36 Inches: A MFMM Romantic Comedy

by Alexis Angel

  “I know that I personally am a stronger candidate since Jocelyn got pregnant,” Michael says, running out the tired phrase all over again. He’s got to remind New Yorkers about his pregnant wife. In case they missed it on the ads that are on the subways, buses, and taxis. Or the commercials playing on television. “She tells me I have to be home by 8 pm so you know what it makes me do? It makes me work harder and get up earlier. So I can be there for her exclusively in the evening.”

  Yesterday Michael didn't even come home in the evening. I only saw him this morning, wearing the same clothes. He looked well rested and I knew he had been with someone else. He didn’t even think to explain it to me. He just nodded in my direction and went to shower as I watched him silently.

  As he was showering, I looked at his clothes. I still remember the smell of the cologne. It took me all of two seconds to know where I’ve smelled it before—that’s Kenneth’s signature fragrance.

  I mean, how many times has Lance told you about Michael cheating on me. How many times have I?

  But I’m sorry, hon. I don't mean to come across like what I just sounded like. I’m not trying to be a bitch.

  And before you tell me it’s okay, I’m not upset that Michael is cheating on me with a man. I’m really okay with that part, if you can believe that. I mean, God works in mysterious ways. If Michael is attracted to Kenneth, or to another man, me spreading my legs and flashing my tits isn’t going to work on him. Considering that he’s never even kissed me, I don’t really feel betrayed or hurt.

  No, what really riles me more than anything else is that Michael gets to go have his fun while the one man that I want—that I crave—is out of my reach. The one man…

  “Lance, my son,” Michael booms and just hearing that name snaps me back to reality. I don't really care what crock of bullshit Michael’s feeding them. I want Lance. I want his arms around me. I want him squeezing me against his hard body. I want to feel his giant cock pulsing against my pussy as he grabs my ass and squeezes it. I want that salty semen of his to fill me up, like it has so many times. I want to ride him until he makes me cum and the world’s problems melt away.

  And then afterwards, I want him to hold me as I bask in contented satisfaction. In his arms, I know that I was happy.

  “Lance,” Michael continues. “Couldn’t be here today, because he's doing some important work for the campaign in the Bronx, but I’m sure that even he would agree that his life has turned around greatly since he’s come home and had the stability of family.”

  Now that’s a low blow. Michael not only neglected his stepson to the point where Lance acted out. But now he’s taking credit for Lance’s turnaround?

  You know what, I really don’t care anymore. I miss the man who's the love of my life. But I can’t be with him because I’m blackmailed into staying in a loveless marriage. To have a baby for a man that’s hiding his identity from the world.

  “Lance would be the first person to agree that a happy, trusting, and honest home is what makes him successful,” Michael says.

  I can’t help but scowl. There are times that I hate this man. They seem to be happening more and more frequently. If there was only some way to get out of…

  “Not liking what you hear?” a voice whispers into my ear.

  It’s too low to be caught by the crowds or the cameras.

  I turn around slightly to see Kenneth standing next to me.

  My first thought is if it looks odd that Kenneth is talking to me during Michael’s speech. But after doing plenty of these campaign stops I realize that form the crowd it’ll only look like logistical discussions between members of the campaign. They’re fixated on Michael’s oratory. Not on me.

  “Did you not hear me, Mrs. Anders?” Kenneth asks again. “I know you’re not the biggest fan of the Mayor.”

  Now my body freezes. I don’t know if it’s fear. Kenneth isn’t one to inspire fear. He’s more catty than anything else. But there is caution. And wariness. Whereas Lance could kill someone if he got angry enough, I know Kenneth could meticulously plan their complete destruction.

  “Your posture is telling me that you can not only hear me, but that I’m right,” Kenneth says and this time I turn toward him.

  “What do you want, Kenneth?” I hiss under my breath. I can hear the audience break out into cheers and applause at one of Michael’s lines and I only hope that I wasn’t supposed to be smiling and waving.

  But the moment passes and Michael continues on. Kenneth simply looks at him. “I want what’s mine,” he says to me. “I want to be with the man I’ve fallen in love with, and the man you’re trying to take away with that fake pregnancy of yours.”

