For Finlay

by J. Nathan

  My eyes shifted from Leslie to my parents and Sabrina standing and clapping a section over.

  “I asked them to come,” Caden admitted.

  My head swung back around. I stared into his pretty eyes, focused solely on me in that crowded stadium. “I love having you inside me.”

  His eyes widened, surprised by my candor.

  I grabbed his hand and placed it over my heart. “Inside here, dirty mind.”

  Though the sound of his laughter was lost in the din of the crowd, I could feel the rumble of it beneath my hand and see it in the amused lines around his eyes. “I knew that.”

  EPILOGUE

  Finlay

  Two Years Later

  My feet bounced as I sat in the front row of the sold out stadium. The Florida sun had been ruthless all afternoon, but as I clasped Caden’s mother’s hand beside me, we watched the play clock tick down to zero. When it flashed, we jumped to our feet with the rest of the Miami fans all clad in hues of teal and orange. Caden’s first game in the pros had been a nail-biter. No one took it easy on the rookie quarterback, but he handled it with ease. Besides, it wasn’t like he had guys like Grady on his line anymore. He was protected by guys paid millions to be out there, guys who breathed football and gave it their all on every play.

  I watched proudly as Caden, along with a mob of photographers and cameramen in tow, jogged across the field and shook the opposing quarterback’s hand. We’d watched games together on television over the past two years, and when the moment came for the quarterbacks to shake, I always felt a chill slither up my spine knowing someday that would be Caden out there. Now that day had come.

  He turned and jogged toward the sideline with his helmet in his hand and his face flushed and sweaty. The pretty sideline reporter jogged over to him, stopping him for his first post-game interview.

  Caden’s eyes flashed around until he found our section, spotting us standing there smiling and bursting with excitement. A smile tipped his lips before he focused on the reporter.

  His face appeared larger than life on the jumbo-tron as the interview was broadcast live in the stadium for the fans who’d yet to leave their seats.

  “Congrats on your first of many wins, Caden,” the reporter said, her voice reverberating throughout the massive space.

  The crowd cheered, their roar filling the stadium.

  Caden glanced around, taking it all in and trying to acknowledge each and every fan that came out to the game and welcomed him to their team. He glanced back to the reporter. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without my teammates. These guys are the epitome of athleticism and hard work,” he explained, a little winded from the last few plays of the game.

  “Do you think having a rookie at the helm is something they appreciated today?” she asked.

  “You might need to ask them,” he laughed. “But I hope so.”

  The sound of his laughter, mixed with how damn hot he looked in that uniform, sent ripples of pleasure spreading through me.

  “But I’m serious when I say I couldn’t have done it alone,” he continued. “It’s truly a team effort here in Miami. And have I mentioned these amazing fans?” His eyes jumped around the stadium.

  The crowd erupted, the volume in the stadium ear-splitting.

  Caden smiled as he glanced around. “They make it easier to do our jobs.”

  “So tell us, how’s it feel to be playing so close to Alabama?”

  “Amazing. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am to be staying in the south. I’ve grown a real love for it over the last four years.”

  “Any big plans now that you’re in Miami?”

  He smiled a crooked smile that probably melted the panties off every woman in that stadium—and the ones watching at home. “I’m excited my mom’s finally relocated here and that my fiancée moved in with me.”

  Fiancée? My face fell as my eyes shot from him on the jumbo-tron to him standing a hundred feet away.

  “Thanks, Caden,” the reporter said with a smile.

  “Thanks,” he said, already turning away from her.

  “When were you going to tell me the good news?” Caden’s mother asked, excitement filling her features.

  I stared blankly at her, my mind spiraling. Had he misspoken? Had he been joking around? Sure, we’d moved in together after he got drafted and I enrolled in a nursing school nearby, but we’d never spoken about marriage before.

  “After I asked her,” Caden’s voice traveled over to us.

  Our heads shot to him, standing beneath us down on the sideline. My heart fluttered at the sight of him. I leaned over the railing, instinctively reaching for him. Somehow he lifted me over the railing and pulled me down to the sideline. When we stood on even ground, I stared up into his eyes as he grabbed my hands.

  “Nothing about us has been conventional,” he said, his eyes filled with so much love and admiration. “So I figured…” He dropped down onto his knee.

  My eyes rounded as I pulled in a deep breath. This was really happening. This was really freaking happening. And even though thousands of people remained in the stadium, their voices became muted and all I could hear was the thumping of my heart.

  “Finlay, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You love me and you love football. In my book that makes you perfect. Marry me.”

  Even as my eyes welled, laughter erupted from deep inside me. “I’ve hated you and loved you, both just as strongly. Loving you has definitely been easier.”

  His smile grew, so did the hope in his eyes.

  “Cole wouldn’t trust anyone else with me. Which is good because I can’t see myself with anyone else. So, yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  Caden laughed, his relief and happiness evident as he stood, reaching up to his mom.

  She shot me a conspiratorial grin before placing a ring into his opened palm. I shook my head. I should’ve known he’d have an accomplice.

