Isabelle steps in toward me, hovering, staring me down, then playfully punches me in the chest. "That's the first time I've seen you smile like that," she says.
"It's the first time I've had a reason to."
"Even though your reason makes you a dirtbag, it's nice to hear you laugh and to see that charming smile of yours," she says.
"Are we safe here?" I ask her. I've never felt the need to ask anyone that question. I'm always the one in charge of that answer, but I need to hear it from her this time.
"These people here have formed a society here. Their past doesn't follow them as long as they follow the rules,” she explains.
"You've still only shared the first rule, you know, probably because you broke it and all," I remind her.
She hands me a piece of paper. "Here are the rules," she says before reciting them.
You will not steal.
You will not murder.
You will respect your neighbors.
You will respect your girlfriend.
You will not cheat.
You will not reveal your previous identity or history.
You will not contact anyone outside of this island.
You will not utilize technology that connects you to anyone overseas.
You will not ask anyone about their past.
You will have hot romp sessions as often as possible with your girlfriend.
"Okay, so your number ten is not on my list, neither is your number four for that matter," I tell her. "As a matter of fact, there are only eight rules on my list.”
"Oh?" she questions.
"And I don't have a girlfriend, so those rules don't quite apply—”
Isabelle drops down onto my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. I can't bear the thought of making her lean into me and not showing her just how okay I am with those two rules, so I cup my hand around the back of her head, forcing her lips to mine. I kiss her with purpose, release, freedom, and hope for a future without stipulations. I was naturally attracted to her years ago for pure reasons, and while life brought us back together to fight each other, I’m still just as attracted to, and enamored by her as I was then.
I lift Isabelle up and walk over to the bed as her legs tangle around my waist. "You know, I knew you way back when you were an innocent college girl, but I knew you had a dark side, and I thought it was hot. I wanted to see it.”
"You didn't know that," she argues. "Plus, you just broke rule nine."
"I didn't ask about your past, Isabelle. I know your past. I know your pleasure in dissecting human minds."
"That's in the past, so focus on us now," she says, lying beneath my embracing frame with her dark hair fanned out over the white comforter.
"Yeah, now look at us," I repeat, pulling off her white t-shirt that she snagged from the airport along with a pair of tiny, navy blue shorts that looked like they were handmade for her ass.
I didn't argue when she picked out the beach boy, breezy button-down shirt and contrasting board shorts for me because a change felt good, but getting out of these clothes while on top of her, feels even better.
"What made you so wild, Isabelle?" Her slowly revealed history makes me crave every part of her, while I eagerly try to peel away each layer of what holds her together.
"I don't think you want to know," she tells me.
"Now, I think I need to know. Within these walls, rules don't apply, and that's my rule."
"Hmm. Well,” she sighs. "My dad was a prisoner of war, and my mother was one of the enemies who found him … then saved him—they committed a war crime that should have had them locked up or worse.”
"I—I had no idea. I'm sorry.” I didn't realize I was asking for this answer, and I immediately see a changed look in her eyes as she explains.
"It's fine. Let's just say, they weren't meant to be together, but they managed to make it work."
Everything in my body tenses and I freeze, staring down at this woman who just unraveled life's most diabolical meaning of what creates a person's path in life. "That's how you knew about this place?”
"It was our backup plan if anything ever happened to one of us. They’ll find me here someday.”
She looks at me with an empty stare, and I try to change the subject in fear of pushing her too far. "That’s incredible. They’ll find you here, I know it," I tell her. "Your strength—it honestly just makes me want you more.”
She swallows hard and blinks for a long second, visibly pushing her thoughts to the side. "Prove it," she says, pulling me down on top of her.
Her fingertips scrape against my cheeks, then down the center of my chest. "Everything I have inside of me is yours. I want to be free from knowledge, from secrets, from everything before now," she says with her hand around my cock as she presses me inside of her.
"Let the thoughts go," I tell her.
I close my eyes and thrust into her, listening to her pleas and moans escalate as the minutes pass. When I open my eyes and look down at her, I study her parted lips, her long dark lashes fluttering over her cheekbones, pleasure in the form of pink streaks across her cheeks. With elegant movements, she reaches behind her, holding onto slats within the headboard as her head tilts back into the pillow and her body arches into mine. "Take it all from me," she cries out.
I pound into her harder than I did the last few times we were together like this. It’s different now, though. I feel her body pull me in deeper, letting me in as much as possible. "I will take everything bad away from you," I grunt through a breathless groan.
I release inside of her, feeling beads of sweat drip down the back of my neck as I collapse on top of her bare body.
With my face smothered against her messy hair, I wrap my arms around her waist, noticing how soft her breasts feel against my chest and how perfect her legs weave and tangle around mine.
"Thank you," she whispers.
"For what?"
"Saving me."
A soft laugh is an uncontrollable response to her comment. I wanted to save her, but couldn't. "You saved me by never giving in to anyone."