  “What makes you think this baby is fake, Kenneth?” I ask him.

  He smiles at me sardonically. “Silly rabbit, I know you’re really pregnant, but I know that’s not Michael’s baby.”

  Now the hairs are rising on the back of my neck. If Kenneth knows that this child isn’t Michael’s then who else knows. And if Michael thinks I told, then all bets are off. He’ll go after dad as easily as he throws away garbage.

  The look must be translating across my face because Kenneth lowers his voice.

  “Relax, Jocelyn,” he says to me. “No one gossiped, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  It is. But if no one has been gossiping, then who could…

  “As far as everyone knows, you and Michael are in so much fucking love,” Kenneth says. “And you're expecting that child like two proud and happy parents. It makes me sick.”

  How does Kenneth know?

  “And in case you were wondering, I heard about your baby straight from the horse’s mouth,” Kenneth says, his eyes traveling to Michael. There’s an inescapable look of lust in them. Michael has just finished a line and the crowd is clapping again. He turns his head slightly and sees Kenneth and I speaking. “That’s right. Straight from the horse’s mouth. As he was fucking me doggy.”

  I cringe at the thought of my husband having pillow talk with this man. He’s so fucking slimy.

  “And Michael told me it was a secret, sure,” Kenneth says, gently touching me on the arm. But there’s no warmth to it, despite what it may look to the crowd. “But I don’t like it.”

  At last, I get the courage to reply back.

  I shrug. “Doesn’t matter if you don’t like it, hun,” I tell Kenneth. “If that’s what Michael wants.”

  The fingers squeeze harder on my hand.

  “Michael doesn’t know what he wants half the time until I tell him,” Kenneth says. “He doesn't realize that you don't deserve him. He doesn't understand that the population of this city doesn't care who he’s sleeping with.”

  I remain silent as Kenneth continues. “But that’s fine. He doesn’t have to make the hard choices. That’s why he has me. And I’m making the choice for how he has to deal with you, Mrs. Anders.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask Kenneth. His eyes are looking at me coldly, evaluating me.

  “You’re no good for him,” Kenneth says to me matter-of-factly. “If anyone ever finds out that baby isn’t his, it could mean ruin politically for his future. We’d be stopped at the mayoral level.”

  “We?” I ask, with an arched eyebrow.

  The crowd cheers again and Kenneth waits until it dies down.

  “You need to leave him,” Kenneth says to me.

  I shake my head. I can’t do that. He doesn't know the conversation Michael and I have already had.

  “I don’t think you understand, Jocelyn,” Kenneth says to me, looking at me shaking my head. “Michael may have threatened you, and he may carry through it, but it’s nothing compared to what I’ll unleash on you if you don’t leave him.”

  Now I’m curious. What's worse that Kenneth could do?

  “I’ll not only expose your father, but I’ll pull enough strings that when you finally do have that baby, Social Services will come take it away because you’ll be an unfit mother,” Kenneth hisses. �
�And Michael will be long gone after that shit comes out. He won’t be able to protect you.”

  I’m frozen as I hear the words that my baby might be taken away.

  “Sure, you’ll be able to deny that the baby isn’t yours, but once Michael starts getting hit, he’ll throw you overboard to save himself. And then no one will be around to defend you, dear,” Kenneth says, taking a moment to pause and look into my eyes.

  “You won’t win in this situation, so it’s time to make sure you end up losing the least,” he tells me. I’m still frozen. In shock. Awe. Disgust. Revulsion. “But Mrs. Anders, if you cooperate with me and do exactly what I tell you to do, maybe you can mitigate some of those losses.”

  I don’t believe it. I can’t believe it. My baby is being used as a bargaining chip.

  “If you leave Michael, and do it convincingly, and make the world believe you guys split,” I’ll not only not hurt you, I’ll help you land on your feet after Michael starts destroying your father.

  I stare at him.

  “But you only have one week to end things with Michael,” Kenneth concludes. “One week to break off your ties to that man.

