Billie Jo

by Kimberley Chambers

  'We'll have sex when I say so. I'm the man of this house and what I say goes, do you understand me, you cunt?'

  Billie couldn't speak, she was totally dumbstruck. She felt as if she was dreaming and she hoped and prayed that baby Danny, who was sleeping in a cot in the same room, wouldn't wake up while Daddy was buggering and raping Mummy.

  Feeling himself about to come, Danny started talking dirty, obscenities spewing from his mouth. He felt nothing but pure ecstasy as he shot his load inside her, that and a feeling of power. Rolling off Billie, he went into the living room, switched the telly on, opened another can of lager and lit up a joint.

  Billie lay still and unable to move. She was paralysed with shock. She couldn't believe that the man she adored had just cold-bloodedly raped and abused her. Pulling herself together, she forced herself out of the bed. She could barely walk, due to the ferocity of his thrusting. She noticed blood on the sheets and immediately chucked the quilt cover over the bed. She didn't need reminding of what had just happened, she'd rather it be erased from her memory.

  Walking over to the cot, she was relieved that her baby was still fast asleep. As she knelt down next to him, she noticed his long dark lashes. She moved closer to him, took in his scent and found it was a brief comfort to her as she concentrated on him and little else. Noticing blood on her legs, she tiptoed out to the bathroom to clean herself up. As she glanced in the mirror, she was shocked at the haggard, tear-stained face that stared back at her. What the hell was she going to do now? It wasn't as if she had anyone to turn to. There was no one at all that could help her. Carly was the only close friend she had left and there was nothing that she could do. She was only young herself and still lived in a tiny flat with her mum.

  Jade had no time for her at all lately. They had hardly spoken since the birth of DJ. Billie had thought that the pair of them would be on the phone constantly discussing babies, especially now that Danny had softened and accepted their friendship, but Jade hadn't contacted her at all. Billie had called her loads of times but she'd had her mobile cut off and all she ever got on the landline was her answerphone message. Once, Jade had picked the phone up and had promised to ring back, but she'd never returned the call.

  Billie's thoughts were snapped back to the present by the sound of loud snoring coming from the lounge. Bastard, she thought to herself, as Danny's laboured breathing rang deep inside her eardrums. It was at that point she knew she hated him, despised every bone in his lithe, tanned body. Two years ago when her dad was alive, her life had been good. She'd been happy, carefree, full of hopes and dreams for the future. Now she was stuck in a great big hole, and how she was gonna get out of it was anyone's guess.

  Why, oh why, hadn't she chosen to heed the warning signs? Looking back, they'd been there all along. Jade, Carly, they'd both had their reservations about him, if only she had listened.

  She wiped her face with a cold flannel and forced herself to stop crying. She needed to be strong for her baby. He was all that mattered now, nothing else.

  Climbing back into bed, Billie felt as if she had found her inner strength. Unable to sleep, she spent what was left of the night mulling over her and her son's future.

  Danny woke up on the sofa early in the morning and still felt pretty out of it. Noticing the empty wraps on the coffee table and the dozen or so cans on the floor, he started tidying up. He'd fucked up big time with Billie and making amends was not going to be easy. This was all that bitch Debbie's fault. If she hadn't been denying him sex and fucking him around, last night would never have happened. It was her fault and he'd make sure she paid for it somewhere along the line. Not knowing what to say to Billie, Danny decided to act as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

  Carrying a mug of tea and two slices of toast, he walked cautiously into the bedroom. 'All right, Bill? I've made you some breakfast.'

  'Thanks,' Billie answered, unable to look at him.

  Danny put the mug and plate on the bedside cabinet and walked over to his son, who was gurgling happily in his cot. 'He's so gorgeous, ain't he, Bill? He gets more handsome every day and he's getting bigger. Ain't it amazing, that me and you created such a perfect kid like him?'

  'Yes,' Billie said tonelessly. 'I want to bath him in a minute, Danny, so if you want a shower, have one now.'

  'OK, I will,' Danny replied, only too happy for an excuse to leave the room. As he got out of the shower and dried himself, he decided to pretend he had an early start at work.

