For Finlay

by J. Nathan

  A shudder rushed up my spine at the sight of Cole’s messy handwriting. I hadn’t realized you could miss someone’s handwriting. But I had. I’d missed everything about him.

  I dragged in a long shaky breath. There was no going back.

  Finlay,

  My stubborn sister. My other half. My best friend. I miss you. I’ve missed you for the last year. Your goofy laugh. Your smile. Your witty comebacks. I’ve missed everything. And I blame myself. I’m your brother. I should’ve forced you to talk to me. Should’ve forced you to get over what was bothering you. Should’ve forced you to be my best friend again.

  I know all the hype around me took its toll on you. How could it not? Eyes were on me when it was your senior year, too. But no one was asking where you were going to college. No one was offering you scholarships. No one wanted to interview you. No one wanted to be around you for no other reason than you were going to be the starting quarterback for a big name college and hopefully end up in the pros.

  I never stopped to think about how my “celebrity” affected you. How it hurt you. It was only after getting here, and stepping back from the situation, that I got clarity. That I realized what happened between us.

  Now don’t think for one second you’re blameless in this whole mess. You should’ve talked to me. You should’ve been honest instead of just being pissed off at me all the time. I didn’t do anything wrong—except not realize what was going on with you.

  Regardless of who was or wasn’t at fault, I want you in my life again. The way you used to be. I want you to come visit me. I want you to be part of this new life I’m starting. I want you to meet my teammates and friends. Of course there are some douchebags on my team like Grady who thinks he’s God’s gift to the sport, but there are also some great ones, like my wide receiver Forester and my backup Brooks. Now don’t get me wrong. Guys are guys and I’d never leave you alone with any of them, especially Brooks, but I want you to know him. I want you to know all of them.

  As soon as I get the tickets for my first game, I’m sending two home to mom and dad and one to you at school with this letter so you can come sit in the front row. I can’t think of anything that would make me prouder than to have you guys right where I can see you when I step out onto that field in crimson for the first time.

  I wouldn’t have made it here without you, Finlay. Don’t think I don’t know that. You’re the one who played catch with me in the backyard until your arm was about to fall off. You were the one who let me tackle you into Mom’s flower beds over and over again. You were the one who kept me grounded when all the attention could have gone to my head. You, Finlay, are the one I owe everything to. I will make the first move. I will make this better. All you have to do is meet me half way. I love you, sis. And I want you back in my life.

  Your handsome and humble older (by two minutes) brother,

  Cole

  Tears trailed down my cheeks as I lowered the letter to my lap. I could barely breathe as Cole’s words hit the deepest part of my heart. The deepest part of my soul.

  He understood.

  He wanted to fix us.

  He loved me.

  I closed my eyes and fell back onto my bed, the mattress coils squeaking underneath me as I lay there with the letter clutched tightly to my chest. A welcome feeling of peace swept over me like a cool winter breeze for the first time in over two years.

  After everything I’d done, after how rotten I’d been, he still wanted me to visit him. To know his friends. To come to his games. To love him.

  “Are you okay?” Caden’s voice trailed softly into my room. His footsteps neared, and the mattress dipped as he sat down beside me.

  “He loved me,” I said, almost unable to believe it myself.

  “Of course he did. He wouldn’t shut up about you.”

  I opened my eyes and handed Caden the letter. I wanted him to hear Cole’s words. The ones he’d encouraged him to write.

  “You sure?”

  I nodded.

  I lay there as he read the letter, feeling the pent up guilt, regret, and sadness releasing from my body.

  Caden laughed beside me, clearly getting to the part about him. “That son of a bitch.”

  I snickered. “I guess I need to stay away from you.”

  “Like hell you will.” He laughed. “But I guess I would’ve given you the same advice if I were your brother. I kind of went a little wild freshman year.” Caden finished reading the letter and placed it on my nightstand. He lay down beside me, rolling onto his side and facing me with his head resting in his palm. “He understood, Finlay. It took the distance to show him what was going on, but he knew the real you.”

