Tears stung her eyes as she thought of the dining room table her dad and she had been working on when he was talking with her about this. With a soft smile she said, “Like a beat up piece of furniture someone has thrown away as unusable, God comes in and peels back the layers to get to the beauty that is hidden underneath all the filth and junk that has been placed on top of it.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It isn’t. I have been working through my own forgiveness with my mom and what my dad did. But I know I really can’t be reconciled with God if I hold all this judgment and condemnation in my heart.” She placed her hand on his arm and said, “And we can’t be reconciled until there is forgiveness.”
He was silent for a moment, and said, “I am sorry. I want to work past this, but...”
“Hunter, I will honor our marriage, even if I didn’t while we were still married. If you want me...if you can forgive me, I will be here waiting for you. But until then, I think it would be best if I just stayed away. I can see how much I am hurting you.”
He brushed a strand of hair from her face, and she felt the tenderness of his touch, but saw the pain in his eyes.
“I love you, but I can’t hurt you any more than I already have. My presence in your life these past few weeks has robbed you of all your peace.”
“Peace.” He scoffed. “I don’t think I’ve had that since you’ve walked out the door.” He cupped her face, and she thought he might kiss her; his mouth came so close she could feel his breath as he whispered. “I am miserable without you.”
Pulling back, he let his hands fall ineptly to his side. She finished his sentence. “But you are miserable with me.”
He didn’t answer, but Holly didn’t need it. “It’s okay, just take me home.”
“You are such a blind, pig-headed fool!” Grace stood before Hunter, her hands on her hips.
“By all means, don’t hold back your opinion of me.” He drawled, taking a sip of the brandy he had bought just yesterday.
“Don’t be cavalier!” Grace snatched the glass from his hands and the bottle from his desk and threw them into the nearby trashcan.
“Do you think getting drunk is going to help any more than pushing her away did?”
“I didn’t push her away.” He corrected. “She went to someone else.”
“She is sorry for that. She has gone to God, repented, and found peace.”
“Good for her.” He ran his hand across his face, vaguely recognizing that he needed to shave.
“She won’t even come to the wedding.” Grace’s anger was tinged with sadness.
His sarcasm abated. “I didn’t tell her she couldn’t come.”
“Maybe not in so many words. But she loves you, Hunter. She is broken by what she did and she won’t bring you anymore pain.”
“I tried, Grace. I couldn’t get past...” Hunter shook his head, whispering, “I can’t be blind like our father and just forget...”
Grace growled in frustration. “But you are blind. You can’t see past your own righteous anger to see where you have a part in all of this.”
“Now you sound like her, making this all my fault.” He slammed his hand down on the desk. “I didn’t tell her to jump into Seth’s arms.”
“No, what she did was wrong.” She came around to his side of the desk and spun the office chair around, kneeling at his feet. “It takes two people to make a marriage strong, and two people can weaken it as well.”
Hunter remembered Holly’s accusation that he was so rigid in his judgment of her.
Grace continued. “Our parent’s sins were their sins, but you brought them into your own marriage and you ruined it. You are trying so hard not to be 'blind' like Daddy, when what you didn't see was Daddy's love. Yes, mom cheated, but Daddy offered her mercy and love. He bridged the gap her sin had caused in their marriage because he loved her. She changed that day. His love changed her. His forgiveness changed her.”
She got up and stormed out of the room. Hunter rested his throbbing head in his hands, but he jerked his head up when a book slammed on the desk moments later.
“I found it with mom’s things when I was looking for something old for the wedding.” He picked up the worn leather diary, and opened it up to see the familiar handwriting of his mother scrawled across the pages.
“Read it.” Grace said, her voice was no longer filled with anger, just pity. “Maybe her words will cause your blind eyes to be opened.”
He stared at the empty doorway long after Grace had left. Opening the diary, he read his mom’s words.
I have fallen, despite my best efforts otherwise. Edward, my sweet Edward, is gentle and kind. He doesn’t deserve a wretch like me. He cherishes me, and I can feel that. But I want more - no, I need more than he can give me. I remember when I agreed to marry Edward. I thought that his love would be enough. But then I met Will. His smile made my stomach flutter, and when he brushed past me the other day, his eyes twinkled a promise that ignited something within me. I thought that just one kiss would be enough to squelch that fire - slake the thirst that had begun to grow in me. But it just left me wanting more. Our night was filled with passion - yes, passion! That is what I have been missing with Edward. My sweet Edward that warms my heart with his kind love, but I want more than just sweet love. Tonight, as I slithered out of Will’s bed like the snake that I am, I was feeling anything but satisfied. If anything, I feel more emptiness. I am trying hard not to go back to Will, but this emptiness gnaws at me, seeking to be filled at whatever cost.
Hunter slammed the book, unable to read another word. He didn’t know what Grace had hoped to accomplish, but he certainly wasn’t feeling any more lenient toward his mother. If anything, it was worse.
He ran a hand down his stubbly jaw. Shower, shave, and then right a wrong.
Two hours later, he walked into Holly’s store.
“She’s in the back office, dear.” Katie told him. “Just head back that way.”
