by Noelle Adams
Penny was normally an upbeat person, but she was exhausted and depressed on the trip back home. The roads were better but still not great, and Kent obviously wasn’t in a talkative mood.
He was tense and brooding beside her, which she could understand since she felt the same way herself.
When he reached the parking lot near the farmhouse, he put the Jeep into park and got out.
Penny was surprised since she’d assumed he’d just drop her off, but she slid out of the passenger seat, hooked her bag over her shoulder, and carefully stepped from the pavement onto the sidewalk that led to the house, which had been neatly cleared and sprinkled with ice melt.
Kent came over to stand in front of her, looking down at her.
His amber eyes were very deep and very dark as they rested on her face. He appeared on the verge of saying something when a childish voice called out.
“Aunt Penny! Aunt Penny! You made it!”
She turned to see Laura’s son, Tommy, sprinting toward her.
“Be careful on the ice,” she called to him, cringing as she imagined him stepping on a slippery spot and landing hard on the ground.
“I’ve already fallen about ten times,” he informed her just before he barreled into her with a hug that almost knocked her off her feet.
She hugged him back with a smile.
When Tommy pulled back, he looked up at her with serious brown eyes. “I’ve got scraped hands, and I tore my jeans from falling so much. Uncle Russ says that I deserve it because I’m foolishly reckless.”
Penny chuckled at the way he pronounced the last two words, clearly mimicking Russ Matheson’s dry, sardonic voice. “He might have a good point about being careful on the slippery ground.”
Tommy gave a little huff. “But I like to run.”
“I know.” She mussed his hair, which was brown with reddish glints just like Penny’s. “Sometimes I like to run too.”
She glanced over at Kent and saw he was watching the boy with a quiet intensity. Swallowing over the ache in her throat, she said, “Tommy, this is Phil’s brother, Kent.”
Tommy’s eyes went wide, and his mouth made a little O as he stared at Kent’s big body and rough beard. “You’re the brother who lives in the woods?”
“Yep. I’m the one who lives in the woods.”
“I thought you never left the woods.”
“I don’t usually. But your Aunt Penny needed a ride home. Her car got stuck.”
“Oh.” Tommy appeared adorably thrilled at meeting this mystery man. “How long did it take to grow your beard?”
Kent blinked. “I don’t remember. I’ve had it for a couple of years.”
“Does it ever accidentally get stuck in things?”
“Not usually.’
“We went to a fair once where some big men were throwing these huge logs. Have you ever done that?”
“No. I’ve never tried to throw logs.”
“You should try it. I bet you would win.”
“Okay. I’ll think about it.”
Penny choked on laughter that was far more emotional than it should be. She didn’t know why she was so touched by this serious little conversation, but she was.
Kent should have a son.
Kent should be a husband.
Kent had too big a heart to be living his life alone.
“Aunt ’Livia came back too with Scott.” Tommy’s brown eyes were bigger than ever. “They’re in her room.”
Penny blinked at that piece of information. Maybe something good had come of last night if it had given Scott and Olivia a chance to work things out at last.
They didn’t have as far to go as she and Kent had. They’d been halfway in love for years.
“Here’s Uncle Russ!” Tommy announced, distracting her from these thoughts.
She turned to see Russ walking in their direction.
Russ was in his midforties. He was a lean, handsome man with slightly graying dark hair, a high forehead, the Matheson amber eyes, and an intelligent demeanor. He was smiling as he approached them.
He clapped Kent on the back. “How are you, Kent?”
“Fine. Penny needed a ride back.”
Russ nodded at her, a smile in his eyes but not on his lips. “Pretty bad company last night, was he?”
She chuckled. “He wasn’t that bad. Maybe a little out of practice at socializing.”
“You should come in,” Russ said to his nephew. “Brush up on your skills. Scott’s around here somewhere.”
“He’s in Aunt ’Livia’s bedroom!” Tommy announced.
“Ah.” Russ’s eyebrows went sky-high. “In that case, you could just come in for some coffee.”
To Penny’s surprise, Kent actually looked torn, as if he were considering the offer. His eyes moved from his uncle to Tommy and then to Penny’s face.
Something flickered on his expression as he gazed at her. Then he cleared his throat and shook his head. “I should be getting back.”
Russ opened his mouth and then shut it again. He gave his head a quick shake. “Do what you must. When you’re done hiding, we’ll be here.” He put his hand on Tommy’s head and turned the boy toward the house. “Come on, Tommy. Let’s see what your mom is up to.”
This evidently was an acceptable suggestion because the boy took off at a run, with Russ following at a more leisurely pace.
Penny and Kent were left alone on the sidewalk.
Kent met her eyes and then dropped his gaze. “Okay. I guess that’s it then.”
“Yeah. I guess so.”
He cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable. “Okay. Well. Thanks for... Last night was...”
She could understand his inability to express it. She felt the same way herself. “It was good. It was... special. It meant a lot to me.”
“Me too.”
