by Pat Tucker
“Don’t be scared.”
When I still didn’t move, he’d come to me and all but stuffed himself into my mouth. It didn’t take long for my jaws to ache, but Al was relentless. He’d held my head in place as his erection quickly filled my mouth.
He’d moved like he was trying to push out my tonsils, but I’d enjoyed it. I’d enjoyed the forbidden nature of what we were doing, and all that was wrong about it.
After a few near unbearable minutes, water had filled my eyes and I gagged. That’s when he finally had stopped. Just as I thought I’d get a chance to catch my breath, Al had adjusted my body on the desk, and entered me with such force, it felt like my insides were on fire. But soon, the pain had danced with pleasure and sent my senses into a blissful state of euphoria.
“Hey, condom, you need a condom,” I had cried.
I had believed he’d heard my voice, but he didn’t respond and he wouldn’t stop. He was in his own world. Al had released a groan as his hips gyrated, and every time he’d pushed, he’d pulled me closer. He’d felt like wet steel as he’d entered me and pulled out. He was hard and wet, and my body wanted more.
“Oh, God!”
He’d filled me.
“I’m Big Al, baby; I’m Big Al.” He’d moved in sync with his words, “I’m Big Al.”
“Felicia?” My mother’s voice interrupted my thoughts of the best sex I had experienced in quite some time.
“Yeah?!” I yelled.
“Phone for you.”
I rolled my eyes. Why was she announcing calls from my cell phone? Living with her helped us out, but she knew no boundaries. Most times my mother behaved as if we were still kids.
My sister and I were so eager to get away from home, I never thought I’d be back under her roof. Yet, there I was, struggling to make Cooper’s dreams come true.
“I’m in the shower,” I said.
“Yeah, you’ve been in there for almost an hour, but you got a call.”
Now she had issues with the length of my shower. Reluctantly, I turned off the water, grabbed a towel, and covered my body. Before I could pull the curtain back completely, she stood there with the cell phone.
“Geesh! You scared me!”
“I don’t see why. I was just talking to you.”
“Yes, but I didn’t say come in.”
“Chile, please; this my house. I ain’t gotta get permission to go anywhere in here.” She shoved the phone toward me. “Here, this thing been going off like a slot machine!”
“Why’d you answer my phone?”
My mother looked at me like I was being ridiculous.
“Sweet Jesus! Didn’t I just say it’s been ringing like crazy?”
She didn’t wait for an answer before she turned and walked away like she had done nothing wrong.
I was somewhat relieved when I noticed that she had muted the call.
“What took so long?” Big Al asked. He sounded angry.
“Oh, sorry, I was in the shower.” Panic settled into my nervous system because a call from Big Al was all I’d been waiting on.
“We want your client for four weeks; at the end of that time, we can renegotiate.”
I wanted to scream for joy as I listened to Al tell me about the terms of our agreement. The money wasn’t what I expected, but Cooper would blow them away, and I planned to negotiate an increase once the gig was permanent.
“You cool?” he asked.
“Yeah, but I want to be clear. Is there a chance for a long-term agreement, or are we just filling in?”
“If, at the end of four weeks, both sides agree and want to continue, we can sit down with Lenny, the manager, and go over a detailed contract. Right now, let’s start with every Friday for the next four weeks, cool?”
“That’ll work. We’ll see you Friday,” I said.
“We’ll see your client Friday, but I need to see you Thursday evening, at the club. And don’t wear no panties.”
Chapter Thirteen
My appetite was completely gone, replaced by the strong urge to bitch-slap Cooper right there in the middle of the restaurant. We had gone there to celebrate what should have been an incredible milestone in both our careers—his as a singer and mine as the manager. I was so filled with rage, and when my mother poked her nose into the conversation, it didn’t help.
Initially, she was on my side, and shared in the excitement I tried to build around the announcement. But the minute Cooper threw his tantrum, her position changed faster than the temperature in Texas.
“Well, Felicia, hear him out. I think he’s got a bit of a point,” Tabitha said.
It was still hard for me to wrap my consciousness around Cooper’s lackluster reaction to what should have been great news.
Sure, I could have simply told him back at the house when he’d walked in after work, that we had finally done it, that he finally had his very first weekly gig, but I wanted to make the moment memorable. I was proud of the accomplishment, despite what it had taken to close the deal.
The wait for Cooper to get home from work was almost unbearable. I was at the door the second he walked in.
“Babe! What took you so long? I’ve got great news. C’mon, change; get out of your uniform, and let’s go out to eat. We’re going out to celebrate.”
Cooper’s expression was one of confusion and surprise. He seemed a bit lost.
“Celebrate what?” Cooper asked.
“The great news; now hurry and go change!”
I tapped my wrist where a watch would have been, to emphasize his need to hurry. But he seemed to move even slower.
“You can just tell me now. I don’t know if I feel up to going out.”
His attitude would stink up the entire place if I allowed it to take over. Before I could respond, my mother came walking into the living room. She and Trey were dressed and ready to go.
