Miriam's Secret

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “This is the will of the Lord as He humbles me,” Daett had told them as he explained his decision. “I have taken great pride in my ability to make it on my own, so I now must accept what He has given to Miriam through Mr. Bland.”

  After a few minutes in the kitchen, Shirley continued on to the washroom. She opened the door and stepped outside. If she went past the living room window, her family would see her. They’d wonder what she was up to…and notice her going down the road. Then they’d call after her. So, she would go to the barn first and then to the phone shack from there. Yah, that was sneaking around, but she couldn’t help herself.

  Shirley hurried toward the barn. Would Jonas agree to pick her up? She wouldn’t dare ask him outright, but perhaps he would offer again. Maybe she could drop a hint. If not, then no one needed to know she’d called him. If she hurried she could be back before her family missed her.

  Shirley entered the barn and went out through the barnyard door. From there it was a short jaunt across the pasture to the road. Several minutes later she arrived out of breath at the phone shack. She dialed the number and held the receiver to her ear as she waited. The last thing she needed was for Jonas to think she was overly eager. She quickly cleared her voice before Jonas answered.

  Jonas’s voice was cheerful enough. “Shirley, I was hoping you’d call.”

  “How did you know it was me?” Her voice trembled.

  Jonas chuckled. “Modern technology. Caller ID. The number shows up on my phone. I figured it had to be you unless your father was calling…to chew me out.” Jonas’s chuckle wasn’t quite as hearty this time.

  “Oh, no!” Shirley gasped. “I’d never give Daett your number. And Mamm knows I talked with you on Monday night.”

  “Then all’s aboveboard.” His voice brightened. “So what’s up?”

  What should she say? She had to guide him toward asking her out, but how? “Well, there was also a surprise at our house this week. The old man that Miriam used to work for—Mr. Bland—well, he died and left her his farm.”

  “That’s interesting,” he said.

  He didn’t sound too impressed, Shirley thought. But then a “little” farm probably wasn’t much in his world. Shirley went on, “It’s complicated and the family is all talking about it. I slipped out to call you.”

  Jonas didn’t hesitate. “I’m glad you did, but we have to develop a better communication system. In the first place, I’m the one who should be calling you.”

  Shirley heard the pleasure in his voice and forced herself to breathe. “There’s only this phone to call you with. And I can’t stay here very long…much less wait here. In fact, I should already be going back.”

  “Maybe we can use carrier pigeons?” he teased.

  Shirley laughed. “We don’t have carrier pigeons. I’m just an Amish girl, you know. Difficult communication is how we live.”

  “I was joking,” Jonas said. “You know my parents used to be Amish way back when, even before I was born. I wouldn’t say I’d want to live like that, but you obviously like it.”

  Shirley tried to calm the racing of her heart. She didn’t know what to say so she settled for “It’s okay, I guess—if I can call you once in a while.”

  Jonas laughed. “I have no problem with that. I enjoy your calls. Probably more than you do!”

  On that you’re very wrong, Shirley almost said, but that would be inappropriate. She replied instead, “You’re very kind. Thank you.”

  She could almost feel his smile over the phone.

  “You don’t have to flatter me, Shirley, but you’re welcome. So tell me, what are you doing tonight?”

  Shirley’s mind whirled. At the Yoder house, Saturday night was a time to wind down for the week, clean up, read a book perhaps, and go to bed early. Except when one was on rumspringa, as she was. Was this the opening she was hoping for…to see if he’d come and get her? Shirley gathered her courage. “Not much, really. What are your plans?”

  “I have a movie I should watch.” There was a long pause.

  Shirley clutched the receiver. “That’s nice.”

  “You should come watch it with me.”

  Shirley tried to speak but nothing came out.

  “Of course, I understand if you won’t. Just sayin’.” His laugh was nervous. “I know you don’t watch movies.”

  “I…” Shirley managed. “I’d love to, but…” Here was her chance! Should she accept? Not really—yet, she must! How else would she get to see more of him?

  “Maybe some other time?” He sounded hopeful.

  “No!” The word came out a shriek, but Shirley rushed on. “If you’ll pick me up, I’ll come today! I’d love to come.”

  “Really?” He sounded skeptical.

