What Happiness Looks Like (Promises)

by Lenfestey, Karen

  Jake’s expression fell, looking remorseful. “I’m sorry about that. Really. My mom can be a bit pushy. Is AJ OK?”

  “Yes. She’ll live.” She crossed her arms. “What are you doing here?”

  “I miss AJ. She has inspired me to put my life back together, to get a job so I can start providing child support.”

  “I don’t want your money.” Although maybe he could help her afford Logan Prep next year. She pushed the thought away. She knew better than to count on Jake.

  He must’ve read her mind. “I swear I’m different now. I’ve aged a decade or two in the last few weeks. Tell me what you want, what AJ needs, and I’ll give it to you.”

  What she wanted was to provide for her daughter by herself. She turned her attention to the maple tree across the lawn. A goldfinch flitted between a branch and the bird feeder.

  Jake reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He splayed it open and pulled out all of the green bills inside. “Here. It’s all I have on me. About . . . seventy dollars.”

  Her hand raised in refusal. “What Anna needs from you is a father. However. . .” Her voice trailed off. Did she dare ask for his help? She didn’t want to, but Anna needed it. “I might let you pay her tuition to a private school.”

  “How much?”

  “Fifteen thousand.”

  “A year?” His eyes practically popped out of their sockets. “I don’t have that kind of cash right now.” He closed his wallet and put it away. “Maybe when my house sells in California or when I get another job lined up.”

  Joely rolled her eyes, berating herself for even asking. “Never mind. So where was your job interview?”

  “In Kalamazoo. But I’ve put out résumés around here, too. There aren’t many opportunities in such a small town.”

  Tell me about it. “Michigan is a lot closer than California anyway. You could have regular interaction with Anna at least.”

  He scooted toward her. “That’s what I want. I was hoping I could spend the day with her today. And you, too, if you want.”

  She picked at her cuticles. “Anna and I have plans this morning. We’re going to an art class.” She hadn’t really planned on going, but she didn’t want Jake to appear whenever it was convenient and expect her to be waiting.

  “Can I go with you?”

  She pictured Jake and Dalton side-by-side. The polished accountant next to the laid-back cowboy. “No.”

  “How about afterwards? I could hang out in town until you’re free.”

  Above them she heard a window slide open. “Daddy!” Anna squealed from the second-story. A moment later, their daughter bounded out the front door and joined them on the porch. She reached out her arms and hugged her father’s broad shoulders.

  LILY

  Dear Dayna,

  I met Mrs. H’s sister today. I don’t think she likes me, but that’s OK. As long as she’s nice to you. She’s so tall she could be a model if she lost some weight. She looks a bit like that woman on the cover of that old Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue that Butch keeps in the bathroom. They both have a mole above their lip—I think her name was Cindy something. Butch said Cindy’s a Cougar now, but she’s still pretty hot.

  Mrs. H’s sister doesn’t look at all like Mrs. H. Mrs. H is short and has pale skin like me. Maybe you’d like to know a little about what I look like. If you want to see a picture, you’ll have to find a copy of the high school yearbook because I don’t have any other ones. I have shoulder-length, red hair, brown eyes and I’m about average height. I didn’t do very well in school, but Mrs. H says that I’m smart. I’m not so sure. I did think most of the other kids in my classes were pretty dumb, but that’s probably because we were all in remedial classes. I probably could’ve done most of the homework, but I didn’t see the point. Anyway, I guess that’s why I’m where I am today.

  Until last week, I was living with your dad, Butch Russell, (I don’t think Butch is his real name but that’s what I put on the birth certificate. No one seemed to question it). I think he loves me, which I think it’s important that you know you were conceived out of love. He said I could come back as long as it’s just me. He’s not the fatherly-type, so trust me, you’re better off here. I don’t know much about Mr. H and that’s the only thing that’s making me uncomfortable about this adoption thing. I’ll make sure he won’t hurt you or anything before I go.

  Lily

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  KATE

  Kate noticed Lily eyeing the plain, round clock in the Lysol-scented exam room. The nurse had poked her head in a moment ago, warning them that the pediatrician was running late.