  “I can’t even believe it.”

  He ducked his head to capture my eyes. “Believe it.”

  I nodded, but there was still something I’d never get over, no matter how forgiven I was.

  Caden searched my face. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “It just kills me to know he never got to play in a game. He worked so hard to get there. It just doesn’t seem fair.”

  “It isn’t fair.” He lifted his fingers to my face, lightly brushing them over my damp cheek as his eyes bore into mine. They held regret and sorrow for my loss. “He—”

  “Finlay? You here, honey?” my mom called from downstairs.

  I jolted upright, wiping my damp eyes. “Shit.”

  Caden sat up beside me. “What?”

  “I kind of neglected to mention you were bringing me home.”

  “So?”

  “So they know how much I hate you.”

  “Hate-ed,” he amended.

  I rolled my eyes as I called out. “Be right down.”

  “Now be honest. You want to forgive me.”

  I cocked my head. Did I want to forgive him? Could I?

  Seeing the indecision in my eyes, and probably worried he wouldn’t like my response, he stood and reached for my hand. “Come on. Let’s go get this introducing-me-to-the-parents thing out of the way.”

  I grabbed his hand and he pulled me to my feet before following me down the steps.

  My parents stood at the bottom of the staircase, their eyes widening on Caden behind me.

  “Hey,” my dad said, realizing I’d just been upstairs with the hot football player I’d vowed to hate forever—and I’d been crying.

  “You okay?” my mom asked, her weary eyes assessing my face.

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  Her eyes moved to Caden who’d stopped in front of them, even taller and broader standing in our small entryway. “You must be Caden.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Nice to meet you,” my mom smiled warmly—because that’s what southern women did. They’d ask questions once you were out of earshot.

  I pulled her in for a hug and whispered, “Tell you everything later.”

  Caden turned to my father, extending his hand toward him. “Mr. Thatcher.”

  My dad had no choice but to shake his hand, though the thought of getting his shotgun and shooting the boy who just emerged from his daughter’s bedroom seemed like a real possibility.

  Keeping my dad calm and unarmed, I threw my arms around him and hugged him. “Everything’s good,” I whispered, before stepping back from him and standing beside Caden.

  “Finlay let me tag along,” Caden explained, probably sensing my dad’s unease. “Hope you don’t mind.”

  My parents shook their heads, both looking unsure what to make of the scene. Hell, I didn’t know what to make of it myself. Last they heard there was nothing going on between me and Alabama’s quarterback. And in reality, there wasn’t. Caden drove me home. That was it. Unless you counted him admitting he was falling for me. Then there was that.

  “I was a good friend of Cole’s,” he continued. “I’m sorry for your loss. I miss him too.”

  “Thank you,” they said, their eyes casting down. It was my normal response to someone’s sympathy as well.

  “Co
le never stopped talking about this place.” Caden’s eyes drifted around the main floor before settling back on my parents. “And all of you.”

  My mother trailed her finger under her eye, catching a solitary tear. “Oh, honey, thank you. It means a lot to hear that.”

  Caden shrugged like it was no big deal, but it was. He didn’t have to say anything, but he did anyway. He glanced to me wearing a sad smile.

  I looked to my dad. “He can’t get it through the tire.”

  My dad laughed. “Big shot quarterback can’t conquer the hole?”

  I cringed. “Oh, Dad, bad analogy.”

  My dad glanced to my mom, like he didn’t understand what he’d said. Out loud. In front of his daughter’s…whatever Caden was to me.

  “Woah,” Caden interjected. “I only got one shot at the tire.” He put extra emphasis on the word tire. “I’m sure I could do it if I had another shot.”

  I pointed toward the back door. “What’s stopping you?”

  Caden’s eyes followed my finger. “Fine. Bring it.”

