The Secret Kept From The King (Mills & Boon Modern)

by Clare Connelly

  ‘Daisy—’

  ‘Everyone’s waiting,’ she said through clenched teeth, shifting away from him a little, just enough to dislodge his hand from her waist. ‘Let’s do this.’

  Daisy was charming and lovely. He watched as she spoke to the assembled guests, moving from group to group and using the native language. He hadn’t realised how good she’d become. Her accent was excellent and while she paused from time to time to search for a word, she was able to cover more than the basics. He watched the effect she had on his people and a warm sense of pride lifted him.

  She was a natural.

  No one, regardless of their lineage or birth, would have been a better Emira than Daisy. He turned back to his own conversation, listening to the rainfall statistics for the last quarter, but always he was aware of her location in the room. From time to time he would hear her laugh, soft but imprinted on him in such a way that meant he could pick it out easily. Would he ever lose this fascination with her? Would he have the ability to inhabit the same space and not hone in on her with every cell in his body?

  Yes.

  Of course.

  Because that was what he wanted, and Sariq knew that with determination and focus he could do anything he wished. Daisy was beneath his skin at the moment, but he would dispense with that in time. Once the baby was born, he could even contemplate giving her exactly what she wanted, sending her to live away from him.

  His body tightened. Rejection, anger, dismissal. Doubt. Disgust. She wasn’t a piece of trash he could simply discard once she’d served her purpose. And yet she was the one who’d suggested going to America.

  But her security was of paramount concern. The men held in the prison beneath the city were not part of a wider organisation. They were rogue militants with their own agenda. There was no reason to think she was in any greater risk than she had been before, and yet the idea of any harm befalling her, even the slightest harm, filled him with the sense of burning acid.

  His eyes found her once more. She was in conversation but she looked as though she wasn’t listening. His eyes narrowed. Her skin was so pale, like milk. She nodded, but then she swayed a little, just as she had before, at the end of the rukbar.

  His chest clutched.

  He cursed inwardly. She was going to faint. ‘Malik.’ His voice cut through the room and Sariq began to stride quickly, just as Daisy stumbled. Another curse, this one said aloud, and he broke into a run, catching her only a moment before her body crumpled. She would have fallen to the floor if his arms hadn’t wrapped around her, lifting her and cradling her against his chest.

  The room was silent; he barely noticed. Holding her to him, just as he had when they’d left the tower and she’d been exhausted from the lateness of the hour and the way they’d spent their night, he carried her from the room now, his heart slamming against his ribs in a way that told him all he needed to know.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  ‘PLEASE PUT ME DOWN.’

  Such stiffness in her voice, cold and hurt, and he winced inwardly because he understood it. He’d disappeared and he’d hurt her. Pleasure turned to pain, always.

  ‘Sariq? I’m okay. It was just hot and I was tired.’

  ‘You should not have stayed so long.’

  He wished condemnation didn’t ring through his words but, damn it, didn’t she see? Protecting her was important.

  She didn’t say anything and that was wise. He felt worry and a worry that was close to turning to frustration and anger. Panic, too. A team of men stood outside the doors to her room. ‘Where is the doctor?’

  ‘Here, Your Highness.’

  At this, Daisy scrambled against him, trying to stand, but he held her tight, pushing through the doors. Only when he reached her bed did he loosen his grip, laying her down on the bed, not wanting to remember the last time he’d done that.

  ‘Please.’ Her cheeks were pink. ‘This is so silly. I’m fine, really.’

  ‘The doctor will confirm that.’ Sariq stepped backwards, allowing the doctor room to move.

  He could see Daisy wanted to argue so he played the trump card, which he knew she would listen to. ‘Think of the baby, Daisy.’