  I wonder if I’m in a weird twisted dream brought about by pregnancy. I can’t believe just a few weeks ago I was routinely enjoying mind-numbing sex with Lance. And now, this?

  “Why?” I ask, simply. That’s all I need to know.

  Kenneth seems to consider a moment before answering, “Because I love that man in ways you would never understand,” he replies. “And I want what’s mine without you taking it away from me.”

  I try to reply, but Michael finishes his speech and the crowd goes wild. News reporters and bodyguards crowd around us with the reporters asking questions or taking pictures and the bodyguards ushering off the stage.

  I know Kenneth wants to speak more, but he just looks at me and says, “One week,” before a bodyguard comes over and ushers me off the stage and toward the waiting limo.

  One week in which to end a marriage.

  And lose my soul at the same time.

  But anything to protect my baby.

  No, our baby. Lance’s and mine.

  Our baby.

  Lance

  Since Jocelyn broke up with me that I haven't been the fucking same. How could I? It might be a fucking dumb thing to say, but she ripped my fucking heart out and stepped all over it. And I still can't take her out of my fucking mind. I'm going fucking crazy here, that much I can tell you.

  I thought of packing my shit up and catching the first plane out of the fucking States, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not yet, at least. Not while my mind is in fucking tatters. Before I make a decision, I need to fucking unwind, and what better way to unwind than to be in a place packed to the ceiling with hot sluts? That's exactly the reason I'm out tonight. Yes, that's right; Lance Anders is fucking back, ladies. At least for today.

  "Whisky, neat," I ask the bartender, leaning on the counter and scanning the dance floor. The fucking nightclub is completely packed, and since I've chosen one of the most exclusive venues in New York, it's packed with hot young ladies. Just what I fucking need right now—women, bright lights and loud music.

  A few of the women on the dance floor are already eyeing me, but I don't feel like going up to them. If they're that interested, they can be the ones to approach me, and they can also buy me a fucking drink, once they're at it. It’s a brave new fucking world, ladies, fuck chivalry. Yeah, I’m in a foul fucking mood, in case you still haven’t noticed. Can you fucking blame me? Thought so.

  "You're Lance Anders, aren't you?" I hear someone say from the side. I turn toward whoever is talking to me—a twenty-something blonde wearing a dress so tight it should be fucking illegal. Her tits are almost jumping out of her bra, and her eyes tell me everything that I need to know; she's on the look for some fucking action tonight, and she has set a target on me. Maybe she thinks I'm famous, maybe it's because I'm better than all the chumps in this place. Whatever it is, I don't give a fuck. She’s hot and has the curves to prove it, so she gets my fucking acknowledgement.

  "That's me. Lance fucking Anders," I tell her, gulping down the whisky the bartender has set in front of me. I point to the glass and ask him for another one. He could just leave the fucking bottle, as far as I'm concerned, but I don't want to look like a fucking drunken asshole, even though that's probably what I am right now: a fucking drunk with his heart in fucking pieces. Yeah, yeah, I’m a fucking cliché, get over it.

  Moving subtly, she comes up to me, laying her hand on my arm. She's fucking trying to reel me in, and I might just let her do it. I mean, why the fuck not? It’s not like I owe it to someone to be fucking faithful. Not anymore.

  "I've heard about you," she tells me, a fucking lewd smile on her lips, a hint of white teeth showing. Her eyes wander all over my body, and I can almost bet the fucking slut is picturing me naked. If I had a dollar for every time a woman looks at me like this, I’d fucking rolling in money.

  "Yeah, what did you heard about me?" I ask her, turning my attention to the whisky in front of me. She's fucking hot, I'll give her that, but it's not like I'm fucking interested right now. It's fucking weird, to be honest; if this were happening before Jocelyn came into my life, I'd already be taking her to the bathroom so that I could fuck her brains out. I’d make her moan, I’d make her come; I’d spray my cum all over her face without even worrying about how she’d look like when leaving the club. Yeah, I’m an asshole, didn’t you know that already? I'm not saying that something like it won't happen, but it's going to take a lot fucking more than her just knowing my name. I'm flattered, sure, but please try fucking harder.