  “Sounds like we’ve got another cocky one,” my dad said as he led the way outside.

  “You have no idea. He and Cole are so similar.” Now that I’d been forgiven, I felt like it was okay to talk freely about Cole.

  My parents glanced to me, gauging my reaction to what I’d said.

  I smiled, feeling good. Even having Caden there was proving to be better than expected.

  We stepped out into the backyard. The sun had begun to set as my dad grabbed the ball and tossed it to Caden. Just like Cole, he caught it and took off running toward the edge of the lawn. Unlike Cole, he avoided my mom’s flower beds. He turned and tossed it back to my dad like Cole had so many times before. My eyes stung as recollections of my brother playing in the backyard flooded me. I glanced to my mom and saw the same bittersweet memories reflected in her eyes.

  The notion of moving on always seemed like leaving Cole behind. But maybe Caden had been right. Maybe we were just making new memories. And making new memories didn’t mean replacing the old ones.

  “Heads up, Finlay,” my dad called as he tossed me the ball with a wide grin.

  I caught it easily and glanced to Caden whose brows bounced like I knew they would, always surprised and impressed by my skills.

  I took off running toward him, faking to the right, like I planned to run by him. He shuffled, grabbing me around my waist and lifting me right off the ground. I could hear my parents’ laughter as I squealed. “Put me down.”

  He buried his nose in my neck and whispered. “If your parents weren’t here, I’d drop you to the ground and show you how much I love being here with you.”

  Unexpected excitement bubbled in my stomach. Shit. The happiness Cole’s letter had brought about almost caused me to forget the way Caden had treated me. The coldness in his eyes. In his words. Sure, I wanted to forget. I just didn’t know if I could. “Then it’s a good thing they’re here.”

  He lowered me to my feet and stepped back, pulling the ball from my hands and tossing it to my dad.

  “So let’s see what you got,” my dad teased as he threw him back the ball.

  Caden caught it and aligned himself with the tire. He eyed the rubber target like he had earlier, pulling back his arm and releasing the ball. Again, it bounced off the side and landed on the ground.

  My dad hissed and my mom laughed.

  “Best of three,” Caden pleaded.

  My dad humored him, grabbing the ball and tossing it back to him.

  Caden realigned himself. This time when he released a prefect spiral, it went right through the hole, bouncing on the grass behind it. He turned with a huge smile on his face, but we’d all gone silent. No one but Cole had ever gotten it through the tire that quickly.

  Caden’s smile fell when he realized we weren’t celebrating.

  The sad look in his eyes, and the emptiness I felt keeping him at arm’s length, tugged at my heartstrings, waning my resolve. But a girl had to protect her heart. And Caden Brooks had the ability to break it twice. I wasn’t sure I could handle that. But I also didn’t want him feeling guilty—especially since he’d been the one to tell me about the letter. So I did what any foolish girl would do in that situation. I dropped my guard, running at him and throwing myself into his arms. Luckily he caught me, just as he stumbled back onto the lawn.

  My parents’ laughter filled the air as I lay on top of Caden in the middle of the lawn, cushioned by the soft grass beneath us. We gazed into each other’s eyes. Caden’s eyes softened in the corners and I could sense his relief and the hope that accompanied it.

  “What do you say we hit Maxine’s?” my dad interrupted, probably terrified we were about to make out in front of him.

  “Maxine’s?” Caden asked me.

  “Country bar,” I explained.

  “I’m in,” he called out to my dad.

  “You sure? They’ll make you dance,” I warned him.

  “You don’t think this California guy can dance?”

  “Line dance,” I amended.

  “Can’t be that hard.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Finlay

  “Shit,” Caden cursed as he crashed into the man beside him as the group of dancers moved right and he moved left.