  At that, she stilled and, after a moment, nodded. ‘Thank you.’ But her gratitude was directed to the doctor. The examination was thorough yet brief. He checked Daisy’s blood pressure, heart, temperature, felt the stomach and then listened to the baby’s heart using a small handheld device that spilled the noise into the room. And Sariq was frozen to the spot at this small, tangible proof of their child’s life. Daisy too lifted her eyes to Sariq’s and he saw the emotion in them, the understanding of what they’d done.

  Together, they’d made life. It hadn’t been planned, and the pregnancy had led to all manner of complications, but it was, nonetheless, a miraculous thing.

  ‘Your blood pressure is a little high, but not alarmingly so. You must rest. Stay hydrated. I’ll come back to check on you in an hour.’

  ‘Is that necessary?’

  ‘Yes.’ The doctor’s smile softened the firmness of his response. ‘Absolutely.’ He turned to Sariq and bowed, then left.

  Sariq stood there for what felt like a very long time, looking at his wife, as the clarity of his situation expanded through his mind. ‘Zahrah will sit with you. I’ll check on you in the morning.’ He stalked towards the door, turned back to look at her as a sinking feeling dropped his stomach to his feet. ‘You did well today, Daisy.’

  He pulled the door inwards but Daisy was there, moving behind him, grabbing his wrist. ‘Don’t you dare walk out on me.’

  He stared at her, surprise on his features. ‘Calm down.’

  ‘No.’ And then, she lifted her hands to his chest and pushed him, her expression like fire. ‘Damn you, Sariq, stop walking away from me. Can you not even stand to be in the same room with me? Are you worried I’m going to beg you to make love to me again?’

  Her anger was so obviously born of hurt. He held her shoulders and lightly guided her from the door, away from the ears of the guards beyond.

  ‘Don’t!’ She wouldn’t be placated.

  ‘I’m not leaving,’ he assured her and in that moment he was so desperate to say or do anything that would placate her. ‘Just sit down and be calm.’

  ‘I don’t want to be calm!’

  ‘For the baby.’

  ‘The baby’s fine, you heard the doctor.’

  ‘I heard him say your blood pressure is elevated. Arguing is not going to help that.’

  ‘I don’t want to argue with you. I just want you to tell me why you’re avoiding me.’

  He ground his teeth together, her accusation demanding an answer. But he didn’t know what to say—he couldn’t frame into words the complexity of his feelings.

  ‘You regret sleeping with me.’

  Damn it. He felt caught on the back foot, and it was a new experience, one he didn’t like at all. ‘It was...unwise.’

  ‘Why?’ She thrust her hands onto her hips so even then he was conscious of the jutting of her breasts, the sweetness of her shape, rounded with his baby. What was wrong with him that even in that moment he could want her?

  Everything.

  That was the problem.

  His feelings for Daisy weren’t logical. They weren’t safe. Nothing about her fitted his usual modus operandi. That was why he had to gain control of this—it was in their mutual interest that he did so.

  ‘I’ve thought about your request to return to America.’ That was true. In the desert, it was all he could focus on. ‘That would be unwise and potentially unsafe. I want our child raised here, in Haleth.’

  She glowered. ‘I’m not asking to go back to America. Not really. I understand why that’s not possible.’

  He ignored that, continuing with his train of thought as though she hadn’t spoken. ‘But you
do not have to stay here at the palace. There is another palace on the outskirts of the old city. You should move there and live your own life, away from me and the pressures of this royal life.’

  She stared at him for several seconds and he had no idea what she was thinking.

  ‘Is that what you want?’

  When he thought about what he wanted, it was a very dangerous path. So he concentrated instead on what he knew they needed. ‘I want our child to be healthy. I want you to be happy. And I want to be able to focus on ruling the RKH, just as I was before.’

  ‘And you can’t do that with me here?’

  He clenched his jaw, fierce memories burning through him. ‘The situation is more complicated than I would like.’

  ‘What does that even mean?’

  He expelled a hot sigh. ‘You’re not like the wife I imagined,’ he said, dragging a hand through his hair.

  ‘I’m aware of that.’ Her voice was scathing.