  On the bright side, she figured they now had the privacy to discuss some basics in adult responsibility. She fiddled with her leather purse strap, concerned that she would come across too brusk. She always worried that Lily would shut her out as she had done over and over again when Kate had been her school counselor. “I want you to know that you’re doing a great job with Dayna.”

  Lily placed Dayna on the gray Berber carpet and watched her baby kick her legs in the air. Kate bristled, thinking she would’ve put a baby blanket down first, not knowing how clean the floor was. She bit her tongue, resisting the urge to micromanage Lily. The young woman needed to find her own way. And yet. . .

  Kate cleared her throat. “I know this must be a big adjustment for you. But I want you to let me know whenever you leave the house, so I can keep an eye on Dayna while you’re gone.”

  Dayna started to fuss, making “eh-eh” sounds.

  Lily’s forehead tensed. “Whatever.” She handed Dayna her keys to play with.

  “You don’t need to check in with me or anything, but. . . the other night when you left, Dayna woke up and was hungry. Had I known. . . .”

  Lily walked to the far side of the room, putting as much distance as she could between them. She leaned against the wall, chewing a piece of gum with her mouth open. “I didn’t know she’d wake up in the middle of the night. The nurses at the hospital must have fed her while I was sleeping.”

  Nodding, Kate decided to tread carefully. “I understand. I didn’t know babies ate every couple of hours, either, until my sister had one.”

  Dayna’s face scrunched up and turned ruddy. She dropped the keys and started to cry.

  “You need to leave so I can nurse Dayna.” And that was the end of that discussion.

  Kate returned to the waiting room, hating how Lily kept pushing her away. Yet thrilled that Lily had stuck with the nursing, even if it was only part-time. Lily said she liked the idea of helping her baby’s brain get smarter. Kate saw it as a sign that she was taking her role as a mom to heart.

  Selecting a Working Mother magazine, Kate sauntered over to a seat in the corner. Maybe she’d learn some ideas on how to balance her job with taking care of a baby. She wouldn’t mind becoming a stay-at-home mom, but they no longer had a savings safety net. If Mitch ever lost his job, they’d be destitute. And in this economy, anything was possible.

  She knew Lily took forever to nurse, which would allow Kate time to read a few articles. Hopefully Lily would call Kate back so she could be there for Dayna’s first check-up.

  “Kate?” a gravelly voice called. Her head snapped up, not expecting to see anyone she knew at the pediatrician’s office. Once she realized who it was, she almost regretted escorting Lily here.

  She rolled the magazine in her hands. “Evan. What are you doing here?”

  He pointed toward a two-year-old boy busy smearing his fingerprints all over an aquarium. “I told you my son is always sick. We were here two weeks ago for an ear infection and here we are again. Too bad they don’t have a frequent visitors punch card, like at the coffee shop. Every fifth visit could be free or something.” The little boy’s nose pressed up against the glass, eye-to-eye with an oversized gold fish.

  Kate made a sympathetic sound with her throat. “He’s cute.”

  “Thanks.” Evan took the seat next to hers. �
��I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.”

  Her eyes searched the room, while she tried to figure out what to say. “You know how it is. I’ve been busy.”

  He put his arm next to hers on the chair’s armrest.

  Don’t, she wanted to whisper. Instead, she placed her arm close to her side.

  He removed his hand. “Sorry. I miss you. Things aren’t the same since you left the high school. I don’t have anyone to show my Foxworth Follies to.”

  Evan drew caricatures of the Foxworth High School staff and made little comic books out of their dramas. She remembered the drawing of a teacher who had a gray streak through her hair who had been especially mean to her. Evan had made her look like Cruella de Vil wrestling the podium away from the principal, whom he’d drawn to look like General Patton. Evan’s graphic novels always made her laugh, something she needed desperately in a job that had been emotionally taxing. She’d often sought him out after a tough day of counseling students.

  She had almost confused their friendship with something more. And Evan definitely had.

  Returning to the present, she flipped through the magazine on her lap. “It’s nice to see you, but I don’t think it’s a good idea we hang out any more.”

