Forever my Badman (Russian Bratva Book 7)

by Hayley Faiman

  “Sana,” he murmurs.

  “I do not want to look like a fool. I’m a Vetrova. Don’t you think that name has been made a fool far too much lately? I begged him to tell me if he was going to fuck other women behind my back. All I asked was that he tell me so that if I was going to be made a fool, at least I would know about it. He swore, he swore he’d tell me, Timofei,” I whisper as I hiccup.

  “Sana, you are not a fool,” he rumbles.

  “I am, because I believed him when, just this morning, he claimed there was nobody else,” I murmur.

  “Fuck,” he hisses. “I’ll kill him,” he grunts.

  I don’t respond. In the blink of an eye, I’m alone on the sofa and staring at the door that my brother just stomped through.

  Oh, shit.

  “Where’d he go?” Leonie asks, looking nervous.

  “I think he went after Mika,” I whisper.

  “Oh, shit,” Kristy murmurs from somewhere behind Leonie.

  I bite my bottom lip, only feeling a tiny bit bad for Mika, but not enough to get up and run right after Timofei. I decide to wait a few minutes before the entire group of us makes our way toward my condo.

  GODDAMMIT.

  Belka.

  The whore.

  I rake my fingers through my hair and tug at the strands. Oksana refuses to talk to me, refuses to listen to reason. Right now, her behavior is something I don’t have the fucking time for. I don’t have time to talk sense into her.

  The hours and minutes are ticking by, and I’ve yet to find the man who is supposed to kill me. Pasha hasn’t given up any new information, according to Konstantin. I’m fucked.

  “What the fuck?” Timofei shouts as he bursts through my unlocked door.

  I turn to face him, opening my mouth to speak. Before I can even get one word out, his fist connects with my face.

  “Whatever you decide to do in your relationship is your business. I’d never question your actions or motives. I understand this life—but you lied to my sister’s face just this morning. That shit is unacceptable. It’s also unacceptable to parade your whore in front of her face. I won’t fucking stand for it,” he announces. I look at him in surprise, rubbing my jaw.

  “I didn’t lie to her,” I explain. That’s as much as I’ll tell him. This shit is not his business.

  “You did, you piece of shit. You told me she was yours; you ensured her protection, and now she’s crying,” he growls.

  “Timofei,” Oksana gasps as she and the whole entourage walk through my front door.

  “I’m not allowing him to treat you like shit, not when he vowed to me that he wanted you and he’d care for you. Not when I supported your being together. I’m your brother. I’m your protector,” Timofei announces.

  I jerk back, tamping down my anger and irritation. If my sister were still alive, I’d be her protector, too. I would defend and protect her until the day that I died. I can’t blame him for loving Oksana. As much as I want to tell him to fuck off, he’s showing more love and compassion than their own father.

  I will not, however, explain myself to an entire room full of people. I look over to Ustin and lift my chin. He shakes his head once before he and Ony start to usher the rest of the onlookers out of the room, leaving only Oksana and Timofei in the condo.

  “I didn’t lie to you, Oksana,” I explain. “I haven’t seen Belka since we arrived back here together.” I feel like a pussy for having to explain myself, but looking into Oksana’s hurt eyes, I know that I must.

  She’ll break if I don’t, and having a woman as strong as Oksana break—that would make me the lowest fucking piece of shit on the planet. She’s already been through too much as it is. I watch as her bottom lip trembles, and it’s then that I see her tear streaked cheeks. I wonder if I’ve already broken a part of her.

  It would kill me to hurt her.

  She’s not the kind of woman who is extremely open about her feelings. I know that she loves me, and I know when she’s happy and when she’s mad. She isn’t afraid to show it; but her deep down, true feelings, her vulnerabilities, they don’t appear very often. Right now, they’re right in front of my face.

  “Why did she have a key to your condo and announce her standing appointment with you?” she asks as she crosses her arms over her chest, pushing her beautiful tits up.

