“I can tell” she shrugs, the excited glint her eye never disappearing.
“What?” I scrunch my brows down, squeezing my hands together in front of myself to stop my fidgeting. I want to be with Reid, now.
“You said so when Reid was still knocked out baby-girl, and besides I knew the second you came back from the nurse” she reaches out and tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear, her gentle touch has me leaning into it more than I’d like.
“Oh, come here” she steps forward, closing the small gap between us and wrapping me in her safe mama-bear arms.
“How am I ever going to do this Mama?” I clutch at the fabric at her back, my hormones washing over me like a wave in the sea.
“Baby, you’ll be a wonderful mama. You have nothing to worry about” she chuckles lightly, her hand softly smoothing the hair at the back of my head.
“Do you remember that one summer?” she starts to pull away from me, her old, kind grey eyes glittering with tears. “The same one where Mrs. Kennedy from next door had those chicks? You played mama to those things until they were at least a year old!”
I smile, recalling the time where I’d feed the chickens each morning, play with them each lunch time and tuck them into the hen house each night. I’d taken them on as if they were my dollies, singing to them and cuddling them. I’d insisted on giving them an old baby blanket of mine to keep them warm, the ample hay Mrs. Kennedy had just wasn’t enough to satisfy my seven-year-old self.
“Yeah I do” I laugh, swiping at the stray tears on my cheeks.
“If you love this baby half as much as you loved those chicks, it will be the luckiest baby on the planet” Mama plants a wet kiss to my forehead, her signature move since I was small, making me smile and wonder if I can actually do this whole parenting thing.
Before I can dwell too much on the situation the door to Reid’s room swings open.
“You can come back in now, I’m all done” he smiles softly. Reid is upright in bed, his skin a slightly rosier color than it has been and doesn’t that just put the widest smile on my face as I practically run towards him.
“Reid, you’ll be referred to a councilor as we said earlier”
I frown, glancing back at the doctor who talks directly Reid, totally ignoring the fact that I’m stood right next to him.
“Because you’ve said you aren’t Suicidal we feel that’s the best route to go down. Here’s the number to call to make an appointment” he hands Reid a card with some fancy clinic logo on the front. I want to ask him how he knows Reid isn’t suicidal. Does he know what’s going on in my man’s head more than I do?
I know Reid, and one thing the man does best is lie when people are trying to help him. Well, not anymore. He’ll be going to that appointment if I have to drag him by his nose ring.
“I think that’s you all done. You can leave as soon as I have the release forms signed” he smiles quickly in my direction. Delia is a small town, a lot of the doctors here live in Lordell so, aside from Cash I don’t really know anyone here.
“Thanks” I call quickly after him before going back to Reid, ignoring Mama’s knowing stares.
One thing at a god damned time.
I need my baby-daddy home and well before I drop this bombshell on him.
“Let’s go home blackbird” I smile, clapping my hands in front of me excitedly at the half-dressed man sat on the side of the hospital bed.
“Need a hand?” I step towards him, my eyes raking down his still toned body even after days of shitty hospital food.
“I’m good” he smirks, but I don’t miss the wince he pulls when he pulls his t-shirt over his head, my heart aching as he does. I’d brought a bag full of things he might need with me days ago, most of it went untouched owing to him being bedbound to let his internal injuries heal, but I didn’t care. I got to take him home today and that only meant that things were going in the right direction. Up.
THE DRIVE HOME WAS quiet, Mama insisted on getting a cab, so I could take Reid straight home in my Chevy. The weather hadn’t changed much but at least the rain held off for the drive home and between us getting out of the car and into the cabin. The heavens opened the second we got inside but I didn’t care, I wasn’t planning on moving for a few days at least, weeks if I could get away with it.
Reid seemed lighter in the cabin than he had at the hospital and I couldn’t blame him. Being home would be much better for his ego than at that sterile place.