  For someone so quick and agile on the field, he had absolutely no rhythm on the dance floor. It didn’t seem to matter. The girls in the crowded bar loved every minute of him shaking his ass, regardless of how many innocent people he crashed into. Some approached our table during dinner to ask for selfies, and Caden handled it effortlessly, never forgetting where he was in the conversation with my parents when he finished with the fans. I wasn’t the jealous type. But all the girls wrapping their arms around him for pictures brought on a jealous ache.

  If I didn’t get my head in check, the night had bad written all over it.

  I could tell my parents liked him, asking him all about the team and his background without prying, especially when he mentioned he and his dad were estranged. After dinner, my parents ducked out, leaving the ‘kids to their fun.’ I wondered if it was their first trip back to Maxine’s. Wondered if they’d been able to laugh and have fun like they’d been having with us all night.

  On the dance floor, the music picked up, so did the steps. I laughed as I grabbed onto Caden’s arm to bring him in the right direction as the host called out a new step.

  “I suck,” he said, looking from side to side at all the people who had every step perfected as they danced around us.

  “You’ve never done it before,” I assured him as my worn cowboy boots carried me to the left. “You just need practice.”

  “Does that mean you’ll teach me?”

  Why did everything he said have to sound so damn flirty? “If you play your cards right.”

  “Oh, fuck it.” He turned to me in the middle of the dance floor and cupped my cheeks.

  I stared up into his eyes as the colorful flashing lights reflected off his face and a popular country song serenaded us. My mind said pull away and make him work harder. My lips said let him kiss you.

  “I’d much rather do this.” His mouth slammed down on mine, making the decision for me. As the dancers continued around us and the music floated through the speakers, all I could focus on was Caden and the way his lips consumed mine. My body relaxed into him and I gave myself over to the kiss. His tongue dipped inside my mouth, softly stroking mine as his hands lowered from my cheeks and wrapped around my waist. He pulled me against his solid chest, showing me how he felt about being there with me. As much as I wanted to deny it, I felt the connection too. He was erasing the hesitation I’d felt for him, even just hours before. He was mesmerizing every part of my body.

  Damn him.

  Breathless and slightly dazed, I pulled back, my eyes scanning the crowded room. “People are staring.”

  “So what?”

  I struggled to find the words. My head wanted me to slam on the brakes
. But my racing heart wanted him all to myself.

  “I was watching you,” Caden said.

  My eyes jumped back to his. “What?”

  “At the bar. When you were dancing with Sabrina.”

  That night had been about me. About feeling free—or at least trying to with him somewhere in the room.

  “You looked so damn hot out there,” he continued.

  I swallowed hard, unable to tear my eyes away from his.

  “I’d never felt so jealous in my entire life.”

  Huh?

  “I wanted to kill those guys for putting their hands on my girl.”

  Oh, hell. “Let’s get out of here,” I said, unable to hold off any longer.

  His smile spread as a devilish glint flashed in his eyes.

  I wove through the people triple-stepping to my right and exited the dance floor with Caden’s hands on my hips guiding me through the crowd. Within minutes, we reached his truck. He slipped into the driver’s seat and I pointed the way, knowing exactly where I wanted to take him. The roads were dusty and winding as he sped through my small town.

  “That was fun,” Caden said, breaking the silence.

  I burst out laughing as my eyes cut to his. “Seriously?”

  He shrugged. “I got to hang with you. It’s becoming my favorite thing to do.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Oh, hell yeah,” he said.

  I threw back my head and laughed, finding it easier to fall back into our old banter with each passing minute. “More than football?”

  “Damn close.”

  I rolled my eyes as I spotted the side road I’d been searching for. “Turn there,” I said.

  He turned onto it, stopping the truck only when he’d come to the dead end.

  I eyed the wide wooded path to the right. “Can you make it?”

  He didn’t bother answering as he turned the truck onto the path, taking us off-roading, much to his delight. Through the trees, Maple Lake appeared under the full moon. No other cars were parked there. Caden’s eyes took in the small lake as he parked beside it. “If I’m being completely honest here, my mind’s having a field day right now.”