‘I was so jealous,’ she chuckled. ‘I was right here in New York and he was hung up on a girl on the other side of the world, he’d never met. I hated you for it. And then, when he went to see you in Iraq last year, I don’t know, I think I kind of got the point.’
Last year? I couldn’t remember seeing Illarion or anyone from the Agency for that matter, in Iraq.
‘But the more time I spent with him and the more I saw how happy he was just knowing about you, I realized that I was being an idiot. How could I hate someone who made the man I loved so happy? Eventually I got over it, took a while of me brooding and sulking, but ultimately, we became close. I saw you that day, you know?’
I shook my head.
‘I don’t know if you knew who I was, you were at the Agency. I think you and Illarion were coming to meet Josh?’
‘I remember.’
She smiled and a moment later, that smile was gone. ‘When I had to do what I did, it….’
‘You did what you had to,’ I said, firmly, swallowing the bile in the back of my throat. I took two of those tablets right away.
‘Your injuries were so bad; I knew that I couldn’t… I tried to save you both.’
My eyes watered. ‘I know.’
‘You died on the operating table.’
She balled her fists in her lap, shaking her head.
‘You had a chance to save my life, you took it.’
‘When I had to tell him. The way he looked at me.’ She shook her head again.
Nodding, I looked away. I read his letters and felt the pain in the words and in the residual energy left behind by his touch.
Everything inside him held on to a tiny thread of hope. A hope that I was still out there somewhere.
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ she smiled, finally. ‘He’s happy again, happier than I’ve ever seen him.’
‘Yeah, he’s happy you’re here too,’ I laughed. ‘He would have dragged me to the hospital if you didn’t come.’
‘He said you fell?’
‘I’ve been having convulsions, but this one was worse than usual. Kind of smashed my shoulder into the wall.’
She reached for it, taking a quick look. She gently squeezed it and manoeuvred it back and forth ensuring nothing was broken.
The little device she brought to check my blood, beeped, alerting her to its completion.
She checked it and smiled at me. ‘Everything looks good here, you should be fine to just let them pass on their own, but you’ll need to be extra careful, no driving, no working.’
I opened my mouth to protest, but she held her hand out.
‘As long as it’s desk-based, you’re clear. No field duties.’
I sighed.
‘Illarion will get my report; don’t bother trying to keep it from him.’
‘Thanks, doc.’ I nodded, getting to my feet.
‘No problem,’ she chuckled. ‘Keep taking those pills and keep checking in with me. I’m happy with how everything else has been going.’ She handed me a note with instructions on when to keep applying the cream and when to keep taking the pills. ‘Once you’re settled back in, I’d like you to come for an exam.’
I looked up, finding her eyes.
‘Following a hysterectomy, when the procedure is performed due to trauma, we like to keep patients in for a few days.’
My heart stammered. I really didn’t want to go there and do that. I swallowed.
‘I’d like to make sure no permanent damage was done when you were moved so soon,’ she explained, softly. ‘I’ll make an appointment for you in a few weeks.’
Nodding, I stuffed the note in my pocket.
‘See you then, Ace. Take care.’
‘I will, thanks.’
She packed her things and left, I heard her just outside the door talking with Illarion. I knew it was rude to eavesdrop but something told me he would be less than forthcoming about his conversation with her. Not that I doubted him or anything.
I rushed over to the door and focused my hearing. I still wasn’t at my best, but I was slowly regaining my abilities.
‘How is she?’ I heard him ask.
Donna was quiet for a moment and then spoke.
‘All of her wounds are healing nicely. I’ve given her some cream to minimise the scarring on her arms.’
‘What about the convulsions?’
‘I took a blood sample, and the results didn’t show anything out of the ordinary. They’ll ease up on their own, she’ll just need to take it easy. I’ve already told her that I’m confining her to desk duties only, no field work.’
‘I agree. She’s not going anywhere yet.’
‘One more thing,’ she said, and my stomach dropped. ‘I’ve booked her in to see me in a few weeks.’
‘Is everything alright?’ His voice grew heavy.
‘I need to do an exam.’
Oh boy. I pressed my palm to my forehead. Having someone discuss my gynaecological issues with Illarion was not really something I had in mind when I woke up this morning.
Illarion grew uneasy, and I felt the tension shoot through our connection. The energy shifted as I felt him fold his arms across his chest, slowing his breathing.
‘What kind of exam, Donna? Is she alright?’
She also grew uneasy, she didn’t really want to tell him but damn him, he was using a mild compulsion on her. Not fair. That was cheating.
Her resolve lessened.
‘Whenever a hysterectomy is performed, the patient is usually kept for observation because complications can happen. But, when I, when she died…. I couldn’t, well, there was no need to check.’
Illarion stilled his pacing, and the tension grew. He understood what she meant, especially after everything Dalca had done to me, the chance of something going wrong was high. Then he turned up the compulsion and Donna had no choice but to tell him everything.
‘I just want to check, to make sure she’s alright. There are a lot of risks and complications with what she’s been through. Infections and permanent damage are a real possibility here.’
