36 Inches: A MFMM Romantic Comedy

by Alexis Angel

  The worst part? Madden is nothing but a player. He always has been. Okay, that may be the pot calling the kettle black, because I’ve had my fair share of women come and go on the regular. But not like Madden. The difference is that he’s way too reckless. He doesn’t give a shit. He goes through women like they’re a daily multivitamin—taken for their purpose and immediately forgotten.

  Whereas I only get involved with women who know what they’re getting into, who know where we stand. I make sure no one gets hurt. Madden gives zero fucks who might get hurt.

  And that’s not okay. Not when it comes to Megan. She’s too sweet for him. I won’t let him have her. Not in the end. But I sure as hell won’t let him hurt her either.

  The Biggest Licker Season Update

  Chase: Hello and welcome to another installment of our analysis of The Biggest Licker – the most popular reality show on TV. I’m your host, Chase Worthington.

  Nadia: And I’m your co-host, Nadia Moore. We have breaking news.

  Chase: That’s right. In case you missed it because the network couldn’t air any more of The Biggest Licker last night, both billionaire contestants have now viewed mysterious surprise tablets delivered to their door.

  Nadia: That’s right, Chase! We have positive confirmation that both Tristan and Madden have now seen Megan with the other man.

  Chase: I mean, I gotta be honest. I can’t imagine what both men are going through. If I ever saw a video of you, Nadia, with another guy as he made you wet for him and then made you cum on his tongue before sticking his cock in your mouth…

  Nadia: You’d be jealous?

  Chase: Well…

  Nadia: Hurt?

  Chase: I’d be jealous sure, and upset….

  Nadia: But?

  Chase: Well, I’d also be sort of turned on…

  Nadia: Oh. My. God. Because one of the things I totally have on my bucket list is to get fucked by two guys. Like maybe two big strong guys. Not some weak ass vegetarians—

  Chase: You can’t make fun of vegetarians on television, Nadia. We might get fined!

  Nadia: Oops. Right. Let’s just stay safe and talk about getting fucked by two cocks. This is broadcast television and kids are watching, so I should have known better. Sorry, audience!

  Chase: Anyways, as we were saying, we have a major stage set for the two men to come to grips with each person’s attraction to Megan.

  Nadia: Remember if Megan manages to hold out without giving up her virginity, she has to pick her One True Love as per the rules of the show.

  Chase: The One True Love will share with Megan their lives together in addition to any prizes from the show. And hold the title of The Biggest Licker.

  Nadia: Speaking of prizes, be sure to download the new app for Apple and Google smartphones to stay connected to The Biggest Licker while you’re on the go!

  Chase: You can also buy The Biggest Licker branded merchandise on the app!

  Nadia: Everything from lace thongs for you, golf clubs for him, and baby bibs for that lil’ bundle of joy that happened after watching our show 9 months ago!

  Chase: Be sure to sign up for The Biggest Licker credit card, offered through Mastercard, and you could win double points on all qualifying purchases.

  Nadia: That’s right! You can redeem points for vacation travel or other merchandise!

  Chase: Operators in India are standing by to sell you as much of The Biggest Licker merchandise made in China as you want!!

  Nadia: And when you’ve had your fill of all the rampant commercialism, make sure you make your way to the television set today, as we see what happens to Tristan and Madden as they compete for the ultimate prize. The quest to become…

  Voiceover: THE BIGGEST LICKER!!!!!

  Madden

  My breath comes heavy. I grunt. I pant. I gasp.

  Every punch to the bag is one more attempt to help me blow off some steam. Normally, coming down to the apartment’s gym is the perfect way to take out some extra energy. Whether it’s sexual, adrenaline or, like tonight, anger.

  I can’t get the images of Megan and Tristan out of my mind, and it’s driving me insane. I literally feel myself coming unhinged as I lay into the punching bag, giving it everything I’ve got. Sweat drips down my bare chest and back as I pound out punch after angry punch.

