Miriam's Secret

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “I’m afraid we had nothing to do with that,” Miriam countered.

  Wayne’s smile didn’t dim. “Well, I’m still glad you’re here. There’s a youth gathering this Thursday evening at Roy Troyer’s place. Everyone is looking forward to meeting you and Shirley. I hope you’ll come.”

  “Of course!” The words leaped out of Miriam’s mouth.

  Wayne replied just as quickly. “I’ll pick you up then, since I have to drive right by here.”

  “Oh, we can’t impose on you like that.” Miriam’s hand flew to her mouth. “I’m sure you have sisters to take along.”

  Wayne appeared sheepish. “Yah, I do. But they’re old enough to drive themselves.”

  Miriam kept her voice firm, although it was an internal struggle. “We’ll come by ourselves. No need to pick us up. You need to drive your sisters.”

  “But you will be there?” Wayne raised his eyebrows. “Surely you don’t have to stay home and take care of the baby.” Wayne rushed on before Miriam could answer. “One of my sisters can stay with Fannie if necessary. They’d love to help out, and they get to attend the youth gatherings all the time.”

  “We’ll be there,” Miriam told him. “Uncle William can tend to Aunt Fannie if there’s a need. But likely she’ll be on her feet by that time. At least if she’s like Mamm always is after giving birth.”

  Wayne’s face brightened. “Great! I’ll introduce you around, okay? There aren’t that many of us. We’re all nice people. You’ll feel right at home.”

  “Thank you,” Miriam told him. She wasn’t sure she liked this. Yet, it wouldn’t be mannerly to deny Wayne’s request.

  “Maybe I’ll see you before that. If not, until then.” Wayne gave a wave of his hand and disappeared around the corner of the house.

  Wayne at least knew when to leave, Miriam thought. So he wasn’t without manners like Ivan. She couldn’t begin to sort out the flood of emotions swirling inside her. There was delight with Wayne’s visit mixed in with her determination to proceed with caution and even outright distrust of the man. How foolish she’d been to think that a move across the country would take her away from her troubles.

  Miriam took the stairwell steps one at a time. Back at the washing machine she paused as Shirley appeared from the direction of the kitchen. “I see Wayne was here.”

  “Yah,” Miriam muttered a bit more sharply than she meant. She didn’t mean to snap at Shirley, but at the moment she wanted to be left alone with her thoughts.

  Shirley pressed on. “Aunt Fannie is sleeping right through your washing machine racket, as is baby Jonathon. Looks like they’re both happy campers.”

  “Gut.” Miriam ran the second batch of wet wash through the wringer. Shirley hadn’t come down to inform her of Aunt Fannie’s sleeping status, though that was a comfort to know.

  Shirley sat down on a wooden stair. “Miriam, we’re due a fresh start out here in Oklahoma, don’t you think?”

  Miriam forced cheerfulness into her voice. “Yah, I think you’re right. This trip is the best thing that’s happened to us in a long time.”

  “Oh, Miriam!” Shirley hugged herself. “I’m so glad to hear you say that. There are times out here when I feel like a completely different person. I don’t know why, but that’s just how it is. Back home in Possum Valley I tried so hard to be the person everyone wanted me to be. You know, making promises and more promises. Could that all change out here?” Shirley gazed at the basement ceiling. “Oh, I want it so badly.”

  “So you don’t love Jonas Beachy any longer?” The words slipped out before Miriam could stop them.

  A sorrowful look passed over Shirley’s face. “I’ll always love him, Miriam. You know that. That part of my heart will never change, but we weren’t meant for each other. It simply couldn’t be. I’m going to grow a new love that will fill my heart completely and overshadow what I felt for Jonas.”

  “That’s gut to hear.” Miriam turned back to the wringer. Shirley might be wrong, but Miriam wouldn’t sow the seed of doubt in her sister. That much she owed Shirley.

