What Happiness Looks Like (Promises)

by Lenfestey, Karen

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  JOELY

  Joely didn’t know what to do. The next morning after she dropped Anna at school, she longed for the days when she could go for a run. Due to the pain in her knees, she could only walk, which wasn’t nearly as exhilarating, but it might help her think. She decided she’d better bring her cane.

  Once outside, she noticed the air smelled of dirt and mulch. An elderly woman knelt in a nearby garden, planting flats of pansies. The brisk wind stung Joely’s cheeks as she glanced up at the sky. It looked as if it couldn’t decide whether it wanted to storm or allow the sun to shine. March was a month of contradictions—promises for better days, sometimes fulfilled, often broken. Was the disappointment worth it in the end?

  Speaking of disappointments, what was she going to say to Anna? ‘Hey, your dad’s in town. But don’t get too attached because he’s leaving again soon.’ Anna already wondered why Joely didn’t have any wedding pictures like all of her friends’ parents. She didn’t understand how Joely’s relationship with Jake had been a mistake, yet Anna’s birth had been a miracle. The shining star in the darkest time of Joely’s life.

  She saw a yellow school bus stop near a house with tulips popping up in its yard. Two boys ran out of the front door, backpacks in hand, not even noticing their mom waving behind them. A moment later, a man she presumed to be their dad, dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and tie, appeared in the doorway. “Wait! You forgot your lunch money.” The boys stopped and the taller one rushed toward their dad, taking the bills, then handing some to his little brother. Both parents waved and watched the boys board the bus before going back inside. A moment later, the garage door opened and Joely saw the man put a brief case in a minivan and the woman climb into a Volvo.

  Wow. Co-parenting did exist.

  Joely needed to know what Jake wanted. Was he going to ask for joint custody? Was he going to try and take Anna away from her? Or was he stopping by on his vacation? All options pissed her off. Anna deserved a father, a real man to step up to the plate.

  By the time she made it around the block, she had more questions than answers. She unlocked the front door and pulled off her shoes by stepping on each heel. After she opened the foyer closet, she eyed Kate’s cubbyholes. It would hurt even more to bend down. She kicked her shoes into the closet, propped her cane inside then sat on the carpeted stairs to rest.

  How could she get a hold of Jake? It might be too late. Maybe he already caught a flight home after she rejected him. Why had she been so shortsighted, dropping his business card in the coffee?

  Oh, wait! Mitch had reminded her that she still had Jake’s old business card tucked away in the back of her jewelry box. Grasping the handrail, she walked up the steps.

  She lifted the lid of the maple jewelry box her dad had made for her. He’d carved a bouquet of daisies onto the hinged lid. Normally, she spent time admiring her dad’s craftsmanship, but today she anxiously dug through her earrings and pulled out the 2” x 3 1/2” card. She read the embossed letters: “Jake Mahoney, CPA, San Diego, CA.”

  “Are you still here, Kate?” She checked the master bedroom to make sure Kate had left for work. Sometimes her sister didn’t go in right away if she didn’t have any clients scheduled. Working in private practice allowed more flexibility in hours than when she’d counseled in the schools. Today, like most days, Kate’s room looked ready for a photo shoot—the pillow shams piled neatly on the damask comforter, the matching drapes pulled open, and the floor lined with fresh vacuum tracks. But no Kate.

  After returning to her bedroom, Joely sat on her unmade bed and dialed the phone. “Hello. I’m trying to get a hold of Jake Mahoney.”

  “Uh, are you a client?” a young female voice asked.

  “No. I’m. . .” She wasn’t sure how to identify herself. She and Jake had been college sweethearts, engaged their senior year. That seemed like a lifetime ago. “I’m an old friend. I know he’s on vacation so I need his cell phone number.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t help you.” Her tone perfunctory.

  He hadn’t mentioned switching firms, but a lot could happen in five years. Joely plucked her thumb along the business card’s edge, like she was picking a guitar string. “He does still work there, doesn’t he?”

  Silence filled the line.

