Miriam's Secret

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Bishop Wagler soon called for a prayer of thanks for the food they’d eaten. Miriam tried not to, but she snuck a quick glance in Ivan’s direction after Bishop Wagler’s “Amen.” Ivan gave her a warm smile, and her heart pounded in her chest. This had to stop! Miriam looked away at once. She couldn’t be drawn into this trap! Her heart could never trust this man again. Ivan’s attention at this juncture was not a coincidence, no matter how much she might wish otherwise. And what about Laura? She had to notice Ivan’s wandering eye. Glances like he’d given her might escape the attention of most of the people around them, but certainly not a girlfriend.

  Had Laura perhaps broken up with Ivan? The thought sent such a rush of joy through her that she became light-headed. Miriam pushed the thought and emotion away. She’d have heard that news by now. And it wouldn’t change anything anyway. Ivan’s interest right now was highly suspicious, and she mustn’t forget that. How many times had she longed for this very moment, yet now everything had changed. Now Ivan had an ulterior motive.

  Miriam moved toward the kitchen crowded with busy women at work on the dishes. She saw she wasn’t needed and returned to the living room to help. Laura had come to the same conclusion and was already there. She didn’t want to meet Ivan’s girlfriend at the moment, but what should she do? She went to work clearing the table.

  Moments later Laura gave her a glare and then returned to the kitchen with her hands full of dirty utensils.

  Obviously Ivan and Laura still had a relationship or Laura wouldn’t have sent her such a look. Miriam squeezed into the crowded kitchen. She smiled to several women when they nearly collided. All of them returned her smile. Laura’s sister, Esther, offered her a dish towel. Miriam set to work with a will, pushing thoughts of Ivan and his antics far from her mind. That’s all this was, she assured herself—childishness, which would go away once Laura had time to speak with Ivan and straighten things out.

  A bit later Miriam saw Lee go out the front door, no doubt on his way to the barn ready to travel home. Lee had his own horse and buggy, and Shirley and she had ridden with him. Mark was forced to drive the girls’ horse, Mindy, on Sundays, toting along two of his siblings, which Mark grumbled about. He wanted a horse that belonged exclusively to him, but they could barely afford the three driving horses and buggies they had. For all of them to arrive at the community gatherings crammed into two buggies would have been a shame too heavy to bear. Even now, with three in each of the single buggies, that left four children and Mamm and Daett for the double surrey. Perhaps Mark would finally get his own horse now that there was income from a debt-free farm in the family. She could put up with the pain Ivan caused in her heart by focusing on the blessings her family would now enjoy.

  Miriam slipped back into the living room and tapped Shirley on the shoulder. Shirley was deep in conversation with their cousin Martha, but at Miriam’s nod quickly wrapped up the talk and headed outside. Lee didn’t like to wait. He would if they hadn’t come out of the washroom by the time he pulled up to the end of the sidewalk, but they’d hear about it later.

  Miriam led the way to where their shawls and bonnets were stacked. She found hers, and Shirley did the same. Minutes later they were properly attired and outside. Lee was nowhere in sight.

  “Wonder what’s holding him up?” Shirley muttered. “You sure you saw him head out to the barn, Miriam?”

  “I know I did.” Miriam couldn’t have been mistaken. “Let’s go out by the buggies. Maybe he’ll come by then.”

  Lee appeared about the time they arrived near the long line of parked buggies. He wasn’t alone. Ivan Mast was sticking close to his elbow. Miriam stiffened.

  Shirley giggled. “Didn’t I see him make eyes at you today?”

  “Shhh!” Miriam commanded with a meaningful glare.

  Shirley wasn’t finished. “He must be quite impressed now that we are no longer poverty-stricken. Isn’t this exactly what you wanted?”

  “It’s not,” Miriam said between her teeth.

  The two young women fell silent as the two men approached. Ivan was smiling as he left off his conversation with Lee. He turned his charms on Miriam and Shirley. “You two look cheery this afternoon.”

  “I expect so,” Shirley sang out.

  I don’t want to be impolite, Miriam told herself. She forced a smile but said nothing.

