Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1)

by Brown, Michelle Lynn

  Kyle’s words penetrated his thoughts. “Plus, you can’t hold judgment in your hand. The scriptures say we’ve all sinned and ....”

  Hunter cut off the scripture reference. “I didn’t commit adultery.”

  “But you did hurt her.”

  “So she sins and I am the one who is wrong? Where did I fail - she was distant and aloof for our marriage - no matter what I did. You didn’t see me hopping into someone else’s arms!”

  “Making a marriage strong takes two people who are willing to become one. That requires compassion, compromise, and a whole lot of bending. Failing to do this makes a marriage weak and susceptible to temptations - like adultery.”

  Hunter opened his mouth to argue, but Kyle interjected. “Her sins are hers – she must confess and seek forgiveness from God. Has she done this?”

  “Yes, she has.” Hunter mumbled.

  “And she’s obviously sought forgiveness from you.”

  Hunter merely grunted in reply.

  “If you focus on the pain, the pain will rule over you. You will build walls up that will keep you from her and that will keep you from God. Forgiving is about removing any walls that will hinder your relationship with God.”

  Hunter ran a hand down his weary face. “It isn’t like I didn’t try. I want our marriage to go back to the way it was before she slept with Seth. I have prayed for that. Don’t get me wrong, I want to forgive her. I want to...but I just can’t forget.”

  “I think you are asking for the wrong thing. Don’t ask God to make things like they were before - they were broken and obviously needed help. You need to ask God to heal your marriage.”

  Hunter shook his head. “I think we are beyond healing....”

  Kyle cut him off. “God can heal it if you are willing to listen to Him. He parted the Red Sea, demolished sin and death, and you think He can't fix your marriage?”

  “I know He can - I just....”

  “Jesus offered himself up for our sins - he paid the price - you are as clean as a whistle, but He paid the price. What makes you think you are somehow above forgiving? What makes you think you are worthy of withholding your mercy when you have received so much?”

  Mollified, Hunter mumbled. “Well, when you put it that way....”

  “I am not trying to be judgmental, but the Bible tells us we have been forgiven much, so we must love much. Love means forgiveness, and forgiveness means you have to be open to letting God work in your heart and in your mind, just as much as hers.”

  Hunter just stared at Kyle. His friend’s words hovered over him, and he wanted to reach out for them, but whispers of his past - his mom, Janessa and now Holly – clouded his understanding. All had betrayed him - and the truth was, he somehow blamed God for that betrayal.

  Kyle’s words pulled him from his thoughts. “Kyle, you need to stop looking at her and judging her by your mom’s sins. You need to stop looking at her and waiting for her to turn out like Janessa.”

  Hunter looked down at the table, knowing that was how he had spent the first part of their marriage.

  Kyle continued. “You need to stop punishing her for her sins, which she’s obviously sorry for. Stop looking at her like this woman who has betrayed you and start looking at her the way God sees her.”

  Sarcasm dripped from Hunter’s tone. “How is that?”

  “Redeemable.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  After Kyle left, and the servants had cleared away all traces of the wedding festivities, Hunter sat in the office. His mother’s journal sat before him. He’d opened it several times, but he couldn’t bear to read it.

  Redeemable - the word whispered through his mind again. Was their marriage redeemable? How did his father sit by his mom’s side year after year, knowing how she had betrayed him?

  Hunter swiped a hand down his face, dredging the tears off his cheeks in the process. He wasn’t going to fool himself. He was miserable without Holly, but he was miserable with her, too.

  “Why have you given me this cross to bear?” He shouted to the empty room. Hunter waited, he listened for that small, still voice that used to whisper through his mind. How long had it been since he’d heard it?

  I have not moved. You have.

  He buried his face in his hands at the words. His eyes fell again on the diary.

  He cracked it open and began to read. He read about the beginning of the affair with gritted teeth. He didn’t know what was worse, listening to his mother’s excuses about why she felt restless, or knowing there was a part of him softened to the excuses.

  From the date of the entries, he had been only five. He vaguely remembered his mother brooding around the house, and then all of a sudden, she appeared happy again. This must have coincided with the affair. She was obviously feeling, as she put it, “fully alive, like I have never felt before.” But his heart softened a little when he read, “But I am also completely empty when I come home. I look into my son’s handsome blue eyes, so much like his father’s, and I know that my actions are selfish.”

  This went on for several months, until the entries turned dark. She had decided she couldn’t live with the guilt any longer and she broke off the affair. The next entries were filled with sad passages, and his heart softened a little more at the guilt she was going through.

  Then she had found out she was pregnant with Grace.

  The glass of scotch slid from his numb fingers as he read, making a soft thud on the carpet, but he was oblivious to it all.

  With all likelihood, the beautiful little girl that grows within me was conceived in a moment of selfish passion. My husband knows nothing of the affair. How can I tell him? He is thrilled that our marriage is getting back together. He can sense that I am trying - but he doesn’t know the reason I am trying so hard. I am callous, and I wish I could tell him. But these past few months have made me realize what a fool I have been. The fleeting passion I felt in Will’s arms are incomparable to the love and security that I feel with Edward. How could I have let my emotions carry me away into such a sinful place? Now I have this burden - this heavy weight of my actions hanging around my neck. I can tell my husband and be free of the burden, but I would just be placing it on his neck - and Hunter’s too. So I suffer in silence - penance for my sins.