  Billie was acting all weird and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. He knew he'd been out of order and been a bastard to her, but fuck me, he'd only had sex with her. Doing her up the arse had been a mistake though, he knew that.

  'See ya later, Billie,' Danny said, as he poked his head round the living-room door.

  'Yeah, see ya,' Billie replied, without looking up from the carpet she was vacuuming.

  As she heard the front door slam, Billie turned off the Dyson, walked to the fridge and poured a glass of wine. Sitting down on the sofa, she gulped it and burst into tears. She'd never forgive Danny for what he had done to her last night, never ever. It had reminded her of that time when he'd made her suck his thingy, but last night had been far worse. She'd seen a mad glint in his eyes. The things that he'd said to her and the names that he'd called her were disgusting. Worst of all was that she knew in her heart of hearts that if he could treat her like that for no reason, she could not trust him with their son.

  Billie picked up the phone, dialled Jade's home number and got the answerphone. She really needed to talk to Jade right now. She was the only person in the world she could disclose the previous night's events to. Jade would help her, advise her on the situation, and she certainly wouldn't say I told you so. Billie knew that Jade would never blank her for no reason and lying in bed awake all last night, she'd come to the conclusion that Danny had said or done something to Jade that day at the hospital. There couldn't be any other explanation.

  Pouring another glass of wine to calm her nerves, Billie watched DJ gurgling happily on his baby mat, his big blue eyes looking at her expectantly. She knew he was too young to understand what she was saying, but she also knew they had a bond between them that would never be broken.

  'Whatever it takes, Danny Boy, I'll do my best for you. I've made a mistake with your father. He's not a very nice man, but you've got the best mum in the world and I'll never let you down.'

  DJ looked up at her, clenched her finger in his and wiggled on his mat. Billie smiled at him. 'We've got to be strong, me and you, and we'll get through this together. I promise you, we will.'

  Just then, baby Danny smiled. It was his first proper smile and he squeezed her fingers at the same time. Billie was sure that he'd understood her. Nothing mattered any more, apart from him. He was her life now. He came first and any choices she made in the future would be for him and him alone.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Danny sat in the boozer opposite Harry the Hand and thought long and hard about what he was being asked to do.

  'I dunno what to do, H. What about Billie and me kid?'

  'Listen, son, you know as well as I do, if you do this favour for Jimmy, you and your family'll be made for life.'

  Sipping his drink, Danny shifted nervously in his seat. 'Ain't there no one else that can do it?'

  Harry picked up his car keys with his good hand. Unfortunately for him, his other had been chopped off by a machete, hence the nickname.

  'Everyone else has got form, Dan. You are the only clean one amongst that little firm. You won't get long, son, and Jimmy'll make sure the stretch you do is a piece of piss.'

  Wondering whether he should discuss the situation with Billie Jo before he made his decision, Danny decided against it. It had been a week now since he'd fucked her without her consent and she'd avoided him like the plague ever since. Knowing she'd probably be glad to see the back of him for a while made his choice for him.

  'OK, I'll do it. Tomorrow morning I
'll go to the Old Bill.'

  'Good lad. I'll let Jimmy know. You won't regret it, Danny. Jimmy'll see to that.'

  As he watched the scarred ex-hit man head to the toilet, Danny pondered why Jimmy the Fish had chosen Harry to visit him and not one of their own little firm. He fleetingly wondered what might have happened had he said no.

  Refusing a lift home, Danny said goodbye to Harry the Hand. Wondering what the fuck he'd let himself in for, he ordered another drink. He needed some time alone to make sense of the situation and plan his forthcoming statement.

  It had been two days ago that Jimmy the Fish had been arrested. He'd been set up like a good 'un by an old pal of his who'd recently returned from Thailand. Bangkok Barry had once been a good friend of Jimmy the Fish and Jimmy had never had any reason not to trust him. Unknown to Jimmy, Barry was now in a lot of trouble, as he had recently been arrested with a substantial amount of heroin. Desperate not to get bird and chomping at the bit to return to a warmer climate, Barry had done a deal with the Old Bill to set up Jimmy in exchange for having his own charges dropped.