  Ivan’s glow didn’t dim. “Got to talking with your brother and thought I might as well help him hitch up. Didn’t expect to find you girls out here.”

  Miriam clenched her teeth. Ivan certainly did hope to find them with Lee. That’s what his plan had been all along, and she wouldn’t play his game. “Come,” Miriam muttered to Shirley. “We might as well climb in.”

  Ivan’s face fell as the two clambered inside the buggy. He didn’t dare come to the buggy door for an intimate chat with Miriam. Instead, he held the buggy shafts as Lee backed his horse in, fastened the tugs on his side, and waved goodbye as Lee drove them down the lane.

  Miriam leaned back and let out a relieved sigh. She hadn’t seen the last of Ivan’s attention, unless she missed her guess.

  Shirley’s giggle confirmed her suspicions. Lee seemed lost in his own world, but he was a man so he couldn’t be blamed. Men often didn’t notice the most blatant things when it came to romance.

  Chapter Fifteen

  It was Friday evening. Shirley was with Jonas as he raced his convertible down Route 83. The roof was down, and Shirley leaned her head over the doorframe and allowed the wind to meet her full in the face. The sensation was exhilarating. She’d left the house managing to avoid making any foolish last-minute promises to Mamm. She had to live in the real world, Shirley told herself. And the real world at the moment was with Jonas. She’d taken off her kapp once they were out of sight of the house, and the wind blew her long hair out behind her.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Shirley saw Jonas’s gaze linger on her before he glanced back to the road. She almost couldn’t bear the joy rushing through her. For almost two weeks she’d waited for this moment when she could be with Jonas again. It was as wunderbah as she’d imagined. Jonas was exciting and kind, all at the same time.

  Jonas laughed and Shirley joined in, their voices mingling with the sound of the wind rushing by and the car tires clinging to the road.

  “Thanks for picking me up,” Shirley said with a glance in his direction.

  Jonas shook his head. “I’m the one to say thanks. I like being with you.”

  Shirley looked away and didn’t answer. She would have to be careful and not say too much about how she felt. They were both young, and this evening her plan was to enjoy the fun of the moment. She did finally admit, “You’re too nice to me.” She took a deep breath and drank it all in—the exciting car, the daring speed, the beautiful evening, and, of course, the handsome Jonas. How could life be so sweet and full of pleasure when Mamm and Daett thought this was something awful? What a tragedy such suspicions were. She wouldn’t allow their disapproval to dampen her spirits or spoil her gut time tonight.

  “Family giving you problems?” Jonas seemed to read her thoughts.

  Shirley brushed her hair from her face. “Just the usual. At least I didn’t get any lectures this time before you came.”

  “Then they’re accepting…you and me?”

  “I wouldn’t say that. But do we have to talk about it? I’d rather not, if you don’t mind.”

  Jonas didn’t hesitate. “Sorry. I was concerned, that’s all.”

  Shirley gathered her courage and reached over to touch his arm. “I know…and I appreciate that you’re concerned. But talking about it makes me think about it. I’d rather just enjoy the time I have with you.”

  Jonas grinned. “Okay, I understand. So what shall it be tonight?”

  “Perhaps a movie? I think I’ll do better this time than before,” Shirley said.

  Jonas laughed. “How about I take you out to eat? Do you have a favorite place?”

  “Me?” Sh
irley laughed. “It’s not like our family goes out to eat much. We’re Amish and poor. We’re not like you or your family.”

  “Let’s not talk about that either,” Jonas said. “I’m just a simple man. Money isn’t everything, you know.”

  “Now you sound like Daett.” Shirley winced. “I’m sure you’re both right. It must be nice to have extra money though.”

  “Let’s not think about it anymore tonight,” Jonas said as he slowed down for a stop sign.

  “That’s suits me just fine. But don’t ask me to choose a restaurant. I don’t have any idea what’s available or where they are.”

  He pondered for a moment. “It’ll be the City Square Steakhouse, then. I know you’ll love it.”

  With you I love everything, even movies, Shirley almost said.

  “Do you like steak?” Jonas asked.