“Welcome home” I say quietly in the too-echoey space. I keep my feet rooted to the spot I’d landed on in the living room, between the couch and the coffee table as I watch Reid take in his surroundings again. I don’t rush him, I don’t know what he needs right now but whatever it is I’ll be there for him. It’s been a few days, nearly a week but this is his home, the things that he’s done since he last stepped foot in here have changed things, drastically or marginally, it doesn’t matter but he needs time. The one thing I can’t speed up. The ticking on the clock speeds up for no-one, especially those who need it most.
Reid checks his surroundings, his eyes immediately landing on Aurora who’s still perched in her home in the corner. Rach had run a duster around along with the vacuum but other than that it was all exactly how he’d left it.
Without words Reid stalks towards me, his muscular arms outstretched before he wraps me tightly in his hold. The mix of hospital bleach and his natural scent wafts up my nose, mixing in my stomach like a toxic potion that I can’t seem to handle. I pull away from his strong arms, bolting for the bathroom and spilling whatever was in my stomach into the toilet basin.
“Little dove? You okay?” Reid’s concerned voice sounds from behind me, making my stomach double over. I should be the one caring for him, the one asking if he’s okay not the other way around. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, the old, grey hoodie I threw on, the same one that’s two sizes too big for me proves useful in wiping the sick from the corners of my mouth. Gross. But I don’t care.
Reid pulls my hair back from around my shoulders, laying it gently over my back as I right myself.
“Wanna tell me something?” he nods in the direction that I just spewed my entire daily food content, his gorgeous face too innocent for his own good.
“No” I shake my head, smiling softly and crossing my fingers that I’ve thrown him off just enough for now.
“Must have eaten something funny” I shake my head before flushing the toilet, watching as the contents disappear down the pipe.
“Sure” Reid’s forest green eyes tell me he knows I’m lying but I don’t react to it right now. It’s not the time.
I follow him back to the kitchen, noting the slight falter in his step and resisting the urge to reach out and help him. Reid is fiercely independent, he needs to do this on his own but knowing I’m right here to catch him if he should fall.
“Are you hungry?” his deep voice echoes around me, just hearing him again makes me smile inside.
“I’m good” I shake my head before perching myself on a bar stool at the island.
“Tea?” he glances over his shoulder at me, his hands seeking out the mugs from the draining rack in front of him.
“Okay” I smile softly even though he turns his head away from me.
I hadn’t had any morning sickness and today of all days had to have my throwing up all over Reid’s pretty cabin. I don’t know what I was expecting anyway, it’s his tiny gremlin growing in my womb, it’s bound to give me a hard time.
I’d swung by the shop yesterday under the pretense of checking up on Rach and how things were going with the new fall line when in actuality I had a plan on how I was going to tell Reid, I just needed a few supplies from out back. I’d managed to find what I was looking for quickly before stashing them at the bottom of my bag, the same bag that’s draped across the hook in the entryway. My tongue rolled around my mouth with the words I so badly wanted to tell him but couldn’t. I didn’t know how he’d react and truth be
told I was fucking terrified of him rejecting the whole idea of this baby. Reid had such a traumatic experience last time I didn’t know if he’d ever even considered having another baby. I completely drown him out as I move to grab my bag, leaving him to finish up making the tea. I pull out the small ring box, the same ones I use to pack up jewelry at the shop only this one contains something much more special.
I don’t know that now is the right time to do this given the shitty few days we’ve had already but I can’t keep it quiet for much longer.
My fingers clutch at the box too tightly, the material cutting into my skin just slightly as I walk back towards the kitchen. Reid places two steaming mugs of tea on the counter as I make my way towards him, my steps don’t faulter, but my palms turn sweaty as I start twiddling with the box between them. I hold my breath as I near the counter, this entire situation could go to hell in a handbasket if Reid doesn’t want this. I don’t know what I’ll do then, but I have to find out. This baby growing inside me isn’t going to stop for anyone.
With shaking hands, I place the box on the counter, never releasing a breath even when Reid’s soft green eyes flick up to mine.
