Crazy Maybe

by Justice, A. D.

  “I’m so sorry, Andi. We had no idea,” Linda doesn’t look at me with pity and sympathy, which is the worst. She looks at me with understanding in her eyes.

  Sam continues, “What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.”

  Linda gives him a disapproving look before turning to me, “If you don’t want to talk about this, we won’t push.”

  “No, really, I’m ok. That’s if Luke doesn’t mind – we haven’t really gotten around to all this yet,” I say, looking around the table at the people who I’m beginning to think of as family before turning to Luke. His face softens at my statement directed towards him and nods.

  I continue, “They were killed in a car wreck. I wasn’t with them but I’m told they died instantly.”

  “Who did you live with?” Luke asks, and I notice he isn’t eating anymore.

  I clear my throat to try to expel the emotion building up. Here we go. “My mom’s cousin Jean and her husband took me in for a little while. But…when Jean found out she couldn’t get to my inheritance, she didn’t want me anymore so she gave me up to the state.”

  “Foster homes,” Brandon states, obviously disgusted, “She willingly put you into the foster care system. Your own blood kin.” His indignation on my behalf is blatant towards Jean. I can’t look up at them even though I feel all eyes on me, willing me to look at them and finish my story.

  “Yes, I stayed in foster care until I was 16 and I contacted my parents’ attorney. He had been a friend of theirs for years before they died and he remembered me. He helped me gain legal emancipation from the state. I met Mack soon after.”

  “Did you move in with Mack?” Linda asks, hesitantly.

  I shake my head and laugh a little, “No. Mack is a career bachelor and I was a teenage girl. He was afraid of how it would look – for both of us.”

  “How did you meet Mack?” Luke asks and now he’s holding my hand under the table.

  I look into Luke’s caring eyes and I know what I say next will be hard for him to hear. I start to speak but can’t find my voice for a few seconds. “Wow, this is harder than I thought it would be.” He squeezes my hand and patiently waits.

  “I had been staying in a seedy area of town until I got access to my trust fund and could move to an apartment. So, I was walking back to the motel and,” I take a deep breath and watch Luke’s jaw muscles harden, “a group of guys came out of nowhere, calling out to me, taunting me. They pretty much surrounded me. Mack was leaving a nearby apartment and the guys knew Mack and knew better than to mess with him. He took me to his friend’s place that night and the next day I moved in my apartment, but Mack insisted I come to the gym with him every day so he could teach me to defend myself.”

  Luke swallows hard, taking it all in and considering what to ask next. I know how hard it is to find that balance between curiosity and rudeness, so I try to help fill in some of the blanks.

  “I finished high school early at an alternative school and went to college. I had the normal college life – lived in the dorms my freshman year, made a lot of friends, had fun and studied hard. That’s where I met Christina, Tania and Katie,” I stated, looking at Luke. “During college, I realized I wanted to help kids who doesn’t have anyone to believe in them. That’s when I started working at the youth center, trying to make a difference for even one.”

  “That is very impressive, Andi,” Sam says sincerely.

  “What was your major?” Brandon asks as he fills his plate with a giant piece of chocolate cake.

  “Law,” I answer quickly, hoping they let it go.

  “You went to law school?”

  “Have you taken the bar?”

  “You’re a lawyer?”

  “What kind of law?”

  They’re all fire questions at me simultaneously and I look around the table to each person, unable to hide my nervousness. I know I don’t look like the typical lawyer, with the pink chunks in my blond hair and my tattoo sleeve. Not to mention, there’s always questions about how I afforded the cost of law school.

  “Um, yes, I went to law school, took and passed the bar, so I’m a licensed attorney now. I’m not practicing full time right now, but I do pro bono work with the firm I interned under every now and then. Mostly juvenile justice – sticking with helping the kids.”

  The term stunned silence comes to mind right about now. Everyone is staring at me and I have no clue what they’re thinking.

