For Her (Broken Promises #2)

by M Dauphin

  When my phone dings I glance down to a text from Braydon.

  Bray: What’re you up to tonight?

  Grinning, I swipe out my response and hit send.

  Me: Netflix night with my parents. I think I may skip out and go to bed early. How’s your week going?

  Bray’s been fantastic with keeping up with my progress and keeping in touch. He makes sure to come out at least two times a week if he can, but the band is starting to get a bigger name for themselves, which in turn has made the bar busier than normal. I know he’s busy, so I know he can’t make it out as much as he’d like, but I’m thankful for any time I get to spend with him. We haven’t talked about that night that he kissed me. I’m afraid to bring it up because I know it was probably just him hurting and searching for something to hold on to. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it, but I can’t. I couldn’t. I needed to find myself.

  Hell… I still need to find myself.

  If I keep telling myself that, then I’ll one day believe it. Truth is, I miss him so damn hard. I miss his randomness. I miss his brash, unapologetic tone when the truth needs to be spoken and no one else has the balls to speak up. I miss the way he smiles. I miss his music and his god-awful early morning squawking when I’d spend the night, because I didn’t feel like driving home. I miss it all… but I shouldn’t have it, so I’m staying away.

  Thing is… I’m lying to myself. Lying when I tell my parents I’m happy living here. Lying when Braydon asks how I’m doing and I tell him I’m doing well. I’m lying to Pete when I tell him I’m looking forward to starting over here in my hometown. I’m lying, because I can’t have Bray the way I think I want him, and I’m scared to what would happen to our friendship if anything ever happened between us. I’m not the ‘take no prisoners’ Alexis that I used to be. The accident did something to me. It gave me fear I never knew I had. It gave me fear that I’ll end up losing the only thing I hold close to me, so I’ve become a chicken and afraid to speak my mind. I’m afraid to lose anything else. Anyone else.

  I don’t realize I’m crying until a tear hits my hands. I’m holding my phone tightly, staring at the screen, waiting for the reply text to come through. Fucking emotions. My phone dings, so I dry the screen off and swipe the unlock code, opening up to his reply, making me grin. It’s a picture of his dumb ass beautiful face with a coffee cup in front of it. Dork.

  Bray: It’s fine. Busy. I’m about to head into practice. Show this weekend. I’ll call later… I miss you, Al <3

  I smile down at the text, seeing his subtle heart he added in there. He hasn’t come near my lips with his again, but he’s not holding back in hinting towards possibly wanting something more with me. Whatever it is, I can’t do it. I can’t do that to Lane so soon. Even months after his passing, I still feel like I’d be betraying him in some way. I’m not sure if it’ll ever be okay to be with Braydon the way I think my heart wants to. And for that reason, I’m not budging from my spot in my parent’s house.

  Do I want to move back to LA? Absolutely. I want to be near Bray. I want to be near my friends. I honestly think that I’d be able to find a job easier and get on with life easier if I wasn’t under constant care from my parents. One day I’ll get there. One day I’ll be able to go around town like it’s no big deal I don’t feel sexy at all anymore and only have one point five legs. One day I’ll feel normal again and be able to say ‘sure, I’d love to go out on a date with you’ to any random guy. One day I won’t be so self-conscious about my new state of being that I’ll be able to sleep with someone with no fear of them bolting when they see my leg.

  One day. That day isn’t today, though.

  Today, I’m preparing for a meeting with Lane’s lawyer. He called yesterday and wants to meet at the end of the week to go over a few things. I guess since I was closest to Lane’s estate that I’m the go to person when it comes to finalizing things. I told him I’d help out any way I can, but he has to come to me. I’m not really a fan of being in cars for long periods of time at this point.

  My parents and I spend the night watching I Love Lucy reruns, reminiscing of times when I was younger and would try to imitate Lucille Ball’s outrageous behavior. The laughs coming out of my dad… so carefree and happy… remind me of why I came back home.