  The deal didn't exactly go to plan. Jimmy the Fish was meant to be carrying a quarter of a kilo of cocaine, but unfortunately for the Old Bill, he only had a couple of ounces on him. The Old Bill were furious with the amount. They'd expected to find enough to put Jimmy inside for years. Due to his past record of drug-related crime, the Old Bill made sure that he was refused bail. Hence the reason Jimmy had got in touch with Harry the Hand to plead with Danny to take the rap for him.

  The following day, Danny put on his coat and walked towards Billie. 'I'd best be going now,' he said, pecking her on the cheek. Unable to leave without picking up his son one last time, he held the boy close. Smothering his chubby face with kisses, he handed him back to Billie Jo.

  'I'll see you soon, Bill. You never know, they might give me bail. If not, I'll ring you from the nick. Now, just remember what I said to you and don't lose them phone numbers I gave ya. Anything you need, just ring one of the lads, and they'll sort it for ya.'

  'OK.'

  Pulling her and the baby close to him, Danny felt her flinch. 'I'm so sorry, Bill. I love you, you know.'

  Leroy, tooting impatiently outside, saved Billie from replying.

  Danny sat in silence as he was driven to the police station. He'd told Billie what was happening the previous evening. Instead of her looking upset, he'd seen relief in her eyes when he mentioned he'd probably go away for a while.

  Looking out of the window, he ignored Leroy's idle chit-chat. Going away for a crime he hadn't committed was nothing compared to Billie Jo not wanting him. Losing her was too upsetting even to contemplate and Danny was determined to win her back. She hated him at the moment and, to be honest, he didn't blame her. Going inside would give their relationship a chance to repair itself. It would also propel him up the criminal ladder, to a height he was desperate to reach.

  Billie Jo fed DJ, winded him, then sat him in his baby chair. Watching him doze off, she went into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. She hated drinking in front of her child. It reminded her too much of her own mother. Debating whether to ring Jade, she decided against it. Best wait to see if the police locked Danny up before involving her in all of this. Feeling more alone than ever before, she returned to the lounge. Her life was a mess and there wasn't a soul in the world that she could turn to for help.

  Billie toyed with the idea of calling Davey Mullins in Spain, but she decided not to. She was far too embarrassed to involve him in any of this. Feeling her guts churning, she ran to the toilet. She hated shitting lately. The pain she felt as she passed her motions brought back everything that Danny had put her through. She winced as she wiped her bottom. The toilet paper was covered in blood: yet another reminder. As she washed her hands, she glanced in the mirror. She hadn't eaten for days and looked that ill, she barely recognised herself. She sank to her knees. If it wasn't for her baby, she'd definitely consider killing herself right now. Rocking to and fro, she sobbed for what seemed like hours.

  Instantly seeing through Danny's lies, the Old Bill did their utmost to make him change his mind. For years they'd been waiting to reel in Jimmy the Fish and were fucked if they were allowing the bastard to swim away to safety.

  DI Bond stretched out his arms, whilst choosing his words carefully. Slamming his fists on the table, he did his very best to make the little shit alter his statement. 'Don't let these people mug you off, son. What's he promised you? The earth I suppose.'

  'Dunno what you're talking about,' Danny said, nonchalantly.

  Frustated, DI Bond stood up and paced the room. 'You wanna own up to this, Danny, fine, but let me tell you, you ain't getting bail. Not only will I charge you with the drugs, but I'll do you and Jimmy for perverting the course of justice. Don't think just 'cause you've owned up, that your boss'll be getting out. I'll make sure that both of you rot inside, don't worry about that.'

  'No comment,' Danny replied, cockily.

  Leaving the interview room, DI Bond slammed the door as hard as he could. Cases such as this made him vomit. The legal stuff and stupid technicalities made his job impossible and with little shits like Danny O'Leary taking the onus away from the big boys, his job had become untenable. Jimmy the Fish would walk in the morning. His top-class brief would see to that. The backhander would pay up his mortgage and Jimmy would be let off the hook and put back into the water. Exasperated, DI Bond kicked the coffee machine.

  'You all right, boss?' asked one of his lads.

  'No, I fucking well ain't. Tell Ronny to wrap things up with O'Leary. I'm officially off duty.'

  Grabbing his raincoat, Bond stormed out of the building.

