Crazy Maybe

by Justice, A. D.

  Before I finish the first hand, I hear his breathing become heavier and faster. I can see the quickening rise and fall of his massive chest as I take my time with his hand. He takes a half-step closer to me and now he’s towering over me. I can feel his hot breath and his all-male scent envelops me. I’m not short by any means but I’m not super-model tall either. I’m just the average 5-foot-5-inch female. He’s a couple of inches over 6-foot, with wide shoulders, muscular arms, trim waist and muscular legs. And not an ounce of fat anywhere I can see with him wearing this tank top and shorts.

  The hands and wrists of a fighter are important – any weaknesses in them could mean the difference between a win and a career-ending loss. The fact that my touch is turning him on is just a plus that I hadn’t intended and I really have to focus to keep from enjoying it too much myself. Right now, I’m pretty sure I have ADD because I can’t keep my mind where it’s supposed to be. And that’s even more obvious since I didn’t even notice William approaching us from the other side of the gym until he was almost touching my arm.

  Luke’s smooth voice is low but it still startles me when he says, “You have a great voice. I liked watching you on stage last night.”

  I can feel the warmth spread to my cheeks and I know I’m blushing. For one thing, I jumped a little when he spoke, but the main reason I’m blushing was the way he said it. He knew I was looking at him, singing to him, last night. I didn’t have a clue who he was and with the lights pointed at the stage, I couldn’t even see him that well. But I saw his eyes well enough and they were glued to mine just like they were earlier today. I considered approaching him after my song was over but I chickened out. I’m not into one-night stands and any girl who leaves a club with a guy knows that’s all it will ever really be.

  I finally find my voice after the heat in my face starts to fade. I smile at him and respond, “Thanks. It took me a few minutes to realize that you’re the guy I saw there last night. Those stage lights sort of blind you, but I recognized your eyes.”

  William Lancaster is a big guy and has been coming to Mack’s gym for several years. He’s not really interested in being the next big name in boxing but he does enjoy sparring with the others. His muscles aren’t cut and defined like most of the other guys in here, but make no mistake that the man is all muscle. He’s thick like a power lifter. I think he has a bit of a crush on me though he’s never made a move. It could be more of a protective big brother thing, I’m really not sure. But right now, one thing I am sure of is that he doesn’t like Luke.

  “Andi,” William says with a deceptively calm voice, “why is this guy so close to you?” William is talking to me but his eyes are cutting through Luke like a hot knife through butter. I have to give Luke credit – he doesn’t move or show the slightest bit of fear. That’s actually pretty impressive because William is no less than daunting.

  “It’s ok, Will. Pop asked me to check him out and I need to make sure his hands are ok before I put him on the bag or the speed ball.” I keep my voice calm and even because William will not hesitate to pounce on him if he hears the slightest tremor in my voice. He would take it as fear when I’m really just hyperaware of the intense feelings Luke stirs deep in my belly….and I mean low and deep.

  Luke maintains eye contact with Will and even though I respect him for it, Will is a little like a wild animal in this sense. Eye contact is a direct challenge and he’s surprisingly fast for his size and thickness. I place one hand on Will’s arm, causing him to look at me and break the silent argument of which man has the most testosterone. I don’t do this to make Will “lose” this contest; I do this to save Luke without embarrassing him.

  I give Will a sweet smile, truly meaning it because I know without a doubt he would protect me and I love him for it. “I’m ok, Will. Really. You know I’d tell you if I was uncomfortable.”

  “If you say so, Andi,” Will replies to me warmly before turning his gaze briefly back to Luke and hardening his voice as he continued, “I still don’t like how he’s looking at you, though. He’d be…..safe….if he remembers that.”

  I still held one of Luke’s hands in mine and I felt him tense, his body preparing for a fight and I quickly squeeze his hand and slightly tug on it. Not enough that Will would notice but enough for Luke to look at me. I barely shook my head from side to side, signaling “no,” and let Will walk away to resume his workout. The fire burning in Luke’s eyes was unmistakable and that fury is now aimed at me. Still, he doesn’t scare me, even though I don’t really know him, I have no doubt that he would never hurt me, even if Will wasn’t just a few feet away.

  LUKE

  I thought I was totally fucked when I basically shushed her when I was calling the guy “Andy.” Turns out Andi is a girl…my little vixen. I did not see that coming at all. Who knew? All I could think of at that moment was how she was about to kick me out and I’d have to answer my family’s questions about my dream being flushed down the toilet.

  My parents are good people but they don’t understand or support my dream at all. My dad thinks I should go into some kind of business, or work for him, and make a fortune like he did. Like my brother and sister both did. My mom is embarrassed by my boxing dream. She thought I should stick to what I originally went to college to be, but that path is lost to me now.

  Mom can’t tell her friends what I’m really doing because she can’t stand the thought of them looking at her with such pity of how I turned out. Surely they would have to wonder what my parents did wrong with me, right? I’m the black sheep and I know this is my last shot to make my dream a reality. If I’m turned away here, there’s nothing else for me to do. No other trainer around here can do what Mack and his team does.