“What’s this?” he splays his long fingers across the wood, never attempting to reach for the box I’m sure he knows contains something so tiny, yet that same something will turn his world on its head once more. I don’t say anything when he moves to grab the box, my belly rolls over, the bile lodging in my throat as he pries the top open on its tiny hinges.
It feels like forever until his eyes move back to mine, the house quiet aside from the chirps of the birds out in the meadow and our quiet, even breaths. My eyes must be the size of saucers by now, the worry is obviously etched across my face because Reid smiles.
A small, soft smile that has the corners of his lips tilting up is like a soothing balm to the acid in my gut.
“A sunflower seed?” he places the box on the counter, the tiny seed I’d placed in there lays softly against the satin cushion.
“I thought...” I start but he cuts me off.
“I know” he rounds the counter before his hands come to my hips and his towering height has me staring up at him.
“Thank you” he smiles wider, his few day-olds scruff on his chin makes him look totally edible. Maybe it’s my hormones already but I just want to feel him, everywhere.
As if my mood could take any more emotion, Reid gets on his knees, one hand remaining on my hip and holding me steady as he lifts the hem of my top to reveal my bare abdomen.
His soft lips slightly cracked at the edges thanks to his recent ordeal start to pepper kisses across my skin. My hands find his mop of black hair and hold him close before he stops and rests his forehead on my teeny-tiny bump.
“I love you” I whisper, glancing down at the man on his knees looking up at me with pleading eyes that breaks my heart in two. I lower myself to the floor, our knees touching as I grip his face in my hands.
“Please don’t leave me” he mumbles, his Adams apple bobbing as he swallows years’ worth of grief.
“I promise” I slam my mouth down on his before wrapping him up in my arms and holding onto him for dear life. I let him fall last time, that day at the cliff will forever be burned into my memory, but not this time.
“If you go down Reid, then so do I. We go down to the bottom of whatever the fucked-up shit in your head is together”
Nightmares & Fairytales
A SUNFLOWER SEED.
Something so small and seemingly insignificant could change my life forever. I’d had a poppy seed that never seen the light of day that never had the chance to bloom into the beautiful flower it was destined to be. Luna had given me another chance, another tiny seed to sow. Something new and full of life, a beautiful, bright flower that served as a reminder of why I was still living.
Luna was never trying to replace Aurora or what we had, our love was something different but still as important. I know she’d chosen the sunflower seed to remind me of that. I could still love Aurora and the baby, but I was allowed to move on and love another. To love Luna and our baby.
Pulling my little dove from the floor, I lead us back towards the bathroom where I start to run a bath. Anyone would think that being around water would be the last place I’d want to be right now, but it isn’t. I need to feel close to Luna, to feel her skin against mine.
Luna understands where I’m going with this because she starts to quietly undress behind me before she saunters that sweet ass of hers back into our bedroom before she comes back with the portable docking station she usually reserves for the beach.
I can’t pull my eyes away from her small belly that will soon grow round, the wave of uneasiness crashes into my stomach, the need to wrap her in cotton wool and keep her locked in a room for the next nine months is overwhelming.
I got lost in my own head until Luna dragged me back out of it when she turned the taps off and stepped into the claw footed tub. Some music starts to play from the docking station Luna chucked on the sink, the notes quiet and calming as they mix with the aroma of the bath crap Luna left here. I step into the warm water behind her, sitting myself down before I help her lower herself against me. The heat of her spine against my chest almost makes me choke but I swallow it away. The pain in my chest grows along with the overwhelming feeling of love I have for her turning my brain into an overthinking ticking time machine. Luna grabs my hand in her small one, pulling it out of the bubbly water and placing it over her wet abdomen. I close my eyes, resting my nose against her slightly damp hair and inhaling every drop of pure innocence and happily ever after’s that this girl smells of.
Suddenly the past seems so far away, while the future lays beneath my quaking palm.
“Thank you” I mumble into her ear, resting my chin on her shoulder.
