V is for Virgin

by Kelly Oram

  I took a few deep breaths before entering the cafeteria. I’d refused to ever let Zach hurt me again, but since that plan had failed I told myself, at the very least, I wouldn’t have another public breakdown because he’d broken my heart.

  I walked in the room expecting things to fall silent upon my arrival, but it seemed word of this scandal hadn’t gotten out yet. It was business as usual in the Huntington High cafeteria.

  I saw my friends laughing at something Mason was saying and almost let a tear escape. Those people at that table were my safe haven. They were my foundation in all of this madness. The one stable thing I could always count on. I needed them right then. Especially Cara. She could laugh about the picture clutched in my hand, and tell me that it was no big deal, and that it would all blow over before I knew it, and I would believe her. I needed to believe her. But I needed something else first.

  I scanned the sea of students and steeled myself when my eyes fell on my target. I tried not to draw attention to myself as I walked over to Zach. I didn’t want to make a big scene, but I needed to say something. I couldn’t just ignore it.

  I came right up behind Zach and, one by one, his friends noticed me and fell silent. Zach was the last to look up. “Val?” he asked, surprised. “What’s up?”

  Zach’s jaw fell open when I dropped the magazine down in front of him.

  “You know?” I asked. I wanted to pat myself on the back for how calm I sounded. “I thought no one could ever break my heart worse than you did. It’s kind of ironic that the person who finally did turned out to be you again.”

  “Val—”

  “In every interview I’ve ever given, I’ve always defended you. I’ve apologized publicly and shared the blame for our breakup. I’ve told the world that you weren’t a bad guy even though you hurt me so badly.”

  I had to take a deep breath. My voice was starting to shake. “This might have just ruined everything I’ve worked so hard for this year. Never mind that it’s tarnished my reputation beyond repair. Whatever I’ve done to deserve this, I just want you to know you’ve succeeded. It hurts more than you could possibly understand. I hope it’s worth it.”

  Everyone at Zach’s table was frozen in shock. They all gaped at me as my eyes welled up. I’d told myself I wasn’t going to cry, but a few tears fell despite my best efforts. I tried to wipe them away with grace, and then turned my back on my audience.

  I got a few steps away before Zach called out my name. He even said please when he asked me to go talk with him. Part of me wanted to. Part of me wanted to know why he’d do something like this to me, but I couldn’t talk to him right then. I couldn’t do it without breaking down, and I would not do that.

  I ignored Zach and forced a bright, cheery smile on my face as I joined my friends. Zach backed off when Isaac pulled me close and give me a kiss. “My life,” I said taking my lunch from my backpack, “is officially nuts.”

  “Where’ve you been?” Stephanie asked as Isaac sniffed out a peanut butter cookie that my mom put in my lunch especially for him. “You weren’t in class just now. I was going to ask if I could borrow your notes for history. Eric said there’s going to be a pop quiz.”

  “Just dealing with the insanity that has become my life.” I dug through my backpack for my notes. I found a bottle of Excedrin and quickly popped a couple for my growing headache after handing Stephanie my history notebook.

  “Ooh, thank you! You want to have a mini cram session before class?”

  “Can’t,” I replied while scarfing down my lunch as fast as I could. “I’ve got a guest lecture at a high school in Whittier this afternoon. I’ve got to leave in fifteen—” I looked at my watch and corrected myself. “Ten minutes before I have to leave.”

  “Dude,” Mason said with a frown. “I’ve got to find a cause that gets me out of school as much as you.”

  “Trust me, it sucks a lot more than you think. I still have to do all the work. I just have to do it in my free time. It’s like having tons and tons of extra homework.”

  “That does suck.”

  “So, will you be back after school?” Cara asked. “I’ve got an audition tonight and my mom is springing for mani-pedi’s. You should come with. You need the down time.”

  “I wish I could,” I said. “I’ve got a meeting after school with Margret and the C&J Jewels guys. My Virgin line is selling so well, C&J Jewels offered to let me expand my collection. I get to try out a few original pieces of jewelry that are unrelated to the Virgin stuff.”