  I shouldn’t be this upset. Not logically. What did I expect they were going to do all day? Play Old Maid?

  But the longer the video replays in my head, as if it’s permanently branded there, the more illogical I get. Tristan and I have gone after the same girl plenty of times. Just like we’ve always competed over everything.

  This is different. None of the other girls mattered. It was more a question of keeping score with them. One for me, one for him. But this time? Megan fucking matters. A lot more than I realized.

  I lay into the bag with a particularly vengeful sequence when a shadow catches me off guard and I stop, turning.

  Tristan is standing there putting on his boxing gloves, pure rage radiating off his face.

  Damn.

  He usually plays it pretty cool. But right now he looks like he could kill someone.

  Me.

  “What do you want, Tristan? I’m trying to get in a workout.”

  His voice comes out low, barely contained. “I think you’d rather me burn off my anger on the bag than on your pretty-boy face.”

  I laugh, not in the mood for his shit. “Fuck you.”

  Tristan comes around to the other side of the bag. “No, fuck you, Madden. I saw a video of you and Megan in the limo.”

  My eyes narrow. Looks like we both got treated to an eyeful. He doesn’t look any better off for it than I am.

  “You know what, Tristan? You need to just quit now while you’re ahead and leave the house.”

  He scoffs. “Wouldn’t you love that? You actually expect me to make it that easy for you? Just step aside and let you win? You’re an idiot.”

  I shrug. “You’re going to lose anyway. Go now and at least you can save face.”

  Tristan bristles visibly, and when he speaks, his voice is murderous. “I’m not playing a game, Madden.”

  “Neither am I.”

  He laughs humorlessly. “Bullshit. You’re nothing but a player. Always playing a game. Everything is a fucking game to you. You don’t take anything seriously.”

  His shoulders tense, his jaw clenching, and I realize my posture is much the same. We’re practically facing off.

  “You think you’re so perfect, don’t you, Tristan? The golden boy. Well let me tell you something,” I say, “your little act doesn’t work with me. It might work in business. You may convince your clients that you’re this caring guy that has their best interests at heart. But I see right through you. Every deal you make, it’s all about you.”

  Tristan narrows his eyes at me. “You can’t take a fucking thing seriously. It’s a wonder you haven’t gone out of business yet. I don’t know how you still manage to get clients at this point because everyone knows you’re unreliable. It’s all a game to you, isn’t it? Life is just one big fucking party, even when some things need to be taken seriously. Treated more carefully.”

  This asshole has a lot of nerve acting like he’s so much better than me. So high and mighty. “Seriously, dude? Like you run this perfect business? Like you haven’t fucked plenty of people over too? You’re full of shit, Tristan. You’re only in it for yourself. Always looking out for number one. What’s in your best interest.”

  I sneer at him, wishing he’d just get the fuck out and let me finish my workout without his arrogant ass in my way.

  “You’re all about what’s good for you, Madden. Don’t act like your motivations are pure. They’re as dirty as they get.”

  Is that what he thinks? Because we both know we aren’t really talking about business here. It’s a very thinly veiled conversation about Megan.

  I step toward him, hands twitching at my sides, desperate to lay into him for havin
g his hands and mouth all over her yesterday. “You have no clue what my motivations are.”

  And that’s the straight up truth. He has no idea how I feel about Megan. Yeah, maybe I’ve been a player. Maybe I don’t usually take heed with women. But he’s so far off the mark on this one it’s not even funny.

  He steps up, tilting his chin up and looking down his fucking nose at me. “It doesn’t take a genius to guess.”

  “Then I guess you’re an even bigger idiot than I thought. Walk away, Tristan.”

  “Fuck no. I’m not walking away from this.” He clenches his teeth. “She’s mine, Madden. Don’t fuck with me.”

  “Oh, you mean fuck with you like telling you how good it felt to have my face buried in between her legs, my tongue so deep in her sweet pussy that I—”

  The right hook comes out of nowhere, sending me stumbling back a couple steps before I realize what’s happened.

