What Happiness Looks Like (Promises)

by Lenfestey, Karen

  “What?”

  “I want us to live together.” He tried to slip the ring onto her finger.

  She curled up her hands and stepped back. “You’re asking me to shack up?”

  He laughed at her expression. “I guess so. Some might call it ‘living in sin’.” He winked at her.

  She did not return his smile. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. She’d been ready to give her heart to this man. To share Anna with him. And all he could commit to was sleeping under the same roof?

  In a blur of motion, she turned and started marched toward the cabin, toward her neglected car. The puppy followed her, jumping in front of and around her. Harry’s barks were tiny, but passionate.

  From behind, she heard Dalton. “Joely, wait!”

  She had to get away from there. As she picked up speed, the puppy ran between her legs, tripping her. She fell onto the soft grass. “Damn it!”

  Dalton rushed over and knelt down next to her. “Are you alright?”

  Harry licked her face. His breath smelled like liver.

  She tried not to laugh at her clumsiness, at the puppy’s over-the-top enthusiasm now that she was down on his level. She wanted to stay mad. “Why am I always falling down in front of you?”

  Dalton offered her his hand. “So I can help you up.”

  Ignoring his outstretched hand, she remained on the ground. “I don’t want your help.” She thought they were about to become a team. How embarrassing. She looked at the mutt skittering around them and remembered how Pippa said Dalton liked to step in when no one else would. “I’m not one of your strays that needs saving.”

  He stroked the dog’s brown coat. “I know that. What’s wrong with you?”

  Holding back the unwelcome tears, she shook her head. “I thought. . .” She didn’t want to break down. “I feel like such a fool. I thought you were going to propose.” She stood and continued on her escape route.

  He and the dog followed behind her. “Is that why you’re mad?”

  She whirled around. “Of course that’s why. I have a daughter. I’m her role model. What kind of message does it send her if I move in with you?”

  “That it’s OK to let someone take care of you. That we love each other.”

  Even though the two of them clearly had a strong connection, she’d still never said, “I love you.” She wet her lips. “Call me old-fashioned, but I want a ring—a diamond ring, and the ‘til death do us part’ commitment that comes with it.” She fought back the sobs again. “The truth is, I don’t even care about the diamond.”

  “I’ve been married and it didn’t last. I don’t ever want to risk getting hurt like that again.” He looked away as if he were stomping down his own pain.

  “Well, there’s risk in every relationship. That’s how it is.”

  “I’m sorry if I misled you. I told you I’m more Clark Kent than Superman.” The corners of his mouth pulled upward, trying to lighten the mood. “If we’d met six years ago, I would’ve proposed. But now. . . I’m a different person.”

  Joely blinked hard before turning away. “So am I.”

  LILY

  Dear Dayna,

  Mr. H gave me a gift today. It’s an old heart-shaped locket that he found at an antique shop when he was looking for watches. He polished it so it looks brand-new. It’s even prettier than the one Mrs. H’s sister has. Inside he put the picture of you the hospital took after you were born.

  I started to worry that Mr. H was just like every other man. But then he told me his dad had a saying, “Be wary of generous strangers”. Mr. H said whether I give you to Mrs. H and him or not, the necklace was mine to keep.

  Then he said that all of the adults in the house took turns cooking dinner and it was time I joined the rotation. That’s how I knew he was different. He gave me something and told me right up front what he wanted in return.

  I hope everybody likes macaroni and cheese because that’s the only thing I know how to make. I won’t stick around the dinner table to find out, though. I’ll go eat in my room like I always do.

  I think Mr. H might not be too bad.

  Lily

  JOELY

  Desperate, Joely closed her eyes as she sat in the dimly lit auditorium. She’d arrived at meditation a few minutes early and tried to calm herself without the guidance of the instructor. She imagined her “happy place”, inside her dad’s wood shop. It was a warm spring day and they’d propped the door open with a rock to let in the breeze. He helped her hold the hammer so she could nail together 1” x 8” pieces of cedar to make a birdhouse with a peaked roof. She then painted little daisies and bumblebees on the outside.