  The best medicine is family. I’m getting a huge dose right now, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

  The next day at physical therapy, my trainer Ben finally speaks up on something other than my progress.

  “So, you have plans this weekend?” His hands shoved in his pockets, Ben smiles a comforting smile as I keep up a good pace on the treadmill.

  Therapy since I’ve gotten used to walking with a prosthetic has been going great, and now I’m only doing it to keep up my strength, really. Insurance is paying for it and they are nice here, so it’s a win win. Soon I’ll be receiving my custom made prosthetic which will mean more sessions to make sure everything is lined up and moving correctly.

  “Nope,” I huff as he inclines the machine ever so slightly. “I meet with the lawyer tomorrow to go over Lane’s estate.” I shrug at him as he nods. He knows everything about the last few months of my life. When you spend every day with someone, working in some pretty close proximity you get to know them pretty well. I’ve cried to him multiple times, and each time he takes it professionally and perfectly, letting me get it all out, then pushing me a little harder to make me focus on moving and not the pain.

  “You ready for it?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

  “I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for it, no. I have to do it, though. I was the closest to him right up until the end. It has to be me.” I shrug and keep walking, deciding to make a subject change to take my mind off the nerves starting to radiate through me.

  Of course I’m not ready. I’m scared to death of what’s going to happen tomorrow. I’ve been absent from Lane’s finances and paperwork… hell everything about the modeling gig was left in the dust the minute I woke up in the hospital without a leg and without my boyfriend. Shit sucked, the last thing on my mind was making sure his paperwork was straightened out. I’m scared shitless that it’s all going to come back and bite me in the ass now.

  “You going to see Pete later?” Ben asks, looking at me through his sunglasses as he walks out to my car with me at the end of my session.

  Pete, my childhood best friend, is now a lawyer in his hometown. He lives in a huge house with his two dogs and one ferret Mr. Nono. I’ve asked him plenty of times this last month why he got that name, but he has yet to tell me the story. Pete’s been gay since the minute I met him, but he’s only recently come out to those he loves that his love interest just happens to be the same sex as him. I’m happy for him. I’m all for people being with the person they love, no matter what color, religion, or sex. If he’s happy, I’m happy.

  And right now? Right now, Pete and Ben are attempting to date without either of them saying they’re ‘dating’, because each is as stubborn as the other, but I see through their façade. Talking to Ben about it, I see the signs. The love signs. I see it more when talking to Pete, but that’s only because I’ve known him since I was five years old.

  “Yes, Ben, I will be.” I say, smiling at him. “Dinner at eight. Would you like to come with?” I’m asking because I know he’s going to shy away and decline the invitation, which is just too damn cute.

  “I’m fine… I’m… No thanks. I have to go.” He mutters something and I smile, knowing full well how much he really wants to come to dinner and be with us. I wish they’d just be open with their relationship. Neither of them are in the closet, both have had public relationships in the past. I’m not certain why they’re being different with this… whatever it is.

  I sigh and yell goodbye at him, laughing when he waves me off, and head out to the car where my dad is waiting for me. One day I’ll have the nerve to drive myself again, it’ll just take some time. I remember the first and only other accident I was in. I was s
eventeen years old, I had just gotten a new car. Well, it was new to me. It was actually an older model car, because my parents refused to spend a shit ton of money on a car I was more than likely going to wreck.

  They were smart parents.

  The fender bender didn’t hurt anyone, and my massive Buick barely took a dent. Either way, after that accident I was scared to drive for weeks, too chicken that I’d hurt someone worse the next time.

  This time? Well, this accident has taken a lot from me. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to drive myself anywhere again without having that anxiety, but one day I’ll try it. I have to, if I ever want to get my life and independence back.

  “Your mom is working late,” my dad says, interrupting my thoughts, “You want to grab dinner or something?” He’s really a cute older man. I almost feel guilty that I haven’t produced a grandchild for them yet, but they are still young that even if it takes me a few more years they’ll still be young enough to be involved in their grandchild’s life.