“Cooper, c’mon now; some of us are hungry, and your wife not gon’ let us eat until she shares the news. Hurry and go change; we ret’ to go!” At times, my mother dealt with him the same way she dealt with our son. It was effective when she did it, but never worked for me.
Cooper tossed me a look I couldn’t decipher, but he turned and walked toward our area of the house, without another word. A few minutes later, he returned dressed in dark jeans and a polo shirt. With very little effort, he always looked good. That’s why I knew for sure he’d be perfect in a weekly gig. If he didn’t have anything else, he had the look of a sex-symbol, and he knew it.
My mother rode in the front seat, Cooper drove, and I sat with my son in the back. On our way to Pappadeaux, Cooper and my mother talked about what they thought the news could be.
I intentionally ignored them because I wanted to unveil it in my own way.
Once Cooper parked, he jumped out, ran to the other side, and opened the door for my mother. I was furious. I sat there for a few minutes as they talked and wondered how long it would take for either to realize the baby and I were still in the car.
Cooper finally took the hint, and opened the door. It was the wrong side, but I had to settle for that.
The restaurant was abuzz with activity. Music from overhead speakers added to the backdrop of laughter and chatter. Then the aroma of various seafood dishes lingered in the air, and made my stomach do a somersault. I couldn’t be sure if that was from the excitement about my news or hunger.
We were seated in the center of the restaurant, and the waiter had just taken our orders. After he left, I commanded everyone’s attention and began.
“So, you guys know how hard we’ve been working to get a residency for Cooper, right?” I paused, and then looked around.
Everyone appeared anxious, on the edge of their chairs, as they hung on to each word that cautiously slipped from my lips.
“Damn, Licia, why you playing?”
Cooper finally said.
My mother rolled her eyes as she tore off another piece of warm bread.
“She and Eve always played too much,” she said, and then stuffed her mouth.
We hardly talked about my sister, and when my mother mentioned her, it was usually in connection with mischief or something negative.
“Okay, okay.” I cleared my throat. But just as I was about to make the announcement, our waiter returned to refill water and tea glasses.
“Get real!” Cooper exclaimed.
I shrugged. “What? How’s that my fault?” I motioned toward the full glass before I brought it to my lips and took a long and slow sip.
“Licia, quit playing and c’mon!” He huffed. “You don’ dragged this out long enough. Spill it.”
In an attempt at calming the nerves, I gestured with my hands to quiet them down.
“Okay, fine. You people don’t know how to have fun.”
With all eyes, including Trey’s, on me, I sat upright in my chair and proudly announced, “You are now looking at the newest performer for Friday nights at Milan’s of Houston!” I did jazz hands in Cooper’s direction.
But Cooper’s blank stare threatened to slice my heart into pieces. My mother’s expression went from unimpressed to surprise, then glee.
She jumped up from her seat, rushed to the other side of the table, and pulled Cooper into a big hug. After covering the side of his face and head with congratulatory kisses, she came over and squeezed me.
Our son seemed excited although he probably didn’t know what was going on.
My mother wouldn’t stop. “You did good, baby, you did it!” she cried.
The fact that she sounded so surprised was a bit discouraging, but it was Cooper’s reaction or lack of one that sent my blood boiling.
“That’s what all this hoopla was about?” His expression twisted. “Isn’t that place like a hole-in-the-wall?”
It felt like someone deliberately let all the air out of a big birthday balloon.
I felt my face fall at his reaction. But my mother continued on, she snapped her fingers and wiggled in her chair as if she were moving to music. “Baby, back in my day, before I found the Lord, some of the best times was had in those so-called holes-in-the-wall.”
With all of the things she did to irritate me, I appreciated her effort to try and show Cooper the bright side of this situation.
“When we agreed to do this, I thought you were working on some real stuff, not just reaching for low-hanging fruit,” he deadpanned.
At that moment, all I could think was how much I had sacrificed to get him the gig he didn’t want.
“I ain’t saying I’m not gonna do it; it’s just I gotta think about other things like safety and shit like that, Licia. We’re gonna be hanging around that area late at night on weekends. Shiiiid, anything could happen.”
He knew pulling the safety card was a way to gain my mother’s support. Just as quickly as she had celebrated my accomplishment, she was now uncertain after having heard Cooper’s concerns.
They both made me want to get up and walk out.
“Besides,” Cooper began. “I thought you was trying to get something started with the city.”
I threw my hands up. “Yes. I am trying to get something started with the city, but do you think that happens overnight?”
“Not overnight, but at least let me know that you trying to get me the type of gigs that count. When you convinced me to do this, I didn’t think you was thinking about these ghetto places. We better than that,” he said. His sharp words had caused enough damage, but I still had to look at him shaking his head, and that made me wonder what the hell was rolling around in that blank mind of his.
As the waiter approached, I was relieved. When our food came, I figured that gave us all the chance to cool down. Since we didn’t go out to eat often, when we did, it was usually a festive time—lots of laughter, jokes, and good chat. However, this meal could have easily been mistaken for the last before an execution.
