don't know.

  "But I want those seconds to be your seconds, Benjamin. What you said at the memorial service spoke to me, and I've wanted to—at the very least—make this right for you. I won't say how much it cost to find this, but I wasn't going to give up. Now we are ready to turn it on. This is my apology to you."

  Chapter 26

  Zachery led Ben to the wreckage of the tug, to the largest fragment. They ducked inside, where a man was squatting down next to a trolley of equipment, adjusting the mess of wires conjoining it and the tug's interface. He stood when he saw Ben and Zachery enter.

  "We're ready to go, sir," he said. He pointed at a button. "Just tap here when you're ready."

  "Thank you, Peter."

  Peter left.

  "Now," Zachery said, "I'm going to leave you here. Take as long as you need. You have complete privacy."

  He squeezed Ben's shoulder, smiling sadly, then ducked back outside. Ben listened until he heard the footsteps recede out of the room, and the door slide shut behind. His throat felt dry, his legs weak. There was a chair there, presumably waiting for him. He sat down.

  "Okay …" he said to himself.

  For a while he stared at the button. At first he wasn't even sure he could bring himself to do it. But he did.

  He sat and listened, but nothing seemed to happen.

  Then, a thin voice, tinny and light, spoke.

  "Ben?"

  Ben's heart skipped a beat.

  "Tom, is that you?"

  A rush of static. "Yes, it's me. How are you?"

  "I'm okay, I guess. How are you?"

  "As you can probably tell, I've been better."

  This made Ben laugh, but he didn't really feel like laughing. "I've missed you," he said.

  "I've missed you, too. Tell me, how has life treated you? What are you doing with yourself these days?"

  "I've got tenure at a great university, I do a lot of research. It's pretty interesting."

  "Engineering?"

  "No, no. Sort of—well, philosophy I guess."

  "Probably for the best. I don't think I'll ever forget the Hoverclaw."

  Ben laughed again, looking down at his lap. It didn't feel right to be happy.

  "And family? Do you have any kids?"

  Ben shook his head, still looking at his lap. "No, no family. No kids."

  "Why not?"

  A shrug. "It's never really felt right, you know."

  "Friends?"

  "Still no. Nothing's changed there."

  A silence lingered, long enough that Ben wondered if that was it.

  "Ben," Tom said, making Ben jump. "I remember as clear as thirty seconds ago when your parents asked me to be your friend. I have to be honest, I didn't think much of it. I didn't know you, I didn't like you—and you didn't make it easy. But when you let me in, when you let me be your friend—well. We had fun, didn't we?"

  Ben nodded.

  "I knew that the goal has never been for me to be your friend forever, Ben. The goal was to get you to open up. You've got nothing to be scared of, or ashamed of—you're a decent person and a first-class friend, and I don't want to let you down."

  "You've never let me down," Ben said thickly. "You saved my life."

  "A part of it, but not the part that really counts."

  A wave of static popped and crackled. When Tom spoke again, he sounded even more distant.

  "You once asked me if I ever wished I was human—"

  "Yeah, I know, and I still feel terrible about that."

  "—and I'll tell you the truth. Every single day, I wish I was human. But I know it's never going to happen. I've come to terms with that. But what breaks my heart is to think that you, a genuine flesh-and-blood human, could waste an opportunity I never got to have."

  "I—I can't," Ben said.

  "Yes, you can. Call it … gut instinct."

  Ben sniffed deeply. "I—I'll try."

  Tom didn't respond.

  "Tom?"

  Only silence. Tom was gone.

  Ben sat by himself for a while, alone.

  When he finally left the room, the man there waiting for him told him that Zachery had needed to leave for a meeting, and so he was escorted back to the car and flown home. He took the rest of the day off.

  For the first night in many, he slept all the way through. For the first morning in many, he didn't wake up thinking he was aboard the tug. It took him until making breakfast before he remembered the events of the day before at all. He ate his breakfast and went to work.

  It was nearing lunchtime when Ava, another tenure in the office across the hall, poked her head in the door.

  "Can I get you anything from the canteen?" she asked.

  Ben didn't look up. "Please could you get me a chicken skewer slice if they have any."

  "Sure," Ava said. Ben could tell from her tone that she was not impressed by his choice. "I don't know why you insist on eating that horrible processed crap, Ben. It's not good for you."

  "I know, I know, you tell me every time."

  "Fine, whatever. One chicken skewer slice. Anything else?"

  "No, thank you."

  Ava was shutting the door, when Ben turned to face her. He'd never really looked at her—or anyone—properly before. She was striking.

  "Wait a sec," he said.

  Ava waited.

  "I'll come with you."

  Ava looked confused. "You what?" she said.

  Ben took a breath, slapped his thighs and stood up. "I'll come with you."

  The confusion on Ava's face turned into a smile. "Okay, sure."

  They left the halls together, heading across the quad to the canteen, chatting.

  "I've got to ask," Ava said out of the blue. "Why the change of heart all of a sudden?"

  "I don't know," Ben said, shrugging. "Call it … gut instinct."

  If you enjoyed reading Suddenly Astronaut, leave a review and you'll receive a free copy of Andrew J. Morgan's sci-fi thriller Noah's Ark. Once you've left your review, get in touch at andrewjamesmorgan.com to receive your free copy of Noah's Ark. Thank you, and I hope you enjoyed Suddenly Astronaut.