  “I’m going out with Pete tonight, Dad.” I smile at him, but feel guilty that I’m turning him down. I know he loves to spend time with me, I can’t help but think that he knows my stay at home might be coming to an end sooner than they’d hoped. I know I have a ways to go, but I feel like they think I’ve moved home for good.

  This isn’t a permanent situation. This is only temporary. I still have a life to live.

  “So Ben told me today that I’m probably ready to switch to less sessions with him. He said since I was so physically fit before the accident that the recovery time has been shortened and I’m doing so well getting around that they don’t need to see me as much anymore.” I smile at my dad whose hands tighten on the steering wheel.

  “Well that’s fantastic, Alexis. I’m proud of you. You’ve always been a fighter.”

  “Yea,” I sigh. “I feel like I might be getting somewhere, Dad. I feel like I’m ready to start looking into starting over.” God, just saying the words out loud are hard.

  “Oh yea?” He flicks his gaze to mine, then back to the road quickly. He knows my apprehension with being in a car. He’s not about to make it worse by driving carelessly.

  “Yea.” It’s all I can say because I only today came up with this decision. It’s strange how one session could have changed my outlook, but after hearing from a trained professional how good I’m doing, I know I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and start moving on with my life. “I’m ready.”

  Silently nodding, my dad’s hand reaches over and rests on top of mine for the rest of the short drive home. He knows how much LA means to me. I remember the fight we had when I moved out there initially. I was young, naïve, and just wanted out of my hometown. They never wanted me to go, but once I was there, making a living and a name for myself they couldn’t have been prouder. I know they’d support me in anything I choose. I know it won’t be a fight this time if I said that I’m ready to go back and live in LA… I’m just not one hundred percent I’m ready for it.

  The next day I wake up before the sun and immediately check my messages. My conversation with Braydon last night was short since he had a gig to play, but he always makes sure to send me a goodnight text, even if it’s in the middle of the night when he knows I’m sleeping. Last night it was at three in the morning. Damn. I push back the feelings of worry that he was out with women until that early in the morning and set my phone aside instead of texting him back. He needs sleep, I need a shower to help wake myself up enough for this meeting today. Plus, I’d rather not be the needy friend texting back immediately.

  The shower has been one of the more difficult things to get used to doing without my second leg. I can’t wear my prosthetic in here and it’s an older tub so getting in and over the edge requires me to sit and spin. It’s not graceful or sexy at all… hell I’m not certain I’m ever going to feel sexy again… but it works and I can do it all on my own.

  By the time the sun comes up I’m ready for whatever this lawyer has to throw at me. Preparing myself for the worst news, I head to the kitchen and start making breakfast for my parents to busy my mind.

  I just need today to not go terrible, then I’ll be able to start planning the rest of my life.

  Braydon

  Fuck

  What the hell happened last night? My eyes feel like there’s been boulders sitting on them for days, I can’t exactly move without anything hurting. My entire fucking body. God damnit I haven’t partied that hard in a long fucking time… I’m getting way too old for this shit.

  It takes me a minute to realize I’m actually back home in my bed.

  It takes me only a few seconds longer to realize I’m not alone.

  Fuck. Me.

  “Get up,” Mumble to Trixie… the fucking bitch. It’s all coming back to me now. She got me plastered after the set last night. Jesus Christ I haven’t drank that much in ages. “Up, Trix, damn.” I nudge her and hear her grumble something so at least I know she’s alive.

  Rolling out of bed, I make my way to the kitchen and start the coffee pot. There’s two dudes passed out on my couch and a random girl on the floor next to them. All three completely naked and freshly fucked apparently, according to the multiple condoms on the fucking floor next to them.

  Holy shit what the hell happened last night?