  Joely sighed, still plucking. “I really need to get a hold of him. Does he work at a different firm?”

  “No.” The young woman paused then spoke quietly, as if sharing a secret. “He took a leave of absence after he. . . lost his family. If you’re a friend, you know about that, right?”

  Joely dropped the business card next to the prescription bottles on her nightstand. Jake had taken a leave of absence after his divorce? Odd, considering he’d told her he’d never loved his wife, said it was a shotgun wedding. Somehow she’d used that information to justify their affair.

  Again she berated herself for her recklessness, at her total disregard for another woman’s feelings. Leaning forward, she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yes, I know about his family. When will he be back?”

  “I don’t think he will be. Last I heard, he’d moved to the Midwest.”

  # # #

  “You lied to me,” Joely said, standing toe-to-toe with Jake in the bustling lobby of his hotel.

  “I did not. You assumed that I still lived in California and I didn’t correct you.”

  After getting nowhere with Jake’s former employer, Joely had looked up his parents’ phone number on the Internet. Fortunately, his mother hadn’t answered since the woman had always looked down her nose at Joely. His father had given her Jake’s cell and she’d located Jake just in the next town, staying in a three-star hotel. It would’ve been a four-star, she knew, but he’d have to travel a couple of hours for that level of service.

  Joely spewed her anger. “You are the king of omission, aren’t you? You said you didn’t want kids even though you did, you said you loved me even though you’d married someone else. And now you say you want to be Anna’s dad. Why the hell should I believe anything you say? You can’t even be honest about what state you live in.”

  Three men dressed in suits, pulling their luggage behind them, headed toward the parking lot. The rolling wheels on the tiled floor combined with their voices echoed so loud that Jake waited for them to pass before speaking. The men’s laughter rose to a crescendo. They were happy to be on their way home to their families, she thought.

  Jake dropped his eyes and breathed deeply. “Something happened, something terrible, and I don’t like to talk about it.”

  “If you mean the divorce, that’s not a big deal. Lots of people get divorced.”

  “That’s not it. I mean that’s part of it.”

  She heard the automatic doors slide open, then closed. “If you don’t start telling me the truth, I’m walking out that door. I don’t need you anymore.”

  A couple surrounded by four kids entered the lobby. They were all wearing sunglasses and vacation smiles. Jake’s focus shifted to the family, then returned to Joely. “But what does Anna need?”

  She crossed her arms. “That’s not fair. You haven’t cared about Anna for five years. Why now?”

  He paused and looked around. A second later, he tilted his head toward the far corner of the lobby. It would probably be quieter, she figured. She followed him past a large gilded mirror that reflected the long line at the check-in desk.

  Once away from the front doors, Jake swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He lowered his voice. “I got divorced and I’m ashamed to admit, I went on with my life. I worked long hours, saw the twins on the weekends when it fit my schedule.”

  “This story isn’t helping your case, you know.”

  He nodded. “The twins begged me to come to their place for their mother’s birthday. Well, I didn’t want to, knowing it would be awkward. I think they were hoping we’d get back together. They were seven years old. . . . So I went out on a date that night instead.” He crack
ed his knuckles. “That night their house caught fire.”

  Joely gasped.

  “They all died from smoke inhalation.” His unshaven jaw twitched. “My children. . .my little boy and my little girl. . . I will never see them again.” He looked away.

  “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” She fought the urge to hug him, like she would if anyone else had told her such news. Instead she covered her mouth with her hand.

  He pushed the palm of his hand against each eye. Blinking, he took a deep breath. “I kind of fell apart after that. I couldn’t focus at work. I didn’t know what to do with myself when I wasn’t at the office.” He swallowed again. “Eventually, I made mistakes on a balance sheet and they told me to take some time off. They should’ve fired me, but didn’t have the heart to do it.”

  “When was this?”

  “Three weeks ago.” He cracked the knuckles on his other hand. “I put my house on the market and moved back in with my parents.”