As he neared, he heard her speaking with someone, and the joy in her voice brought back memories of when he had taken her on a ski trip to Seven Springs where he proposed to her. She had been less distant, warmer, and he had been captivated by it.
“My dad will love you, Mark. Don’t worry.” Hunter slid to a halt in the doorway at her words. She had her hand over the handsome young man’s arm. The smile in her eyes as she looked up at him made him want to punch the guy in the face for even looking at his wife that way.
The couple turned as they became aware of him. Mark, seeing the anger flashing in Hunter’s sapphire eyes, murmured a low, “Thanks, Holly.” The man brushed past Hunter.
“Hunter, what are you doing here?”
He wanted to deny the path his thoughts were trotting down, but the words of his mother echoed in his head. ...this emptiness gnaws at me, seeking to be filled at whatever cost. Was that how Holly felt? Unworthy, that is what Holly said he made her feel like. His thoughts solidified his erroneous judgment of the situation – Mark was just another attempt at her filling her emotional needs.
“You know you have all these people coming to your defense. Seth, my sister...do they even know what a little liar you are?” He hadn’t meant to lash out, but his anger wouldn’t let his mind filter his words
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play innocent. I saw the way you looked at him....”
Holly laughed, and it was like hammering nails into his heart. How dare she laugh in the face of his pain?
“Mark?” She shook her head, her fiery hair tumbling around her shoulders. “He’s dating my sister. I was just reassuring him...”
He cut off her explanation. “You expect me to believe that?”
The smile vanished from her face. She crossed her arms over her chest but remained silent. Finally she spoke. “I guess not.” Turning from him, she added, “but it is the truth.”
Truth, he scoffed. Like she even knew the definition word.
; She handed him her cell phone. “What is this?” He asked.
“Look at the calls. Search the pictures.” There was no anger, no indignation - just submission.
There was a tiny part of him that said she was innocent and to just drop it. That part was drowned out by the anger that was demanding proof. Skimming through the pictures, he saw she still had photos of them, and his anger slowly abated with each one they passed until he came to one of Mark with another girl. They were obviously in a loving embrace. A small twang of guilt strummed through him, but the next picture sang a song of shame. Holly had a copy of the sonogram. He stared down at the black and white picture of Heather.
Clearing his throat of the lump that had suddenly formed, he put the phone down on her desk. He wanted to apologize, but instead he said, “I came to tell you should come to the wedding. Grace really wants you there.”
“And you?”
Say it. His eyes fell on the picture staring at him from the desk - their baby demanding he forgive her. “Please, just come.”
Her eyes fell to the phone. She lifted her chin, but he could see the pain in her eyes. He wanted to erase that pain, but his feet remained planted in the floor.
“Hunter, I want to move on, but I need your forgiveness.”
His heart stung at her words. “I can’t give it to you.”
Chapter Seventeen
She thinks it is so easy to wash her hands and walk away. Hunter straightened the bow tie on his tuxedo and stared at his reflection in the mirror. The man that looked back at him was a mess, haunted and damaged by the sins of others.
Holly had looked so peaceful - sad but peaceful. God, she should be the one suffering, not me!
A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. “Come in.”
“The cars are starting to arrive.” Grace said. “I am going to head back to the room, and Chris and the groomsmen need to...”
Kissing his sister on top of her head, he chuckled. “I know. We’ve been over this three times since last night.”
“Okay,” Grace giggled. “I’m...I’m just so happy.” She wrapped her arms around Hunter’s waist.
Hunter held his sister, growling a warning to God that she should never have to experience his pain.
Hunter went downstairs and met the groomsmen in the hallway.
Christopher beamed at him. Despite his best efforts to not trust this man, Hunter couldn’t help but like him. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop Hunter from warning his future brother-in-law.
“We are back here.” He ushered the group back to one of the spare bedrooms, but put a restraining hand on Christopher’s arm. Though Hunter appeared nonchalant, there was no mistaking the thinly veiled threat in his words. “I just wanted to make it clear that you better honor my sister with your life. I will not have you chucking aside your vows the second your fascination with my sister grows cold.”
Christopher laughed despite Hunter’s threat. “You must not think much of your sister if you assume I could ever grow tired of her. She is...” A smile wreathed the man’s face as he continued. “Grace is everything her names implies. Not only is she beautiful, but she is compassionate, forgiving, and caring. She brings beauty to everything she touches.”
Mollified for the moment, Hunter surveyed Christopher again. He saw himself for a moment – full of love and hope, eager to marry Holly and change the past through their marriage.
How did that turn out?
Hunter pinned the young man with another cold steel stare. “Like I said when you came to ask for her hand in marriage, I give you my blessing, but heed my warnings. You better never hurt her.”
The unflappable stare faded from Christopher’s face. Rather than fear, Hunter was shocked by the look of confusion, and even more shocked by the young man’s admission. “I can’t promise that - no more than she could promise the same to me.”
“What do you mean...?” Hunter roared, prepared to stop the wedding right here before it even began.
“I am bound to hurt her.” Christopher shrugged. “But I can give you my word that I will love her no matter what.”