  I check my phone and see no new messages, but immediately go to messages sent. I’ve never been a drunken texter, but I’ve also never been obsessed with my phone as I am now that Al lives so far away. It’s my fucking lifeline and I hate it, but I miss the fuck out of her. I can’t help but obsess over what she’s doing at all hours of the day. And night. The fact that even blindly drunk last night I still texted her a very sober sounding good night text at three in the morning should show just how wrapped around her my mind is. I can’t get enough. The times a week that I’m able to make it out to see her are the best times of the week for me. It used to be the music and the shows that would get me through… now it’s Alexis. I didn’t realize how much I would miss her smile and laugh. How much the fruity smell she always has would be absent from my life. I didn’t really think it through, but now that it’s been months of not living close to her, I’m starting to see how much I need her. I’ve never been that guy, but lately I just want to beg and beg until she caves and moves in with me. It’s terrible to say that, because I know I shouldn’t feel this way about her. I know I shouldn’t feel like a lovesick schoolboy, but I do. What makes it worse is that it’s only been a few months since Lane’s death... just a few months and everything can change this drastically.

  Apparently, though, my feelings for her didn’t stop me from getting some last night. Goddamnit. I know we’re not an item, but I feel like I betrayed her, it makes me want to puke.

  “Hey,” Trixie mumbles as she goes for the mugs. She’s too goddamned comfortable here. And what the hell kind of name is Trixie, anyway? Who were her parents and how high were they when they decided ‘Oh, Trixie sounds like a nice proper name for my baby. There’s no possible way it will send her into a life of whoring around and drugs. No. Possible. Way. No, they had to be on some sort of drugs when they decided on that name. That, or Trixie is just her fake name and she has a real name like Stephanie or something chill.

  Good lord I’m actually sitting here having an in-depth thought process about why her parents named her what they did! I shouldn’t be here!

  What the hell am I doing with my life?

  “Yea,” I grumble, grabbing my coffee and sitting at the stool next to the counter. “What the fuck happened last night?”

  She laughs and sips at her coffee, eyeing me over her mug. The platinum blonde hair she usually wears straight as a needle is mussed at the top of her head, the only thing I can think of while I stare at her is the fact that Al looks ten… no… twenty times better than ‘Trixie’ does with her hair like this.

  Jesus fuck I’m losing my damn mind.

  “Uh… well…” She laughs and shakes her head at
me. “Let’s see.” She sits on the counter, coffee cup in hand, and smiles sadly at me. “We had sex. I can’t say it was one of the best times I’ve ever had though… I’m uh… I’m not sure where your mind was.” She laughs again and I hear the three in the living room start to wake. “You, my dear, have went and fallen in love with the one person you shouldn’t have.”

  “Shit.” The memories start coming back to me of last night. I remember picturing Al’s face. I remember me crying afterwards… crying! For fucks sake what the hell? I feel like I should apologize but I don’t… because I’m not sorry. She took advantage of me when I was drunk. I should be pissed, but I really just want her out of here.

  “Yea. Made me feel pretty shitty until I realized what girl you kept mumbling about.” She chuckles and yells to the crowd in the living room, “Get up assholes. We’re leaving soon!”

  “What… um… what girl was I mumbling about?” She stops picking up her things to stare at me. Blank faced, she furrows her brows and shakes her head like I’ve lost my mind.

  “Alexis, Braydon. You wouldn’t stop mumbling about breaking her heart and how guilty you felt. ‘She’ll be even more ruined’ were your exact words I do believe.” Standing, she walks over to me and lays her hand on my shoulder. “You need to figure your shit out, Braydon. I didn’t even think you two were into each other like that.” She walks over to the couch and starts nudging her friends with her heel. “Come on you three. Time to get you home and figure out what the hell you did last night.” She waves them on as they hurry to throw clothes on and grab their belongings. She must have noticed the confused look on my face and huffs, throwing her purse on over her shoulder. “Oh… um, Braydon, meet Tanner, Blaize, and Mandy. Guys… this is Braydon.” She’s being awkward as hell, I’m at the point in my hangover that I don’t give a damn who they are or what they did in my apartment last night. I nod at them and grab my mug to refill it, then head to the cabinet for the meds that are going to help this headache that’s growing each minute I’m awake.