  Had she said too much? Her fingers were numb from clinging to the receiver so hard. If Jonas ran fast in the other direction, she wouldn’t blame him in the least. He didn’t need Amish girls who clung to his every word.

  Her silence didn’t seem to bother him. “What if your father chases me off?”

  So that’s what he was worried about. Shirley almost smiled. She managed to answer in a calm voice. “I’ll tell my parents you’re coming, and I’ll meet you at the end of the lane. There won’t be any trouble. I am on rumspringa, after all.” That wasn’t all true, but it was true in part. Mamm and Daett would have to accept her decision, just like they had to accept Miriam’s decision to give them Mr. Bland’s farm.

  “See you at seven then.” His voice sent a thrill through her.

  “I have to go now.” Shirley hung up the receiver and turned to race down the road and across the field again. By this time someone would have missed her, and they’d be on the lookout. She’d have to break the news of her plans at once. Tonight she would not only ride with Jonas in his fancy convertible, but she would spend significant time with him. It was almost more than her heart could handle. Who would have thought such a thing would ever come to pass? A stab of guilt ran through her. What about her many resolutions and promises? Had they meant nothing? Shirley slowed down to catch her breath. She had to think of some answer because Daett would ask the same question.

  Shirley pushed open the back barn door to find Lee and Mark just beginning their chores.

  They stopped to stare at her. “So that’s where you vanished to,” Lee said, more statement than question. “Who did you call?”

  Shirley plunged into her explanation. “I’m going out with Jonas Beachy tonight.” She couldn’t keep the chirp out of her voice. “We’re watching a movie at his house.”

  “Now I’ve heard everything!” Mark made an exaggerated gesture as he pretended to drop his pitchfork on the concrete floor. “This even tops Miriam’s exploits. Maybe you and I are falling behind, Lee.”

  “That’s what I’m thinking.” Lee glared at Shirley.

  “It’s what I’ve wanted to do for a while.” Shirley met their disapproving looks straight on. “Don’t worry, I’ll behave myself.”

  “Still making useless promises to yourself, I see,” Lee told her.

  Shirley lowered her head and fled out the front barn door. Lee spoke the truth. She couldn’t keep her promises. But she would somehow keep this one. She and Jonas wouldn’t do anything wrong. Jonas was a decent man, after all, despite what her family thought. She took a deep breath as she slipped into the house. At the moment she had no desire for another face-down with anyone. If Lee could handle her so effectively, then how would she survive Daett’s rebuke? Shirley’s heart pounded as she entered the living room. Mamm was still sitting on the couch with Miriam beside her. Daett wasn’t around, and hope rose inside of Shirley. She could tell Mamm without Daett here. But just as Shirley opened her mouth to spill the news, Daett came out of the bedroom.

  He regarded her for a moment. “Where have you been, Shirley?”

  There was only one answer she could give. To lie wasn’t an option. “I called Jonas Beachy. He’s picking me up tonight at seven. We’re going to w
atch a movie.”

  Mamm let out a little gasp, and Daett seemed to grow a shade paler. He didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Has this anything to do with the news earlier in the day?”

  What was she to say? She didn’t want to blame Miriam or dash cold water on the family’s climb out of poverty.

  Her silence was answer enough, and Daett’s face grew even more serious. He raised his eyes and sighed before praying, “Dear Lord, help us. These are troubled waters that I can never travel alone.”

  She wanted to throw her arms around Daett and promise she’d never see or speak with Jonas again, but she knew that wouldn’t help because she wouldn’t follow through. She was still going out with Jonas tonight, no matter what. “I’m sorry, Daett,” she managed.

  He didn’t say anything. He turned and left the house without a backward glance.

  At least the door didn’t slam behind him, Shirley comforted herself. Oh, if this wasn’t the right thing to do, what sorrow she was bringing on her family. While Mamm and Miriam sat in silence, Shirley breathed her own silent prayer. Help me, dear Lord! Please help me.

  Chapter Twelve

  At ten minutes before seven, Shirley slipped out the front door and headed out toward the barn. She would look foolish waiting out by the road, so perhaps the barn was best. She couldn’t stay in the house a moment longer. Mamm’s sorrowful face was more than she could bear. Promises that she wouldn’t be able to keep wanted to bubble up inside of her, but she refused to make them. Her resolve had weakened after supper when Mamm asked with hope on her face, “How old is this boy?”