  Shirley hugged herself again and went back up the stairs.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Thursday evening of the youth gathering, Shirley and Miriam hitched up Sally, one of Aunt Fannie and Uncle William’s driving horses, and followed the directions they’d been given to the site of the gathering. Both girls sat quietly as they headed down the driveway and out onto the two-lane road, with Shirley at the reins. As the horse settled into a rhythmic pace, Shirley’s thoughts drifted to the letter they’d received from Mamm. She’d reported that several girls had asked about her at the last Sunday service and said they really missed her. Otherwise there had been just the usual happenings in Possum Valley. Daett and Lee had repaired a leak on the barn roof at Mr. Bland’s place. Beyond that, Mamm had wished them the Lord’s blessings and hoped everything was going well.

  Seated beside her in the buggy, Miriam repeated the instructions Aunt Fannie had given them before they left the house. “Two miles south on 48, then turn left and go just over the little bridge. There will be no sign or road name, but the Troyer place is the third on the left. There will be plenty of buggies parked in the lawn. You can’t miss it.”

  Shirley held the reins tight. “I wish you’d allowed Wayne to bring us…or at least we could have followed him. Driving a strange horse to an unfamiliar place makes me nervous.”

  Miriam didn’t appear too sympathetic. “Sally’s a good horse, and we need to maintain some decency and self-reliance. We don’t want to rely on Wayne—or anyone else for that matter.”

  Shirley gazed across the open fields. “Well, unlike you, I want to fit in. And I think we can—if you’d have the gut sense to relax and let people help you instead of pushing them away.”

  “You’re not consistent.” Miriam gave Shirley a withering glance. “First you want to keep me away from Wayne, and now you want to push me right into his arms.”

  Shirley winced. She’d admitted that to herself just this morning, but it still hurt when Miriam said it aloud. “It’s not that, Miriam. I’m not pushing you. But you were so stung by what you think were Ivan’s wrong motives that you just won’t trust any man now. Even if Ivan was after your farm, you don’t need to be so distrustful of Wayne. He’s not Ivan. And, yah, I’ll say it. I was wrong about the money thing. I should never have chased after Jonas just because of his fancy convertible and family money.”

  Miriam reached over to touch Shirley’s arm. “I’m not after a confession. I’m glad you see your mistakes. And I can admit mine too. Maybe I am wrong about Wayne.”

  Shirley allowed her relief to show. “Then you’ll relax around him? And around any others? I’m sure they’ll try to make us feel welcome.”

  A slight smile stole across Miriam’s face. “For your sake I’ll try. And Wayne did tell me he wants to introduce us to everyone else. So if he’s there, that’s what will happen.”

  Shirley pushed thoughts of Jonas out of her mind. She gushed. “This is so wunderbah! And all the men are so handsome out here. It must come from the wide-open country that expands the soul.”

  Miriam chuckled as she shifted on the buggy seat. “Now you’re a philosopher.”

  Shirley giggled. “I know. I hope this is going to be the home of my dreams and promises.”

  “Well, just don’t over-expect,” Miriam warned. “Don’t set yourself up for a disappointment. That’s really what happened with Jonas. You always knew it would have to end, and yet you kept pursuing it. Don’t let that happen here.”

  Shirley kept her voice resolute. “I’ll be careful. I promise.”

  Miriam forced a smile. “Gut! Now, there’s our road.”

  Shirley pulled on the lines, and Sally made a tight left-hand turn. Shirley could tell Miriam didn’t trust her promise. And who could blame her? Her record hadn’t been gut so far. But all that was about to change. She might not have a new start like this again, so she’d make her best effort.
Here no one, other than Miriam and, perhaps, Aunt Fannie, knew about Jonas. And if they found out, they’d give her high marks because she was preferring to find an Amish man over an outsider. Shirley shut the thoughts of Jonas out of her mind as they approached the third driveway on the left. She pulled on the lines again, and Sally turned in. Several buggies were already parked along the driveway, and there was a homemade softball field laid out beside the barn. The youth present turned and watched as Shirley pulled Sally to a stop. One of them stepped away from the others and came their way.

  “There’s Wayne!” Shirley whispered.

  “Good evening, girls.” Wayne smiled at both of them, but his gaze lingered in Miriam’s direction.

  “Hi,” Shirley greeted as she got down from the buggy.

  Miriam muttered something unintelligible as she too climbed out.

  Shirley undid the tug on her side of the buggy while Wayne worked on the other. He was speaking to Miriam in a low voice, so Shirley wasn’t sure how the conversation was progressing.

