Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1)

by Brown, Michelle Lynn

  She came to a halt in the dining room, where Hunter stood next to a candle lit table holding a bouquet of flowers.

  “What are these for?” Holly reached out to take the flowers, but her fingers fell short. Unworthiness sapped her strength.

  Placing them in her hands, he leaned down and kissed her. “Because you are beautiful and you are my wife.”

  Her blue eyes searched his, and that smirk still played about his lips. Her heart sank. He is still hoping I am pregnant. What happens when he finds out that I am not? And then I am supposed to tell him the truth? Holly thought wryly, that will be like salting his wounds.

  His words pulled her from her thoughts. Brushing her hair back with his fingertip, he took an unusually slow amount of time to trace her cheek. Tenderness and love were evident in his touch, and instead of filling her with bubbling happiness, it made her want to throw up.

  As he cupped her cheeks, his love pouring from his velvety blue eyes, she felt the bile rising in her throat at her gall. How dare you let him touch you, love you, honor you like this when you have not done the same to him.

  “Holly,” Hunter said as he brushed her cheeks with his thumbs. But the rest of his words were a hot blur, as her mind went cold and fuzzy. Pushing out of his arms she ran for the downstairs bathroom and barely made it in time. As she emptied out the contents of her stomach, she wondered if it was her body’s way of trying to empty itself out of the guilt. Could it physically manifest like this? She wondered.

  When she came out of the bathroom, she saw him standing there with that same handsome but infuriating smile. “I am sorry. I guess I am not any better.”

  “Well, I don’t think you are going to ‘get better’ any time soon - at least not for nine months.”

  His meaning didn’t register right away, but when it did she felt like her knees melted beneath her. Hunter’s strong arms caught her before she hit the ground, and she was barely aware of Hunter carrying her up the stairs.

  Gently placing her on their bed, he removed her shoes with the tender care of a servant. Stop! Her mind cried.

  Brushing the hair back from her face, Hunter kissed the tip of her nose. “Ever since I returned home, I’ve felt as if something’s changed.”

  Hunter mistook her look of horror, laughing as he said, “Not the part about you throwing up all the time.” He ran the tip of his finger down her cheek. “Like something had changed for the better in our marriage. Maybe it is just because I realized how much a disservice I was doing to you and our marriage by constantly wondering if you were going to turn into my mother or Janessa. I know you would never do that, and I’m sorry it has taken me this long to let go of my mistrust of them just so I could trust you.”

  She looked away from Hunter, feeling the bile rise in her throat again. He cupped her cheek, forcing their eyes to meet. “But it is like this baby is another sign of change coming to our marriage – a new stage in our lives.”

  Her guilt was like a heavy cloth over her mouth, and she struggled to breath. Holly wanted to shake him off her and tell him the truth. She wanted to unburden herself, honor him with honesty, and beg for mercy and another chance. In the end, she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t rob him of his happy news and replace it with what would destroy him. She had done enough to hurt him - she would do no more.

  “A new us.” She managed a facsimile of a smile that she hoped would pass as genuine.

  He place a hand on her still flat stomach. “Yes, a new us.”

  The question of the baby’s father haunted her for the rest of the evening. She rationalized that for her to be far enough along to be showing signs of morning sickness, the baby had to be Hunter’s. The fact that she didn’t know for certain was just another truckload of guilt that was poured on top of her.

  Later that evening, as she lay awake listening to the peaceful snores of her husband, she could not silence the whispering accusation that she had fully stepped into the role of her mother – an adulterous wife, with a child that could possibly be another man’s.

  Rolling onto her side, she closed her eyes and tried to blot out the pain, the guilt, the shame of her actions. Worse yet was the knowledge of the pain she had caused Hunter.

  I am so sorry, God. I know you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done, but show mercy to Hunter. He has been hurt so bad in the past, and I don’t want to be the next dagger in his back. I will take on the burden of this guilt and shame. I will carry it around and will live under it. But don’t hurt him with the truth.

  She waited to hear His voice - the one she had heard so long ago, but now seemed to be vacant from her life. She longed for the skittering of thoughts across her brain that let her know that God was there, He was listening, and He had accepted her sacrificial offering. But there was nothing but silence.

  After two weeks, Holly had convinced herself she could deal with the guilt and shame. She tried hard not to lie anymore to Hunter, but it was hard to stay clean when she was wallowing in the dirt. She had used her pregnancy to avoid church - she was either too tired or too sick to attend. Hunter had brought up Seth at dinner one night, but she had neatly sidestepped that conversation.

  What harm she did with her lies she tried to make up for with her love and affection. But it was hard to tell the difference anymore, and even her love felt like a heavy chore.

  Tonight, she had avoided going to bed right away in an effort to avoid putting on her mask of innocence. Using the excuse of work, she had holed herself away in the office to get a respite from the lies she felt forced to tell.

  “This is work?” Hunter chuckled from the doorway an hour later.

  “I got distracted.” She lied, turning away from the computer screen where she had been aimlessly scrolling through her friends’ status updates on her social media page.

  Without even clicking off the page, she rose and kissed him on the cheek. “I think I’ll just go to bed.”