  “I don’t know,” Shirley had answered. She’d wanted to add, He’s old enough to act decently, and we will.

  “He’s around eighteen, I think,” Miriam offered.

  “I wish he was a little older,” Mamm commented.

  Now Shirley reached up to touch her kapp. Her hair hung loose in a bun under it, kept there by the application of several extra pins. Thankfully neither Mamm nor Miriam had noticed. Shirley had plotted a brave course for tonight, one she wasn’t sure she had the courage to pursue. Under the right conditions, she would get rid of her kapp and look at least in part like an Englisha girl. Wasn’t she officially on her rumspringa now?

  Before Shirley could reach the end of the sidewalk there were footsteps behind her. Had Mamm followed her for one last lecture? She whirled around to see Miriam approaching. Shirley relaxed. Miriam might not agree with what she was doing tonight, but there would be no lecture.

  “May I speak with you a moment?” Miriam glanced toward the road. “Before Jonas shows up?”

  This would be better than waiting out by the road alone, Shirley decided. She nodded.

  Miriam appeared worried. “I’ve been wanting to tell you how sorry I am that this farm thing has so upset our family. If I’m leading you astray, please forgive me. Please don’t go with Jonas tonight.”

  Shirley sighed. “Yah, in a way it had something to do with my decision. But in another way it didn’t. Look, I’m glad I’ve taken this step, so don’t blame yourself, Miriam. It’ll be okay. I’ll just have some fun and happy times with Jonas, and there will be plenty of time to join the church later.”

  “You always make promises.” Miriam squinted at her sister.

  Shirley glanced away. “Maybe someday I’ll be a saint and keep my promises perfectly.”

  Miriam managed a wry look. “That’ll be the day.”

  “See?” Shirley said. “Even you find a little humor in this situation. It’s not as serious as everyone thinks.”

  Miriam’s gaze went to the end of the driveway as Jonas’s fancy convertible pulled in and came to a stop. “I’d say it’s pretty serious.” With that, she retreated toward the house at a rapid pace.

  Shirley took a deep breath. She hadn’t wanted an argument with anyone moments before Jonas arrived. That was why she’d come outside early, but it had still happened. It mustn’t ruin the evening. She turned toward Jonas and smiled as she approached his car.

  Jonas jumped out to greet her and open the passenger-side car door. “Good evening!”

  He was all smiles and looked so handsome. She managed to hold her composure, return Jonas’s greeting, and climb inside the car. It was even more wunderbah than she remembered.

  “Your sister seemed upset,” Jonas said as he climbed into the driver’s seat, shut the door, and turned the key. The engine caught with a soft purr.

  Shirley waited to answer until they were out of the driveway. “She was trying to persuade me not to go with you tonight.”

  “Obviously she didn’t succeed.” Jonas grimaced. “Did your family make more trouble than expected?”

  “A little.” Shirley took a deep breath.

  Jonas seemed to sense her reluctance and moved on. “Have you ever seen a movie?”

  Shirley tried to hide her embarrassment at the question. Nee.

  Again he seemed to understand. “You’ll enjoy it!”

  On that he was right, Shirley told herself. She’d enjoy anything with him.

  “So tell me more about your sister inheriting a farm,” he asked.

  Shirley took another deep breath. “I guess the whole thing just happened out of the blue on Thursday. Miriam learned of her gift after Mr. Bland’s funeral.”

  “This Mr. Bland must have liked her.” Jonas grinned.

  “I do think they’d grown close,” Shirley agreed. “Miriam told me he’d become like a daett to her.”

  Jonas appeared pleased. “So it runs in the family then? This openness to non-Amish people?”

  “I don’t know.” Shirley knew puzzlement showed on her face. “How do you mean?”

  Jonas motioned with his hand. “You are, after all, riding with me.”

  Heat rose up Shirley’s neck. “Oh, that way. I guess it does.”

  “Well, I like it,” Jonas said. “I think it suits both you and your sister well.”