  She had every right to skewer me right in front of every man in the gym for the way I treated her. But she didn’t. She did just the opposite – she let me keep my dignity and acted as though I didn’t just treat her like shit. She just earned every bit of respect I can give her and I fully intend on giving her that respect. It may kill me because there’s hardly anything I want more right now than to throw her over my shoulder and carry her off to my man-cave to have my way with her.

  But right now, she’s focusing on my hand and it just feels too damn good to move. I’m thoroughly enjoying this – how the smooth skin of her hands are gently massaging the roughness of mine as she checks every square millimeter of my hand for weaknesses. If her hands feel this good on my hands, I can’t imagine how good they’ll feel when she puts them on my body. That’s what I’m fantasizing about right now, ever since she took my hand in hers.

  When she first told me to give her my hand, I wasn’t sure if I should trust her. She had every reason to humiliate me in some insanely embarrassing way, but the look in her eyes when she motioned for my hand was warm and inviting. Not cold and calculating. I reluctantly gave her my hand and now I’m so damn glad I did. Nothing – and no one - has felt this good in a long time.

  I knew it would be her after she sang that song last night. The way she looked at me from the stage, I was sure she was singing it only for me. The words of I’m With You still ring in my head and I don’t even like Avril Lavigne’s music – chick music. But I hear it in Andi’s voice and I wonder if the words have meaning for us. We don’t know each other, but as girly as this sounds, it also feels like we do know each other.

  I would never admit this shit to anyone – not her, not my friends – they’d all think I’ve turned into some pussy. But she had to feel it, too. Last night when she sang to me and right now, when she’s rubbing my hand with her velvety touch, there’s a connection between us.

  She just admitted that she saw me there – she said she recognized me by my eyes today. I knew she was singing to me. The words still play over and over in my head – every word was meant for us but the chorus stays with me. She’s taken my hand in hers and I feel her on another level.

  I’m so lost in thoughts of her hands, her voice, how she looked at me when she
sang those words, and how she looked at me when I walked in the gym today, that I don’t even realize there’s a giant standing about a half-inch from us. And that giant is pissed. And he’s apparently pissed at me as he questions Andi about why I’m so close to her.

  I didn’t even realize I had moved in closer to her but now that he has pointed it out, I am really damn close to her. I know I can’t move now without showing weakness. Andi’s calm voice speaks to the giant and calls him Will. Will’s gaze hasn’t moved from me at all even though he continues to speak to Andi. I refuse to look away because I’m not backing down from anyone – not when I have so much on the line.

  From my peripheral vision, I see Andi’s hand moving to Will’s arm and he finally looks away from me. She speaks to him again and I see him relax somewhat. He likes her – no doubt about it. But he wants to protect her more than anything else and right now he sees me as a threat to her. When Will turns to issue an indirect threat to me, I am ready to throw down. No man threatens me and then doesn’t back up his words.

  I am planning my first move when I feel Andi squeeze my hand and lightly tug on me until I look at her. I can see her barely shake her head, telling me not to carry out my plan of jumping the un-jolly giant standing beside us. I can see pleading in her eyes and she distracts me long enough that Will walks off with the last word in our silent war of determination.

  When I realize he not only got away with threatening me, but I didn’t even say one word in retaliation, I am beyond furious with her but even more with myself. Since when do I let some girl distract me this way? This is un-fucking-believable! I can’t help but think that she did that to get back at me for hurting her little feelings earlier. Add getting played to how I was just made to look like a chump and pussy and now I’m beyond pissed. I can’t even see straight.

  Keeping my voice low to avoid causing a huge scene, I basically hiss my words at her. “What. The. Fuck. Do you think you’re doing? Don’t ever even try to call me down again.” I lean in closer to her face with each word until I’m really in her face. I know I’m a big guy and I expect her to be scared and yell for Will to come save her.

  And I’m completely wrong in assuming she’d be scared of me. I watch the fire build in her gray eyes until they become more of a gray-blue as my words and my stance sink in. She closes what little gap I left between us as she hisses her retort to me.

  “You have NO. FUCKING. IDEA. Who you were just dealing with. Not only is he far more trained than you are, he has been coming here for YEARS and Mack would never tolerate a new guy fighting with Will. Especially over something as stupid as your fucking pride. I just saved your ass and no one else in here even knew what was going on. You should be kissing my ass right now!”

  “How would you know he’s ‘more trained’ than me?” I growl back at her.

  “I said FAR more trained,” she growls back. Damn, this girl isn’t backing down from me even one inch.

  Then she continues to shred me with her next words, “And I know because I’ve seen you fight before! Professional boxing rules are quite a bit different than your street boxing rings, but Will’s been trained by the best and he’s damn good. From what I saw of your fight with El Toro, you wouldn’t stand a chance against Will right now.”

  I glance around the room, checking to see who all had heard our little interaction, but thankfully no one was paying attention. Not even Will. I needed a minute to think about my response but I had none.

  If she knew I’d fought El Toro, she must have been there. And if Mack trusts her to “check me out,” then there’s no doubt she knows what to look for in a fighter. And add yet another strike to my ego and confidence.