"I didn’t have a choice,” she says. "Some secrets are worth going to the grave for.”
"You know how to access the files, don’t you?” I ask her.
"I do. Plus, the code is on the one unlocked file that’s stored on the SD card,” she says simply, and I’m confused as to why she wouldn’t lock down the passcode to prevent anyone from breaking into the files.
"Why would you make it easy for the person who obtained the SD card?”
"In case I ever forgot the code. However, the unlocked file is made of inaudible decibels, so anyone looking at the file would think it was broken or corrupt. Only an infrasonic device could calculate the silent tones and translate them into numbers. They would also need to know which five-seconds out of the sixty minutes contained the correct set.”
I roll onto my back, still trying to catch my breath. "Who the hell came up with that?"
"Me," she says. "I didn’t tell anyone, though. Not even Mason.”
"Holy shit, Isabelle. That's the craziest way to conceal a code and the most brilliant thing I've ever heard!”
"It doesn't matter. We have to get rid of it."
"Okay," I tell her. "I don't want it. I never did."
"Good," she says.
"I tried not to think about what the mechanics of that music was ultimately capable of, but why was it so wanted?" I ask her. She may not know, since I don't, but if she does, it's been my undying question for years.
She looks at me with confusion, as if I should have known the reason. "Like Everett was saying—it was to hide the secrets the government didn’t want the public to know the truth about. That, and other countries were after it for use in terrorism?"
"No one told me. I didn’t think Everett knew,” I tell her. "I figured he was just running his mouth. Maybe I was just hoping he was running his mouth.”
"The reality is, the public can’t handle the truth. If the
y did, the U.S. would collapse.”
"Isabelle ... "
"That's all I'm going to say, Axel. It's for your own good, but I have a favor to ask you?” she says with hesitance.
I roll off her and lean onto my side. "What is it?” I ask her.
"Use Perception’s Ensemble on me,” she says, swallowing hard as if she isn’t sure about her request.
"What? Why?”
She twists her head to look at me. "Make me forget about it, then destroy it,” she says. "I’ll give you the code and tell you how to use it. It won’t cause damage if used properly and the right timeframe is played at a certain volume.” She pulls herself up against the headboard, curling her hair behind her ears. She's lost in thought, considering the possibility of this fucked-up type of hypnosis removing the horrid memories she's forced to live with.
"No, if I screw something up, it could cause you brain damage or something worse. That’s what Phillips did to forty people while he was using them as test subjects.”
"Please,” she begs. "It’ll allow me to live without nightmares.”
I huff and stand up. How the hell can I let her do this, or help her for that matter? I feel like we got away with murder and now she wants to tempt fate just a little more. "I—I don’t know about this. Are you absolutely sure you know how to make it work just enough to help you forget?”
"Yes, it was originally developed to help PTSD sufferers, but then—”
"I have a bad feeling about this,” I tell her.
"We can both do it if that would make you feel better,” she says.
"No. Definitely not. I need to live with what I did to you."
"I don’t agree, but all I know is I can’t live like this. So please, do it, Axel. Grab the headphones I bought at the airport."
"Isabelle, let’s just think about this. Okay? Plus, there's nowhere I can plug it in."
"The TV," she says, clambering out of bed. She twists the TV around, looking at the back. "There's a place for the SD card and a headphone jack. Let me have it."
"Isabelle, I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you because of this.”
"I’m sorry, but this is my decision. I helped develop this fucking thing, Axel, so please, let me have it."
Epilogue
Two Years Later
AXEL
With her own vice and psychological development through music theory, she used the devised interrogation weapon against herself, forgetting the short-term surface of her past. It worked perfectly on her.
Except, it made her forget me.
We have coexisted here on this small island where I have spent every day for the past two years, working my way into her life, proving to her that I'm part of a past she can't remember. Her family and friends still exist in her mind, but that’s where it stops. She knows there are missing parts, but the confusion is more prominent than the understanding. Despite what she knows is missing, she doesn’t ask to leave the island, which is good.
I have asked this beautiful stranger out for dinner night after night, begging her to take walks on the beach with me at dusk so we could watch sunsets and talk about our dreams.
I didn't know the person she had become for very long, but just as she did the first time we met, her personality remained true to her soul, and the connection between us stayed intact.
I wasn't aware of how strong Perception's Ensemble was, and I don't think she was requesting to forget several years prior to arriving here, but there doesn't appear to be any sort of lingering regret along with her memory gap.
I still have my memories, and I will bury them to keep her smiling. Learning to experience happiness with a new beginning here is good for us, and now, I feel worthy of being in her life. I have spent every day these last couple of years making her laugh, love, and live. It has given me everything I didn't know I wanted or needed, and I don't feel the need to look back now.
"I think I want to ask you something," I tell her as we scuffle through the sand beneath the moonlight.
"You say that every night,” she says, playfully nudging me with her elbow, likely assuming I'm not serious.