  “Motherfucker,” I growl, regaining my footing and coming back at him, fists swinging.

  I get in a couple good ones, clocking him in the temple and in the side, but he’s lean and lithe, and he gets just as many in on me. We’re pretty evenly matched, but if he wants to do this, I’m game.

  “Bring it, asshole.”

  I block his next jab and knock his head back with a blow to the chin, then he’s sweeping his foot under my legs and we both go down, fists flying.

  It doesn’t last much longer before Maya and a few other crew members come storming into the gym, breaking it up.

  It takes several people to hold us back from each other, and we stare each other down, eyes blazing with anger.

  Fuck. What is this house doing to us? Tristan may be my biggest competitor, my quasi-enemy of sorts in business and in life, but he’s also pretty much my best friend. We’ve known each other forever. Been through it all.

  Except for this. Is this how it’s going to end? Over a girl?

  But even as I wonder over it, I can’t help thinking that when it comes to Megan, she’d be worth it.

  Tristan

  Sitting at the island in the kitchen, I readjust the ice pack on my knuckles. I didn’t even have my gloves completely on when I lunged. I tossed them aside, going at Madden with my bare fists.

  I may regret that because they hurt like a bitch.

  Maya strides in, hands on her hips. “What happened?”

  I just stare at her. I’m really not in the mood for her shit right now. At this point, I wouldn’t mind if she took her happy little ass out of this apartment and never came back. That’s how sick I am of all the meddling going on in this game. That tablet video shit being the final straw.

  I almost snort. Because to think, I signed up for this voluntarily. Despite everything that’s happened, though, I’d do it all again just to meet Megan.

  “Say something, Tristan,” Maya pushes. “I know something had to have happened to start this fight. You’ve had all day to cool off, and now all of a sudden you and Madden are duking it out in the gym?”

  I continue staring daggers at her. She has some nerve wanting me to get into this with her. Especially when this is all their fault with sending that fucking tablet to my room.

  “What aren’t you telling me?” she says, her eyebrows furrowing.

  Next thing I know, she’s walking up to me and snatching off my mic pack.

  “What are you doing?” That’s breaking a huge rule. One of the biggest offenses a contestant can commit is removing the mic. “Are you trying to get me kicked out?”

  “Shh.” Maya screws up her face and glances surreptitiously at the cameras placed around the room, making some weird shape with her fingers that looks like she’s throwing gang signs. “Okay, we’re clear. We have five minutes. No mics. No cameras. Now get talking.”

  I stare. What the fuck is she talking about? “Maya, there are cameras everywhere. Now give me my mic back before you get me evicted.”

  “The head camera guy has a crush on me. It’s fine.”

  “And… you’re coming to me for dating advice? Sorry, Maya, but you aren’t making any sense. And honestly, I’m really not in the mood for this right now. So, if you’ll leave me alone now, I’d like to get back to my pity party for one.”

  She grunts and rolls her eyes. “I mean that I bought us five minutes of time off-camera. They guy with the crush? He’s shutting them off. Well, he already did. And now we’re down to four minutes because of your idiotic commentary. So I’ll ask you one more time. What happened that started that fight?”

  I can feel the muscle in my jaw jumping, and my fists clench again, almost of their own volition.

  “That bad?” she asks, frowning.

  I nod, thinking about the everything-but-actual-sex sex I witnessed between Megan and Madden, and I almost want to hunt him down again and finish what I started.

  “About an hour ago, some assistant came to my room and brought me that tablet. I wasn’t going to watch it at first.” Ha, who am I kidding? There’s no way I could have ignored that tablet—it was practically begging to be viewed. “But obviously I did watch it.”

  Now she looks even more confused. “What tablet?”

  I scoff and shake my head. “The tablet, Maya. You know, the one with the limo fuckfest starring Megan and Madden?”

  She gasps. “What? Are you kidding me right now?”

  I look at her funny. “Do I look like I’m kidding?” I hold my swollen fists up before icing them again.