Long faces crowded the table, and I had no desire to speak to either my mother or Cooper. Our son ate and played with his handheld game.
That was the beginning of a long, love-hate relationship between Cooper, Big Al, and me.
Chapter Fourteen
The sound of sirens pulled me back to the present. At first, I was nervous, thinking a situation had broken out, and Mr. Belton had called the law. But as quickly as the sound grew, I listened as it went from loud, to louder, then settled and became another distant sound.
I eased back and returned to the memory. In an instant, I was back in that restaurant, feelings and emotions on fire like the blaze had just been sparked.
I excused myself, got up, and said, “Going to the bathroom.”
No one reacted as I left, and on my way toward the back of the restaurant, I saw our waiter. “Please take this card for the bill at that table.”
It wasn’t that I needed to go, but I needed a break from all of the misery at the celebratory dinner.
As I made my way to the bathroom, I thought about all I had sacrificed to make things happen for Cooper. He never appreciated anything I did for him; it was never enough. But I was part of the problem too. I let him get away with way too much shit.
While I was pissed at him, as I rushed into the bathroom, I was really upset with myself too. Thoughts of his other indiscretions came to mind.
One evening, I had to stop and literally beg God for strength. I wanted to approach Cooper and our gig with the best attitude possible. So in order to do that, I needed to pull myself together.
We were signed up for a gig that I had been happy to book. One of the area fraternities needed a singer to accompany a string quartet. Cooper was a perfect match, and I figured it was just another gig to add to his portfolio.
“Coop, c’mon! You can’t be late!” I was near the front door and was tired of waiting on him.
“Don’t rush me, woman! I’m coming.”
We weren’t late, but when we’d arrived downtown at the swanky high-rise that housed a club on the top floor, the scene didn’t match what I had in mind.
The party looked more like a frat house bash than a refined event for the grown and sexy.
I couldn’t understand why a string quartet and a DJ would be playing the same gig, but as long as we got paid, I was determined not to cause any friction.
Cooper had looked around at all of the half-naked women who seemed to be competing in a twerking contest, then turned to me and asked, “You sure we in the right place?”
There was no way I was about to give the impression that I had made a mistake or didn’t know what we’d signed up for, so I nodded and focused on the scene that played out in front of us.
“Well, I’m gonna move around a bit,” Cooper had said.
“You’re gonna leave me here alone?” I didn’t mean for my voice to sound as panicked as it did, but that’s the way the question came out.
“You scared some frat boys might try to holla?” Cooper had laughed at his own comment. I didn’t find it funny at all, but I had stepped aside, so he could move around like he wanted.
He’d disappeared down the hall and into another section of the club. I couldn’t help but wonder how I could have missed the type of event it was supposed to be.
Two girls had whisked by me, and nearly knocked me over. Neither had bothered to say “excuse me,” but kept moving. I had stepped over to the side and somehow eased myself into a nearby corner.
As time had passed, the DJ had started playing some old school music that I enjoyed. A voice had sounded behind me. “You want a drink?”
I had looked around and thought, why not?
The man who had asked walked out from the shadows and came into view.
“What are you drinking?”
“Ah
, I’ll take a Vodka cranberry,” I had said.
Why not? Cooper was off mingling, and I was alone, swaying to the music. I had wondered what time they would switch over to live music, but I was secretly enjoying the DJ.
Two drinks later, I had felt relaxed and ready to party. The man who had been kind enough to buy my drinks had moved on, but Cooper was nowhere in sight.
I had found my contact who had organized the gig—a short, round man dressed like a preppy model for Ralph Lauren—and had asked, “When are we switching to live music?”
He had looked around. “Well, I know I told you around ten, but the DJ is really hot right now, and as you can see, the dance floor is packed. Let me see what it’s like in the other room, and I’ll let you know.”
Before he’d turned to leave, he’d looked at me. “No worries, though; y’all get paid regardless of whether or not you perform.”
That had made me feel a whole lot better. However, I wasn’t looking forward to explaining to Cooper why we still hadn’t made it to the stage.
As my contact had walked off, I had decided to find my husband. He had no idea that we were being delayed, and he never even came to check in.
When I’d entered the other smaller room, I had noticed that dance floor was also packed. A crowd was forming around a couple who looked like they were doing one of those dance-off battles.
A sudden lump had formed in my throat at the thought that my old husband was probably putting on a show for these kids. Reluctantly, I had eased my way through the throng of people and made my way to the inner circle.
“Excuse me,” I’d said. “Trying to get to my client,”
People were good about getting out of the way, but when I’d finally made it to the inner circle, I was relieved to see a woman and a man, who was not Cooper in the dance-off. I just knew he would be at the center of attention, trying to reclaim his younger days. I was grateful to be wrong.
Realizing Cooper was not where I thought he was, I’d decided to go in search of him before it was time for him to perform.