  Miriam had a smile on her face when she turned toward Shirley. Shirley smiled too and relaxed.

  “You girls wait here,” Wayne called out, “while I take the horse into the barn.”

  “Nee, we can’t do that,” Miriam protested. Shirley agreed. They couldn’t stand around in awkwardness until Wayne returned. Nor could they follow him into the barn. Girls didn’t go in there unless they had a horse to drop off, and usually the boys took care of that. Their only option was to go by themselves to meet the others.

  Wayne’s hopeful smile had fallen, but he accepted the inevitable. “I’ll see you when I come back then,” he said, mostly in Miriam’s direction.

  “Come.” Shirley pulled on Miriam’s arm while Wayne led Sally toward the barn. The small group of young people was coming forward to meet them. First the girls came and offered warm smiles and friendly gut evenings.

  As the boys introduced themselves, Shirley listened for the name Mahlon Troyer, which Wayne had mentioned the other night at dinner. Mahlon was the second of the unmarried men to greet her. He had a kind face, she thought. And he was handsome, just as she’d suspected he would be. Probably just a year or so older than she was, if she guessed right. Shirley dropped her gaze after a brief moment. She mustn’t appear too forward. This was, after all, a community much more restrained then the Possum Valley community. Aunt Fannie had told them they didn’t even practice rumspringa here. Perhaps this came from their smaller numbers or maybe they did have a deeper devotion to the Lord as Aunt Fannie claimed. Either way, Shirley liked it so far. A girl who had given her name as Betty Troyer came up to stand beside her. She wondered if this was Mahlon’s sister.

  “So, it’s Miriam and Shirley Yoder from Holmes County. We’ve all looked forward to seeing the two of you ever since we heard you’d arrived.”

  “We’re happy to be here,” Miriam said.

  “How’s the new baby?” Betty asked.

  Shirley was surprised at this abrupt change in the conversation, but she replied, “He’s doing great! Aunt Fannie’s up and about even though the midwife told her to stay in bed a week.”

  Betty laughed. “Can’t stay in bed for long around here. Not even with two of your nieces in the house to take care of you.”

  “Fannie claims her muscles will freeze in place,” Shirley said and then joined in the laughter.

  “It’s a nice evening,” Miriam offered.

  “Yah,” Betty agreed. “This is pretty typical. Oklahoma evenings are usually pretty nice this time of year.”

  A few seconds of awkward silence passed before Betty said, “The baseball game will start soon. We’ll have enough players tonight with the two of you. A few of the girls only last for an inning or so.”

  A few moments later Wayne appeared from the barn and headed toward Miriam, who was speaking with two girls she decided could be twins. They’d introduced themselves as Naomi and Miriam Kuntz.

  Mahlon walked up, and Shirley turned on her sweetest smile. He gave her only the briefest of nods and turned to Betty. “I can’t find my glove. Did you get it out after we arrived?”

  Betty motioned toward the side of the barn. “Over there. I set it out with mine.”

  Mahlon appeared relieved. He turned to go but paused and looked at Shirley. “I’m glad you’re here, and your sister Miriam too. Betty will keep you entertained, I’m sure.”

  Shirley hid her disappointment.

  “Brothers,” Betty muttered. “They’re so helpless sometimes.”

  “Yah,” Shirley said, feeling an unexpected desire for her own brothers. They were anything but helpless, she thought with a smile.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Later that evening Shirley held the reins in the soft darkness of the prairie night as Sally’s hooves beat a steady rhythm on the road home. Usually Shirley would have enjoyed the sound, but tonight it—along with everything else—grated on her nerves. How could her first evening with the Clarita community’s young people have been such a total flop? Nothing really happened. There had been no rudeness or unkindness shown to her. Perhaps the total ordinariness of the evening had been what disappointed her. She’d been shown no special attention by any of the boys, even Mahlon Troyer. Did they think she was unworthy of attention? Had they even noticed her?