  LUKE

  “Well, dear, I’m beyond impressed with you. This may be extremely rude, and you don’t have to answer. But if you’re not working, how can you afford to live?”

  “Mom!” I half-yell at her. Yes, that is extremely fucking rude to ask and none of her damn business. But it’s also the question that’s on my mind even if I don’t want to admit it.

  Andi squeezes my hand and speaks before I can say anything else, “My inheritance. My parents were very successful and their lawyer worked it out for me to have early access to my trust fund. It’s been more than enough for me to live on.”

  Andi and I really should’ve had this discussion before now, when I’m sitting here with my family and just learning all this about her at the same time they are. I saw the hesitancy in her eyes when the questions started. I know part of it is because she realizes she didn’t tell me first. I can tell she’s holding back – she’s not telling the full story, but she’ll tell me when she’s ready.

  We move outside and enjoy the cooling temperatures by the pool. Andi and I sit together on a chaise lounge chair. She’s in between my legs, lying back on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. She lays her arms on top of mine and squeezes, like she can’t get me close enough to her. Brandon takes the chair beside us and the three of us are having a friendly conversation. I know Brandon secretly wishes he’d met Andi first and I can’t blame him for that. I’m all too glad to have her in my arms so I can’t begrudge him a little jealousy over my girlfriend.

  My dad brings us each an ice cold beer from the cooler and I let go of Andi to take mine. A few drops of cold water from the bottle drop on her tattooed arm and my fingertip automatically goes to it, rubbing it in her smooth skin. I take a minute to study her sleeve, taking time to look at the individual tattoos that make it up, and let my finger trace the lines. I think they’re both beautiful and sexy as hell on her.

  “Not that I don’t love it, but what made you decide to get a sleeve?” I ask, noticing that Brandon is also interested in both my question and her arm. Since we’ve already invaded her privacy as a family tonight, I doubt she’ll mind talking about her ink.

  She sits up and turns sideways, facing Brandon, but still in my lap. She looks over her shoulder at me, takes my hand and lays it on her shoulder. I look at her curiously and she guides my hand down her arm. It doesn’t hit me at first but when I realize what she’s telling me, my entire body becomes rigid. Except my hand – it decides it needs to feel her arm again to make sure my mind didn’t misread what my hand just felt.

  It didn’t. There are several scars on her shoulder and all the way down her arm to her wrist, where my hand now rests. In my peripheral vision, I can see Brandon watching us intently but he doesn’t interrupt. Andi’s looking at me in anticipation – like she’s afraid of my reaction.

  “Luke,” she says quietly and her eyes are pleading with me, “I need you to promise me something.”

  “Name it, baby.”

  “There are….things…about my childhood I’ve never told anyone. When I tell you, I need you to believe me. Do you trust me enough to promise me that?” Her tone is calm and loving, like she normally is, but there’s real fear in her eyes. Fear I’ve never seen in her before and that bothers me. She’s so strong and has obviously faced so much, it worries me what would be left for her to actually fear now. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to take that fear away from her.

  “I will believe you. I promise, Andi,” I say the words so she’ll have doubt of my resolve. And I mean it with everything
that I am.

  She nods and turns back to lay in my arms. I don’t expect her to say anything, and I’ve honestly already forgotten my question, but her voice is strong and without emotion as she says, “I got the tattoos to cover up the scars on my arm. I decided when people stare, they could at least have something more interesting to look at.”

  I squeeze my arms around her tighter, a silent promise that I’m here with her, because I don’t know what to say. She doesn’t say anything else about it and I don’t press. She said “when” she tells me and that she hasn’t told anyone else. I understand her – when she’s ready, she will tell me and only me. She doesn’t want anyone else around when we talk about it. My mind is already considering who it is I will have to kill for hurting her.