  After a chorus of congratulations from my friends, Isaac slipped his arm around me and gave me a kiss on my neck. “Will you be done in time to come to my game tonight?”

  I cringed. “Sorry. You know I try to never miss your games, but I’ve got to go with the prom committee to see a couple of possible venues. I’ll be at the next one though. I swear my life on it.”

  “Hey!” Cara protested. “I didn’t know we were choosing venues today!”

  “That’s because you’ve missed the last two council meetings,” Olivia said gleefully. “We’ve already assembled the prom committee.”

  “It’s not too late to join,” I said quickly when Cara’s jaw dropped.

  “Yeah,” she said, “but who was elected committee chair?”

  If Cara couldn’t guess from the look on my face, the smug smile on Olivia’s face confirmed it. “You left the fate of our senior prom in the hands of Olivia Lewis?” Cara screeched at me.

  “Not just me,” I said, going on the defensive. “The whole council voted on it. Honestly, Cara, Olivia is doing a great job. She’s already had some great ideas, and we needed someone reliable who could put in the hours necessary since both Eric and I are so busy with other stuff.”

  Cara stared at me as if I’d betrayed her. After the shock wore off she got pissed. I didn’t feel like fighting with her about this so I changed the subject. “So, anyway, you guys want to hear the craziest news yet?”

  “There’s more?” Lacy and Stephanie asked at the same time.

  I nodded. “I was late to lunch because I was in the principal’s office. Some movie people came to talk to me about optioning the film rights to my story. This was the only time them and my parents could all meet together.”

  There was a collective gasp, someone choked on food, and then everyone at my table freaked out.

  “Film rights?” Isaac asked with a lot less enthusiasm than everyone else present.

  I nodded. “Looks like V is for Virgin the Movie might be coming to a second-rate cable network near you.”

  Everyone laughed and congratulated me again except Isaac. He was still frowning. “But do you want a movie made about you?” he asked. “Do you really want that kind of attention? You’re life is hectic enough.”

  His concern was so adorable. “I know,” I said, sighing. “I’m not thrilled, but—”

  “But you said yes, right?” Cara interrupted. There was something in the tone of her voice, an urgency that gave her away.

  “You already knew about this,” I said.

  “The guys were talking about it last night,” she admitted sheepishly.

  I gritted my teeth at her reference to “the guys.” Cara and Shane were still disgustingly in love, and since Shane was always with Tralse, Cara was always with them too. Cara and Kyle were practically family now. If I weren’t so busy with my own stuff, I’d be insulted that my best friend spent more time with my archenemy than she did with me.

  “How does Tralse know?”

  “The same guys that called you called them too. They wanted to make sure that if you said yes they could use Tralse’s name and sing ‘Cryin’ Shame’ in the movie.”

  “I can’t believe you knew about this before I did.”

  Cara just shrugged.

  “About this movie thing, Val,” Isaac started hesitantly. “Are you sure that’s something you really want?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Not especially.”

  “But you’re going t
o do it, right?” Cara said again. “Val, you have to let them do it. This will be huge for the guys.”

  “She doesn’t have to do anything,” Isaac muttered. “What’s good for Kyle Hamilton isn’t necessarily what’s good for Val.”

  “It is good for Val!” Cara said haughtily. “She deserves this. She’s worked her butt off all year. She’s even got other groups involved with V is for Virgin besides the Not Everybody’s Doing It Foundation. Religious groups, AIDS awareness groups… All kinds of people are involved now. It’s not just a campaign anymore. It’s practically a movement.”

  “I know,” Isaac grumbled. “So why does she need a movie that’s only going to make her fame problem—”

  “Her fame is not a problem.”

  “—and her Kyle problem that much worse?”

  “Kyle problem!” Cara scoffed. “What’s the matter Isaac, jealous?”

  “Jealous?” Isaac repeated appalled. “Of Kyle Hamilton?”

  “Yes! Of Kyle Hamilton! Or of Val’s fame. She’s upstaged you Mr. Big Man On Campus. Deal with it!”