  “I love it…” Shirley said with some hesitation. “The few times we’ve had it at home, anyway. I hope I know how to act in a fancy restaurant. I’ve never been to one.” His long look took in all of her.

  Shirley felt her heart flutter.

  But then Jonas glowed with approval. “Just be yourself, and everything will be just fine.”

  “Don’t give me such compliments.” The words came out under her breath.

  Obviously he caught the gist. His glow didn’t wane. “It’s hard not to with a girl like you.”

  Shirley studied the road for a long moment and imagined how red her face must be glowing. Thankfully, Jonas changed the subject.

  “Tell me more about this farm your sister inherited. I hear it’s one of the finest in Holmes County.”

  “Oh, it’s nice, I guess,” she began. “Daett and my two older brothers spent considerable time there the past week. I went with Miriam once to clean the house and put things in order. It seemed like a nice place.

  Jonas slowed down as they approached the outskirts of Wooster. He didn’t say anything for a moment. “I heard the place is large, acreage wise, and it has lots of business potential.”

  Shirley sighed. “I don’t know how big it is. I do know Daett and my brothers will struggle to keep up with both farms on their hands. But they’re happy about it. Already a young couple, Lester and Elaine Stoll, who married last fall and have been living in his parents’ basement, have asked to rent the house. I heard Daett talk with Mamm and Miriam about it. I think they’ve accepted the offer.”

  “I don’t know them.” Jonas slowed down even more as they entered the heart of Wooster.

  They’re poor like us, Shirley almost said, but she bit back the words. There was no reason for her bitterness about poverty to surface. And besides, money seemed to mean about as little to Jonas as it did to Daett. Maybe that came because Jonas had never suffered from the lack of it. Or perhaps it was because Jonas was a really nice person. He had, after all, overlooked the fact that she was from a poor family when they first started going out.

  “Where do you know this Lester and Elaine from?” Jonas asked.

  “They’re in our district.” Shirley studied the city buildings around her. “They’re nice people.”

  “It’s nice that you could find people to live in the house so quickly,” Jonas said. “And people you know, at that.”

  “Yah. And it’s nice to have a steady income so soon from the farm. Miriam is happy about that. She’s giving everything to Daett and Mamm.”

  Jonas didn’t comment as he turned into a parking lot. “Well, here we are!”

  Jonas jumped out of the car and dashed around to open her door. He took her hand and led the way toward the restaurant.

  Shirley felt her hand trembling in his and hoped Jonas wouldn’t notice. It was the newness of the place that had her in shivers, Shirley told herself. The truth was that Jonas’s hand in hers was the real reason, but that didn’t seem decent to think about right now. Perhaps later in the privacy of her bedroom she’d allow her mind to linger on how precious it was.

  Jonas opened the restaurant door and held it for her. He quickly walked next to her as they approached the restaurant host.

  Shirley was glad her pesky conscience wasn’t stirring at the moment, but she feared it would soon exert itself in such a fancy place. And without Jonas, she wouldn’t have had a chance to have a meal in a place like this. Yah, this was an amazing experience. All the more reason to enjoy it. Live each moment in what is right. And this was right! So very right. Thankfully her conscience didn’t whisper anything back.

  They were soon seated and a smiling lady handed them menus and left. Shirley took a discreet look at their surroundings. Elaborate lights hung from the ceiling. There were long, beautiful art prints on the walls. She noticed the well-dressed clientele had glanced at them while they were being seated. “I know what you said about being myself, but do I look weird or something?” she asked Jonas. “Maybe I should have left my kapp on? At least it would go with my Amish dress. Everyone is staring at us.”

  “You look beautiful. That’s why they’re looking at us.”

  Jonas was fudging the truth, no doubt. All these people had seen better-looking girls. For the future, she would have to get an Englisha dress for her outings with Jonas—if there were anymore. How would she accomplish that without the money to buy one? She certainly couldn’t ask Jonas. Nor could she make an Englisha-style dress at home under Mamm’s watchful eyes.

  Jonas looked up from the menu and stared at Shirley with a smile.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” she whispered. “It embarrasses me.”