  There were several weeks without entries, and then, four days before Grace was born, the tear stained page revealed more.

  My husband has found out. He asked me point-blank today about the affair. I wanted to lie. I wanted to cover up my sins to keep our peace. But I am weary of hiding. It turns out he has had his suspicions all along. Now he knows everything. My soft-hearted, sweet husband yelled at me like he has never done before. He called me names that stung me to the core - but they are true - too true. I begged him for mercy. I begged for forgiveness. He stormed off, not a trace of love or compassion was on his face. He has such a close walk with God. If he can’t forgive me, I know God can’t.

  Three days later, there was another entry.

  I have started to have contractions. Hunter is safe with his grandmother, though he has been questioning where his father is. What am I supposed to tell him? When he learns the truth, will he hate me like his father? And what of the child in my belly? Will she grow up under the stain of her conception? Will she be able to rise above my foolish sins? I pray that God will have mercy on my children, despite my own stupidity. Please, do not let them pay for what I have done.

  Hunter felt the sting of his mother’s prayer for him and Grace. He tried to brush it aside as he read the next entry.

  Grace - that is the name my husband chose. He walked in to the room today, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. The warmth of his love was absent - but there was hope in his eyes. He has given me hope, too. When he asked what I had decided to name her, I told him I hadn’t yet. Though I didn’t voice it, he knew choosing a name was something we were supposed to decide together. He asked me if I loved him. The question stung, and my heart hurt from the pain I knew I had
inflicted upon him. I told him I never knew what love was until he showed me. What I thought was love with Will was merely a cheap imitation, but what Edward and I had was a valuable treasure, and I promised I wouldn’t take it for granted again. There was no smile in his sapphire eyes, a sadness I had put there strangled his smile. But he laid his hand gently on the baby’s head and said, “Grace - that should be her name.” He cleared his throat, and my heart hurt again at the visible sign of the pain I had caused him. He went on to explain. “I wanted to hate you. I wanted to get Hunter and leave you forever. But God reminded me that His love for me is unconditional. I offer you that same kind of love, too, if you want it.” I wanted to say so much, but I could only nod eagerly. He then told me she would be called Grace because she would teach us how to bridge the gap between the pain of what I had done and the love we felt for each other.

  The rest of the entries filled in the gaps in his memories. These were behind the scenes look at the parents he never really knew. His father not only showed her how to love, but showed her Christ’s love. Neither were blind to the looks they received around town, and his mother wanted to leave so Hunter and Grace wouldn’t be affected. It was his father who said he felt like they were supposed to remain to show others what it truly meant to forgive.

  Grace had known about her real father since she was sixteen. Again, it was his father who had initiated the discussion.

  All this time, Hunter thought, and Grace never told me.

  The diary was helpful and hurtful at the same time. He saw a different side to his father. He wasn’t the blind man he always thought he was. He had endured all for what he felt God had told him to do. No – he didn’t endure –he embraced God’s will for his life, even though it cost him dearly.

  Hunter swiped at the tears he hadn’t realized were coursing down his cheeks. He had spent all these years blaming God for everything.

  Later, he wouldn’t remember how long he stayed hunched over his desk, sobbing into the crook of his arm. He cried for the years he had spent being angry at his mother. He cried for the years he had spent resenting his father. He cried for Janessa, knowing he had a part in her decision to cheat on him. He cried for the years in his marriage to Holly that he had wasted being angry about everything. He cried for failing to encourage his wife - instead he had just belittled her.

  “I am sorry, God, for putting all that before You and Your word. I knew better, but I shut out Your truth and I just let my anger drag me around, wrecking into everything I touched.” With a sob, he added, “Lead me, Lord. Cleanse my heart and lead me into a deeper walk with you.”

  “I was thinking about...what if I come up with a reason to call -”

  Holly’s dad cut her off. “Holly.” Her name was a gentle warning on his lips.

  It had been two months since she had last spoken to Hunter. Grace had been by the store after she returned from her honeymoon last week. The pictures of the wedding Grace showed her were beautiful, and she had smiled, but inside she was crying at every one that featured Hunter. Anger was etched into every handsome line on his face. As much as she wanted to call him, she knew he didn’t have any forgiveness to offer her.

  Holly put her back into sanding the wood on the desk she and her father were working on. “I miss him.”

  “I want you two to get back together. I have been praying for healing to come to both of your hearts - to your marriage.” Her dad hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her eyes toward his. “But coming up with a lie to call him...you are not making decisions based on God’s will.”

  Holly sighed, turning away from him again. She knew what he said was true - but her heart just really wanted Hunter’s love again. “I know, I know. It is my emotions calling the shots again.”

  Her dad dropped his tool, and turned to her, taking her but the shoulders so she was forced to look at him. “I know you want his forgiveness. I know you want him back.” Gathering her in his arms, he gently said. “But it needs to be on God’s timing, not yours. Otherwise, it won’t work.”

