Billie Jo

by Kimberley Chambers

  'Look, Billie. I really like you, but let's not complicate things. You're under a lot of stress at the moment. I'm seeing Lucy and, well, I think we should stay friends for now.'

  Billie was horrified by her actions and felt stupid that he'd rejected her. She'd obviously read the signals wrong. 'I'm so sorry, Jamie. I don't know what came over me, I think I should stop drinking and go to bed now.'

  Jamie took her hands in his. 'Look, don't rush off to bed. It's just that I think the world of you, Billie, and I don't want to spoil things. It's not that I don't like you. When you first got with Danny, I was so jealous, as I wanted you for myself, but so much has happened since then.'

  Billie could feel tears starting to form in her eyes. She was determined not to mug herself off any more than she already had and was frantically trying to stop herself crying. 'Look, I need to go to bed, Jamie. I'm a bit drunk and I just don't feel too well. Maybe it's best if you go home too. You can call a cab if you want.'

  'Oh, Bill, don't be like this.'

  Billie didn't want to be horrible to him, but felt she had to get rid of him so she could sob her heart out in peace. 'I'll talk to you tomorrow, Jamie,' she said, handing him his toolbox. After she had shut the front door, Billie slid the bolt across and sat down on the floor, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. The floodgates opened immediately and she sobbed for what seemed like hours.

  Jamie sat in his car and laid his head on the steering wheel.

  'Fuck,' he said out loud as he started the engine. All those months he'd liked Billie and gone to bed thinking about her and now that he'd got on with his life and accepted that all they were ever going to be were just friends, she'd come on to him and fucked his head up. He'd ring her tomorrow and sort things out with her, talk to her when they were both sober.

  Driving home at thirty miles an hour to avoid getting a tug, Jamie parked his car up, got out and kicked the front tyre with frustration. Once indoors, he went to the fridge and took out a can of lager. Taking his phone out of his pocket he rang Billie's mobile. There was no answer so he rang Lucy, but she didn't answer either.

  Jamie was at a loss as to how to deal with what had happened earlier. Many a time, even when Danny was inside, he'd wanted nothing more than to take Billie in his arms, tell her how he really felt about her and beg her to spend the rest of her life with him. Now he'd had the bloody chance, he had completely blown it. He wasn't exactly shy with women, more respectful than anything. He'd been so used to being second best when he'd been knocking about with Danny, rejection was his biggest fear. Truth be known, that was his problem tonight. Knowing Billie was sort of on the rebound, he'd been a bottle job, frightened that she might have a change of heart a couple of weeks down the line, and where would that have left him? Broken-hearted, and miserable.

  'Fuck women, I'm gonna turn gay,' he said quietly to himself. Nodding off drunkenly on the sofa, his last thought was of his old grandfather's words:

  'Never worry and stress yourself out, son. Life's a funny old game and what will be will be.'

  THIRTY

  Jamie kept trying to contact Billie over the next couple of days, but got no reply. He couldn't stop thinking about her and the fact that she'd shown interest in him had completely done his head in. He'd gone out with Lucy for a drink the night before and had had a shit time, wishing he was elsewhere. Trying Billie's number again, he slung the phone against the wall in frustration.

  Billie guessed who the missed call was from even before she looked at her mobile. He'd rung so many times over the last forty-eight hours that she'd lost count. She knew she'd have to talk to him eventually, but at the moment her embarrassment was still too raw. She'd told Jade how she'd made a fool of herself. Jade had told her not to be so silly and to give him a ring.

  'Bloody hell, Billie,' she'd said. 'You've only tried to kiss him, you haven't run around starkers in front of him. Pull yourself together.'

  Billie knew that Jade was right, but at present she couldn't bring herself to take her advice. She felt completely down in the dumps and Jade informing her that she wasn't able to take time off work to pay her a visit hadn't helped her mood. Billie had been so looking forward to seeing Jade and her little brother and felt gutted that they were unable to stay with her. Depressed, Billie said her goodbyes, ended the call, and went back to bed.

  Over in delightful Dagenham, the honeymoon period between Danny and Debbie seemed to be coming to an end.

  'Aw, I thought you said I could come out with you tonight. I've even bought a new dress to wear. Please let me come with you, I don't wanna stay in on my own again, Dan.'