  His lips turned downward. “Kate, I could really use a friend right now. My wife’s gone and I’m at my wit’s end raising a child by myself. They don’t call ‘em the terrible twos for nothing. And his started when he was eighteen months old!”

  Glancing back at the boy on tiptoe in front of the fish tank, Kate’s heart ached. God knows she wouldn’t want to be a single parent, but the boy looked pretty adorable and innocent to her. Maybe Evan simply needed someone to talk to.

  The counselor in her couldn’t refuse a friend in need. “What colors did you paint his room?” She watched his eyes light up as he smiled.

  She suspected they were both remembering the time that Evan had asked permission to paint the bare white walls in his classroom. Administration had turned down his request. One night he showed up and painted the room so that it looked like a psychedelic tie-dyed T-shirt. He even started to paint the hallway until he’d lost his energy. Then he’d denied any knowledge of what had happened. Kate was such a rule-follower herself; she admired his courage.

  “His room is blue. With red stripes.”

  “Sounds very patriotic.” Talking to him now, she realized she missed Evan’s enthusiasm for life. He had made work so much more bearable. Fun. The problem was that he had been single and she was married. Otherwise. . . .

  His forehead wrinkled. “It just hit me. If you don’t have any kids, what are you doing at the pediatrician’s office?”

  “One of my former students gave birth to a little girl and they’re living with us for a while. You remember Lily?”

  All of the teachers had known about Lily. She’d been antisocial and unkempt and quite honestly, she made most people nervous. He nodded. “I bet that threw your household into a tailspin.”

  Kate hated to admit how right he was. Lily wasn’t doing much to ingratiate herself to either Joely or Mitch. She even refused to leave Dayna with Mitch unless Kate was home, too. Lily had issues with men. Kate knew that, but Mitch was gentle and kind. He would never hurt a child the way Lily had been hurt. But he also would never bond with Dayna if Lily kept him at a distance.

  Evan stretched his arms over his head in a yawn. She smelled his Zest soap, which triggered a memory. Her palms became damp.

  They’d both been working late when she’d gone to his classroom to decompress. The hallways were dark, the building empty. He’d showed her the tattoo he’d designed on paper, a beautiful Japanese dragon, and asked her advice as to where he should have it placed. His arm?

  “No,” she’d said. “It needs to be hidden from view when you come to work. Tattoos aren’t professional, they are a little—”

  “What?” He’d asked, with a challenging look in his eyes.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Dirty, dangerous. Not the image the principal wants from his teachers”. Within seconds, Evan had slipped off his polo shirt and she’d caught a whiff of his deodorant soap. “What about here?” He’d pointed to his left pec.

  My God, he was cut. The girl in the dorm room next to Kate’s had a poster of a medium-weight boxer with muscles like that. “Put your shirt back on!” She’d giggled, partially covering her eyes. He was so outrageous.

  “What about here?” He’d pointed to his abs. “The tail could curl around my belly button.”

  “No.”

  He’d turned and pointed to his upper back.

  “Yeah,” she’d said. “Right across your shoulders. Sexy.” The word slipped out before she’d realized it. She felt herself blush. She was a married woman. She wasn’t supposed to feel this way. She should’ve walked out right then, but she hadn’t.

  Stop it! She pushed the memories away.

  Now he ran his hand through his shaggy hair. “How long have you and Mitch been married?”

  She counted on her fingers. “Fifteen years.” She marveled at that a moment. It scared her to think how she’d almost thrown it all away. And that had just been out of restlessness. Now she and Mitch were pulling apart over something much bigger.

  “It’s too bad you don’t have children. They’d be lucky to be raised by two people in such a stable marriage.”

  Too bad you don’t have children. She slapped the magazine down on the nearby table. “I’d better go.”

  “Wait. I want you to meet Bobby.” He turned toward the boy whose lips were now against the glass, making a fish mouth. “Bobby, stop that. No wonder you’re sick all of the time. Come here and meet my friend.”

  “No!” the boy replied.

  “Bobby. . .” Evan’s voice rose in pitch—mixed with warning and embarrassment. “I said come meet your daddy’s friend.”

  “No!”