Hunter stared at the young man, who went on to explain. “Marriage isn't about better-nots. Conditions mean that you have an out - a way to leave if things don't work out like you planned. Marriage is about unconditional love - meeting each other halfway and learning to bend with life.”
Clapping a hand on Hunter’s shoulder, he smiled. “We are going to hurt each other and do things we regret. Love really begins - true love really shows up when you move past those things together as one.”
The words of the young groom would torment Hunter all morning.
Moments later, Hunter welcomed his old friend, Kyle Ashcroft, and showed him into the back yard where the wedding planner had transformed the yard into an intimate and flowery concoction. He barely heard his friend’s words as he scanned the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of Holly.
“Is she not here?” Kyle’s handsome face held a smirk.
Hunter looked in confusion at his friend. “How did you...?”
“Grace...and the look on your face.”
Hunter looked away, shrugging with feigned indifference. “I really didn’t expect her to be here.”
“But you were hoping.” Kyle raised a knowing eyebrow at him. At that moment, Hunter regretted his sister’s decision to have his old friend officiate their wedding.
Kyle’s words penetrated his thoughts. “Looks like we are getting the signal. Let’s talk after the reception.”
As Kyle headed up to the front, Hunter headed back to meet Grace. Knocking on the door, it was opened moments later by one of the bridesmaids.
“Are you ready?” Hunter asked his sister over the woman’s head.
Grace nodded her head, and Hunter stepped aside as women filed past him. Holding out his arm for Grace, he prayed, God, I don’t know if You will hear me, but make her happy, give her what I could never find.
As the wedding procession made their way down the aisle, Grace whispered, “Is she here?”
Hunter shook his head. “It is your day. Stop trying to play cupid.” Nevertheless, as Hunter walked Grace down the aisle, he scanned the crowd, hoping to spot Holly’s fiery halo of hair in the mix of heads that were turning to watch the bride walk toward her groom.
His anger burned throughout the ceremony and throughout the reception. She had told him she wanted to move on. She had made that clear. Holly just wanted his forgiveness so she could sleep at night, but he wouldn’t give her that satisfaction.
As the bride and groom were preparing to leave, he wrapped Grace in a protective hug. “I hope you are happy.”
“I hope you find peace.” She countered. Pulling back from his embrace, she kissed him on the cheek. “You didn’t read mom’s diary, did you?”
“I started to, but....”
“Read it. For me.” With that, she wrapped her hand in her husband’s, and they took off in a shower of well-wishes toward the waiting limo.
Soon afterward, the guests began to trickle out. “Are you ready for that talk?”
Hunter chuckled as his friend came up behind him. “What do you expect, Kyle? Do you want me to confess my sins to you?” He pointed at the Bible in Kyle’s hand. “Just because you are a pastor now doesn’t mean anything. You forget, I know all of your sins.”
Kyle laughed. “Nothing of the sort. I just want to have a talk with an old friend.”
The pair walked outside to the backyard where the servers were beginning to break things down. Hunter worked a muscle in his jaw. “So how much did Grace tell you?”
Kyle chuckled at his friend’s reluctant question. Sitting down in one of the chairs, he said. “Enough to know that you’ve been betrayed and you can’t move past that pain.”
Hunter sat down, leaning back in the chair next to Kyle. “I want to....” He waved his hand as if he were swishing away a mosquito. “It doesn’t matter. She said she wanted to move on but she needed my forgiven
ess.”
“Ah, that is a stickler for you.” Kyle said. “As I remember, you always held a grudge against your mom for her sins. Then there was Janessa....”
Defensive, Hunter threw back. “I seem to remember a young man in college still stinging from the betrayal of his high school sweetheart. You are no stranger to betrayal.”
A shadow crossed over Kyle’s features. “Lauren.” Her name on his lips spoke of his love and his pain. “She left me without so much as an excuse, a reason - even a goodbye. She just disappeared right after graduation and I found out two years later that she was married.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up the pain.” Hunter said, feeling bad for lashing out at his friend, especially in the face of the pain that so clearly shown on his friend’s face.
“Don’t be. Her betrayal hurt - still hurts.” Kyle looked at Hunter. “But I’ve forgiven her.”
Hunter scoffed. “The pain on your face says otherwise, my friend.”
“Yes, there is still pain. Forgiveness isn’t about removing the pain; it is about refocusing.”
“So you are saying, despite the pain you are still going through, you have forgiven her.” Hunter shook his head. “No offense, but I don’t see how you are going to convince me that you are over all of it.”
“I don’t think I ever did, or ever will, get over it. That kind of hurt - that kind of betrayal - it just doesn’t go away. But we can choose to offer mercy and try to understand things from their point of view.”
Hunter just stared at his friend.
“In my case, Lauren has a strict father. He never approved of us. His iron will was always dogging us, and she probably bent under the pressure of it.”
Hunter thought about Kyle’s words. Holly had been trying to tell him her side of things, but he had been too angry to hear her. With a sigh, he admitted to himself that he’d also been too jealous beforehand to have her trust him with her tender memories of her childhood.
Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) Page 13
