A Very Ruby Christmas

by Lavinia Kent

  “To be rid of my child and me.” If Jasmine’s voice had been bitter before, now her words almost dripped venom. “I had not thought of that.”

  “Perhaps because you truly did not wish to be cut off forever. I know little of your actual life, but I would not have left everything I had ever known unless forced. And…And he was not a bad father when I was young. I actually thought him quite wonderful, as I am sure most little girls do—I mean think of their fathers as wonderful, not think about Scarlett.” She tried to smile, but her thoughts were back in those first days when she’d understood the power of her father’s disappointment.

  Jasmine came to a seat before the fire, gesturing for Ruby to take the one across from her. “You do understand. He was rarely warm and laughing, but there was something about his approval that always made me smile. Sometimes I felt as if I were glowing. I never knew how much I counted on that until it was gone.”

  Ruby could only nod. “I do think you should ask for money. He might be willing to pay well if you promise to stay out of sight or perhaps move far away.”

  “I doubt it. Father likes to be generous, but only if the original idea comes from him. If I ask he will think I am greedy and undeserving.”

  And that was probably true. “Could you sell him the diamonds? Would that be better than selling them to some stranger?”

  Jasmine nibbled on her lips. “I am not sure. It might be, but it would also be letting him know that I have them. I am not sure that it will occur to him to check. They were never something that belonged to him and so he never worried about them. It could be years before he even realizes they are gone.”

  “Still, you need funds now, and I am not sure of another way to get them.”

  “Perhaps I could ask one of my brothers. I am not sure they even know I am gone yet. Father has probably offered up some story. Langdon is abroad at present, but I have always been closer to James, anyway. I think he would help me if he could. Only…”

  Ruby waited for her to continue.

  “Only I am not sure that his idea of helping and mine would be the same. I think he would agree with Father that I must either marry or give the child away. And he might even go straight to Father in his desire to help.”

  “And there is no chance you would consider marriage? I must agree that I think it would be the easiest answer.”

  “I cannot quite say that it is impossible, but, no, I will not marry. What if I marry and then I meet someone later that I do love? Or what if the man does not love my child as his own? And there is not really time. It is foolish to pretend otherwise.”

  “From what little you have told me, it sounds as if you still have a month or more.” Admittedly, Jasmine looked far closer to term than that, but Ruby had seen girls who looked as if the baby were ready to pop out at five months and others who had only a small rounding days before giving birth.

  “If what I understand about these things is correct, then, yes, I should have time, but…but I don’t think I do. My instincts tell me the baby is coming soon.”

  Ruby was not one to doubt a woman’s instincts. She’d certainly trusted her own often enough, but babies could be stubborn about wanting to make their way into the world. “I must ask again: What about finding a family to care for the child? I know that Father already offered, but I have contacts and can help you find a good one, one that will love your child as their own. I know that there are some horrible stories about how such children can be treated, but with care a good family can be found. I have helped several of my girls with such matters. And if you want, arrangements can even be made for you to visit. Such a matter could be managed without creating a scandal, and I am sure that Scarlett could be brought round to welcoming you back. He would rather say that you had been sick in the country than admit that you had a child. We could keep its whereabouts secret from him, and then later you could make your own plans.”

  “Oh, you do tempt me,” Jasmine said, but then she looked down at her belly, wrapping her arms tight about it, and Ruby knew that she would never actually give up the child.

  “You do not need to decide that now. I am sure Scarlett will not actually admit that you are gone until the season begins in the spring; until then, you will simply be staying on one of his estates.”

  Jasmine looked up, her face pale. “I do know that it is the sensible thing to do if I cannot bring myself to marry.”

  “But sense and needs do not always match. I can admit that I do not know what I would have done if I had ever had a child. It is so easy to give advice and so hard to take it.”

  Jasmine reached out a hand. “And thank you. I do not know if I can ever express what it has meant that you have taken me in and given me the chance to think. If you had not been here, I do not know what I would have done.”

  “You would have thought of something. A friend?”

  “Perhaps, although there are reasons that I cannot turn to my dearest friend, Cynthia Westhope, and I cannot imagine that anyone else would take me in for more than a day. My present condition is rather hard to hide. I suspect that any of them would have sent me back home—and that I could not bear.”

  “Well, it doesn’t matter. I was here and I have no intention of putting you out.” Although what would happen if she left with Derek after selling the house she could not say. Perhaps Jasmine could come with them. But, no, a woman so heavy with child surely should not be at sea, and if the baby was already born, that would not be good either. Still, there must be some solution.

  “Again, all I can do is thank you.”

  “Let us talk about something more pleasant. Have you thought about names for the baby?”

  —

  “How is your sister? Will I ever get to meet her? How long can she stay hidden in your bedchamber?” Derek asked as she entered the library.

  “At some point I imagine she will feel ready, but I don’t want to press her until then.”

  “Is she afraid she will be recognized?”