She took a deep breath, prepared to say goodbye. She wasn’t going to beg or make a fool of herself. If Kent didn’t want her, then he didn’t want her.
But she heard herself saying, “You really don’t think there’s... there’s even a chance for us?”
Kent’s eyes flew up to her face.
His reaction gave her a little surge of hope. She reached out to grip the front of his shirt in his hand. “Don’t tell me you can’t do relationships, Kent. I know better than that. There’s something else you’re afraid of, something else that’s holding you back. If you tell me what it is, maybe... maybe we can work it out... together.”
She’d never felt so exposed, so vulnerable, so naked in her life. An icy chill ran through her that was immediately followed by a hot wave of emotion.
Kent’s rugged features twisted.
She slid her hand up to palm his beard. “Kent? Talk to me, baby.”
She hadn’t intended to use the endearment. It just slipped out. But it sounded natural, and Kent didn’t appear at all surprised by it. His face was still struggling with emotion.
She added, “You’re not like your dad, Kent. You’ve never been anything like him.”
“Yes, I have.”
“Not in the ways that matter. You’re not going to do relationships like he did—not if you don’t want to.”
He opened his mouth and then closed it again. His eyes were like bleeding wounds.
“We can go slow,” she said, her heart still hammering with hope. “As slow as you need. I just want to... keep you in my life.”
Her jittery hope and excitement took a crushing nosedive when he finally gritted out, “I can’t, Penny. I’m sorry.”
She let out her pent-up breath, knowing a final answer when she heard one. “Okay. Goodbye then.”
She had to turn away quickly and start walking toward the house so he wouldn’t see she was on the verge of tears.
“Goodbye, Penny.” The hoarse words drifted toward her. Then they were gone.
Kent was gone. Even before she made it to the front door, she heard his Jeep driving off.
Laura must have been watching from one
of the front windows because she met Penny as soon as she stepped in the door. “Are you okay?” Laura asked.
Penny nodded. “I’ll survive.”
“Was he an asshole?”
“Not really.”
“Scott and Olivia are in her room.”
“That’s what Tommy said. So something happened between them?”
“I guess so. Did something happen with you and Kent?”
“Nothing that... that means anything.”
Laura’s brown eyes were just like Tommy’s, and they scanned Penny’s face closely. “He was an asshole, wasn’t he?”
“I told you he wasn’t. It just... wasn’t meant to be.”
“Damn it,” Laura muttered, glancing away. “What the hell is with all these Matheson men. It’s like they all got horny at the same time and decided to go after whoever happened to be around.”
Penny gave a little jerk.
When she saw her face, Laura hurried on. “I didn’t mean you. You wouldn’t have just been around for Kent. You guys were always close. He always liked you better than everyone else. I meant... nothing.” She glanced to the side, where Russ and Tommy were analyzing the pastry case in the coffee shop, evidently deciding which treat to choose.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Penny whispered, “You mean Russ?”
“No! I don’t mean anyone.”
That obviously wasn’t true. “Did Russ make a move on you?”
Laura rubbed her pretty, freckled face with both hands. “It’s nothing.”
“It is something! Laura, if Russ made a move on you, then it wasn’t just because you happened to be around. He’s always—”
“Stop it! I don’t want to talk about it.” After a moment, she added, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to snap at you. Are you really okay about Kent?”
“I’m fine.”
Penny didn’t really feel fine, but she also knew that would change.
She would be fine eventually.
PENNY WAS STILL THINKING about Kent when she crawled into bed that evening.
It had been a very strange day, but everyone made it back safe. The snow was halfway melted, and all the roads were passable now.
Tomorrow morning, things would go back to normal.
And she hated it.
She hated it.
That Kent would disappear from her life again.
She was getting ready for a good cry when there was a knock on the door. When she called out a response, the door opened to reveal Olivia.
“Hey,” Penny said, lifting her head from the pillow. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just making sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. Why?”
“Because you’re upset. You’re pretending not to be, but you’re not a very good actor, you know.” Olivia was lovely and fashionable and usually perfectly polished, but right now she was dressed in leggings and a sweater, her hair was tousled, and her face unmade.
Penny sat up in bed, and Olivia came over to perch on the edge of the mattress. “I know I’m not a good actor. I’m kind of sad, but I’m really okay. Where’s Scott?”
“He went home.”
“He’s not going to spend the night?”
Olivia chuckled. “We just got together, Penny. We’re not going to spend every waking moment together. We need some time to let this... grow.”
“But it’s the real thing, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It’s the real thing.”
“I’ve known it forever. Everyone has known it forever. You and Scott were the only ones who didn’t know.”
“Well, according to him, he did know. I was the only one who didn’t.”
Penny giggled and reached out to give her sister a half hug. “I’m glad you figured it out.”
“I bet you and Kent will figure it out too. I had never really thought about it before, but you guys are perfect for each other. And it would be kind of fitting, wouldn’t it? If we’d all get one of the brothers, given how tied together our families have always been.”