  Most of the time, though, her dad had worked on projects for paying customers that he would sometimes let her help sand or stain. Those were good times, too. The muggy room, the buzz of his electric saw, the way her dad showed her how to move the wide brush with the wood grain—these were some of her favorite memories.

  Someone coughed and Joely lost her concentration.

  She wished Anna could have those kind of moments with her father. Dalton would’ve made an excellent stepfather. Why didn’t he want to marry her? Why didn’t any man want to make a lifetime commitment to her?

  Stop the negative thoughts. This was about Dalton and his baggage—not hers. He married too quickly the first time and gotten burned. Now he was afraid to take the chance again.

  Joely sensed someone taking the seat just one away from her.

  The person slapped his palms against the armrests as if playing the bongos. He cleared his throat. “You’re Kate’s sister, right?”

  Startled, she looked to her left. It was the guy Kate used to work with, the one she wanted to keep secret from Mitch. Joely bobbed her head in a not-too-friendly hello, thinking he needed to wash his shoulder-length hair.

  “You’re taller than she is, and you have different coloring, but the way you chew your bottom lip and cross your legs . . . I can tell that you’re definitely sisters.” His knee bounced up and down rapidly. “I’m Evan. Is Kate here?” He looked over his shoulder, searching. When Joely said no, he asked, “Would you tell her I said hi?”

  She shrugged. Kate seemed to be avoiding him, but wouldn’t explain why. The bigger question was why this guy, who was closer to Joely’s age than Kate’s, was more interested in her forty-year-old married sister than her? Not to brag, but back in college, nine times out of ten, guys were drawn to Joely over Kate. They were both pretty in different ways, but Joely was more boisterous, more outgoing, while Kate was quieter, more of a bookworm.

  Lately, though, Joely had become a recluse. When had everything changed? The lupus diagnosis certainly knocked the wind out of her sails. Then the pregnancy triggered more health problems and she’d moved to Foxworth to be near Kate.

  And Kate and Mitch had been wonderful. She owed them. She didn’t know what she would’ve done without them. But she was lonely. She realized that now.

  Enya’s calming “Only Time” lyrics wove their way through the air.

  Evan leaned toward her. “Would you give this to Kate?” He held out a note scribbled on the back of a receipt.

  The instructor took his place near the front and switched to an instrumentals-only CD. He began guiding them to let go of the day’s troubles. Joely took the receipt and shoved it in her purse.

  Fidgety Evan sprang from his chair and raced out of the room.

  Now free from distractions, she took a deep breath and it all became very clear.

  She’d hung all of her hopes and dreams on Dalton. He could’ve been the whole package: a doting husband to her and father to Anna. She liked him so much. And she wanted to love him.

  But she didn’t.

  # # #

  The next morning Joely poured some detergent and a cup of vinegar into the washing machine. The vinegar had been a tip she’d learned from Mrs. Pilo, her old babysitter. The vinegar brightened and freshened things. Joely’s world sure could use some brightenin
g right about now.

  Yesterday a letter had arrived from Logan Prep. The words kept running through her mind.

  “We would be pleased to accept Anna Shupe into the first grade class next fall at Logan Preparatory Academy. Unfortunately, we do not offer financial aid, only scholarships based upon academic achievement. After one year of attendance, Anna would be eligible to apply for one of those scholarships.

  Sincerely,

  Preston Holmes, Headmaster”

  What kind of mother was she that she couldn’t provide for her own daughter? She went to Anna’s pink room and stripped the sheets off the bed. Cleaning was usually the way Kate dealt with her stress, but today Joely needed to keep her hands busy.

  Besides the disappointing news about financial aid, she felt rejected by Dalton, like she was fun for now, but he wanted to keep his options open for later. Even if he wasn’t perfect for her, his lame proposal stung.