  “I imagine that is a large part of it. And I cannot say that she is wrong. I do not think anyone would recognize her immediately, but there would be talk and the talk would spread and someone might put the pieces together.”

  “You are probably right about that, but I am not sure that her staying in your room makes the talk any less. I’ve heard one maid and several of your girls speculating about who she is and why she isn’t coming out. And they are all aware that she is with child. The big question they have is why you are keeping her here, but Marie pointed out that even if she were a complete stranger, you would probably have taken her in. It is just who you are. They aren’t quite as sure you would have given her your bedchamber, however.”

  “Perhaps that was a mistake, but it is the most private room in the house, and I didn’t want her to be bothered.”

  “I do understand, but I think you must accept that you cannot keep her hidden forever—and once the baby comes, it will be even harder.”

  “That is true, and I wish I had an answer, but I don’t yet.”

  “Why do I sense that your frustration is not simply about your sister?”

  “You know me too well. My talk with Madame Noir went well, but it left me with as many questions as answers. I wish you could wait another month before you sail. Even if I chose a buyer tonight, it does not give me time to settle things properly, and I have been doing my best to prepare these last months.”

  Derek reached out and stroked her cheek. “I wish I could wait, but I cannot. I suppose I could send the Dawn’s Light off without me….”

  She shook her head. “We both know that is not the answer.”

  “Then what do you propose?”

  “Perhaps I will talk to Swanston and his friends again and ask if they would be willing to watch over the house until our next trip back. Surely I can find someone to manage it. Simms and Cook could almost run it on their own if there was someone to be the face of the establishment. Perhaps one of the girls…”

  “
You did not seem to think any of them were ready.”

  “Yes, but it may be that I have no choice.”

  “I never meant to put you in such a position.” He ran his thumb back and forth over her cheek, and she turned her face in to his palm.

  “I know you did not. And I have probably put myself into the position. I did have plenty of time, but I sought a perfect answer, and perhaps one does not exist. Madame Noir made me realize that at the time that she sold the house to me, I was far from perfect. She merely felt that I was right. I still am not saying I have found anybody who feels right, but I would admit that having Swanston and friends involved does not feel wrong. Perhaps that is the best I can do.”

  “Perhaps.” Derek did not look any happier than she felt. His hand fell to his side.

  Almost as if he’d sensed the direction of her thoughts, Simms tapped on the door. “Lord Swanston is here, asking for a few minutes of your time.”

  “You can bring him here,” Ruby said, and then turned to Derek. “Do you wish to stay? It does seem most opportune that he has arrived at this moment.”

  He stepped away from her. “I will take my leave. I am confident that you can handle this on your own.”

  She nodded but did not feel nearly as confident. She was doing the right thing, doing the only thing, but something deep in her belly did not agree. There was still a missing piece.

  Derek left the room and a moment later Swanston entered.

  “May I call for a drink?” she asked, as she settled him in one of the high armchairs.

  “No, Louisa kept plying me with tea this morning, and I am quite waterlogged.”

  She took her own seat. “If this is about your offer, I have had time to think and—”

  “No. Or at least that was not the reason for my visit. I was with Colton at the club yesterday, and he mentioned a special gift you had arranged for his wife. He did not give me the details, of course, but it occurred to me that I would like to do something similar for Louisa. If you do leave Madame Rouge’s, it will not be the same place, and I would like to give her one last—one last treat before that.”

  And didn’t that sum up her worries. It would not be the same place if she left. Even if she did find the right person to take over, it would never be the same. She held back the deep sigh that filled her and instead put a professional smile on her face. “Of course. I am sure I can arrange something delightful. Did you have something particular in mind?”

  “I was rather hoping for some type of replay of the night we first met.”

  “How similar would you like it?” Louisa and Swanston had first met in the room she’d been sharing with Derek, but she doubted that they knew of the bathing chamber that lay off it. That might add the perfect touch. And it would not be hard for Derek and her to relocate. In fact, it might be fun to make her own last use of one of the other rooms. Derek had always appreciated the Arabian room, with its piles of silk pillows. And they’d never tried the Roman room, although she had never found those hard couches particularly comfortable. Still, perhaps they could put his bracelets to good use. It might be interesting to be bound to a column while the dragon stalked about free, ravishment on his mind—

  Swanston interrupted her thoughts. “Perhaps reminiscent rather than similar. I want her to understand the reference, but I don’t want to simply replay that night.”

  “Do you wish to know the details, or do you trust me with the planning?”

  “I will trust you, as always. Although I also trust you will let me know what is planned when I arrive. I was thinking of early Christmas Eve. We will not spend the night, but I thought it might help her relax before my extended family comes to breakfast after services on Christmas Day. She does tend to worry. I am not sure why. She is a superb hostess and they all love her.”

  “It is in the nature of women to worry.” Wasn’t that her current problem? She couldn’t stop worrying about the house and the future. A new thought came to her. Perhaps it wasn’t the house she was really worried about. Did she have that many doubts about leaving with Derek?