  Great. He’d offended her once more. ‘I mean that we have this history. Even before I knew about your pregnancy, I came to America intending to be with you again. From the moment we met I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. You take up too much space in my brain and I can’t have that, Daisy. I can’t.’

  Her lips parted, her eyes widened, and she was completely still, perhaps replaying his admission.

  ‘You don’t want me to leave because you don’t like me?’

  He frowned. ‘Why would you think that?’

  ‘Because you’ve been ignoring me for a week?’

  He was quiet a moment. ‘I can’t offer you what you need, and it’s not fair for me to take what I want from you when I want it—’

  ‘Sex,’ she interjected acerbically.

  He dipped his head in a silent admission. ‘I won’t use you like that.’

  ‘So don’t use me. Open yourself up to more.’

  Her words burst through him, but he was already shaking his head, denying that. ‘There’s no more. My responsibilities require my full attention.’

  ‘Liar.’

  His laugh was a sharp burst. ‘I don’t think anyone’s ever called me that before.’

  ‘Perhaps you’ve never lied before but you’re lying to me now, and to yourself. Why do you think you can’t get me out of your head, Sariq? Hmmm?’ There was a challenge in her voice, an angry, determined tilt to her chin. ‘Why do you think you came to the embassy and propositioned me?’

  ‘Sexual infatuation is one thing,’ he said firmly, his tone flat, but she shook her head, dismissing it before he’d even finished.

  ‘If it was sexual infatuation we’d have been sleeping together ever since our marriage. You wanted me, I wanted you. Instead, you’ve deliberately kept me at arm’s length because you’re terrified of what this could become. You keep everyone at a distance. You have no friends, no family. Malik is the closest person to you and he’s a curmudgeonly old man who exists purely to serve you. That’s not about your damned duty to Haleth. It’s about fear. You don’t want to get hurt so you’re pushing everyone away. I won’t let you do that to me.’

  He stared at her, disbelief numbing him. ‘You can have no idea what my life is like,’ he said, after a moment. ‘So do not stand there and judge me, Daisy.’

  ‘I know what your life could be like.’ She changed tack, her voice lower, softer, working its way into his bloodstream so he had to work hard to hold his course. ‘Do you think this is easy for me? I’m terrified! Terrified of telling you how I feel, of opening myself up to you, of opening myself up to yet another disastrous marriage. And yet I’m standing here, saying that I feel—’

  ‘Don’t.’ He lifted a hand, silencing her. ‘Don’t say what you cannot take back. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t. I can’t offer you the same, and it will be easier for both of us if we pretend—’

  ‘Coward!’ She stamped her foot, and he shifted backwards a little, shocked by her reaction.

  ‘I’m in love with you. There! I’ve said it! Now what are you going to do? Are you going to admit you love me too? That we fell in love in New York and it’s inconvenient and crazy and unpredictable but that doesn’t change the fact we’re in love? Or are you going to cling to the notion that your life will be better if you stay closed off, completely your own person? Immune from emotional pain but so lonely with it.’

  His heart was like a hammer inside him, relentless and powerful. Another challenge, just as she always hit him with. He stared at her, and shook his head slowly, his mind like putty.

  Her words threatened to overrun him with joy, but the rational, sensible approach to life he’d fixed on many years earlier was not easy to shake.

  ‘I have never suggested I would love you.’

  ‘Damn it, that’s not an answer.’ She pushed his chest again, her frustration understandable. ‘Tell me you don’t love me. Say you’ll never love me.’

  Say it! Tell her what she needed to hear, if that was how he could put an end to this conversation.

  Except he couldn’t say those words. Contrary to what she had accused him of, Sariq was not a liar. In fact he was unstintingly honest. ‘No.’

  Her eyes flared wide.

  ‘I will not talk about you and me in the context of love. That’s not what our marriage is predicated on.’