  “I’ll lock up and be there in a minute.” Holly didn’t even bother to turn around or acknowledge his comments.

  As she went up to their room, her legs seemed heavy as if they were shackled. Freedom - she savored the word as if it were a fine-tasting fruit she would never be able to sample again.

  In their room, she slipped into her pajamas and crawled under the covers. She couldn’t go on like this. It had only been three weeks and the burden of her guilt was heavy. Maybe she should just do what Anya had requested. Her heart shrank at the thought of losing Hunter, but she was going to lose him anyway if she attempted to keep it up. What had Anya warned her? You lie and when he finds out, it is going to be worse. You keep lying and he will never be able to believe you.

  Would Hunter offer her mercy and forgiveness in exchange for the truth? Do you deserve it? Her mind whispered.

  She laid there for some time, but Hunter never showed up. Concerned, she went downstairs to see where he was. She found him in the office, sitting in the chair with his head in his hands. The screen was still showing her page, and a chat session was open.

  As she neared, she could see it was from Seth. Before she even read the words, she knew the truth was out.

  I’d ask you why you haven’t been in church lately, but I think we both know the answer. I’ve been thinking about what I said to you, and I am not sure I was right to tell you that. It is your decision whether you should tell Hunter the truth, not mine.

  Holly stood rooted to the floor. Now what? Her brain cried.

  Hunter still sat with his head in his hands. “What is it you need to tell me?” She heard the anger, the pain, and the tears in his voice.

  “Hunter,” she reached out to touch him but thought better of it. “I don’t even know how it happened. I was so upset with you after I told you about my parents. I felt rejected and I felt unwanted. Seth came over to return something, and we just started talking.”

  He finally turned, and his cold stare tore her heart and shattered it into a million pieces.

  He repeated his que
stion through clenched teeth. “What is it he told you to keep quiet about?”

  “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I just was so...”

  Her words trailed off, and she shrugged. Tears burned the back of her eyes but refused to fall. Her chin quivered, but she held it clamped, refusing to give into it.

  “Just so what?” Contempt for her dripped off every syllable.

  “I was angry and hurting, and he listened to me. He didn’t judge me, he listened to me.”

  “I’m sure he did. He was eager to please you.” Disgust was woven into every syllable he spoke.

  Holly shook her head, “No, Hunter. It wasn’t like that.”

  “Then tell me what it was like. Tell me what he wants you to hide. Tell me the truth.”

  Holly took a step back from Hunter. “Why make me say it? You already know.”

  “Say it!” He roared, and she stumbled back two steps from the intensity of his anger.

  “I slept with Seth.” She hung her head and gave up her lies, letting the truth fall in their place. “I was the one who kissed him. I was the one who tempted him. He wanted to leave, but I was so angry and hurt by your rejection that I wouldn’t let him go.”

  “Where?”

  She shook her head and tried to reach out to him, but he pulled back. “Hunter, don’t...”

  “I asked you, where did it happened?”

  Her answer was a whisper. “The kitchen. You didn’t respond when I told you I loved you, and I was so hurt...”

  He cut off her justification. “How many times?”

  “Hunter, stop.” Holly reached out, but he batted her hand away before it ever made contact.

  She wanted him to understand where she was that night. She wanted to replace that angry look for the one of love she’d seen an hour ago. Explanations would surely ease his pain. If he could just understand...

  “You have always looked at me like I was like your mother. And then when I told you about my parents, you were even worse. I was tired of you judging me, so I tried to become everything you accused me of - that everyone has always accused me of.”

  A muscle worked in his jaw as he formulated his response. His voice started off soft, giving Holly hope. “I wasn’t upset about your parent’s story. I was angry because you shared the story with Seth before you shared it with me. I spent the entire flight home feeling bad about the way I accused you, and the thoughts going through my head.” His tone returned to its former iciness. “I guess I wasn’t wrong.”

  Tears hovered in her deep blue eyes as she begged him. “Hunter you were wrong – I mean...I was angry and hurting, and he was there...”

  She stopped, seeing that her reasoning was like sandpaper on his wounded heart. She reached out to touch him again, but he jerked away.

  “Please,” she begged. When he was unrelenting, she screamed. “I am not your mom! I am not my mom. I don’t have the heart of a cheater!”

  Her words finally drew a response from him. “Oh, yes you do! You replaced him with me.”

  “But you were never there in the first place!” It was out before she could stop it.

  Her excuse broke the restraint of his barely leashed anger. Through clenched teeth he gritted out, “So I am the reason you can’t remain faithful? I am the reason you lied?”

  “I didn’t lie!” she exclaimed, frantically trying to soothe his anger.

  He pointed at the screen without saying a word.

  “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to hurt you. The truth would just hurt you and it wasn’t like I wanted to...or like I was going to do it again. I didn’t like it, I just wanted to punish myself. It just happened because I was vulnerable...”

  “Stop making excuses for your actions!”

  “Hunter, please!”

  He had looked down on his wife, and for one moment, she thought me might give into her pleas. He might hold her in his arms, kiss away this nightmare and return to way things were before he had left for his business trip.

  “Trust me, I would never want to hurt you.”