  Caden turned back to me. He grabbed my shaking hand and looked me in my teary eyes as he slid the ring onto my finger. I gazed down at the massive stone sparkling like nothing I’d ever seen before. But Caden gave me no more time to admire it. He tugged me against his chest and wrapped me in his arms. He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “I love you.” After a long moment of feeling truly at peace in the arms I’d get to spend forever in, he pulled back to see my face. The sincerity in his eyes floored me, just as fiercely as the day I realized everything between us was getting complicated. “I don’t think you understand just how much.”

  I nodded, because I felt it, too. “I do.”

  Caden had been placed in my life for a reason. Cole placed him there. All Cole would have wanted was for me to be happy. And Caden made me happy. Beyond happy.

  And I could say with much certainty that he’d done a fine job working his way inside of me.

  Oh, and my heart, too.

  THE END

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you amazing readers for taking the time to read Finlay and Caden’s story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

  To all the bloggers and readers who spread the word about my books. Thank you so much! Self-publishing is truly a team effort and I would not be able to write and get my books out there without you! So thank you!!!!

  To my wonderful beta readers: Dali, Kat, Neilliza, Megan D, and Kim. Thank you for your invaluable suggestions and for taking the time to help me. I appreciate it more than you could possibly know.

  To the multi-talented (author and editor) Stephanie Elliot. Thank you for just being you. For all your encouragement. For your editing expertise. For giving me the push to begin this awesome journey. For pointing out all the times I write sentences like this. LOL!

  To Lindee Robinson for giving me so many beautiful photos to choose from for the cover. I can’t wait to see what you have for my next book.

  And last, but certainly not least, to Letitia at RBA Designs for creating yet another beautiful cover
for me. You are so kind and patient and a true pleasure to work with.

  Coming Soon

  Forester’s Story

  Other Titles

  Until Alex

  Since Drew

  Before Hadley

  Stalk Me

  https://www.facebook.com/jnathanauthor

  https://twitter.com/@Jnathanbooks

  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8202337.J_Nathan

  www.jnathan.net

  https://www.pinterest.com/jnathanbooks

  Subscribe to my newsletter: http://bit.ly/2fXAOLQ

  Enjoy a Sample of Until Alex

  PROLOGUE

  HAYDEN

  Alive.

  You learn early on it means living, breathing, undead.

  But don’t tell my mom that. She’d only hear the lyrics to her favorite Pearl Jam song. The one she’d been obsessed with since high school. The one that blared through the iPod dock on her dresser.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her as happy as she was tossing shirts and shorts into the open suitcase on her bed. Her long brown curls bounced in time to the beat of the song.

  Ten minutes before, she’d woken me up. And in the most angelic voice she uttered the words I’d longed to hear. “We’re leaving, Hayden. We’re finally leaving.”

  I jumped out of bed and stuffed my T-shirts, shorts, and hats into my backpack and joined her in her room. If I’d forgotten anything important, it could be replaced wherever we ended up.

  With all the excitement and hasty packing, my mom shoved up her sleeves. Purple and yellow bruises covered her arms. Noticing my wide eyes from my spot on her bed, she shoved the sleeves back down, clearly forgetting what they concealed.

  What they always concealed.

  The last note of the song drifted through the speakers. I waited anxiously for the next song to begin—knowing her happiness and the twinkle in her eyes would continue.

  But the song never played.

  “What are you doing?” His emotionless voice traveled over my mom’s shoulder, sucking the life right out of the room.

  Goose bumps scattered up my arms.

  My mom froze. Her face drained of color. And though her body blocked me from seeing the doorway, the terror in her eyes told me what I already knew. We weren’t leaving. We weren’t getting our fresh start.

  She turned around slowly, her shoulders slumped. Even at ten, I could tell she was defeated. We both were.

  I wanted to make a move, to tell him to leave us alone, but I sat frozen to the bed. It’s what always happened when he took that tone with her. I was so small, the smallest in the fifth grade. And weak. So very weak.

  And as much as I tried to be strong, tried to defend my mom when he became violent, he just tossed my feeble body to the side, oftentimes locking me in a closet to keep me out of the way. I was a nuisance. It’s all I’d ever been for him.

  “Hayden and I were just getting away for the night—”

  Whack.

  “Liar.” The word dripped with hate as he lowered his hand.

  My mother cupped her cheek as she twisted around, checking to be sure I remained safely behind her. Her icy blue eyes misted over. Not from the slap. She’d endured worse and never cried. Her tears were for our missed opportunity. Our foiled chance to escape once and for all.

  “Please let us go,” she whispered.

  He leaned in closely. Now I could see him and the anger in his dark eyes. “Go? Go where?” The overhead light reflected off the shiny gold badge on the front of his uniform. The one that earned him respect from everyone in town. Everyone who didn’t really know him. “Who’ll want you?”

  My mom sniffled. Or it could’ve been me. At that point, we both wept.

  Needing to be closer to her, and wanting to keep him in my sights, I crawled to the foot of the bed. If I could see him, maybe I could protect her.

  His white knuckles gripped her wrist like a vise. No wonder she hadn’t moved away from him.