  Now that she thought about it, his untrimmed beard looked like a few weeks’ worth of growth. And he had never let his sandy hair creep over the top of his ears. He usually epitomized the sexy, clean-cut look. Instead, he had started to let himself go.

  He had often talked about returning to his hometown, but to move in with his parents didn’t sound like him. He’d always been so independent, so strong. He must be devastated.

  She looked up at him. “I’m so sorry.”

  He nodded. “I’ve heard that a lot. There really isn’t anything anyone can say to make me feel better. I was a horrible husband and father and I didn’t care. But now I do.”

  That was why he suddenly wanted a starring role in their daughter’s life. “Anna is not a consolation prize. She’s a little girl who idolizes her dad. A little girl who needs reassurance that her dad loves her. This can’t be about you.” Just like it couldn’t be about Mitch or Kate or even Joely. Because if it was about Joely, she’d never see or speak to Jake again.

  His chest rose as it filled with air. “You’re right.”

  “Tell me what you want. Do you want to stop by and say hi to ease your conscience? If so, don’t bother.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets, one of his nervous habits. “I’d like to be as involved as you’ll let me be.”

  She looked away and watched a frustrated customer chew out a bellhop. Biting her thumbnail, she shook her head. “How can you do that when you live in Michigan or California or wherever you decide to hang your hat?”

  “I can visit on the weekends. I’d like to go to Dads’ Nights and be here to celebrate her birthday and take her to Chuck E. Cheese.”

  “What about the other stuff—the less fun stuff?” With her elbows bent, palms upward, she emphasized her words with her hands. “Being a parent means putting a cold wash cloth on her forehead when she has a fever. Cleaning up vomit in the car seat. Taking her to the ER when she falls off the monkey bars.” Joely had done all of that and more. Fortunately, the fall hadn’t resulted in a broken arm, as she’d feared. But she’d faced it all alone.

  He jingled the keys in his pocket. “You can call me for all of that.”

  Joely’s throat made a “Ha” sound. Jake’s family didn’t deal with messy very well. He’d grown up with a maid to clean his room and the nanny was the one who’d taken him to get stitches after a fishhook came dangerously close to his eye. She definitely couldn’t imagine him nursing Anna when she was at her worst—crying or whining or throwing up.

  He fiddled with his keys some more, keeping his eyes focused on hers. “I’d like to have regular visitation and do my part.”

  “I am sorry you lost your family. . .” She was about ready to add “but” when the tragedy sank in. He’d really lost them. What would she do if Anna died? Her throat constricted. She could barely breathe.

  Maybe unforeseen deaths, a personal tragedy, could change Jake for the better. Plus the lawyer said she didn’t really have a choice. “If I let you meet her. . .” Did she dare trust him? She looked up, hoping to God she wouldn’t regret this. “You have to stick around. For at least the next fifteen years.”

  Jake reached over and warmed her hand with his. “I’m ready.”

  Joely reclaimed her hand and pointed her finger at him. “I’m serious. Years. If you start this, you finish.”

  He stood up straight. “Don’t worry.” He ran his fingers through his blond hair, looking relieved. “Anna is the most important person in my life.”

  Joely bit her lip hard. “How can you say that about someone you haven’t even met?”

  “Because she’s all I have left.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  JOELY

  Joely sat in her Ford Escort, which might not last through another winter, and glided her fingertips across the glossy folder full of Logan Prep materials. Anna’s teacher had just given them to her. Foxworth Elementary was fine, Lydia Berner explained, but they didn’t have the resources to stretch Anna on a daily basis. Sometimes Anna would have to sit and wait while the other kids caught on because they required more repetitions than she did. Logan Prep was the school Lydia recommended based on Anna’s amazing test scores.

  Shaking her head, Joely marveled at the difference between Anna and her. Joely had struggled with the core subjects in school. The ones that mattered to most people. The ones that provided a steady paycheck. Fortunately, Kate had looked over Joely’s homework each night, erasing her mistakes and teaching her mnemonic devices to help her remember things like the major Civil War battles. Because of Kate’s help and her own determination, Joely managed strong enough grades to get into college. Wanting to create something beautiful that would last, rather than sit in class, regurgitating memorized facts, Joely majored in art.