  Danny ignored the whining voice, walked into the kitchen and lit up a joint. He'd realised in the last couple of days that moving in with Debbie had been one big fucking mistake. She didn't stop whinging and talking. In fact the only time she ever shut up was when he stuck his cock in her mouth. Making a mental note to find a place of his own asap, Danny picked up his keys, slammed the front door and headed for the peace and quiet of his local.

  Unable to face another boring night sitting indoors on her own, Billie put DJ in his buggy, sorted out her bank card and a couple of utility bills and took a nice long stroll to her nearest Blockbuster. The young girl behind the counter was as divvy as arseholes and becoming a member was an ordeal on its own. Biting her tongue, Billie finally joined and spent the next half an hour choosing a couple of good films. Stopping at the nearby offie, she bought chocolates, nuts and crisps. She was desperate to ease her depression over Jamie and decided that a night of binge eating and film-watching was just what the doctor ordered.

  'Shut up, you fucking mug, now go away from me 'cause you're getting on me nerves now.' Danny O'Leary was drunk, loud and surrounded by cronies who were laughing and hanging on to his every word. Jimmy the Fish was on holiday in Puerto Banus, so Danny was playing top dog and enjoying every moment of it.

  Vincent Lawrence was a regular in the Cross Keys pub. At forty-six years old, slightly retarded, with a stammer, Vincent was quite often the butt of people's jokes, especially Jimmy the Fish's little firm. Sometimes they would be nice to him, buy him drinks and give him fags. Occasionally they'd treat him to an odd takeaway, or hire a stripper for him, but normally there was an underlying current to their niceness and they would make him do something in return. Vincent hated returning their favours as he was always forced to do something nasty.

  Knowing he was afraid of heights, they'd once made him climb onto the roof of the pub, then stolen the ladder so he couldn't get back down. Another time, they'd dressed him up as Guy Fawkes and made him sit begging in the freezing cold outside the pub. They'd even gone so far as tying him to a car and he'd badly hurt himself when they'd driven off, dragging him behind. Their last escapade had been to force him to go on a beano to Margate with them, where they'd got him drunk, stripped him off, put him in a dress and high heels and left him there. It had taken Vincent two days to get back home and ever since he'd been giving them a wide berth.

  Today, they had been kind to him. Vincent hadn't eaten all day so they'd ordered him a Chinese and bought him loads of beers. Vincent was wary at first, but as he was skint and wasn't due his disability benefit for another two days, he had taken a chance and joined them. He'd enjoyed himself until they'd given him some white powder. They'd made him snort it with them at the bar and then they'd poured some in his pint. Now he felt funny, couldn't stop talking and seemed to be annoying everyone.

  'I-i-i'm s-so s-s-sorry, Danny,' Vincent said, accidentally knocking his pint onto Danny's lap. The pub went quiet and Vincent felt his bowels loosen with nerves. Danny stood up and grabbed him round the throat by the neck of his dirty T-shirt.

  'Right, Vincent,' Danny said, lifting him off his feet. 'Now say, "I am a cunt".'

  'I-i-i a-am a c-c-cunt,' Vincent managed to stammer.

  'Now I'll show you what I do to cunts like you, shall I?'

  Vincent nodded dumbly. Still holding him by the neck, Danny kneed hi
m as hard as possible in the bollocks, then finished him off by headbutting him as fiercely as he could. Vincent lay in a crumpled heap on the floor while Danny and the boys carried on laughing and drinking.

  By early evening, Danny was bored shitless. The pub was nigh on empty, apart from his little crowd, a couple of old boys and silly battered Vincent. Looking at his watch, which said half past seven, Danny picked up the keys to his Shogun and downed the rest of his drink.

  'I'm off now, lads. I'll see ya tomorrow.'

  'Where you going, Dan? It's only early,' asked a couple of the lads.

  'I'm going to see me son. I ain't seen him for fuck knows how long and it's about time I did something about it.'

  Billie had just sat down to watch her second movie when she heard the lock being tampered with on the front door. Thankful she had put the bolts across, she sat frozen to the spot, panic rising inside her.

  'Billie, I know you're in there. Open this fucking door now. I wanna see my son and if you don't open it, you bitch, I'll fucking kill ya.'