  “Please.” My voice came out low. Or was it that I just couldn’t hear it with my heartbeat pounding in my ears? “I have a game in Austin tomorrow. Mom thought you were working late so we were going to make a trip out of it.” I prayed my lie deflected the attention off of her. Because given his cold empty glare, she needed me.

  Whoosh.

  His fist slammed into my stomach. The wind knocked right out of me as my body folded and I toppled back onto the bed.

  “Hayden!” my mom screamed, breaking free of his grasp and rushing toward me. She braced me in her arms as I gasped for breath. “It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s here. It’s going to be okay.”

  It wasn’t. But I let her soothing words wash over me as I struggled to catch my breath and regain what little strength I had.

  And then she was gone. Ripped off me like she’d been caught up in a tornado. Perfume bottles crashed to the floor as her body slammed into the dresser. Her scream echoed as glass from the mirror shattered over her.

  My eyes shot to the monster.

  His big hands were braced on his knees, his breaths deep like he’d run a marathon. He watched through beady eyes as my mother steadied herself to her feet.

  I wanted to hit him. To knock him back. To kill him.

  I jumped down from the bed and lunged at him. A vicious backhand to the face propelled me onto the floor. Black spots clouded my vision. My head spun. My nose was surely broken, but none of that mattered. I needed to get to the phone on the nightstand. If I could just call—

  Click.

  My head whipped around.

  He held something black in his right hand. He lifted it, extending it out in front of him.

  Shock seized every part of me. It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be happening like this.

  “Please,” my mother begged as he aimed the barrel of his weapon at her. She edged as far away from me as possible. She always kept his attention off of me. Always protected me. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

  A calculated laugh escaped his lips. “Now, you’ll do whatever I want? Weren’t those the vows you promised me ten years ago?”

  She didn’t dare answer. She just took another step toward the bedroom door, stretching the distance between us.

  “Then he came into the picture.” He spun around with his gun aimed at me. “He ruined everything. He took you away from me.”

  I cowered to the carpet, preparing for the pain. For the nothingness. “Mom, run.”

  “Noooo!” she screamed, racing across the room and throwing her body over mine.

  “He got your time. Your affection. Your love. It was all supposed to be mine!”

  Three shots crackled through the air.

  Three times my body jolted. I opened my mouth to scream, but the sound got cut off by the sight of blood spreading like a rush of ink through my mom’s shirt. Within seconds, her grip loosened and her body peeled away from me, sinking to the floor.

  Sobs ripped through me as I scrambled to my knees, slipping on the pool of blood surrounding her lifeless body. “Mom, wake up.” I draped myself over her stomach, unable to look at her head where one of the bullets hit. “I’m here. I’m right here.” With trembling arms, I tightened my grip, burying my face in her blood-soaked shirt. A putrid metallic smell replaced her floral scent.

  God, please help her. Please.

  “You’re gonna be alright, Mom. Just stay with me.” I couldn’t hold her tight enough to stop her from hurting. To stop her from slipping away. To stop her from leaving me all alone. “I love you so much.”

  Guttural, unable-to-catch-my-breath, sobs poured out of me. And still, as my world crumbled around me and pain overwhelmed my being, I needed to get to a phone.

  Click.

  A quiver rocked through me.

  I closed my eyes with my arms still wrapped around my mom, the woman I loved more than anything in the world. The woman who’d carry me over to the other side. To the light.

  I braced myself for the impact of the bu
llet, praying for a quick death. Praying to be far away from him and the nightmare we’d been living.

  But the impact didn’t come.

  I cracked one eye.

  The monster stood over us with his gun to his temple and his eyes locked on mine. “This is all your fault.”

  When he was certain I heard him, he fired once.

  CHAPTER ONE

  ELEVEN YEARS LATER

  HAYDEN

  My eyes snapped open. I wished I could blame the mid-afternoon sunlight seeping into my living room for the sweat dripping down my face and my heaving chest. But I couldn’t.

  Most people endured a rare nightmare. One that rocked them to the core. But not me. The same two plagued every one of my dreams. Unfortunately, they weren’t strange figments of my imagination. Explorations into the deep recesses of my psyche. They were real memories. The worst I possessed.

  I would’ve given anything to erase the horrid images from my mind, but they were my penance. My cross to bear.

  I sat up from my black leather sectional, the focal point of my living room. It’s the one place I normally fell asleep, if I fell asleep. Running my hands through my unruly hair, I scanned my apartment. For a guy, I kept it pretty clean. Of course I only cared about my flat screen. Without the white noise it provided, my bare walls closed in on me.

  I stood up, working the kinks out of my neck. I should’ve grabbed my bag and headed to the gym, but I walked to the window at the rear of my apartment instead.

  Late August in Texas didn’t see many trade winds, so the trees and flowers surrounding the building sat idle in the balmy afternoon air. Luckily, a well-maintained pool flanked the rear of the property. And since most of the residents were elderly and rarely left the building, I was the only one who ever used it.

  Walk away, man. Walk away.

  I should’ve gotten something to eat. Taken a shower. Met up with Remy and the guys. But my damn eyes had a mind of their own. And they sought the sole picnic table. The reason I stood at the window in the first place.