  How had she given birth to someone whose intelligence fell in the “very superior” range? She’d asked Lydia to explain more than once about norms, stanines and standard age scores. In the end, Joely had nodded, understanding most of it, knowing that this was wonderful news. Anna would never struggle like she had. Anna would grasp math, science and English as easily as Joely had once grasped a paintbrush.

  On the Logan Prep Academy folder, a smiling, freckle-faced girl held a violin under her chin. Joely opened the cover and read about the curriculum that included Latin, art, drama and music. Due to budget restraints, the local public school had been cutting back on electives and field trips—everything they deemed “non-essential”, everything Joely considered meaningful. But that was not the case at Logan Prep. The elementary students would visit art museums and travel to Chicago to watch “The Nutcracker Suite”. She read every sentence in the brochure, adrenaline tingling up and down her spine.

  She dug in her purse for a pen and quickly filled out the application. It couldn’t hurt to apply. Her heart stopped when she reached the last sentence on the form. “Be sure to enclose a $100 check made out to Logan Preparatory Academy to cover processing fees. Upon acceptance, you will be required to send in 20% of the $15,000 tuition to reserve your child’s place.”

  She closed the folder with a sigh. This was definitely out of her reach. If she had $15,000 to spare, she’d tuck it away for Anna’s college tuition, not elementary school.

  Spying the Artist’s Café across from Anna’s school, she decided she needed caffeine. She walked over and opened the glass door. The sweet smell of cinnamon greeted her as she stood in front of the counter. No need to look at the menu or at the tempting bakery treats in the glass case below. Neither her wallet nor her waistline could afford the splurge. She ordered her usual.

  “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” a deep voice asked from behind her.

  She paid the cashier then turned around to see Dalton. “Too late.” She raised her frothy cup of cappuccino in the air. It was one of the few indulgences she allowed herself.

  “Well, may I join you then?” He stepped closer to the counter and placed his order.

  Joely dropped a dollar into the tip jar and waited. A moment later they fo
und a table near the wall that displayed a local artist’s portraits of children playing on the beach. She studied them for a moment. “I love these.”

  “I do, too.” He pulled out the chair for her. “Were they done around here?”

  She nodded and took a seat. “Not too far from here. At Lake Michigan.”

  With his dark hair and eyes, Dalton reminded her of the leading man in a black-and-white movie. He sat across from her at the round table and took a sip of his coffee. No sugar or cream. “I admire anyone who can paint so well it looks like a photograph.”

  She didn’t want to think about painting. She missed it the way an alcoholic misses a drink. “How was Dads’ Night?”

  A smile spread across his face, bringing a sparkle to his eyes. “Great. My son was the lead singer for ‘Hound Dog’.”

  “Did you know that was originally a blues song written for a female to sing about a man?”

  “No, I didn’t.” He cocked his head as if he couldn’t wait to hear more.

  “I read that somewhere. Or saw it on TV maybe.” Come to think of it, Jake was her hound dog. She pushed away the thought. “Anyway, Mitch told me your son did well.”

  He nodded. “Anna had a big role, too. She has a great memory. I don’t know if I could remember that many lines now, let alone when I was five.”

  She swelled with pride, but quickly deflated. She twisted her earring. Anna had so much potential, yet Joely didn’t have the money to pay for Logan Prep. And Jake was currently unemployed. Even if he had enough in savings, she didn’t want to depend on him. It would give him too much power.

  Dalton cleared his throat. “Something wrong?”

  “No.” A woman brushed by her, knocking Joely’s purse on the floor. She reached down and slipped the strap over the back of her chair. “My mind wandered. Sorry.”

  “I’m so glad I ran into you today.” He paused and sipped his coffee, as if he were hesitant to speak. He strummed his fingers against the tabletop. “I was wondering. . . if you would like to have dinner sometime.”