“Maybe it would be fitting, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. Kent doesn’t... He doesn’t want a relationship.”
“Of course he does. He can’t be happy living the way he’s been living.”
“No. He’s not happy. But he’s not ready to make the change. Something is holding him back. Something he’s afraid of.”
“I guess it’s normal to be afraid of a real, intimate relationship. Guys are scared of that all the time.”
“It’s more than that. It’s something...” Penny sighed. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change. He’s made that very clear. But I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine.”
“You’re allowed to be sad about it, Penny. You can be a mature adult and still be sad about it.” Olivia adjusted so she was propped up against the headboard next to Penny, and she put a comforting arm around her.
Penny’s eyes burned and her voice broke as she said, “I’m glad I’m allowed. Because I am sad. Really sad. This doesn’t feel right at all.”
“I know it doesn’t. But I’m here, if that helps at all.”
“It does.”
Penny leaned against her sister and cried a little after all.
Ten
TWO DAYS LATER, KENT woke up before dawn feeling sick and heavy and exhausted.
And like he was never going to feel anything else.
He’d never liked Christmas. Not as a kid when his dad drank away all their extra money and Kent had been forced to eke out enough change to buy his brothers something small to open on Christmas mornings. And not as an adult when he’d spent all of them alone.
Christmas was only a couple of days away now, and the thought of it made him physically ill.
He went out for a run and pushed himself to go twice as long as normal, hoping to exhaust himself enough to not feel anything else. It didn’t work, so he took a long shower afterward and then sat down at his computer and tried to work.
He hadn’t gotten much of anything done since he’d dropped Penny off at Holiday Acres. He’d managed to finish the project he’d been working on, but he couldn’t start anything new. No one was expecting anything in from him until the New Year, so he didn’t have incentive to force himself.
It was miserable though. To feel this bad and not even be able to use work to distract himself.
He wanted to see Penny. See how she was doing, tell her he was sorry, that he wasn’t as bad a man as he’d acted.
He wanted to talk to her.
He wanted to talk to anyone.
He’d lived on his own for years, but he’d never felt as lonely as this.
Somehow—in one night—Penny had ruined him.
After about an hour of wasting time puttering futilely on his computer, he gave up and put it away. Instead, he pulled out his pencils and drawing paper and started to sketch.
He drew the first thing that came to him. It was Penny—the way it had been for the eight other drawings he’d done in the past two days. This one was Penny lying in bed, mostly naked except for a sheet that was draped over her. One arm, both legs, and the tops of her breasts were exposed, and he took his time to try to capture the lush, sensual lines of her body. He wasn’t entirely happy with the finished product. He’d gotten the proportions right but not her special quality.
He added the sketch to the pile of other ones he’d done and got up to stretch his legs.
The snow had melted completely now, leaving a lot of mud and bleak, wet grayness. The sun was shining, but his cabin was surrounded by so many trees that most of it was in the shade.
It was depressing. His whole life was depressing.
What the hell was he even doing?
He was hit with a wave of despair so strong he almost couldn’t handle it. His whole body shook as he stood at his front door and stared out at his winding driveway.
He reached for his phone without thinking, without any conscious purpose. Just a blind grasp for something—anything—that
might make him feel better. But before he could pull any of his contacts up, he heard something in the near silence of the woods.
It sounded like someone laughing.
He started walking down the driveway toward it, realizing halfway there what it must be. They’d finally come over from Holiday Acres to change the tire on the pickup truck and drive it back. It had still been there, halfway in the ditch with the flat tire, when he’d come in from his run this morning.
This was the busiest time of the year for the Holiday Acres business, so he wasn’t surprised it had taken them a couple of days to get over here. But they’d evidently finally remembered.
He sped up. Penny must have brought a man with her since it was male laughter he’d heard. Chuck and Ed had been working for Holiday Acres since Kent was a kid, so it was probably one of them.
When he made it around the curve, he could see the truck halfway on the gravel and halfway in the mud. He also saw who was working on it.
Not Penny. Not Chuck or Ed.
It was Scott and Russ.
Maybe it meant he was hopelessly an ass, but he couldn’t help but be disappointed by this fact.
He’d wanted to see Penny.
It was too late to pretend he wasn’t there. Russ had glanced over and waved at the sight of him. So Kent kept walking toward his brother and uncle.
“We were going to stop by and see how you’re doing after we finished,” Russ said.
“We finished?” Scott asked, crouching down by the tire and tightening the lug nuts. “It seems to me like I’m doing all the work.”
“Well, your back is a lot younger than mine is,” Russ said dryly. “Seems only fair you do most of the work.”
Kent couldn’t help but chuckle. He watched as his younger brother finished tightening the tire and then stood up. Scott and Phil both had the same eyes and chiseled features that Russ had. Kent had the same eyes, but he was the only one of them with the broad features and square jaw of his father. He was also bigger—broader in the shoulders, bigger all over—than the other Matheson men.