  Billie had prepared herself for this moment, but that still didn't stop her feeling petrified. DJ was asleep upstairs. Praying that he didn't wake up, Billie turned the telly off and hid behind the armchair.

  Danny stood in the front garden, his temper reaching boiling point. He knew she was in, he'd heard the telly and all the lights were on. Taking ten steps back up the path, Danny ran at the front door and kicked it with all his might. After a dozen or so kicks, his foot was killing him and he knew the bastard thing wasn't going to budge.

  'What you looking at, you nosy old cunt?' he screamed at the middle-aged neighbour peeping through her curtains.

  Billie waited until it had been silent outside for a couple of minutes and built up the courage to take a quick peek out. She was crapping herself and felt relief wash over her when she could see no sign of Danny.

  'Mummy, I'm scared,' came the distraught voice of her little boy. Billie ran up the stairs and sat on the edge of his newly purchased first little bed. Hugging him tightly, she did her best to reassure him.

  'Ssh, come on, darling it's OK now,' she said, wiping his tears away. Billie felt terrible, she hadn't realised that while she was cowering downstairs DJ had been awake. 'You OK now?' DJ nodded, his bottom lip still quivering. 'I tell you what, you come downstairs and watch TV with Mummy and I'll get you a nice bowl of that chocolate chip ice cream we bought earlier.'

  Taking the squeeze of her neck as a sign of approval, Billie picked DJ up and gingerly walked down the stairs. Three stairs before the bottom, she heard an almighty crash and the sound of glass smashing in the kitchen. The shock was so great that she dropped the baby and fell down herself.

  'Oh my God! Are you all right, DJ? Are you hurt?' Before her son had a chance to reply, Danny opened the kitchen door and strolled into the hallway. Putting the little 'un on the bottom stair, Billie couldn't help herself. She lost it completely.

  'You stupid bastard. I dropped the baby down the stairs, you fucking idiot,' she shouted, pummelling his chest with her fists and kicking him as hard as she could at the same time. Her earlier fright had now disappeared and she was filled with nothing but anger. Danny grabbed both her hands as she tried to hit him and slammed her up against the wall.

  'What you going all hysterical for? It's not my fault, you stupid cow. You should have opened the fucking door in the first place. You all right, boy?' Danny picked up his trembling son and held him tightly.

  'Put him down,' Billie screamed frantically. Danny gave her a violent push which sent her flying.

  'If I wanna hold my son, then I will. Now get in that living room and calm yourself down. All I wanna do is talk to you and sort out some arrangement to see me boy. You're quite safe, Billie. I don't want fuck all to do with you, you frigid bitch. I wouldn't have you back if you had a gold-plated fanny, so you can drop the drama queen act.'

  Because he had her son in his arms Billie did as she was told. Feeling defeated, she flopped down on the sofa.

  'Right,' Danny said, kissing his son on the forehead as he spoke. 'I wanna see my boy and I've every right to see him. I'll be round here nine o'clock on Saturday morning and I'm gonna take him out for the day. I won't keep him overnight. I know he's a mummy's boy so I'll bring him back by seven in the evening, OK?'

  Billie didn't want to antagonise him. She wanted Danny out of her house as quickly as possible and she certainly didn't need another scene in front of her beloved son, whose sobs were only just beginning to subside. 'OK, nine o'clock,' she said, lying through her teeth. She had no intention of letting her precious child anywhere near his monster of a father, but she would worry about that later.

  Danny smirked. He liked getting his own way. 'See, that weren't too bad, was it? If you'd answered the door in the first fucking place, you'd have saved yourself a load of grief. I'll send one of the boys round tomorrow to mend the glass door, and don't bother putting your silly bolts on no more 'cause they ain't gonna keep me out. Remember, I'm Jimmy's partner, so this house you're living in is half mine. In fact, I might even get him to sign the deeds over to me so I own it, lock, stock and barrel. Once it belongs to me, I can come and go as I please.'

  Billie opened her mouth to say something but closed it again. She'd temporarily lost all of her fight. Ruffling his son's hair, Danny placed him on the sofa next to his shaken mother.

  'I'm going now, son. Daddy will pick you up and take you out for the day on Saturday.'