  “That is settled, then.” Swanston stood and then paused. “You said you had been thinking about my offer?”

  Deep breath in. Deal with this matter and then she could worry about the rest of her future. “Yes, I was wondering if you and the other gentlemen would be interested in a slightly different role, more that of a board or council. Somebody to keep an eye on the house and be sure that things run smoothly.”

  His brows drew together in consideration. “I do not see a problem with that—assuming the relationship between us and whoever was running the house was clear. I will talk to the other gentlemen and see what they think, and then we can iron out the details. Does that meet with your approval?”

  “How could it not? I trust you will meet with them soon. I do not have much time before I need to leave.”

  “I understand. I will meet with Duldon and Colton tonight. And perhaps I can find a way to communicate with Mr. Perry. I am sure he would wish to help also. We can discuss it with you in a few days. When do you and Captain Price intend to depart?”

  Was she really going to say the words? To make this a reality? “I am not sure there is an exact date, but I cannot believe it would be much past the New Year, probably before.”

  “Then we will be in touch with you soon after Christmas, and I look forward to hearing from you about my Christmas Eve appointment.”

  “Where would you like the note sent?”

  “You can send it to my home, but I trust I don’t need to ask you to be discreet.”

  The question almost made her chuckle. “No, I think you can take that as a given.”

  “Then I will take my leave and see you in two days.”

  “I will see you then—and give Louisa my best, if that does not ruin your surprise.”

  Swanston left and Ruby settled into the chair, staring at the wide shelves of books. It was tempting to pick up a volume and immerse herself, to forget everything and everyone. Reading a book always took her someplace else, let her be someone else. Derek had brought her a three-volume set, The Monastery, by the author of the Waverley novels. It did not sound as exciting as Ivanhoe, but she did enjoy the discussions she had with Derek when they both read the same book.

  Standing, she walked to the shelves and ran her fingers over the burgundy leather bindings. They were a handsome set of books, with richly marbled covers and gilt edging. She pulled one out and glanced at a fine engraving. Then placed the volume back on the shelf.

  No. It had never been her way to avoid her problems.

  Was she as worried about departing with Derek as she was about leaving the house? She was rather afraid that she might be. It was a huge undertaking to leave everything she had known and become a new person.

  Yes, she had always been Emma, but for years Emma had hidden in the background, except on Sunday mornings when she visited her grandparents. She thought of herself as Ruby.

  And now she would be Emma and only Emma.

  Yes, Derek would welcome Ruby and did not want her to be lost, but Ruby would be the character she played. For the rest of the world she would be Emma.

  And Emma was vulnerable in ways that Ruby had never been.

  Emma was sweet.

  Emma was innocent.

  Emma could be hurt by scorn and harsh words.

  Ruby was none of those things.

  Pacing slowly, she thought: Does the fact that I’m afraid change anything?

  No, it did not.

  She was still determined to go with Derek and be the wife that he needed. There was nothing wrong with being afraid as long as you did not give in to those fears.

  No, it would be far stranger if she were not afraid. New experiences were frightening, but they were also exciting, and that was what she would focus on.

  She remembered Madame Noir saying that she had confidence in letting Ruby take over the house because she had teachers around her. Well, Emma would just
have to find teachers to help her, and she imagined that Derek’s mother would be the first one, not counting Derek himself. What if his mother didn’t like her, though? She knew that his family had had a different plan for his future.

  No.

  No.

  No.

  She recited the word over and over in her mind. She was not going to think like that. Adventure. Think of it all as a glorious adventure.

  Chapter 10

  Jasmine shifted from side to side in the chair, her discomfort clear.

  “Is the baby kicking?” Ruby asked.

  “No, she’s actually been very still the last day, almost too still. I should worry, but somehow I know she is fine.”

  “She?” Ruby echoed. “Have you been listening to Cook and her ring on string? I’ve seen her try her tricks with several of the girls, and she’s right only half the time—just as one would expect.”

  Jasmine tilted her head. “No, although I have heard of such things. I simply think the baby is a girl. And I confess it seems less frightening. I understand girls. I cannot imagine being responsible for a boy on my own. And if I ever do marry—not that I think I will—it is easier to imagine adding a girl to a family than a boy. Inheritance makes everything so messy.”

  Ruby could have suggested several good points for either sex of child. There were fewer worries with a boy and it might be easier for him to make his way in the world without a family’s support, but she did understand the desire for a girl. And Jasmine was certainly right that it might make marriage easier. With a boy there would always be questions of why it was fair that a second, legitimate son received everything while her firstborn did not. That was simply the way of the world.

  Not that she wanted to think about Jasmine’s chances for marriage once the child was born.

  But maybe she should not be so quick to judge. She’d never thought it was possible that she’d be getting married—and yet here she was.

  “You’re smiling,” Jasmine said.