It took every bit of control I had to keep myself grounded and awake. I didn’t want to see Dalca’s face in my dreams anymore. I didn’t have it in me to fight him off every time he tormented me with his sick laughter and cruel threats.
Before I could fight off another bout of nausea, it gripped my insides like a cold vice. I dived off the couch and buried my head in the bucket again.
As soon as I was done heaving up nothing but bile, I pulled back and touched a hand to my forehead. God, I was burning up again. I pushed to my feet and made a line for the door. It should have cooled down enough outside by now and I needed fresh air. A quick glance at the clock told me that Daniel had been gone a little under an hour and the sun had since set. I pulled the door open and the Darkness inside me followed as I stepped outside into the world.
Letting myself breathe in the fresh air, I turned my eyes up to the sky and closed them, and then, just like a dream I had not long ago, I felt him.
Quickly turning my attention ahead of me, my eyes stopped on him. Illarion.
A relieved sigh left my lips as I saw him. He stood a few feet away, scared to move, watching me. His eyes wide, his lips parted.
Slowly, as I looked down his gaze found mine and time slowed down, standing still as he fell to his knees, crashing into the wet surface of the gravel path, my heart fell in on itself.
His eyes filled with tears as his heart swelled with a torrent of emotions. Feelings of despair and guilt outweighed his joy in seeing me.
Disbelief floored him and he remained silent for the longest time. The pain in his eyes filled them with tears, so much hurt coursed through him as he looked up at me, drinking me in.
Here in the night, I saw it as clearly as I saw him, the barrier pulsing between us was suffocating our connection.
But as he looked up at me, a single word left his lips, a reverent sigh. A plea.
My name.
A flood of emotions raged through me as all the months of pain hit me like a freight train; he was here. He was really here.
Before I could say a single word, he was moving toward me, through the rain, through the dark. Those hauntingly, beautiful dark eyes found mine and, in seconds, his arms were around me, holding me, feeling everything coursing through me and then I broke down. I let everything crash down, all the pain and fear I was afraid to feel.
‘You’re here,’ I whispered, against him. ‘Oh my God.’
He pulled back, cupping my face in his hands. ‘Ace.’
A soft laugh passed between us. A realization that we were both here, setting in stone that this was real.
A slight shift of energy moved behind him.
Illarion turned and the two men keeping me alive for the last six months, finally met.
Smiling, Daniel looked to me and then to Illarion, but the smile was forced.
‘Come in,’ he said, softly, pushing the door open holding it for us to pass through.
He took the bags in to the kitchen and set them on the table.
Beside them, he placed two bottles of pills, Illarion didn’t miss a beat. His eyes narrowed at the bottles and instantly his attention was on me.
‘Not now.’
For the first time in a long time I felt a complete sense of relief, which was of course short lived because just like clockwork, another bout of nausea ripped through me and I stumbled over my feet struggling to reach the bathroom.
Illarion came after me and before he could follow me inside, I slammed the door shut and locked it.
Oh God, again. I dropped to my knees, my legs barely catching me and buried my head in the toilet, ignoring the tears rushing down my cheeks. I brought everything up, food, water, blood.
Not like this. I couldn’t let him see me like this.
‘Ace?’ His voice was laced with a roughness I’d never heard.
‘Give me a minute, please.’ I closed my eyes, and I heard him leave.
God. I couldn’t even face him. Now that he was here, I was terrified. I’d fallen so far down rabbit hole I barely recognized myself.
The choices I’d made the things I’d done… fresh tears spilled.
When it finally stopped, I flushed the toilet and curled up against the door, my skin soaking up the coldness of the wood. I had to face him, I just couldn’t right now. I closed my eyes and pressed my hand above my head to the door, willing him to feel me, to know how sorry I was.
Chapter Ten
Illarion
I pressed my forehead to the door. The door that was separating me from her. The thin, cheap sheet of wood was just a physical wall; the proverbial walls were what worried me.
I felt the barrier between us. She was afraid, she was blocking me out on purpose. I pressed my palm to the cool surface and choked back a sob when I realized that a part of her didn’t want me in there.
She didn’t want me near her. But the other part called out to me. I felt her, she was weak, but the strength was just under the surface, she was breaking through.
‘Give her some time,’ Daniel spoke, softly, coming to stand behind me.
The surrounding air was dense, he was tired and mentally exhausted. The last time he slept was weeks ago and the last time he was at peace was more than six months ago. Before he met Ace. Before the torture began before he watched her suffering night after night.
Grinding my teeth, I balled my fists at my side.
‘What happened to her?’
When I turned and found his gaze, he looked haunted, like he’d been through far too much, seen too much. He was young, but his eyes were that of a wise man.
Leaning against the doorframe, he shook his head like he didn’t believe what he was about to tell me.
‘Too much.’
‘Daniel? Right?’
He nodded.
‘Tell me what happened.’
He didn’t want to tell me. He didn’t want me to know what she went through.
‘I need to know.’
‘It won’t change anything.’
‘I know that.’