  “I told you about Belka. She’s no surprise. She’s my past, and there’s no reason to discuss her,” I state.

  “A woman who is nothing, a call girl who is nobody, she doesn’t have a key to your condo,” Oksana growls.

  Timofei shakes his head and plants his hands on his hips, looking down at the ground. He’s probably fucked Belka, too. This whole conversation is fucking ridiculous.

  “I’m finished with this,” I announce.

  “Fine,” Oksana grinds out. “Timofei, I’ll pack a bag. I’m staying with you,” she announces.

  My eyes widen just as Timofei’s head shoots up. His mouth drops open slightly before he clamps it shut.

  “Sorry, Sana,” he rumbles before he walks up to her.

  I watch as he whispers and her eyes narrow on him. If looks could kill, we’d be planning a funeral for Timofei tomorrow. Then, to my surprise, he leans down, places a kiss on her cheek, and walks out of the condo without looking back at me.

  Oksana lets out a heavy sigh as she looks down at her feet, refusing to lift her head and eyes, avoiding my gaze, which I know she must feel on her.

  “I told you this morning there was nobody else. I told you I would be livid if you even brought it up again,” I announce.

  Oksana lifts her face and gives me her eyes. Her angry gaze is focused on me and only me.

  “That was before some whore let herself into your condo,” she grinds out.

  “Our condo,” I clarify.

  “Is it?” she asks, tipping her head to the side. “Because I don’t recall giving anybody a key, and yet, a whore has one.”

  “The past, Oksana. It’s the fucking past. I don’t ask you who you fucked,” I growl.

  “My Byki. I lost my virginity to my Byki when I was twenty-one years old, because they were the only men ever allowed to be anywhere near me. Even in college, when I went out with Aleksandra and any of my friends. No men were ever allowed anywhere near me. My father wanted me to be a virgin for my husband. He said I would fetch a better match that way,” she says.

  Instead of being filled with rage, like I thought I would be at the thought of another man touching her, I feel sad.

  “Oksana,” I whisper, taking a step toward her.

  She shakes her head, her feet carrying her backward. We continue until her back is against the wall, and my stomach presses against her round belly.

  “I told you not to make me look like a fool,” she whispers as tears fall from her eyes.

  “You don’t look like a fool, lapochka,” I assure her as I wrap my hand around the side of her neck and use my thumb to tip her head back.

  “She has a key, a key, and she laughed at me, Mika. I look exactly like a fool,” she mutters as her bottom lip trembles.

  “She no longer has a key, Oksana. I fucked her and I paid for it. I did it because she was convenient and I was too busy for anything else,” I explain.

  Oksana holds my eyes but she doesn’t say anything. She nods, but I can tell she’s still upset.

  “What else?” I urge.

  “I don’t want to be my mother. I loved mama, but my father, I have a feeling he hid more than one simple affair from her. I want to believe you, but…” her words trail off.

  As much as I want to be as angry as I claimed I’d be if she didn’t accept my word as truth, I can understand her hesitancy—especially with what happened this morning.

  “There’s only you. I haven’t lied to you. Belka and I had a standing appointment before you and I were married. She was nothing more than someone I fucked. Whatever that makes me, it’s what I am; but Oksana, you’re the only woman who knows me. Nobody els
e knows the details of my life like you do. Not even Ashley—just you,” I explain.

  “I’m not sure I can forget this happened,” she whispers.

  “I don’t expect you to,” I murmur. “If it takes some more time to earn the trust that you lost in me, in us, then I’m willing to put in the time. We have nothing but time, lapochka,” I rumble. “Now kiss me, and I’ll join you in shopping.”

  “You worked all night,” she murmurs, shaking her head.

  “Don’t give a fuck. Would rather be dead on my feet and with you, then have you retreat into your own head and question everything the rest of the day. I want to be with you as much as I can.”

  “Why?” she asks, far too observant for her own good.

  “Because I love you, moya vozlyublennaya,” I shrug, avoiding telling her anymore.