  On her way out of Anna’s room, she accidentally tripped on a pile of books left on the floor. Dropping to her knees, she re-stacked the books. She picked up City Mouse, Country Mouse based on Aesop’s Fable. Anna hadn’t understood the moral “Better beans and bacon in peace than cakes and ale in fear” because she liked cake, but didn’t know what ale was.

  Joely rubbed her fingers over the beautiful illustration on the cover: a soft watercolor detailed with pen and ink. The point was that country life might be simpler, but also safer. Kate was a country mouse, so content in this small town where she bumped into former co-workers and students every time she went to the grocery store. But Joely had never quite settled in. Her treasured Fiesta ware collection remained boxed up in the basement shadows, waiting. Her painting career had met a dead end.

  Tracing the outline of the city mouse, she couldn’t help but think he was the one that felt more alive.

  She gathered up Anna’s dirty sheets and put them in the washer. She knocked on Lily’s door and opened it when no one answered. The room was empty. She peeled the small fitted sheet, adorned with frolicking kittens, from Dayna’s crib mattress and tossed it on the carpet. Next, she lifted Lily’s pillow and jumped back in shock.

  A silver hunting knife shined on top of the pale yellow sheets.

  The pillow dropped on the floor and Joely raced out of the room. Who was this Lily? Was she violent? Kate hadn’t really told her much of anything. And all of this time Anna had been living here with a crazy girl who carried a knife.

  Joely rushed down the hall to find Kate. She opened the master bedroom door, calling out her sister’s name.

  Kate was in the adjoining bathroom putting on brown eye shadow, which would highlight her blue eyes. A gilded frame surrounded the vanity’s mirror as if it were a piece of art. In the middle of a brush stroke, Kate stared at the mirror’s center. “What’s wrong?”

  “I found a knife under Lily’s pillow!”

  After a quick glance at Joely, Kate turned back to her reflection. Her chest rose with a slow breath. “It helps her feel safe. I can’t explain it, but you don’t need to worry.”

  Joely watched as Kate put down her eye shadow and dabbed on mascara. “How can this not freak you out?” Getting no response from Kate, Joely crossed her arms. “I need to know what you’re going to do about Lily keeping weapons in her room.”

  Pausing with her mascara wand in mid-air, Kate seemed perturbed. “She doesn’t keep weapons. It’s just the one knife. And she will be leaving in the fall to go to college.”

  “That’s months away. I can’t wait that long.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, Joely, I’ve got a lot to figure out here myself. And your happiness is going to take a back seat for once.”

  “I can’t stay here knowing that Lily keeps a sharp knife in her room. I mean, we still have child safety locks on the silverware drawer in the kitchen.” Anna had long ago figured out how to push down on the plastic lever to release them, but still. It was Joely’s job to protect Anna at all costs.

  Clearly annoyed, Kate dropped her mascara tube into her makeup bag. “Do what you gotta do.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  JOELY

  Later that evening, Joely handed Dalton his folded Oklahoma State Fair shirt and the jeans he’d loaned her the first time she’d fallen in the mud. They’d been resting in a pile on her bedroom floor ever since that day because she couldn’t decide what to do with them.

  Wearing his wire-rimmed glasses, he accepted the clothes and gestured toward the living room. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get us something to drink.”

  After Joely had picked up Anna from school, they’d hung out in town, eating hummingbird cake at Connie’s Diner then playing in the park for hours. It had been a long day and Joely could feel her body growing weaker.

  Using her cane for balance, she sat in the recliner, noticing a copy of Field & Stream splayed open on the floor. He needs a coffee table, she thought. Turning her attention to a white cat hair stuck in the arm’s red upholstery, she picked at it until Dalton came back. “Thanks for letting Anna and me come over. I had a big fight with Kate and didn’t know where else to go.”

  He handed her a cup of iced tea. “I’m glad you came by. I hated the way we left things. Plus Ryan has been begging for a play date with someone his own age instead of his boring, old dad.”

  “You’re not old.” Ignoring her drink, she glanced out the window at the two kids playing tag in the yard. Nerves twisted in her gut. “Ryan often plays outside by himself?” She didn’t usually let Anna outside without adult supervision.