  “You, guys, that’s enough.” I sighed. Cara and Isaac had been more and more at odds with each other lately because Cara always defended Kyle and there wasn’t a person Isaac hated more on the whole planet than Kyle.

  “Cara, leave Isaac alone. He’s just worried about me. Kyle is a problem, and having a movie about us will only encourage him.” I turned to Isaac and gave him my sincerest smile. “But Cara’s right too. A movie would be great exposure. We’ve come a long way, but not everyone in the world is a Tralse fan and I still haven’t reached a whole lot of people beyond their fans. Do you know how many women in their thirties and forties watch cheesy made-for-TV movies? I’d be reaching a whole new demographic. An important one because it’s the moms of all the people I’m aiming to reach.”

  “It might not be worth it, Val. You have limits. What if it gets to be too much for you?”

  “Just because you can’t handle it doesn’t mean V can’t,” Cara snapped.

  “Cara!” I shouted. “Shut up!” I ignored the look I got from Cara for that, and squeezed Isaac’s hand. “It’s all right. Cara’s right. I’m not looking forward to it, but I can handle it. It will do so much for the cause.”

  “You sure?” Isaac didn’t look happy, but he seemed resigned.

  “I’m sure,” I told him. “It’s okay. Plus,” I said playfully elbowing my very mad best friend. “I can write it in the contract that no one but Cara gets to play herself.”

  Cara wanted to stay angry but couldn’t quite manage it. “The supporting role? Please. It’s the role of Virgin Val or nothing.”

  Olivia snorted loudly, reminding me that there was a cafeteria full of other people eavesdropping on our conversation. “What’s so funny?” Cara hissed.

  “The idea of you playing the gung-ho virgin.” Olivia shrugged. “Ironic.”

  I turned to stare at my best friend while she returned Olivia’s insult ten fold. Once she finished she looked at me. I couldn’t believe I’d never noticed the truth before. It seemed so obvious staring at her right then.

  “You’re not wearing your bracelet,” I pointed out, having no idea what else to say. Unfortunately, that was the exact wrong thing.

  Cara’s face flushed with anger. “I haven’t been wearing it for months, Val.”

  The word months felt like a slap in the face. Cara had done the deed. She gave up her V card. She’d had sex. My best friend had made one of the biggest decisions of her life. Months ago.

  And she never told me.

  “How could you?” I asked, so upset that my voice broke.

  “Oh, no,” Cara said with a hard angry laugh. “I knew this was going to happen. Get off your high horse, V.”

  “Get off my…” I didn’t understand what she was saying at first. “Cara, you had sex!”

  I didn’t mean to yell, but I’d had a really bad last fifteen minutes and I was upset on so many levels now that I couldn’t tell which problem my emotions were coming from.

  “Yeah, Val. I’m eighteen, I am in love with my boyfriend, we’ve been together for almost seven months now, and we had sex. Earth shattering news!”

  “Yeah, but I can’t believe you—”

  “You know what? Not everyone has to believe in your stupid little crusade. Just because you want to be the pointless martyr doesn’t mean the rest of us have to live the Puritan life.”

  “Pointless?” I gasped. “Stupid little crusade?” I was so blindsided by all the pent up anger Cara was unleashing that I couldn’t feel the hurt. “All this time, that’s how you’ve felt?”

  Cara shrugged defiantly.

  “So you’ve supported me because why?” I asked. “It got you a rock star boyfriend? A role in a music video? An agent? ‘Oh, lets encourage Virgin Val on her pointless little crusade because every time Kyle Hamilton insults her, my boyfriend’s album goes platinum again, and I get more famous?’ Thanks a lot, C! I thought you were my friend. I thought I could always trust you to be honest with me no matter what. I bet you and Kyle have been laughing behind my back for months.”

  “You know what, V? I do laugh sometimes! Because your stupid feud with Kyle is funny. The entire world laughs at how pointless your fight is because the sexual tension between you two is insane! I don’t know why you try so hard to deny it. You and Kyle exhaust more passion in ten minutes than you have with Isaac the entire time you’ve been together!”

  “Leave my relationships out of this! This is between you and me!”