‘Whatever you have to do.’ His voice sliced through me. ‘I’ll make sure she’s there.’
‘I’ll do everything I can,’ Donna said, softly
Her voice was quiet and full of regret.
‘You didn’t do anything wrong,’ he supplied.
They were quiet for a few seconds before she sucked in a breath.
‘I single handedly made the decision to perform the surgery, I did that.’
‘You were trying to save her life. And if you asked me, I would have told you to do the same, to save her.’
When silence fell again, she moved, shifting the air again.
‘I’ve given her the appointment date; you should come with her.’
The tension inside him loosened up.
‘I wouldn’t do it any other way.’
‘I’ll see you then,’ she said, quietly. ‘Take care.’
He took the steps down with her, the door opened and closed, and I heard her car take off down the driveway and away from the house.
I walked myself outside and down the stairs heading for the gym.
‘Ace!’ Illarion called out from the living room.
‘I’m heading to the gym.’
I sprinted outside, starting with a few laps around the house to clear my head.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ace
As I ran, I focussed on clearing my head as much as possible.
Once I reached the gym, I pushed the doors open and jogged across to the treadmill.
I ran starting with my usual warm up jog and slowly increased the speed until I was running faster than I could keep up.
When I neared the end of my tether, I moved to the punching bag. I took out my anger for a good half hour before my arms hurt from the strain. I threw the gloves to the side and went to the pool.
I took off my clothes and again placed them in a pile. Diving in, I did several laps
.
Figuring that turning into a prune wasn’t going to win me any points, I got out and dried myself off. I pulled on a robe that hung in the towel room and made my way back to the house.
Illarion got to his feet when I walked in. ‘Everything okay?’
I nodded, holding my small pile of clothes against my chest.
‘You left.’
‘I just needed to take a breath,’ I smiled. ‘I’m just going to change, then we can go through this.’
‘Okay,’ he agreed, with a smile. ‘See you soon.’
Taking the stairs up to my room a lot slower than necessary, I took my time, letting my mind wander back to Donna and the things she’d said.
She felt guilty. I couldn’t work it out. Doctors made decisions like that all the time. Surely she’d made tougher calls than that in her career? Swallowing back the niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach, I put it down to irrational jealousy and pushed open the door to my room. I showered and changed, took another couple of those tablets Donna gave me, and jogged back down the stairs.
Illarion hadn’t moved and was still looking over the file’s Daniel had brought back with us.
‘What’s the plan?’ I asked, taking a seat beside him.
He looked at me before turning his attention back to the laptop.
‘We know where his house is, but going back there is pointless, unless there’s information we missed.’
‘What do you need from there?’
‘Mostly his files, he was tracking Sensitives, he’d have all that saved somewhere. I doubt he would memorize everything.’
‘Agreed, not that much information.’
‘I want to head a team and go back.’
‘I can guide you.’ I nodded.
‘No, Ace.’ He shook his head turning his body to me. ‘No field work.’
‘Fine, no field work, I’ll sit in the van with, Josh, but you need me there.’
My logic was sound.
‘Fine, but you stay in the van, I mean it.’
‘I will not leave the van.’ I nodded, smiling. ‘You have my word. Now what information do you need exactly? I ask because he has several offices where he kept different things.’
Illarion pulled up a decrypted file that Elena had given him.
‘I had I.T. run through the information you gave me. These are the agents that we now know were burned.’
My heart sunk. They were burned because of me.
‘We need to know where he kept the other list. Those agents had information about the off site servers.’
‘The lockdown?’
His face hardened. ‘It’s been forced into safe-mode.’
‘Safe-mode?’ I shook my head.
‘When the first code is entered without prior confirmation, it forces the agency into a systematic safe-mode, to ensure unauthorized access even with all four codes.’
‘So, he got at least one?’
He nodded.
My eyes widened. How did I miss that?
‘I was careful,’ I whispered.
‘This isn’t your fault.’
Ignoring him, I shook my head.
‘I thought I kept that information hidden.’
Suddenly, I had no idea what I’d let him have and maybe, maybe I didn’t save anyone, maybe I wanted to and my guilt forced all that to the surface, making me think that I’d selected what information I allowed through.
I’d just learned what those assholes did to me that night, so what else did I store in the depths of my shattered mind?
Illarion’s hand tightened around mine, bringing me back to him.
‘None of this is on you, Ace. None of it.’
Pressing my fingers to my forehead, the confusion rushed through me. Had I really sold everyone out?
‘Ace,’ he said firmly, drawing my eyes back to his. ‘You need to stop torturing yourself. You saved many lives with the information you held back.’
As a moment of silence fell between us, I felt the shift inside him; his mind went back to that night and so did mine.
‘All those agents...’
He stopped me. ‘The agents who died knew there was a risk, especially holding that kind of information.’
‘It’s not good enough.’
‘Ace….’
‘Don’t,’ I whispered. ‘How many?’
He didn’t say anything and for a moment, I thought he would argue.