  “Can I do my job now?” Her voice is calm again and holds no trace of the anger she just spewed at me. OK, I started the fight and deserved the anger from her in return, but I’m not admitting that it’s my fault right now. She just keeps surprising me and throwing me completely off balance. I simply nod once and she starts her examination of my other hand in the exact manner she’d done the first one. She gives no indication of any confrontation at all and after a minute or two, her touch has a calming effect on me.

  “I didn’t mean to be so harsh, Luke. I’m sorry for that. I had planned to tell you that I’d seen you fight before and I know the rules of the street circuit are different than pro boxing, but you have real talent. But I didn’t plan to make it sound like a put-down. If this – going pro - is what you really want, I believe you can do it.”

  She is so genuine – her tone, her words, her demeanor – they all prove she means what she said. She isn’t just blowing smoke up my ass. And those words, her apology and her belief in me, is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. In my whole life. And just like that, she showed me again that she deserves every bit of respect I can give her.

  And again, all I can do is nod at her, hoping she knows with that one nod that I both accept her apology and appreciate her words. The irony of the situation isn’t lost on me though – I’m not that stupid. I’m the big, strong fighter but I can’t even find the damn words to apologize to this petite, beautiful woman who keeps throwing me lifelines even though I’ve done nothing to deserve them. Or her.

  I have to question which one of us has the real strength. That’s not even true – I can already see she has me beat, hands down, no contest, game over.

  I’m with you, Andi. I’m with you.

  CHAPTER THREE

  ANDI

  After the intensity of the morning, Luke and I settle into a more comfortable routine as we make our way around the gym. He is tireless as we work on weight lifting, noting his max-out weight, before moving to the speed ball and the punching bag. After that, we move on to his cardio-max with running sprints, mountain climbers and burpees.

  By early afternoon, Mack has Luke in the ring sparring with one of the other newer guys. What I said to Luke was true – he has skills and he’ll be a good fighter, but he still has a lot to learn before he can get ring time with the more experienced guys. I know he has something to prove but putting him in that situation would do more harm to his confidence than he even realizes. If – or I should say when – he lost to someone more experienced, he wouldn’t even consider that they’d had years more training than he’s had. He would only see failure and defeat.

  Only a few people here at the gym knows this, but every week day after work, I volunteer at a youth center. I see people every day with the same look Luke has in his eyes – hunger for his dream but no one to believe in his ability to attain it. Skill, stamina and training are important but so is having someone believe in you. I see the talent in him, just like I see the talent in the underprivileged teenagers I work with, and I want to help him see it, too. See it and believe it.

  I’m standing back now, just watching him spar. Mack and Tom have taken over with Luke after my initial assessment and having nothing to do gives me way too much time to think. This, working at the gym with the fighters, isn’t my official job. Pop took me under his wing and started teaching me to defend myself when I was 16 and became legally emancipated from the state. I started hanging out here with him and learned everything I could. Now I do it just because I like it.

  When I see the sparring match is about to end, I approach Mack at the side of the ring. “Hey Pop, think you can get a couple of the guys in here to spar? Might be good for me to explain to Luke what I’ve been doing ringside.”

  Mack smiles at me knowingly – he knows my word choice is to let Luke save face with the other guys, at least in his mind. Everyone in here knows me and knows how long I’ve been with Mack and they have no problem taking input from me. Luke, however, would see it as a weakness since he doesn’t know me or any of the guys here.

  “Good idea, Andi. Come on down here, Luke. That’s enough for one day. Let Andi explain her job to you.” Mack waits for Luke to remove his headgear and gloves then climb out of the ring before he continues.

  “Listen, son,” Mack levels L
uke with his dead-on gaze, “Andi’s been with me for a long time now. I’ve personally taught her everything she knows about boxing. She’s helped every guy in here improve his skills – so don’t be shy about asking for her opinion or taking her advice. She wouldn’t steer you wrong.” A couple of the guys standing nearby confirm Mack’s praise of me and I watch as Luke’s face and shoulders visibly relax, just a little.

  Mack calls for a couple of the lighter weight guys to climb in the ring and I explain to Luke what my role is in these matches. I point out how one of the fighters always cocks his right shoulder back, even just slightly, before he throws a right cross. Even that slight movement would give away his intentions and allow the other guy time to block and counter punch. Something as small as that gives the enemy the edge, and no fighter can afford that.

  Then I encourage him to help me watch for other clues. This is part of his training even if he doesn’t realize it. It will help him just as much if he pays close attention to his opponent’s body mechanics when he’s in the ring. It’s not all about brute strength – strategy and intellect plays a big role in who gets to the title fight.

  I’m impressed but not shocked when Luke identifies a couple of key giveaways on his own. I smile at him as I say, “Good eye. Very good eye. Try to remember to watch for this next time you’re in the ring – every fighter has their own quirk to some degree. It’s hard to keep the next planned move a complete element of surprise. The really good ones keep most of their moves under wraps, but sometimes something as simple as which way they shift their eyes will give them away.”

  Luke nods but has a faraway look in his eyes for a minute. Then he turns and looks at me and I see a newfound understanding in his facial expression. “I think I know why I almost lost my last fight now. Damn, that makes perfect sense.”