  Being refused bail, Danny was taken to Brixton Prison. Jimmy the Fish had many contacts in the underworld and, within days, word had got round about Danny.

  'You all right, boy?'

  Realising that the gym had emptied, Danny put his weights down.

  'Razor's the name,' his visitor informed him, holding out a massive hand.

  Standing up, Danny shook hands and introduced himself. 'Did Jimmy send you to find me?' he asked, hopefully.

  'Yep, I'm a pal of his and he told me to see you all right. Now what do you need?'

  'What do you mean?'

  'Puff, coke, pills, phonecards. You name it and I'll sort it. I run this wing and I'll get you whatever you want.'

  Danny laughed. He wasn't sure if Razor was joking or being serious.

  'I wouldn't mind a bit of puff.'

  Putting a big tattooed arm around his shoulder, Razor led him from the gym. Telling Danny to go back to his cell, he returned five minutes later with an eighth and some Rizlas. 'Welcome to Brixton, Danny Boy. Believe me, you'll have a better time in here than fucking Butlins.'

  Danny soon realised that Razor hadn't been joking when he'd referred to Brixton being sweeter than a holiday camp. Drugs were easier to come by on the inside than a Friday night out in Romford town centre. He wasn't stupid, though. He knew his stretch would have been entirely different if it hadn't been for the Fish pulling the strings. Jimmy had been released within hours of Danny confessing. Shortly after, he'd shown his gratitude by moving Billie Jo and Danny Junior to a three-bedroom house in Gidea Park. Danny had been told of the move via world of mouth. Jimmy refused to talk on prison phones, insisting they were bugged. Billie Jo had also been warned to keep schtum about the move.

  Life soon became like Groundhog Day to Danny. Razor sorted him with a cushy little job in the kitchen to break up the days. His nights were spent stoned in his cell, with only his right hand and a porn mag for company. Possessing more phonecards than the local newsagent, he was able to speak to Billie Jo on a regular basis. Danny was premier league when it came to the charm stakes and he was positive that Billie had started softening towards him. He'd win her over in the end, he was confident of that.

  Being on remand allowed Danny plenty of visitors. Jimmy had avoided seeing him because of the impending court
case, but Leroy, Dave, Arnie and Paulie had all been up to visit. Danny hadn't wanted any of the heavy mob hanging around Billie Jo, so he'd asked Jamie to pop round and keep an eye on her and the baby. Jamie had only been up to see him once, but had been full of stories about Billie and Danny Junior. He'd been a real good friend, which made Danny eternally grateful to him.

  Debbie and Michelle had both written to him and had both wanted to visit. Debbie wrote regularly and he wrote back, mainly out of boredom. He'd had to lie to her to stop her visiting him and had told Jimmy to back him up. 'If you start visiting Danny, it'll bring the Cross Keys into the court case and we can't have that, Debbie,' Jimmy had told her in no uncertain terms. Being thick, she'd swallowed it.

  Writing to Michelle had been quite emotional for Danny. He'd hardly seen her since he started knocking off Debs and DJ was born and he now felt guilty for having blanked her. Unable to face her, he'd refused her a visit. 'Jimmy only wants the lads up here, Chelle. As soon as I get out, I'll be round yours for a beer, girl,' had been his excuse via letter. He guessed she'd copped the hump though, as he hadn't heard a word from her since.

  Rolling up a joint, Danny thought of Billie Jo. Earlier today she had finally agreed to visit him with the baby. 'I'm only bringing DJ once, though. Prison is no place for a child, Danny,' she'd told him.

  Lying back on his bunk, Danny smiled. He knew she had forgiven him. Billie Jo loved him, she belonged to him and that's the way things were destined to stay.

  TWENTY-THREE

  The six girls sat at a downstairs table in Langan's. Much to the disgust of the staff, their behaviour was anything but acceptable. Suzie's fortieth birthday was the occasion and it had been Chelle's idea to choose this particular restaurant. Taking the fourth bottle of champagne over to them, Beppe, the head waiter, politely asked them to calm it down.

  'Wanker,' Chelle muttered, as he walked away.

  Hazel swapped chairs with Julie and moved next to Chelle. 'You heard anything from Danny?'