‘She doesn’t want you to suffer, not like she did.’
‘The dreams were real….’
He nodded slowly. ‘She told me she thought she were reaching out to you.’
‘Who was he? The man she kept showing me?’
A few moments of silence passed between us before he spoke.
‘My father.’
My heart fell, and the puzzle was finally complete, the bastard was The Taker. The man we were sent to apprehend.
The Agency had leads on him for months but they refused to infiltrate because they didn’t have enough information. The only leads we had were two names, Simon Dalca and his son, Daniel Dalca. Romanian nationals who had migrated to the United States.
Simon had millions upon millions of dollars to his name through both legitimate and black-market business deals. In the public eye, he was as clean as the president. Off the books, there weren’t enough papers to write down the crimes he’d committed.
I bit back the anger bursting inside me. We’d let him slip through our fingers. I’d let him slip through my fingers.
‘He did that to her every night?’ I heard my voice break.
Daniel stood with his eyes firmly set on mine.
‘He used her, he knew the transfer wouldn’t work, not like it does with Sensitives.’
‘What did he do?’
‘He forced her to Collect their gifts, he kept her sedated on the Serum, and she didn’t know what she was doing.’
Bowing my head, I turned from him.
‘The Serum kept her locked inside her head, but she felt everything,’ he added.
‘How did she start breaking through the Serum?’
‘I lowered the dose, every day, but even before that, she was coming off it a lot quicker than I’d ever seen.’
‘That’s when she began remembering the kills… the nights,’ my voice wavered.
‘Every night I saw what he did to her, I tried to sto
p him.’
Tears filled my eyes and the helplessness inside me grew, overtaking the anger.
‘He did horrible things to her… I felt her fear.’ I was going to be sick.
‘She begged me to find a way to make her forget… I didn’t know what else to do… the only drug I could give her was heroin. She wasn’t coherent, she was muttering about you and a woman, I don’t know.’
My stomach tightened in coils. It all made sense. The helplessness and confusion she felt in the dreams, the sudden change in how I felt her.
She was trying to forget the torture she went through and then what I’d done. She knew, God.
A shaky sigh left my lips.
‘Please give her some time, she needs you… she just, she’s ashamed, she hates what she’s become.’
‘I’ll wait as long as I have to.’
***
Ace
I pulled myself up off the floor, finally managing to stand on my own two feet. I washed my face in the small basin and dried it off with the hideously colored towel.
A quick look in the mirror drew my attention to the insides of my elbows. I pulled down the sleeves of my sweater ensuring they covered every inch of my skin, and let my hair fall over my shoulders, covering most of my gaunt features.
This wasn’t going to be fine. I wasn’t an idiot. I wasn’t beautiful anymore, I could never expect him to feel the same way about me.
After everything that happened, I wasn’t the strong woman he fell in love with. I wasn’t the confident Divine Sensitive destined to make peace for us. I was the coward who begged for death, who gave in to the drugs because I couldn’t handle the painful truth anymore.
Somewhere between losing myself and who I was, I’d lost Illarion too. First when I hosted my own pity party and then when I slept with Daniel.
Another gentle tap at the door caught my attention.
‘Please, let me in.’
His voice was thick. And the pain in his words grew heavily around us.
Without even realizing that I had walked over to the door, I opened it, his dark eyes found mine and the weakest hint of a smile crossed his lips.
Slowly, he brought his hand to my cheek but he let it hover, uncertain, he stepped back.
Was he here because he felt guilty?
I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms, to hold him and to let him hold me.
But so much more than what I wanted was driving me.
He followed me to the small bedroom and closed the door behind him. I had no doubt, by now, he’d been told most of what had happened. All the ugly details would be spared. He didn’t need to know everything.
I stood with my back to him, arms wrapped around my stomach.
‘I’ll wait as long as you need me to wait, Ace.’
Biting down on my lip, I blinked back the tears.
‘I know I’m sorry doesn’t cut it, but I am. I am so sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t find you.’
Turning, I finally found his eyes, and in that moment of silence passing between us, everything that had been holding me together, shattered, an endless stream of tears began and the apprehension holding Illarion back, disappeared. Seconds later, he was in front of me, wrapping his arms around my body.
Without warning, I broke down and began sobbing into his chest, clutching at his shirt pulling him closer, holding onto him for dear life.
My body shook as one of his hands cupped my cheek while the other combed his fingers through my hair.
‘Baby,’ he whispered in my ear. ‘God, I’ve missed you.’
Digging my nails into his bicep, I cried harder.
‘I should have figured it out, I saw you, the dreams, Ace.’
He knotted his fingers through my hair and pulled me tighter against him.
My body recognized the familiar hum inside as soon as he was with me, my body knew as did my heart, he was the only reason I had survived. But I didn’t miss the fact that the hum felt different, like it was faltering.
My knees grew weak and that same feeling of helplessness coated my insides. Everything I’d been holding in was pouring out of me and all the strength I was holding onto, was fading.
‘Talk to me, baby, I’m here.’