  Even at his tender age, DJ knew that nodding dumbly was the best thing to do. 'See ya then, sweetheart.' Danny winked at Billie, blew her a kiss and walked towards the front door. Seeing the bolts, he couldn't resist a final comment. 'Don't forget to bolt the door, dear. You don't want no one breaking in now, do you?'

  Laughing loudly, he sauntered out of the house.

  THIRTY-ONE

  Lifting DJ onto her lap, Billie squeezed him tightly. Holding him with one arm she snatched her drink off the coffee table and knocked it back. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably. She needed to sort herself out and try to act normal, for the sake of her child, if nothing else. Giving him a reassuring smile, Billie spoke in the calmest voice she could muster.

  'How about Mummy get us that nice bowl of ice cream we were gonna have earlier?'

  'Not hungry now,' came her son's lifeless reply.

  'You look tired, darling. Shall Mummy take you up and read you a story?'

  Shaking his head miserably, DJ laid himself across her lap. 'Wanna sleep with Mummy.'

  Billie could sense that he was very tired, but extremely unnerved. 'Of course you can, darling.' Minutes later, DJ was snoring softly in her arms.

  Gently moving him off her lap she placed him comfortably on the sofa and went to the kitchen. The smashed glass all over the kitchen floor brought Billie back to reality and she sank to her knees and sobbed. Needing a friend more than ever before, she scrolled through her phone and rang Jamie.

  'Danny's smashed his way in. Oh, Jamie, I was so scared. He reckons he's coming to pick the baby up on Saturday morning.'

  'Is he fuck! Give us ten minutes, Billie. I'm on me way.'

  Half an hour later Billie sat with Jamie's arm protectively slung over her shoulder and had tearfully related the whole sorry story. 'What the hell am I gonna do? I can't let him trot off with my baby, I just can't. In fact I don't want him anywhere near him.'

  Jamie sighed, deep in thought. 'I'll help you out at the weekend, Bill. My mum's off to Spain on Friday with her friend, so you and little 'un can come and stay with me. But the thing is, in the long run, you're gonna have to sort something out. Just because you and Danny have split up won't be enough to stop him from getting visiting rights. It's a shame you never went to the Old Bill when he beat you up, 'cause then you would have a reason for him not to get access. As it stands, you probably ain't got a leg to stand on. I'm no judge, but that's the way I see it. The only hope you've got is deny him access, let him take you to court and then stand u
p and tell the judge what he's done to you. He's been inside for drugs, that'll definitely help your case.'

  'Yeah, you're right. How can I stop him taking DJ until it goes to court though?'

  Jamie squeezed her hand. 'Don't you worry, I'll help you with that. I'll throw a sickie at work till next week and help you get things sorted. First thing tomorrow, we'll find you a good solicitor and then priority number one, we've gotta find you somewhere to live. You can't stay here any more, you've got to make a clean break, girl.'

  Billie nodded. She knew Jamie was spot on, but where was she going to live? Lifting DJ off the sofa, she smiled at him.

  'I'm just gonna put my little bruiser to bed. I'll be down in a minute and I'll sort us out some drinks and something to eat.' Billie straightened herself out while she was upstairs. She looked terrible, but after combing her hair, applying some lipstick and spraying herself with perfume, she felt more like her old self. With all the earlier goings-on, she'd kind of forgotten about the misunderstanding she'd had with Jamie earlier in the week and decided it was best now to let bygones be bygones and carry on as normal.

  Jamie had other ideas though. Seeing Billie walk back into the room looking so vulnerable, his feelings went into overdrive. His voice sounded nervous as he spoke. 'Billie, I've bought you a present and there's something I need to say to you.'

  Jamie held out a Tiffany bag. Inside was a box containing an exquisite pair of earrings. Billie gasped. 'Oh Jamie, they're beautiful. I can't take them off you. They must have cost a fortune. Why ever did you buy them for me?'

  Taking her hands in his, Jamie looked into her eyes. It was now or never. He had to tell her the truth. 'I bought them for two reasons. One is to say sorry for the other night. I must have been mad. And secondly because I love you, Billie. I always have and I always will. I want us to be together, properly. I'll look after you and DJ and I swear, I'll never let you down.'