  Dalton nodded, sitting on the end of the loveseat closest to her. “We’re in the middle of nowhere. All of the kidnappers know to go to the city. Lots of kids there to choose from.” His lips turned upward as he winked.

  OK, she knew kidnapping was not very likely. They’d hear the engine of any vehicle that drove up. But her stomach refused to settle down. She couldn’t quite identify her worries besides the obvious—the knife under Lily’s pillow. “Kate’s place doesn’t feel very home-y anymore.”

  He leaned forward, touching her knee. “You’re welcome here. We’re good together, aren’t we? You like Billy Joel and I own one of his CDs. I love dogs and you’re not allergic.”

  Not wanting to give in to laughter, she took a sip from her glass. The ice cubes shifted with a clank. “Are you still hoping that Ryan’s mom will come back?”

  He withdrew his hand. Leaning back on the loveseat, he placed his arm along its top. “Is that what you think?”

  She thought of the family portrait in the hall. “Yes.”

  He gazed out the window at his son. “I’m not that naïve. Not anymore.”

  “Is there a chance that you’ll want to get married later?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think so. Been there, done that.”

  Joely wondered what her next move should be. She and Dalton wanted different things. He wanted her to pretend that living together was better than being married. He wanted her to pretend she was content answering telephones. She knew being an artist wasn’t an easy way to make a living, but she needed someone to encourage her, not allow her to give up. “Can you call a temporary agency or something to fill in while Pippa’s on maternity leave?”

  “I can’t believe this is going to be the end of us.” Again, he shook his head. “I know you need this job. At least stay until you can find something else.”

  “Thanks.” She rattled the ice cubes against her glass just to have something to do with her hands. “I’m working on that.” The problem was, she had no better offers at the moment.

  He tapped the toes of his cowboy boots rhythmically against the hardwood floor. “Have you ever had raspberry soup?”

  She cocked her head at the odd question. “No.”

  “My wife dragged me to this French restaurant one time. She liked foreign restaurants, always liked to pretend she was someplace else.” He sighed and rubbed his naked ring finger. The tan line had faded. “Anyway, the waiter
said the special of the day included potage framboise, raspberry soup. I couldn’t imagine it, thinking that it would be hot, not cold. Plus it didn’t seem very manly to eat raspberry soup, so I ordered something else. But I’ve always wondered about that raspberry soup. I think I would’ve liked it, but I’ve never seen it on the menu anywhere again.”

  She watched him take off his wire-framed glasses and loop them over his knee. He took a breath. “The point is that I wasn’t expecting raspberry soup and so I passed it up. But I’ve been regretting it ever since. Maybe this, us, we’re your raspberry soup.”

  She shook her head. “Remember that first day in Lydia Berner’s classroom? You said I looked like a woman who knew who she was. Well, I also know what I want. I may not ever get it, but I’m not going settle either. I’m sorry.”

  Just then the front door of the log cabin swung open. Ryan stood on the threshold, bent over and panting. “It’s Anna. She’s gone.”

  Joely sprang from her chair, spilling her tea on the floor. “What do you mean Anna’s gone?”

  Ryan’s face shone with sweat. His glasses fogged up. “We were playing hide-n-seek. I’ve been looking and looking, but I can’t find her.”

  “How long has she been gone?”

  Ryan shrugged. “I don’t know. An hour?”

  Had they really been there that long? Wired with adrenaline, she pushed past Ryan and hobbled out into the yard. “Anna!” Her eyes scanned the front lawn. Clouds had rolled in, turning the sky dark. It smelled like a storm was brewing. “Anna Jo!”

  Dalton and Ryan joined her, calling Anna’s name. Three different pitches of “Anna” filled the air. Only the dogs barked in response.

  Joely’s attention landed on the river. “Oh, no. Do you think Anna could’ve fallen in?” Her heart hammered against her ribs. Her knees sharp with pain, she limped toward the river’s soft edge, searching.