  Shirley looked away. If Daett ever heard such talk he would grow even more gray hairs long before his time. At the moment she wanted to switch the subject to something more suitable, but what? She could follow through with her plan—if she dared. A quick glance at Jonas showed his concentration fixed on the road ahead of them. With a few quick pulls of the pins, Shirley removed her kapp and undid the hair bun. Her long hair flowed in waves over her shoulders. Shirley ran her fingers through them to straighten them out.

  Jonas had his mouth open when she glanced at him, but he recovered soon enough. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

  Shirley looked at him with concern. “You don’t mind?”

  He laughed. “Certainly not! You’re…well…quite something. I’d forgotten how wonderful long hair looks on a woman.”

  “Your family will think me strange?” Alarm filled her face.

  “Not at all.” Jonas shook his head as if to clear his mind. “It’s…it’s great. Believe me!” He gave her a quick smile.

  This wasn’t the emotion she’d expected. Still, this was new territory for her. If Jonas said she looked okay, then she’d take his word for it.

  “You can look in the mirror,” he offered. “There’s one on the windshield clip behind the sun visor.”

  Shirley reached up, pulled the visor down, and there was the mirror just like Jonas said. She regarded herself for a few seconds. She looked about the same as she did at home. If Jonas liked what he saw, that was all she needed to know.

  “Impressive, huh?” he teased.

  Shirley shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s what I’m used to.”

  “I like your modesty. It’s befits you.”

  His eyes were warm when she looked at him. “Thank you,” she said.

  Jonas turned into a driveway. Shirley straightened up in her seat. She’d been so caught up in this new adventure that she hadn’t noticed they were so close. Now she would get to see this great house and likely meet Jonas’s family. It was enough to take her breath away.

  “They’ll like you.”
Jonas seemed to read her thoughts.

  “I hope so,” Shirley murmured as Jonas pulled to a stop in front of huge garage doors. This house was bigger the closer they got, Shirley decided. Jonas motioned for her to stay seated until he walked around and opened the car door for her. Shirley rubbed her face, determined not to look like an eager fool in front of this family.

  “Ready?” Jonas didn’t wait for an answer as he led the way. He didn’t offer to take her hand, which was gut. She would only have been embarrassed by the gesture. Jonas was a gentleman and then some. She was right to have come tonight. There was much here she could learn.

  Jonas opened the front door, and the silence of the huge house greeted her. His family must be lost somewhere in the vastness, Shirley thought.

  Jonas smiled and led her further inside.

  In the living room his mamm and daett rose to be introduced and shake her hand. They were nice, just like Jonas said they would be. They seemed neutral about her, which was fine. Jonas probably brought girls through here all the time. As Jonas led her upstairs, Shirley was speechless at the grandeur of the house. When they got to a large room at the top of the stairs, Jonas plopped down on the couch as if this was nothing special. It must be so for him, Shirley thought. But her head was spinning.

  “Sit here next to me,” Jonas said, pointing to the place on the couch beside him.

  Fluffy cushions lay everywhere, and Shirley pushed them aside. She ended up closer to Jonas than she’d planned, but she decided not to move. He might think she didn’t want to be close to him. How wrong he would be!

  “Ready?” He pointed a small black box toward a large television screen. A picture appeared and sound began. “A tour of the Holy Land,” Jonas offered, as if that explained everything.

  Shirley settled in on the couch. Up on the screen strange lands and sights unfolded before her. Jonas didn’t offer any commentary as the movie continued. Obviously he thought it was self-explanatory. She wasn’t about to admit that it wasn’t. Shirley concentrated until her eyes hurt. The pictures made some sense, but what she really wished for was Jonas’s arm slipped over her shoulder. She’d love to snuggle up against him and feel the warmth of his smile turned toward her. But those were highly inappropriate thoughts, Shirley told herself. She was only seventeen and should be thankful Jonas had even invited her into his house. Any further attention was much more than she should expect. And Jonas seemed engrossed in his movie anyway. Still, his form so close to her was more than she could resist. Did she dare slip her hand through his arm? What would Jonas think? She must not, Shirley told herself. But moments later her fingers brushed his arm. A quick glance upward took in his warm smile. He punched the box—the remote, as he called it—and the pictures and sound stopped.