“For what?” she leans into my touch, the water around us moving slightly and spilling over the sides.
“For this” I splay my fingers across her belly, eager for the tiny seed to grow into a big, bouncing baby.
“And for being you. For saving me” I bring my other arm around her and hold her tight, relishing in having her in my arms again. I realize then, in the dimly lit bathroom of my cabin that I never in a million years thought I’d own, that this was the reason Aurora had forced me to stay here. I was supposed to be here, with Luna and this new baby. I didn’t believe in fate, things happened because they did, whether they were shit or not, you had no control over them. But this time I did. I had a choice to stay and to fight for this new card life had dealt me. I’d never get over what happened to Aurora, but I could appreciate everything I had in my arms right now, because in reality, that’s all that mattered.
We trod carefully around each other for the rest of the week, neither one of us wanting to say the wrong thing to the other, but we’d just existed together. Holding each other at night, on the sofa, cooking and taking long baths and walks in the meadow together. That was the thing when you were so comfortable with someone, sometimes you didn’t need big fancy words. Luna’s presence was enough to take the weight of a thousand regrets off of my shoulders.
Gus had stopped by in the week and had a few hushed words with me out on the porch about work. The old man insisted I take as much time as I need and that he’d keep my paychecks coming in owing to the rumors about Luna. I’d slapped the old man on the back and sent him back on down to the bay. I wasn’t confirming old lady tales until we got the scan out of the way.
“Why aren’t you at the flat?” Mrs. Perry asks Luna as she dumps the dish filled with whatever traditional dish she mentioned a million times to me, but I still forgot onto the counter. I’d let her in after she banged the door down with the force of a thousand thunder strikes.
“Luna lives here now” I offer, shoving my hands into my jean pockets and waiting for the barrage of questions I’m bound to get from the two women suddenly in my life.
What if the baby is a girl? I’d be outnumbered.
My eyebrows crinkle with concern but Luna soon snaps me out of it.
“I do?” she asks with a mouthful of strawberry laces. Since the middle of the week it was all she’d been craving, and I’d done enough midnight runs up to the twenty-four-hour convenience store on the highway to keep the damn thing in business for the year.
“You do”
“But where will you put the baby?”
“Mama! Not yet!” Luna snaps before she rips more laces off with her teeth. I smirk, she looks so damned cute this morning. My too-big t-shirt swamps her slim frame, her wild hair is pulled up into an elastic she found in my kitchen drawer after I snapped hers last night pulling her hair down too fast during a heated moment.
Mrs. Perry shrugs her shoulders and glances at me for what I can only assume is help. I shake my head, there’s no way I’m disagreeing with a hormonal woman. I may be fucked in the head but I ain’t stupid.
“We’re having the scan this week” Luna mumbles, her voice quiet but her eyes firmly rotted on her Ma. We’d booked the doctor’s appointment earlier but had decided not to spread the word until we knew everything was okay. God knows I couldn’t go through with losing another baby, I had to know everything was good. Ten fingers, ten toes the rest
Luna made us all tea and we sat in the living room chatting about the latest gossip around town. I could tell Mrs. Perry was itching to talk about what had happened to me, or what I did rather and the baby, but she kept her mouth shut.
I didn’t give a shit what people were saying about me, but Luna, that was different. I wouldn’t have anyone saying a bad word about my woman. It just wasn’t going to happen, simple.
We entertained the old lady for a few hours, successfully avoiding any more pressing questions from her. How could we answer them anyway if we didn’t even have the answers ourselves?
Mrs. Perry caught the bus back up to the town, insisting that Luna and I rest up after our ‘stressful few days’. After we said our goodbyes Luna headed for the kitchen, taking the now empty mugs from the coffee table and starting to wash up in the deep sitting sink. Long tanned legs stick out the bottom of my t-shirt, the fluffy socks she has on barley making it past her ankles. My hands go to her waist, making her jump and drop the mug in the sink with a splash.
Delia Bay Page 25