  His hand had been reaching out to brush an errant strand of copper hair from her ivory cheeks, but at her words, his hand fell to his side, and his blue eyes iced over.

  His words were calm - but they felt like a soft biting breeze in the dead of winter. Barely enough to stir her hair but enough of a chill to take her breath away. “That is the problem. I can’t trust you. You have broken that trust, and no matter how hard we try to piece it back together again, I will always see the broken cracks.”

  “We can, we can go see a counselor...”

  “We could have seen a counselor. You could have told me how you felt before this happened.” He looked down at her for a moment, the muscle in his jaw working, the physical evidence of his restraint. “Now, your infidelity is a wall between us. All hope of reconciliation is gone.”

  “But what about...” Her hand fell to her stomach.

  “Is it even mine?”

  She sucked in her breath at the pain his words caused her. “Yes.”

  “Should I trust anything you have to say?”

  She wanted to argue, but she knew better. She shook her head no. “I’ll go pack my things.”

  She started up the stairs, but he stopped her. “Holly, wait.”

  She turned, praying for mercy. “It is too late to go out tonight. Stay until you can find a place.”

  Holly looked one last time into his cold blue eyes, dispelling any of her worthless notions that Hunter and mercy would ever go hand in hand.

  Chapter Ten

  When she woke in the morning, Hunter was already gone. She packed a bag with a week’s worth of things. She’d stay in a motel until she could find a place, but she couldn’t stay in the house with him any longer. She had seen his hatred last night - she had become his mother and there was no coming back from that.

  Anya was already at the boutique when she walked in. “Good morning...” Anya looked up and saw the dark circles under Holly’s eyes and the bag in her hand “...or not. What happened?” Anya gasped. “You told him the truth?”

  Holly could only nod her head. Anya wrapped her arms around Holly. “No mercy, huh?”

  The tears she had been withholding burst through. “He doesn’t think the baby is his.”

  She cried on her friend’s shoulder, spilling out the whole story. “Well, you can stay upstairs in the apartment over the store. It isn’t much, but the people moved out two days ago. Let me call someone to clean it today and you can bring your stuff in.”

  When Holly shook her head, Anya shushed her. “You can be close to work and not have to worry about anything right now. All this strife,” Anya waved her hand in the air, “It isn’t good for the baby.” She whirled around in a flurry of colors and scents, coming back from the rear office moments later with a ring of keys. “Come on and we will go check it out.”

  Numbly, Holly followed Anya out the rear exit of the boutique and climbed the wrought iron staircase in the back of the store. Her legs felt as heavy as the iron of the stairs, and she could barely lift them. There was a small porch and a flower box siting on the window ledge. The flowers were dried and wilted.

  They walked into the apartment, leaving the door ajar. The place was, as Anya had said, small. To the right of the doorway was a small galley kitchen, and a round white Formica kitchen table sat beyond that in a small nook. The left side of the entry way opened up to a small living room with one well-worn sofa and an armchair - neither which matched. As she stepped through the living room, she could see a door that led to a bedroom and another which led to the bathroom. Sparse, like her life, but it would do.

  A soft meow intruded into the silence as a small cat came through the door and proceeded to make its way through the living room to finally settle in the small bay window seat that overlooked the front of the store.

  Anya growled, “That couple! I am so glad they are gone.” She went over to the window seat and looked down at the cat w
ho paused in its grooming process to look at her and meow, as if to ask, “What?” It was a seal point Siamese, and her little brown face was so dark against the rest of her creamy coat, it looked as if it had been dipped into a can of varnish, the kind her father used to stain his furniture.

  “They left behind their cat?” Holly sat next to the cat and began to pet it.

  Anya growled again. “How could a person be mean to a poor cat?”

  The cat worked its paws in a kneading motion against Holly’s legs. “I’ll take it.”

  “The apartment or the cat?” Anya joked.

  Holly shrugged. “Both!”

  “Now you are the one joking, right?” Anya asked.

  “No, the poor thing was just tossed aside. Why should it have to suffer? Besides, I could use the company.”

  “Okay, I will call the cleaning people.”

  “Do you want me to sign a lease agreement, or ...?”

  Anya cut her off. “No, you can just pay the rent each month. No contract, because hopefully Hunter will come around.”

  Holly let out a dour laugh. Though she hoped it would be true, she doubted that he would ever come around.

  Her suspicions were confirmed when she and Anya went that weekend back to their house to grab the rest of her clothes. Hunter was there and barely acknowledged hers or Anya’s presence. Holly could have come and gone without so much as a word to each other, and a part of her wanted to do that. Standing before Hunter, his handsome blue eyes filled with nothing but anger and loathing, she would have preferred to have had Anya pick up all her stuff.

  However, she had a baby to think about, and, despite his denial and her sneaking doubts, she knew that the baby had to be his. If he chose not to be in the kid’s life, that was his decision. Her job today was to make him understand that he was going to be a father, no matter how he felt about the mother.

  “Hunter,” she began, but he was quick to cut her off.

  “Holly, there isn’t anything you can say that will change my mind. So don’t start flinging your excuses out again - like they are going to erase what you have done.”