Shaking my head, I clung to him; gently he brought us both down to our knees when I collapsed into his arms. There on the floor we sat, together. He rubbed my back, knotting his fingers through my hair.
‘I’m here, I’m here, Ace, I’m here.’
Months of pent up fear, agony, and pain cascaded down my cheeks.
The hum inside us was broken, but he was fighting. A man I knew to be the fiercest, strongest warrior, was barely holding himself together. Shattered pieces of his soul were desperately trying to hold on.
Agony marred the usual space inside him where I felt joy or passion when he was with me. Now, there was guilt and intolerable pain.
‘I love you,’ he whispered, lowering his forehead to mine, he ran his thumb across the marks on my cheek. ‘Zvezda moya. I love you so much.’
My breath caught. It was the first time I heard him say it in person.
Fresh tears spilled from my eyes as I pulled back and looked up at him.
When his dark lashes lowered, tears slipped down his cheeks. Gently, he took my hands in his and squeezed them.
‘Forgive me,’ he whispered. ‘Forgive me for what I’ve done.’
This time I reached up, cupping his cheek in my hand, feeling his skin under my fingertips. Feeling that he was here, that he was really here, with me.
‘You kept me alive, Ila, your letters.’
His eyes widened.
I smiled, finding his eyes. ‘All the letters you wrote, Daniel brought them to me.’
He frowned, lowering his forehead to mine.
‘I failed you,’ he whispered.
‘You forced me to survive.’
His dark hair was pulled back like he always wore it, but his face was unshaven, unkempt from the usual immaculate way he looked. It was all indicative of how rough the last six months were on him.
My living nightmares had become his too. He saw, and felt, whatever I did. Guilt ate away at him for months as each dream tormented him.
‘Please don’t do this to yourself, I need you,’ I whispered, and pressed my hand to his cheek again.
‘I’m here.’
Slowly, he got to his feet and helped me up. He carried me to the bed and helped me down gently before climbing under the covers beside me.
My breath caught as the mattress dipped. Quickly he held out his hands and eased away slowly.
‘I’m sorry.’
I gripped his arm. ‘Please, don’t leave.’
He closed his eyes and settled down beside me again.
I rested my head on his chest and folded my arm across his stomach where his hand found mine.
Gently, he began to run his fingers across my hands.
‘I couldn’t stop what he did to you.’
My heart stammered. This was going to be the hardest conversation of my life. I had no doubt that he would have questions. And I knew he would wait as long as it took, but the truth was, I would never be ready to talk about it. Talking about it would mean admitting it happened, that it hurt me.
‘What did he do to you?’ His voice was barely a whisper as he drew gentle lines across my bruised wrists; it broke through all my walls.
He swept my hair from my face and I sucked in a shaky breath letting him pull me closer, against him.
‘I don’t even know where to start.’
His body tensed, he was trying to be strong, for me.
And when a moment of silence passed between us, I cleared my throat. My fever was spiking again.
‘Help me take this off.’
He quietly got up on his elbow and helped me peel off my sweater.
‘I’m sorry.’ I swallowed hard. ‘I didn’t want you to see me like this.’
I threw the sweater to the floor and leaned b
ack. As he tightened his hold on me, I felt his gaze run across my body.
The curves I usually had were gone, I was so thin I barely looked like the same person and the hideous open wounds on my arms from scratching were an angry red color, a stark contrast to the pale white of my skin beneath them.
‘Christ,’ he breathed, pulling me closer.
‘I never wanted you to see this.’
‘You never have to hide anything from me, you know that.’
‘I know.’
He pulled my arm up and over so that we were lying face to face, his eyes never left me.
‘Sleep, I’ll watch over you.’
Like my body knew it could relax, I finally felt sleep come for me and I closed my eyes. Letting the warmth of the darkness cocoon me, I let go and drifted off into silence.
Chapter Eleven
Ace
‘You’re going to keep running and I’m always going to find you, Acacia.’
My eyes dart around in the dark. Where is he?
My heart speeds up as my breath dances around in front of me.
The blackness is growing, building faster and faster, the air is getting sucked out as though I’m inside a containment chamber. There is no escape. There is nowhere to go.
The cold air around me is suffocating, I can’t find my breath, I can’t hold down the nausea.
‘When I find you, you will wish that you stayed, because every night you endured there will be nothing compared to what I will do to you when I find you.’
Tears sting my eyes and if I try to hold them back, they only come faster.
‘You think just because you’re with Lazarev, you’re safe? You’re not safe anywhere.’
Fear ripples through me like an endless wave of emotion.
‘The only reason he isn’t dead yet is because I’ve got far more I need you both for.’
Attempts to break free are shut down, and he wraps his hand around my throat. I fight his grip on me but he’s inside my head pushing me under. I scream against the pain exploding behind my eyes.
‘I will find you!’
His voice echoes inside me, filling every inch of my being.
***
I bolted upright. Illarion was beside me pulling my hair free from my face as I leapt off the bed straight for the bucket.
King of Hart Page 12