  “You’re telling me that someone brought a tablet to your room, and it was a video of Megan and Madden having sex?” She looks baffled. Is it possible she didn’t know about this?

  “No,” I say slowly. “Not having sex.” Thank fuck. “Well, not exactly. Everything but,” I add with a grimace.

  “What did this guy look like?”

  I describe him as best as I can, but honestly, that was the least of my concerns today.

  “Dammit.” She actually stomps her foot. “That’s one of my boss’s personal assistants. He set this up.”

  “What’s it matter, though, Maya? Whether I saw the video or not, it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. They did those things.” Only hours after Megan and I.

  “I bet Madden got one, too,” she muses, still caught up in the puzzle she’s putting together.

  “Based on the way he was tearing into that bag when I arrived in the gym, I’d say the chances are good. He was almost as upset over it as I was.” If not just as upset. Something I’ll have to think about later. When I’m not still ready to murder him for touching Megan.

  That gets her attention. “What did you say?”

  My eyebrows furrow. “That we were both upset over it?”

  “Yeah.” She steps closer, looking me in the eye. “Just tell me one thing, Tristan.”

  I shrug, and she takes that as a yes.

  “Do you really care about Megan? Like honestly and truly care about her?”

  I sigh, running my hands through my hair. What’s the point in denying it? I’ll tell Megan soon enough. As soon as she doesn’t think it’s just a ploy to get her to sleep with me or to choose me over Madden.

  “Yeah,” I say finally. “I do. I really do care about her.”

  The way she smiles is like I just told her she won the fucking lottery or something. “What am I missing here?” I ask.

  She shakes her head, pointing up. “Sorry, five minutes are up.” Tossing me my mic pack, Maya heads toward the stairs leading to Megan’s room. Where Megan’s been camped out all day. I haven’t seen her since the flight.

  “What are you doing?” I ask suspiciously.

  She gives me a wink. “Saving your ass.”

  Megan

  I wince with every blow, my body jerking. I want to look away from the scene unfolding on my flat screen in my bedroom, but my eyes are glued to the footage of Tristan and Madden fighting like they’re going for the Sugar Ray Robinson Award.

  I can’t believe it. The things they’re saying sound l
ike they’re arguing about business, but it’s obvious they’re fighting about me. I don’t know what to think about it or how I feel.

  Other than horrified that the two men I might be starting to care about are taking each other out in the gym. I know it’s not a live feed, so there’s no point in going to break it up. But I can hardly stand it.

  Maya bursts through my door without so much as a knock, takes one look at my face, and hauls me up off the bed and into the bathroom behind her, shutting and locking the door.

  I sigh. Obviously she wants to talk in secret again.

  “Don’t you think you’re going to get in trouble if you keep coming in here and talking to me like this?” I ask.

  Maya shrugs like it doesn’t matter. “That’s not what’s important right now.”

  I stare at her, incredulous. “Seriously? It’s your job.”

  She shakes her head. “Look, do you know why they were fighting?”

  I purse my lips and don’t say anything. What’s the point? She’s just going to tell me anyway.

  She doesn’t disappoint. “They were fighting over you, Megan.” Maya stands there with her hands on her hips, looking at me expectantly.

  Throwing my hands up, I pace around the bathroom. “What do you want me to say? That I’m swooning over the fact that two hot men are fighting over me? Or that I’m disgusted by their caveman behavior?”

  “You tell me.” She continues to watch me.

  Heaving a frustrated sigh, I stop in front of her. “Fine. I will. I’m really fucking upset, Maya. I don’t want them fighting over me. Not like this. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

  She scoffs a little. “Haven’t you ever seen a reality show? People always get hurt. It’s good TV.”

  I glare at her. Not what I want to hear right now. “What happened, Maya? Why were they fighting over me? Things have been fine all day.” At least as far as I could tell. I’ve stayed up in my room, and things have been quiet in the house. Why did they start tearing into each other all of a sudden?

  Thinking back to the footage I was watching, I remember that they were both radiating with anger at the beginning.