  Evan walked over and took Bobby’s hand. Bobby dropped to the ground in defiance. Evan picked him up and carried the kicking and screaming child and placed him in front of Kate. Evan made the introductions.

  Bobby looked Kate in the eye and wiped his nose with his sleeve. “Hi, Kay.” Then he swung his leg back and kicked her in the shin.

  “Ow!” Kate rubbed her soon-to-be-bruised shin. She watched Bobby run back to the fish tank. Evan shrugged as his face bloomed red. “Sorry about that.”

  “Aren’t you going to do anything?” As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she’d overstepped her bounds.

  “I try to be patient since his mother left. I don’t know what else to do. Time outs don’t faze him.”

  She could only imagine the hell this kid would raise when he grew into a teenager. “If he doesn’t care about time outs, what does he care about? Does he have a favorite toy or activity? If so, take that away.”

  Evan rubbed his chin, clearly thinking. “He does have a little Puff the Magic Dragon stuffed animal that he loves. I could take that away.”

  She nodded. “Perfect. Go tell him that when you get home, Puff is going bye-bye for a while.” She stood. “I’ll see you around.”

  He grabbed her wrist. “Call me.”

  Worried someone might see them, she pulled her hand away.

  # # #

  White-haired Connie waved as Kate and Mitch entered the diner and selected a table. The place had a large picture window, which allowed diners to watch Foxworth’s citizens marching up and down the sidewalks, perusing the local businesses: Whitman’s Shoes, Howell’s Hardware, Noble’s Cards. Maroon vinyl cushioned the booths and the tables had silver trim like those from the 1950s.

  Connie sent a young waitress with a tiny purple braid in her black hair over to their table. She immediately started reciting the day’s specials.

  When the woman finished relaying everything from the soup of the day (cream of broccoli) to dessert (hummingbird cake), Kate tried not to stare at the purple braid. “We’ll have the usual—”

  Mitch cut her off. “No, I really ne
ed a change.” He smiled flirtatiously at the twenty-year old waitress. “Sometimes you need to shake things up, you know what I mean?” The girl nodded with a smile.

  Kate couldn’t believe her ears. They always ordered the same things—she had the giant Cobb salad with homemade rolls and Mitch ordered shepherd’s pie. He said it was like getting two meals in one—stew and mashed potatoes. Suddenly he was bored with what he ate and worse yet—maybe with whom he ate it.

  He perused the menu before looking up. “I’ll take steak and eggs. Rare. I hate it when the steak gets tough.”

  Biting her lower lip, Kate wondered if Mitch thought she was too tough. Had their failed attempts at a family and her unwillingness to compromise driven him away from her? Even if they adopted Lily’s baby, had the damage already been done?

  He closed the laminated menu and watched the waitress take it away. Something in his mannerisms reminded her of Jake, the ladies’ man.

  A shiver prickled her skin. She needed to win him back. “We have an anniversary coming up. Would you like to go away somewhere?”

  Shaking his head, he watched a lithe woman and her dachshund prance by the front window. “Not really. I can’t schedule more vacation time at work.”

  She waved her hand in front of his face to get his attention. Not very subtle, she knew. “What do you want to do to celebrate then? Have a party?”

  He furrowed his brow at her. “No. It’s not one of the major ones anyway.”

  “It’s our fifteenth.”

  “Right. I think we should wait for at least our twentieth before we can justify a party.”

  “Are we going to make it that long?” she mumbled. She waited for reassurance, a flash of his dimple, his warm hand patting hers. But she got nothing.

  “We’ll see.” He stood. “I’m going to go wash my hands.” He headed for the back of Connie’s Diner.

  Her hands rubbed against her goose bumped arms. She and Mitch had enjoyed a brief honeymoon period after they prepared the nursery and he moved back into the master bedroom. But he already seemed to be pulling away again. Her gaze landed on the cell phone that he’d left on the Formica table. She’d checked once and found nothing, but it couldn’t hurt to make sure. Glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching, she reached for the phone and turned it on. She punched in the new password Mitch had told her. Her pulse pounded. This was so ridiculous, so paranoid.