  “Why, because I had sex?” Cara barked an incredulous laugh. “You know who came up with the title for the guys’ album? Me! ‘S is for Sex’ was my idea! And I’ve got another one for you. H is for Hypocrite! You preach all about making choices for yourself, but what you’re really saying is, ‘Do what I’m doing. Make my choice!’”

  “I am not!”

  “Yes, you are! You’re pissed off at me because I chose to have sex!”

  I stopped and took a breath. It was my turn to be incredulous. “You think that’s why I’m upset? It’s like you don’t even know me. Maybe you never did. I’m not mad that you had sex with the guy you love. I’m hurt that you took such a big step and you never even told me! My best friend made a life changing decision and I had to hear about it over the lunch table from Olivia Lewis!”

  “Best friend?” Cara scoffed bitterly. “Maybe that was true at the beginning of the year,” she said. “We haven’t been best friends for months. We’ve barely been friends at all. Kyle Hamilton is more of a friend to me now than you are.”

  I flinched. Her words stung. Tears pricked my eyes and I retracted into myself. “How can you even say that?” I asked. My voice was weak and shaky.

  “Best friends talk to each other. They spend time together.”

  “How can we spend time together, Cara? You’re always with Tralse! You chose your boyfriend and his stupid band over me!”

  Cara crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn’t yelling anymore, but all of her anger was still there. “Any more than you chose V is for Virgin over me? You chose your cause over all of us, Val. Not just me, but all the people you claim are your friends.” Cara glanced around the table and said, “Raise your hand if you’ve been blown off by Val in the last week. Hell, if you’ve been blown off by her today?”

  No one said anything. They didn’t want to get involved in this fight, but their faces were grim.

  “You blow off everyone. All the time. I bet you’ve even forgotten about tomorrow night, haven’t you?”

  I thought about it really hard, and hated that she was right. I had no idea what was supposed to be going on tomorrow.

  “I knew it,” Cara spat. “The Tralse kick-off concert for the ‘S is for Sex’ Tour? I got us all awesome seats and VIP passes. I told you about it months ago. I wrote it in your planner for you.”

  “And I told you months ago, that I wasn’t going to go. If Kyle Hamilton was going to be there, I wasn�
��t going. That was my new rule. I told you that!”

  “I thought you were kidding!”

  “I wasn’t. Every time I’ve given in and gone out with you and them, I’ve been put on the spot, and I hate it. Every. Single. Time. I’m sorry Cara, but I’m not going to the concert. Kyle Hamilton probably just wants me there so he can make some huge spectacle and humiliate me in front of the whole world in order to sell records.”

  “He won’t. I promise. He’s not that kind of guy. If you’d quit judging him for even five seconds you’d see he’s actually very sweet, and that you have a ton in common. The guys know they owe you a lot of their success and they only want to say thank you by sharing their big night with you. They’re having a big party after the show to kick off the tour and you’re supposed to be the guest of honor. I invited all of your friends so that you’d feel more comfortable. I even invited Olivia and you know I think she’s vile! Please, V?”

  In the midst of all this I was thinking that Cara was so blinded by her relationship with Shane that she never saw what was going on around her. She was in denial about the kind of person Kyle was, and the relationship he and I shared. There was no way Kyle would let me show up to his concert, and attend his party, and not do something to land us in the tabloids again.

  “These guys are my friends,” Cara said. “Shane is my boyfriend. This is a big night for them. It’s important to them, so it’s important to me. If you cared about me at all you would come.”

  I wanted to support Cara, but I couldn’t handle any more drama. Especially not when that whole Zach accusation was sitting front and center on the stand of every magazine rack across the country right now. I wondered if Cara had already seen it. I wondered if she even cared.

  “I’m sorry, Cara. I just can’t. And if you cared about me at all, you wouldn’t ask me to come.”

  “Well.” Cara’s face turned stone cold. “I guess we’re not really friends anymore then.”

  This breakup with Cara was worse than my breakup with Zach ever was. I didn’t know how she could get through it without crying. I sure couldn’t. “I guess not,” I said, choking back on a sob.