  She tightened her grip on the lines. This was a new experience to say the least, and she hadn’t taken well to it. Never before had Miriam been the center of attention at a youth gathering. This was definitely not what Shirley was used to. But it’s gut for me, Shirley chided herself with a quick glance at Miriam seated beside her. Miriam seemed lost in a cloud of happiness. Why shouldn’t she be thrilled? Wayne Yutzy had hovered over her all night to the point that Miriam seemed to have lost her resistance to him. And after those first moments when they’d arrived, even Betty had spent most of her time in conversation with Miriam.

  Shirley pushed her bitter thoughts away. This was the right kind of experience for her. She needed a little humility in her life. Besides, Miriam needed this moment of glory without her sister tainting her joy. With that thought, Shirley brightened as best she could and forced herself to chirp, “What a wunderbah evening, don’t you think?”

  “That it was.” Miriam’s face beamed. “All the folks were so friendly.”

  “I know.” Shirley let the silence fill the buggy again.

  For a few minutes Miriam gazed across the darkened prairie. “It’s almost too much to believe—that we really are in a place where everything is so different. No one cares about money around here. I’m sure they’ve all heard about the farm, but it wasn’t mentioned once. I think Aunt Fannie might be right about Wayne. He doesn’t seem to care either.”

  “They are wunderbah people.” Shirley kept her voice steady.

  “I’m so glad you enjoyed yourself.” Miriam glanced toward her.

  Shirley forced a quick smile. “Betty Troyer talked with me right away.”

  Miriam sighed. “Betty…I know. She’s Mahlon’s sister. They’re both so nice. He’ll warm up to you before long.”

  So Miriam had noticed his lack of attention. Shirley said quickly, “It’s a relief really. No boys hanging around me. It was…different.”

  Miriam laughed. “Come to think of it, that was true for you tonight. My, how our roles have switched.”

  “It’s gut for me.” That wasn’t a lie, Shirley told herself. She really did think it was okay…or she should at least tolerate it with good grace. Which was about the same, wasn’t it?

  Miriam’s mood darkened. “Do you still think Wayne’s sincere? I doubted him, but you believed in him. I’m slowly changing my mind. Have you changed yours at all?”

  Shirley reached over to squeeze Miriam’s arm. “Nee, and don’t you doubt that man for a moment. You deserve the good that’s happening to you.”

  “I don’t know about that.” Miriam settled back into the buggy seat. “It’s so new…and kind of scary…and unbelievable.”


  “Believe it because it’s true!” Shirley said as they turned into the driveway. You believe it too, Shirley, she told herself as they climbed down from the buggy. This is your new life. But pain twisted inside her despite her best efforts.

  “I’ll put Sally away,” Shirley offered once they had the horse unhitched and out of the shafts.

  Miriam nodded and disappeared into the darkness as she walked toward the house.

  Shirley found a flashlight under the buggy seat before she turned off the buggy lights. She steadied the beam on the barn door and led Sally forward. She followed willingly enough. Shirley had the harness off the horse moments later and put a scoop of oats in Sally’s stall bin. Grabbing a currycomb, Shirley gave the horse a fast brushing. “That’ll tide you over for the night.” She gave the horse a pat on the neck.

  Sally nickered as if saying thanks.

  Shirley laughed. “You’re welcome!”

  Shirley left the barn, closed the door, and then turned off the flashlight. Above her a great splash of stars twinkled. They were brighter than the stars at home, she thought. But then everything seemed brighter around here. With a sigh, she paused beside the buggy for a long look upward. This was the underside of heaven, someone had once said. Maybe it was Miriam, but she wasn’t sure. It could have been almost anyone. It sometimes seemed that all the women around her in Possum Valley were more mature spiritually than she was. Shirley had always known that, but she’d made up for it by depending on her beauty and good nature for advantages. After tonight that obviously wasn’t going to be enough here.

  Thoughts of Jonas raced through her head. She ought to call him. He would give her the attention she craved. His voice would fill with joy at the sound of hers. He’d ask, “How are things going, Shirley? Having a good time?”

  She would probably spill her heart to him. What would that gain? “Then surely you’re coming back soon,” he’d say. And she would weaken. Her heart would leap in agreement, and soon she’d be on the bus back to Ohio. Everyone would understand. Miriam could stay and have her little heaven on earth. So what was the problem?