  The words from the song she sang the night of Gran’s party come back to me and I realize the importance of them to her. I now understand why she looked and sounded so vulnerable that night. To me, at least, everyone else saw the confident Andi, the singer-slash-performer. I saw the words of the song in her, even if I didn’t fully understand what it meant to her then. She showed me her scars and she knows I’m still here with her, regardless of them or maybe even because of them.

  Mom and Dad join us around the pool and I notice Dad is especially quiet tonight. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He seemed fine when we got here but now he’s more distracted and somewhat irritable. He barely joins in our conversations and a couple of times he has no idea what we were even talking about. I know his business has taken a hit lately and I wonder if that’s what’s on his mind. And I have more than a twinge of guilt because I know I’ve added to his past financial problems.

  He’s owned his own real estate development company for years and the economy has taken a hard toll. I make a mental note to talk to him later and find out what’s going on. When Andi and I leave, Brandon is first in line to hug her goodbye. If I didn’t trust her so much, I would have to kill my brother. But I definitely know something is wrong with my dad when he seems hesitant to hug Andi goodbye. She doesn’t seem to notice since he does eventually wrap his arms around her.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ANDI

  Between the gym, the youth center, and spending time with Luke, the past month has flown by. Luke and I have alternated staying at his apartment and my house but we’ve hardly been apart at night. School has started back so there are more kids at the youth center in the late afternoons. I’ve been spending more time there with the kids because so many parents aren’t home – whether they’re working or just absent from their kids’ lives altogether.

  There are a couple of girls in particular that I’m afraid could be in danger of dropping out of school or getting involved with the wrong crowd. I don’t want to fail them – I feel like we’ve come so far. I’ve been working on a scholarship plan for them to get them out of the area and into one of the smaller universities. I talk to them daily about the advantages they would have if they will just apply themselves. I’ve almost won them over.

  Shane and Will came to the center last week and I was surprised to see Luke walk in with them. Surprised and thrilled. While Shane and Will worked with the guys on boxing, Luke took several of the boys outside and taught them how to work in the yard. They spent the day doing manual labor to make the yard look great. I couldn’t give the boys, and Luke, enough praise for all they did. Several of the boys even said they enjoyed learning to landscape and making “their place” look nice. I think Luke has sparked a whole new type of interest for the youth center.

  It’s Friday afternoon and for the first time in what feels like forever, Luke and I have separate plans tonight. I’m going out with my girlfriends – Christina, Tania and Katie– and Luke is going out with Shane, Will and Brandon. I can’t help but smile at how jealous and possessive Luke is of me. I mean, does he not own a mirror? The man is gorgeous, he’s built like the most desired male model, and he’s just all around great. The girls are always after him and he’s worried about some guy hitting on me. It’s comical, really.

  We haven’t said those three little words yet – though I think he feels it. I know I do. I almost told him a couple of weeks ago after my last karaoke performance. I sang Beyonce’s Crazy In Love and made no attempt to hide that I was singing the lyrics just for him. And he didn’t take his eyes off me the whole time. I left the stage and straddled him in his lap to sing the last verse, just for him.

  So, yeah, tonight will be fun with my girls but I also can’t wait to get back home and see Luke. We planned on meeting back at my house no matter how late it is. Yeah, we’ve both got it bad. But I do want to tell him I love him – even if he doesn’t say it back. I just feel the need to tell him – now. And I don’t want to regret not saying it when I feel it so strongly.

  Luke calls just as I get home from the youth center.

  “Hey baby, what are you doing?” I answer.

  “Sitting here missing you,” the low, sexy timbre of his voice sends chills through me even through the phone.

  “I miss you, too. Wish I could see you. Where are y’all going tonight?” I purr back to him.

  “Shane mentioned wanting to see a band playing here this weekend,” he says.

  I laugh, “Hmmm….I wonder if that’s the same band we’re going to see tonight.”

  His sexy laugh rumbles through his chest, “I hope so. Then there’s no reason why I can’t sit with my girl on the guys’ night out.”