‘Three.’
‘Three?’
Three out of four Sensitives who knew the lockdown protocol. Three Sensitives who were now dead, and a lot more would be at risk.
‘So, he has three codes?’ Oh God. I pressed my hands together in my lap. ‘The one who’s alive… they’ll be at risk now.’
‘Michael has eyes on that Agent.’
I was going to be sick.
‘When we infiltrated the house a few weeks back, he’d already cleared out,’ Illarion said, softly. ‘We didn’t find anything else.’
That didn’t come as a surprise. It was a few days after Daniel broke me out, of course he’d have cleared everything out. When we’d gone on the run, Daniel drove for days, not stopping until we were across state lines.
Mulling over my failure wouldn’t help the agents who were in danger and more importantly the last one with the lockdown protocol.
At least I knew that Dalca didn’t get everything since he was trying to get it out of me. I pulled the files toward me.
‘If he left anything behind, it’ll be in the south office.’
‘Okay,’ he said softly. ‘I’ll brief Aurel when he gets in, give me a minute, I’ll call Michael and organize a team.’
He quietly got to his feet, but pressed a kiss to my lips before he took out his phone with a small smile.
‘Director Somers, I need a few men, we’re running a team to the Alabama house again.’
He nodded to himself, keeping his eyes downcast.
‘Yes, we have a new lead.’
He nodded a few more times, keeping his face neutral.
‘Yes, thank you, Director.’
When he ended the call, he sat back down beside me.
‘We’re set. We have four agents who will meet us there and the rest is up to us.’
‘Why didn’t you just walk over to his room?’ I shook my head.
They’d basically moved all their things in here permanently. I loved having them both here, it felt a lot like home. But, like home, I was starting to feel suffocated. They were concerned, I got that. But it was too much, I needed my own space. Even Illarion was too much sometimes.
He let out a soft laugh. ‘I didn’t want to leave you.’
‘You know you don’t have to babysit me, I’m pretty sure I’m safe in your house. I mean it’s a fortress, nothing’s getting in or out.’ Though Dalca could have easily killed him, found all of us, he knew where we were, which made me shiver. Why hadn’t he?
‘I’m not babysitting you. It’s as much for you as it is for me,’ he said lightly.
I narrowed my eyes.
‘Seeing you, makes me feel better. Like I won’t wake up and realize it’s all been a cruel dream, that you never came back.’
‘I’m sorry….’
‘Don’t be, I get it. I’m suffocating you. I give you my word I’ll try to take a backseat… give you more space.’
His gaze dropped from me and focused on the papers in front of him. Great. I felt like a real ass.
‘I don’t want space, Ila.’ I smiled, closing my hand over his. ‘Just… just trust that I’ll be alright, that I can make it through this.’
‘I know you can make it through this, I never doubted that.’
He smiled, pulling my hand into his.
‘I know it’s not easy, dealing with… everything.’ I let out a soft laugh trying to hide the sadness in my voice.
He immediately caught on.
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘This isn’t hard, I know what you’re feeling. You think you’
re a burden.’
A shaky breath ran through me. Wasn’t I though? Everything we were doing now was cleaning up the mess I’d made, because I was caught.
‘You don’t have to lie, I’m not naïve. I know this is taking a toll on you.’
He bowed his head. He was tired, he couldn’t hide that as much as I couldn’t hide how messed up I was.
‘We will finish this, I swear to you—when this is all over, we’re both going to be okay.’
‘I want this over,’ I agreed.
‘We’ll take the Agency jet to Alabama.’
‘When?’
‘Tonight.’
A pregnant pause fell over us. Taking a moment, I cleared my mind and took a deep breath.
‘I have to ask you something.’
‘Sure.’ He nodded.
‘It’s been weighing on my mind since I met you, and even more so since coming back after Dalca and all the crap he made me relive.’
Illarion’s eyes narrowed and a line in his jaw tensed.
‘Do you know what happened to me in Iraq? I mean, you read the debrief, but do you know?’
He bowed his head and pressed his fingertips together.
‘Ila?’
‘I do.’
‘You were there,’ I said softly.
‘Yes.’
A breath caught on my lungs and I folded my hand over his.
‘Agent Alexander Westen was assigned to Operation Lullaby just like me, but he was tasked to you in Iraq, while I was stationed here.’
My heart pounded loudly.
‘When your convoy was ambushed, I requested to be inserted into the operation there. I knew your General wouldn’t be able to find you because the man holding you was beyond their capabilities.’
‘He was a Sensitive?’
‘Yes, a powerful one.’
‘Was… was Alex?’
Illarion nodded, squeezing my hand.
‘Oh God.’ I whispered. ‘Did you know him?’
This time, the sadness filled his eyes.
‘He was a good friend, Ace, we trained at the academy together.’
‘Oh Ila…’
He quietened and dropped his hand to my knee.
‘Is that why you stayed away from me?’
‘I knew how much Alex meant to you, I know you loved him. I didn’t want you to think I was trying to replace him.’
King of Hart Page 26