  He grinned but turned his eyes back to the menu. She followed his example, although she was overwhelmed by the myriad choices and the fancy foods listed. When the waitress arrived, Shirley still hadn’t decided what to order.

  Thankfully, Jonas came to her rescue. “May I order for you, Shirley?”

  “Yes! That would be perfect!”

  Jonas turned to the waitress. “We’ll both have the filet mignon.”

  Shirley let out a breath of relief. She hadn’t even known how to pronounce the words, much less known what “filet mignon” was.

  “Potatoes au gratin or baked?” the waitress asked.

  “Not baked,” Shirley said quickly. She had baked potatoes at home all the time. Why not be adventurous? Whatever au gratin potatoes were, at least it would be something new. Jonas chose au gratin too, so they must be okay.

  “This is my favorite steakhouse,” Jonas said. “Great food.”

  “Then I’m glad you brought me here,” she said, her eyes still taking it all in.

  Jonas reached under the table and gave Shirley’s hand a brief squeeze.

  Shirley’s heart pounded until the waitress returned with salads. After each offered a brief, silent prayer, Jonas began eating so Shirley followed his lead.

  Soon the main course arrived. Conversation was light as they enjoyed the delicious steak and side dishes. Shirley watched Jonas carefully and ate slowly to avoid any missteps. She hid her sigh of relief when she took her last bite.

  She gently massaged her neck to rub the tension away. Now, perhaps, she could relax.

  Jonas finished a moment later and leaned back. The waitress appeared, and he ordered a dessert for both of them that Shirley had never heard of.

  When they were finished, Jonas paid the check with a credit card. After the waitress returned the receipt, Jonas asked Shirley, “Are you ready to go?”

  “Sure.” Shirley rose slowly, careful not to trip over her own feet. She could just see herself flat out on the restaurant floor with Jonas embarrassed half-to-death. When she was next to Jonas, his hand found hers. She leaned against his shoulder as they made their way out the front door. The faint smell of his cologne filled the air around them.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Fifteen minutes later the lights of Wooster were behind them. Shirley relaxed in the comfortable leather seat of Jonas’s Porsche. The darkness had settled like a blanket, but the car’s headlights pierced through and highlighted the road
ahead. Only a few vehicles passed them because Jonas had turned off the main highway not a minute ago. It was a longer way back to Berlin, but Shirley didn’t care. The longer the ride home took, the better.

  “So,” Jonas said as he smiled at her, “good meal?”

  “Amazing!” She so wanted to nestle up close to him, but she didn’t dare.

  The little country road they were on wound itself here and there. A few Amish homes appeared now that they were well out of town. She could tell they were Amish by the gas lanterns burning in the front windows and the occasional buggy dimly visible in the barnyards if lanterns were lit in the barns.

  Back to Possum Valley, Shirley thought. Jonas would drop her off, and she wouldn’t see him again for who knew how long. She might even have to face a lecture tonight from Daett that would tempt her to make promises she wouldn’t keep because they’d involve staying away from Jonas.

  Jonas slowed down and the car bounced onto a pasture lane and then up a small hill. He pulled the car to a stop and turned off the lights.

  Shirley drew in her breath as her eyes adjusted to the view. The sweep of stars reached low to the horizon. This was even better than what Miriam and she could see of the countryside from their upstairs bedroom. Here on this small knoll the country was open for miles, with only a few farms scattered in the distance.

  “Like it?” Jonas asked.

  “Of course I do. It’s beautiful.” Shirley gazed across the fields.

  This seemed a little early in their relationship for such a romantic spot, but she wouldn’t object. Did she dare move closer to Jonas? If not tonight, then when? She had no assurance that Jonas would ask her out again. She scooted closer to him, and his hand found hers. Shirley breathed in the faint smell of the meadow through the open top of the convertible.

  Jonas turned toward her. “I’m glad you like the view.”

  I like being with you even more, she felt like saying. The words felt safer wrapped around her heart than spoken. Never had she felt like this before. And the sad thing was that there might never be a night like this again.