  "I've heard... rumors," she says, licking her lips wantonly, almost as an invitation to slide my cock deep in her mouth. "I was wondering if there's some truth to them."

  Rumors—yeah, they spread like fucking wildfire. My mind automatically translates what she's saying, and the true meaning behind her words is twofold: is my cock as big as people say, and do I want to fuck her? The answer to the first question is yes, to the second one is maybe. Hey, I’m not ruling out a fucking thing.

  "My name is Samantha," she tells me, replying to a question I didn't fucking make. I look at her, expressionless, and take a sip of my whisky. She doesn't seem taken aback by my silence and, in fact, takes it as fucking encouragement. "I live just around the corner. Five minutes by cab." Well, this one is as blunt as they fucking come. I like that. I mean, I would like it more if I could get Jocelyn out of my fucking mind, something that's starting to look more and more like an impossible fucking mission.

  Fuck! I need to man the fuck up, and I need to do it right now. Why the fuck am I sitting here, wallowing like a little girl? I'm Lance Anders, and I'm fucking better than this. It’s time go fucking crazy.

  "Do you have a goldfish?" I ask her, grinning as I take the whisky to my lips. Her eyes widen, and she finally seems taken aback, surprised by my response.

  "A goldfish? I... No, I don't have one," she replies, not knowing what else to say.

  "That's a pity. Because if you had one... You could take me to your apartment... so that you could show it to me. I have a weak spot for goldfish." Her eyes widen some more, but then she smiles, realizing what I'm saying. Yeah, it's true; these girls will go for something as dumb as what I just fucking said. It's not like I needed to say it, though, she was already down for taking me to her place... But why ruin the fun? I just fucking love to mess with cock-hungry women like her.

  "Oh. I was being silly. Of course I have one... I completely forgot about. And I'd love to show you my goldfish." Oh, I bet you would... I bet you fucking would. Maybe seeing her, ahem, goldfish is exactly what I fucking need right now.

  "Well, lead the way," I tell her, downing the rest of my whisky in one single gulp and giving the bartender a neatly folded bill, tip and all. She grabs my hand and pulls me in, turning her back to me and guiding me through the crowd. I follow after her, and a few girls stop
dancing as we go through—first they fucking eye me, and then they turn to Samantha, jealousy flickering in their eyes. Fucking nasty creatures, women.

  Finally emerging on the other side of the fucking dance floor, we go past the bouncers and out the door, into the cold air of the street. She holds my arm as if I were her fucking boyfriend, her body close to mine. I hail for a taxi, and we get inside; she tells the driver the directions, placing one hand on my knee as she leans toward the opening in the divider. I'm definitely in a fucking off mood; if this was any other day, I'd already have my hand on her pussy, and I would make her cum at least once before we got to her place. Well, at least I’m going to her place, so I guess that's a fucking victory.

  Just like she said, five minutes and the taxi stops in front of an apartment building. I pay the driver. a rastafari guy with a thick accent, and he gives me a fucking wink and a nod, knowing that I'm about to fucking score. Thanks, random taxi driver, I appreciate the fucking support.

  Samantha and I leave the taxi and I follow after her as she gets inside the building. She calls the elevator and we step inside as the doors open with a subtle ding. Inside the cramped metal box, she grabs my arm again, looking up at me expectantly. I simply smile, not giving her the fucking reaction she's expecting. If this were a good day, she'd be having her second orgasm of the day before the elevator reached its fucking destination. As it is, all I manage to do is fucking smile at her. Fucking pathetic.

  We get inside her tiny apartment, and she doesn’t even bother with turning the lights on. The moment she shuts the door she’s on me, her huge tits pressing against my chest as she looks into my face expectantly. Her eyelids start to droop, and she parts her lips, waiting for me to lean in and kiss her. Jesus fucking Christ, why is my heart racing? Fuck, and it isn’t racing because I’m getting fucking hard, let me tell you that. It’s fucking racing because this is fucking wrong! What the fuck am I doing here? Fuck!

  I take one step back, pushing her away from me. Her eyes widen, confusion taking over her face.