  ‘Yes, it is! You’re a fool if you can’t see that we fell in love in New York. It’s not a one-sided thing. I know, because I’ve been in a relationship like that and this feels completely different. I believe you love me. And I think you’re trying to send me away because love is a complication you’re not prepared to deal with.’

  A muscle throbbed in his jaw. He stared at her, the stark truth of her words so simple, so right.

  ‘Can’t you see how right this is? We could have everything we both want in life. I’m not going to distract you from your responsibilities. I want to help you with them. I want to be your partner in every way.’

  ‘No.’ A harsh denial, when his heart was bursting through him, begging him to agree to what she was proposing. But his attitudes were forged from the coal fire of pain and were immovable.

  ‘No? Is that all you’ve got?’

  He glared at her. Damn her fire and spirit. Couldn’t she see this wasn’t going to work?

  ‘I’m sorry, Daisy. I’m...flattered that you care for me.’ She made a scoffing noise. ‘But our marriage will work better if we treat it as a business arrangement.’

  He began to move to the door but she stalled him with a fierce cry. ‘You stop right there.’

  He turned to face her, his expression like thunder, matching the strength of his feelings.

  ‘I will not spend the rest of my life in a marriage like you’ve just described. I should never have agreed to this.’

  ‘But you did, and you’re here, and soon our baby will be born.’

  ‘I don’t care. If you’re telling me our marriage is going to be so cold, then to hell with it. I want a divorce.’

  He stared at her, panic strangling him for a moment, making it difficult to frame a response. ‘That’s not possible.’

  ‘Oh, don’t be so ridiculous. Of course it is. It’s not what you want, but it’s absolutely possible. You’ll still have your heir. I’ll even raise our child here in the RKH so you can be a part of his or her life. But no way am I going to tie myself to you for the rest of my life knowing you’ll never accept that you have feelings for me.’

  The ultimatum was like an electrical shock, galvanising him. He stared at her for several moments and then nodded. ‘I need to think about that.’

  This time, when he left, she didn’t try to stop him.

  Daisy stared at the closed door with an ache in the region of her heart. She’d done it. She’d laid all her cards on the table and he’d refused to admit he cared for her. She’d been wrong, then. It w
asn’t love. Not from him, anyway.

  And now? He was thinking about granting her a divorce.

  God, where had her request come from? Fear? Anger? Had she hoped it would snap him out of his state of denial? That it might wake him up and force him to be brave?

  She was trembling all over, the fight knocked out of her by the shock she might get exactly what she’d asked for. Another divorce. Another failed marriage. But this one, so much worse than the first. The idea of not having Sariq in her life in any capacity filled her with a hard lump of pain.

  But wasn’t it better this way? A lifetime was a long time, and she couldn’t see that this would get any easier.

  The next day she played the piano Sariq had had brought to the palace the day after she’d arrived. She played Erik Satie because there was a pervasive sadness moving through her and Satie suited that. She played for almost two hours, and didn’t hear the door pushing inwards. Nor was she aware of Sariq standing in the door frame, watching her, his eyes running over her as if committing her to memory.

  When she finished playing though, he shifted and she turned, her blood pounding through her veins at the sight of him. He wore trousers and a business shirt. She wasn’t prepared for that.

  ‘Well?’ It was like waiting for the executioner’s axe to fall.

  He moved towards her, coming to stand by the piano. ‘I refuse to keep you here against your will.’ His face was grim. ‘I was wrong to pressure you into this marriage. I acted on instincts. I panicked. If you were serious about wanting a divorce, I’ll grant it.’

  Oh, crap. It wasn’t what she wanted. But what she needed, he wouldn’t give her, so that meant divorce was her only option. ‘Fine.’ She couldn’t meet his eyes. She wanted this over. Like ripping off a plaster.

  ‘You will need to stay in Haleth, as you offered. Once our child is born, we can come to a custody arrangement.’

  Was she imagining the emotion in his voice? She didn’t know any more. Perhaps her own feelings were so strong, so urgent, that they simply coloured her perception.