"No, really, I want to ask you something tonight.”
She rolls her eyes and laughs quietly as her auburn hair blows across her forehead. "Okay fine, but I won’t act surprised when you 'shockingly' forget what you were going to say," she mocks me. This sweet, goofy part of her that was buried beneath so many layers of darkness is as new to me as it is to her, it seems, and she's made me nervous in a typical man-falls-for-a-woman fashion. I've fallen for her three times now, and I'm terrified of losing her after coming all this way.
I drop down to my knee and pull her onto my lap. Her hair continues to blow wildly into the wind as she looks at me like I'm crazy. She doesn't even know the half of it.
"Be with me forever?"
She presses her hand against her chest and her other hand on my cheek. "You want that with me?" She seems surprised by my question, but not in a fearful way. It’s the same way I look at myself, like no one would ever want me after living the life I’ve lived, acting the parts I’ve acted, debating over whether my life is worthier than someone else's—that part of her still exists somewhere inside of her heart and brain—the scar tissue from her damaged self-confidence is still present sometimes.
"Forever and more—" Isabelle. "Tracy Ales.”
"I think I can agree to give you my forever," she says. "After all, it’s the least I can do.”
"What do you mean by that? You've given me so much," I tell her. She only knows what our life has been these last two years. There’s not much more I could ask of her.
"I just mean, yes," she says along with a breathtaking smile.
I stare into the reflection of the ocean swirling within her glossy eyes, wondering what's floating through her mind, but I believe her words are true, and I'll take her truth and hold onto it with everything I have.
***
ISABELLE
Memories are permanent imprints that can be covered and masked. While they will always remain, they can sometimes be forgotten, but time resurrects what could never be buried.
One by one, tiny images surface in my head like a blurry vision, but just as a puzzle, pieces fit together and clarity sets in.
I was strong enough to handle the life I once lived through, and strong enough to accept why I had to leave my life behind. I never got to say goodbye to those I loved—my parents and friends, but it was to keep them safe, knowing how accessible every private conversation in this world is. I wish I could explain to my parents why they don’t know where I am, who I am, or how I became this person, but out of everyone in the world, I know they would understand the most. This island was meant to be my parents’ final destination if their personal secrets were ever exposed, and I know when they give up hope of me returning to them, they’ll make their way here to find me. It offers me a shimmer of peace in my sometimes-cloudy thoughts.
In the meantime, the memories of how life led me here are my life's darkest perception. I choose to keep them secret as a form of gratitude to the man who has gone to the other side of the world just to bring peace to my life, and then patiently guided me back to his heart again, naturally, organically, and truly. I know now that what we have is pure—we are meant to be with each other, and it’s the only satisfaction I’ve ever needed.
If you enjoyed Darkest Perception and the twisty ride you endured to reach this point, make sure you check out Amelia’s heartbreaking journey in Last Words. Turn the page for an excerpt or (Click here for more).
Excerpt from Last Words
Since 1945, my story has remained hidden deep within the corners of my mind and blacked out as if with permanent marker, in hopes that no one else would ever know. I've been holding on to these silent memories for such a long time, but I'm becoming weak. I've always known that the truth might someday be stronger than my will to be silent, but I can't imagine what my secrets would do to those I love.
This may be cliché, but I'm going to start my story with a once upon a time...except my life hasn't been a fairytale—far from it. In fact, for a long time, I believed a happy ending meant death.
During my early years as a child, I had a perfect life. The sun shone golden rays across Bohemia’s breathtaking sky and bore its warmth down on the silky, green-grass-covered soil. I lived in color—rich with vivid hues, and I danced through the mustard fields, twirling my dress as my hair blew like weeping willows in the breeze. My heart was protected, my life blessed with knowledge, and I was surrounded by love. There was a lightness in my mind and a feeling of completeness in my soul that made each day feel like a gift from above.
Then, a day came when the sun was taken away. The sky became dark with heavy clouds, and my world turned gray. Raindrops that once fell from the sky bled into the tears that burned down my cheeks.
I thought darkness was all I had left after losing everything I'd ever known and loved, but through a cloud of dust and despair, I found a glimmer of hope—a smile amongst the sunken cheeks and rotting corpses.
He should never have smiled at me, and I shouldn't have acknowledged him when he did, but once it started, there was no turning back. I never considered the possibility of how it would end until I felt the heartbreak of loneliness again. His smile was gone, the warm touches we shared through my cold shivers would never heat my body again, and the worst part was that all hope was lost.
It was all for nothing. It would have been easier to have never felt that kind of love because once I knew how good it could feel, I didn’t think I’d ever feel that way again.
As the world caved in on itself, I allowed the pain and misery to pour from my eyes one last time before making a silent vow to never give another ounce of power to those who wanted to dominate the weak.
I traveled through the phases of bitter denial, revenge, hate, sorrow—and finally, the emptiness that would be a part of me forever.
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