  She nodded against his chest. “I just wish....”

  “I know, Honey. However, surrendering to God means that - no matter what He calls you to - you are willing to go there.”

  “Even if it hurts.”

  Her dad kissed her on the top of her head. “Yes, even if it hurts. You can only do it because you value Him, you trust Him, and you love Him above everything and everyone else.”

  Holly’s words came out in a soft, weary rush. “...and because I know Him enough to believe that any pain he has asked me to endure means that there is a purpose behind it - even if I never see the purpose this side of Heaven.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  The bell over the door chimed as Hunter entered the boutique. He had driven to her store at least ten times over the past month, but he had never been able to get out of the car. Hunter knew it was time to offer her forgiveness, allowing her to move on as she wanted. But every time he opened his car door to go offer her the mercy she needed to be at peace, his own peace shattered. I don’t want to give her up, God.

  The sound of Katie’s laughter interrupted his thoughts. They must not have heard the bell announcing his entrance. Making his way back to the dressing area, he heard Katie insist. “Holly, you have to try it on. You will look so gorgeous in it.”

  Hunter walked in to see Katie holding the wedding gown in front of Holly. Her auburn hair fell in a fiery waterfall around her shoulders, a stark contrast to the ivory color of the gown. Her blue eyes flickered with emotions, some beautiful, some painful.

  “It is a gorgeous gown.” Hunter heard her wistful tone. Is she waiting to marry someone else?

  God was still sorting out all the pain from his past, and Hunter was being selfish withholding his forgiveness. Why should she suffer any more at his hands?

  Hunter watched as she placed a hand over her belly - where their baby had once lived. No more, he thought.

  Holly shook her head, staring at Katie in the mirror. “It is gorgeous but you know I can't.

  “You should try it on. You will make a beautiful bride.” Both women turned at his words.

  A blush stained her cheeks, and Katie smiled a silent hello and gathered up the boxes filled with gowns, leaving them in the dressing room alone.

  He knew the answer, but he asked anyway. “Why won’t you try it on?”

  Holly averted her gaze, the gown forgotten in her hands. “I have a lot to do and I don’t have time to be indulging in whimsical fantasies....”

  He gently gripped her arm and turned her to face him. “You won’t try it on because you don’t think you are worthy of wearing it, right?”

  She opened her mouth to respond, but he stopped her. “You will make a beautiful bride.” Each word felt like a spiked ball being forced from his lips.

  Her auburn brow lifted at his words. “I was already a bride.”

  “Please, try it on for me.” Her hesitancy drifted away slowly as his eyes and his tone breached her defenses. She capitulated to his desires and stepped into the dressing room with the gown.

  She came out moments later, turning her back so that he could fasten the row of satin covered buttons along her back. Silence stretched between him, each brush of his hands across her soft skin felt like an agonizing death.

  When she turned toward him, his breath caught in his throat. She was truly beautiful, maybe even more so than on the day of their wedding.

  “Holly, I am sorry for not offering you forgiveness. I am sorry I caused so much pain. I want to move on - but I am not sure I am ready.” Hooking a finger in a strand of her hair, he brushed it aside and traced his finger down her cheek. His heart broke with the words that tumbled from his lips. “I know you want to move on, and if you want to marry someone else - I release you.”

  He expected relief, tears, something other than the anger that he saw flash in her eyes.

  “Marry someone else?” She slapped his hand away from her cheek. Crossing he
r arms over her chest, she said, “I don’t want to marry anyone else.”

  “But you said you wanted to move on....”

  “I meant move on with you.” She interrupted. “You are and will always be my husband.”

  “Then why wouldn’t you try on the dress?”

  She uncrossed her arms, and pain slashed across her face. “It hurts too much.”

  Her confession tore at his heart.

  “Hunter, I stumbled and fell because I let my past, my emotions, and my fears control me. That mistake has had a ripple effect of consequences, from the dissolution of our marriage, your anger and hatred, and the unbelievable guilt that haunts me day and night. Maybe that mistake is something we will never be able to come out from under. But I chose to marry you, and I choose to continue to honor that marriage now, whether we are legally together or not.”

  Cupping her face in his hands, he breathed in her words like they were a fragrance. Closing his eyes, he whispered, “My anger has kept both of us bound up for so long, and I don't want to cause either of us to fall under that anymore.” Brushing his thumbs across her cheeks, he admitted, “but I can't guarantee....”

  Holly reached up between their bodies and laid her hand gently along his cheek. "What? You can't guarantee that you won't look at me and see my sin? You can't guarantee that you won't bring it up every time we fight? I don't need those guarantees right now.”

  “I do forgive you.” His voice was rough with emotion. “I never stopped loving you.”

  “Me either.”

  “But I don’t want to hurt you. What if I do or say something...? I can’t guarantee that I won’t hurt you again.”

  “I only need one guarantee from you.”

  His eyes searched hers, fearful that it would be something that he couldn’t promise.

  “I just need the guarantee that you will allow God to work in our marriage and in our hearts so that we can be healed and reconciled.”