  She nods and lifts her lips to press against mine. I don’t deepen our kiss. It’s not the time or place to take anything further. She is vulnerable and needs a little space, which she’ll get.

  When we get back home tonight, I’ll make love to her slowly, and show her with my body just how much I love her, just how much she’s truly mine. But today, I’m going to spoil her and my son, giving her a good memory of me, to keep with her forever.

  Leonie, Quinn, and Kristy give me sideways glances throughout our day, switching from Mika to me every so often. Our final destination is a maternity store. After we found the baby’s bedroom set and a bunch of necessities, including a high chair, swing, bouncer, and all of the other bigger things you need when you have a baby, it’s now time to figure out a wardrobe. Thank goodness for Kristy tagging along. Her wealth of infant needs knowledge was outstanding.

  “Tell us what the hell happened,” Quinn almost demands as we’re looking through a rack of shirts.

  “He swears she was before me, that she was nothing, and he took her key away,” I admit on a shrug as I take out a few shirts that look cute.

  “Do you believe him?” Leonie asks, arching a brow.

  “I don’t know. I want to,” I admit.

  “Whores aren’t uncommon. Especially since they run a stable. It’s easy and without complication or feelings. These men are usually contracted to another. The last thing they need are to catch feelings for someone who is not their intended,” Kristy informs.

  I nod, thinking about Dominik and Inessa. Dominik was promised to another and he had an affair with Inessa, which turned into strong feelings. It wasn’t an easy road that they took, and Inessa was almost killed in the process. Granted, it worked out for them, but I could very much understand why the men would hire call girls. Heck, my brother is contracted to a woman, and I highly doubt he’s being celibate while he waits for his wedding day.

  “It wasn’t the fact that he had a whore. I understand that. But I don’t want to be my mother. I don’t want to believe that my husband is being faithful when, in reality, he’s having affairs and doing god only knows what else behind my back. I’d rather know. Having her use a key to walk into the condo I’m sharing with my husband, it hurt, and it felt like a betrayal,” I admit with a shrug.

  Leonie holds up two dresses, and I point to the one that I like before she speaks. “I can tell by the way he watches you, he has feelings for you. I think he’s telling the truth. For what it’s worth.”

  “I think he is, too. I think I was more shocked and hurt than anything else today. He swears he’ll earn back my trust. I think, had I known this woman had a key when we had originally talked about her, then I would have been okay. I just felt like he had purposely hid things from me, which made me think there was more that he was hiding,” I explain.

  I wish that I could have explained all of this to Mika rationally, but I was too caught up in the situation, in my own feelings, and very much in my own head—just like he said I would be, had he left me alone today.

  “So, everything is all right?” Quinn asks.

  My answer is to shrug. I want to say that everything is fine, but I don’t know. I guess it’s something that only time will tell. If he’s true to me, then everything will be okay, and I’ll be all right. If he isn’t, then I don’t know what I’ll do. I do know that I won’t allow myself to be played as a fool.

  My father played me, forced me into marrying Gavril. I’ve been a pawn and a fool enough in my life. I’m done with it. Mika chose me, and I him. I want it all from him—including monogamy.

  I watch her through the clothing store window, her girls surrounding her, most likely talking about what happened this morning. I don’t blame them. I’m glad that they are watching out for her, as they should be.

  “Any new information?” Ustin asks. I shake my head.

  “Nobody knows a fucking thing. He did it and contacted whoever it was without saying a word,” I admit.

  “You sure you want to stand out here, so exposed?” Ony asks, looking around at all the buildings that surround us.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I say, shaking my head. “If we don’t find out who it is soon, I’m as good as dead.”

  “Why don’t you stay in the condo, inside and away from harm?” Ustin asks.

  “Because if he wants me, he’ll take me. There is no place safe enough,” I explain.

  “You still haven’t told Oksana,” Ony announces.

  “Nyet,” I admit.

  “She needs to know,” Ustin rumbles.