  I want to say the words so bad, but I don’t want the first time I tell him to be over the phone. “I hope so, too. I would love to dance with my handsome man tonight. Maybe our friends know us well enough by now to not try to keep us apart.”

  We talk for a few more minutes before I have to get ready or I’ll be late meeting the girls for dinner. We reluctantly hang up, but only after I promise to text him where I’m at and let him know I’m fine. He’s so protective and possessive. I only act like I don’t love it. I secretly do love that he cares enough to be protective over me.

  I call a cab to meet the girls. No way am I driving tonight. I walk in the restaurant and find Katie waiting at our table. She and I order appetizers while we wait for Christina and Tania.

  “So, Katie, something going on with you and Shane?” I ask, catching her completely off guard, as I planned.

  She chokes on a cheese stick and takes a drink of water before answering.

  “Why would you ask that?” Oh, isn’t she trying to be coy with me?

  “You know, people only say that when they’re stalling and to get out of answering the direct question. That really doesn’t work on me. I’m a lawyer, remember?” I say wryly.

  Her face turns red and we both know she’s caught. “I don’t really know what’s going on yet. We’ll see.”

  That’s as much of an admission as I’m going to get right now so I’ll take it. And keep an eye on them. And embarrass them until my questions are answered. That’s just what friends are for.

  Christina and Tania arrive, fashionably late, and we talk and laugh over dinner. I fill them in on my karaoke status – I made it through another round of cuts and have another week to practice my next song since there’s a band playing at the club this weekend. They ask if the guys are going to be there tonight, too, and from their excessive questioning, it appears that I’m not the only one who’s interested in the guys’ whereabouts this evening. Interesting.

  We settle the bill, meaning I insist on treating my girls, and we make our way to our usual hangout. The guys are already there and have saved us seats. Funny how we split up and take up the vacant seats. I’m with Luke, of course, but I watch with amusement as Tania sits with Brandon. Then Christina sits with Will. And, finally, Katie sits with Shane. But it’s the look on each of their faces that tells the real story. There’s something good going on with my little family here.

  The band isn’t playing yet so the music isn’t too loud, but gives enough background noise for a little privacy in conversations. I f
eel Luke’s hand on my face and I eagerly turn to face him. He kisses me like he hasn’t seen me in a month, even though he left my house when I did this morning.

  “I want to tell you something, Luke. Don’t freak out on me, ok?” I ask, never taking my eyes off his and silently willing him to be ok with my declaration.

  “Ok,” he says slowly, drawing the word out and obviously ready to freak out on me.

  I take a deep breath and cup his cheek in my hand, “I love you. I just wanted to tell you.”

  His hand suddenly goes to the nape of my neck and he pulls me close to him, his lips barely hovering above mine. He sounds breathless when he says, “I love you, Andi. So fucking much.” Then he kisses me so sweetly and completely, I am literally melting into a boneless pile of freaking-hot lava right here in my seat.

  “If I hadn’t promised the guys I would stay and listen to this band, we would be going home right now,” his deep voice reverberates from my ear to the very core of me between my legs. I should have brought a change of underwear because mine are soaked right now.

  There’s no reason I should suffer alone. So I decide to tell him. I lean in so close to him that I’m basically sitting in his lap. I wrap my hand around his neck and pull close to his ear, letting my tongue slip out and trace his lobe. His hand tightens slightly around where it was resting on my thigh.

  “You know, baby, just the sound of your voice thrills me so much, my panties are fucking soaked right now.”

  The fire in his eyes tells me I’m playing a dangerous game with him. A wonderful, sexy, intriguing, dangerous game. His hand is so tight on my thigh I wouldn’t be surprised if I had bruises in the shape of his fingers, but it doesn’t hurt. It feels good and it’s actually making me want him even more. I kiss his lips and lightly run my tongue along the part in his lips. He opens and takes my invitation with vigor. I have the distinct feeling I won’t be able to stand up for however long it takes my panties to dry.