  “Possibly, but I’m not telling her,” I say. “I want her to be happy. She’s pregnant. The last thing she needs is to be stressed out. If I’m going to die at any second, I want to see her smile as often as possible. Her smile is the last thing I want to remember about her, not worry that would surely etch across her face,” I explain.

  “Understood,” Ustin nods.

  “We’ll find out who it is. None of us will let you die. Ziven and Timofei, Konstantin, Kirill, Radimir, Maxim, Dominik, Yakov, Sergei—none of them will rest until this person is found and Pasha is dealt with,” Ony says.

  “I hope I make it that long; to see Pasha dealt with, that is,” I chuckle.

  “I have a feeling Timofei will let you have a go at him, as much shit as he’s put you through,” Ustin grunts.

  “We’ll see,” I murmur.

  I don’t want to talk about my death anymore. My imminent death. It’s one thing to know, as a human, that you will cease to exist. It’s another thing to know that your days are marked—to wait for the bullet to enter your skull or chest, to know that your child will probably never lay eyes on you—it makes my entire body ache from the inside out.

  Then I think about Oksana, how she will have to survive this world without me, and what that means as a Bratva woman. She’ll have some reprieve after she gives birth, but I have no doubt that Timofei will contract a marriage for her, so that she’s protected and my son has a man to raise him.

  I should just leave now, stand in the middle of a field and wait. But I’m selfish as fuck, and I want to spend every second I can with Oksana.

  Moya vozlyublennaya.

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE having a baby and I won’t be there to play auntie,” Aleksandra pouts on the other end of the line.

  It’s been a week since Mika and I had our fight, and things seem to be back to normal, I suppose. I don’t know what normal really looks like with him, but he’s still working throughout the night more than not, and sleeping during most days. He isn’t talking to me about what he’s doing, and I’ve stopped asking.

  We’ve had sex every single day, but it’s nowhere near the desperate, hard, fast, heart pounding sex we used to have. It’s been slow and sensual, which I love, but I miss that rough desperation—like if he doesn’t have me he might explode. I just miss my Mikhail. Something has changed, but I don’t know what it is.

  “You guys should come out to visit us. Mika said that some of the condos in our building are empty and used for Bratva when they’re in town,” I suggest.

  “Oh, definitely,” she says. It doesn’t sound genuine. “Hey, you
r dad has been asking Denis if I’ve been in contact with you. He says he’s told him nothing. I want to believe him, but, Sana, your father has been scary. He’s paranoid, like more than he’s ever been,” she whispers.

  “I don’t understand why. Mika did what he asked a while ago. He told me everything was fine,” I murmur.

  “Maybe you should call your father?” she suggests. Something ugly settles in my stomach.

  I don’t want to talk to my father. He kidnapped me, and he’s not the man I’ve always thought him to be. He wasn’t this devoted husband; he didn’t dote on my mother like I’d always thought. He cheated, he loved another woman, and he’s completely unstable.

  “I’ll think about it,” I murmur before I tell her goodbye and end the call.

  I’m not thinking about it. I could give a fuck. If I’m being honest, I don’t know that our relationship is salvageable anymore. I’ll always love my father, because he’s my flesh and blood; but I don’t like the man that he is, the man that he’s shown himself to be. He’s ugly, from the inside out.

  Needing something positive to grasp onto after the conversation with Aleksandra and the thoughts of my father running through my head, I decide to walk to the former guest room, which is now the future nursery.

  The baby’s furniture was delivered a few days ago, and Mika has yet to put it together, promising to do it tonight before he goes back to work. He did paint the room a few days ago. He let me pick whatever color I wanted, not even arguing about it.

  I chose a soft, dove grey. All of his furniture is soft white, and his bedding is navy blue. I don’t know how I’m going to decorate the walls yet, but I’m excited to see how it all looks with the furniture and bedding set up and in place.

  “Do you still like it,” Mika whispers against my ear, his chest pressing against my back as his arm slides around my waist. His hand rests on the swell of my stomach, something that seems to be expanding with each passing day.

  “You’re awake,” I breathe.