Being There

by T. K. Rapp

  I turn the volume on the radio up slightly while we slip back into light conversation as we drive along the interstate and I take a few times to admire how attractive he still is. Stupid fate, stupid best friend, stupid whoever else is out to throw my past in my face! Thankfully, I won’t have to curse my situation much longer because Drew takes the turnoff that leads back to the lake house. The road is a narrow winding drive, and I enjoy it. Full, green tress and brush line both sides of the road so it feels secluded and peaceful. Every once in a while, you can spot a deer feeding on the grounds, they must be used to the people around here because they don’t scare easily. The sound of tires crunching on the gravel drive fills the quiet as he starts to slow the truck’s pace. “Thanks again for taking me with you today,” I say turning to look at him again. “It was great hanging out with you again.”

  “I enjoyed it too, but you’re still a little pain in the ass,” He remarks taunting me. I reach out to punch at his arm like I did moments before; only he catches it in his. Before I can register the action, he rubs his thumb over my closed fist, only to tangle our fingers together. He holds onto it staring at our entwined hands as if they hold some answers for him. Everything in me wants me to pull my hand away and scream at him for his nerve, but there’s a small part that just needs it.

  “Cass,” he starts, I can hear the apprehensive tone in the way he says my name and he never looks away from our hands. “Do you ever think about that night?” I open my mouth to answer, but he cuts me off quickly. “I know I didn’t handle things well, but for that night, we were happy, right?”

  I look out the window and see Nev sitting on the patio watching us. “We have an audience,” I nod in her direction. “I don’t think this is the time or place to talk about this. Besides, what’s there left to say about it, Drew?”

  “A lot actually,” he says dropping my hand. “You never gave me a chance to explain, you just thought the worst of me. In all the years that we were friends, you had never judged me, and after one of the best nights of my life, you did exactly that. You knew me better than anyone ever had and you used everything they ever said against me. Why didn’t you let me say anything? We were at least friends, right? But you just assumed the worst.”

  “Do you know what that night was for me? I had never been with anyone, ever. We admitted things to each other that I had only dreamed of saying out loud. I thought it was the beginning of something for us, but you lied to me.”

  “But I didn’t lie to you, I told you the truth. My timing may have been really shitty, I’ll give you that, but I told you. It’s not like you found out later from someone else,” he says defensively.

  “It’s been five years, what does it matter? We’ve moved on, lived our lives, so why do you feel the need to talk about this now?”

  “Because we’re both here now. I think we owe it to each other, at the very least, the friendship we once shared, to be honest with each other. I still miss my friend,” he says quietly.

  “I miss you, too. I really do, but I can’t do this. Not now. I have too much stuff going on with me and I can’t deal with this,” I try to unbuckle my seat belt to leave but he stops me.

  “What’s going on? What’s so big that you can’t deal with talking to me right now?” he asks in frustration.

  “I’m sorry Drew,” I open my door and step out of his truck. I turn to him once more, “Nev is waving me in. I gotta go.”

  Dancing in The Garden

  I’m so glad I spotted Nevaeh when I did, even though I knew she was only waving me in to get the details. As soon as I was within earshot of her, I muttered that we needed to go to my room. Clearly my crazy friend was eager for information because she just about shoved me through the door before shutting it behind us. Once safely tucked away in my room, she spins on me waiting for details.

  “So?” She asks eagerly like the gossip she is. I just shrug my shoulders because I know it will irritate her. “What the hell does that mean?” She says returning my shrug.

  “I have no idea what you are talking about,” I deadpanned.

  “Don’t pull that shit with me. You have that doe-eyed ‘Drew” look going on. I knew that look in high school and I see it now.”

  “You didn’t know anything, hell, I didn’t know anything! And besides, I’m not being sucked back into all of that shit again.”

  She is exasperated as she lies down next to me, both of us looking at the ceiling. “So did you at least have a good time?”

  “I did. It almost felt like old times until he kissed me,” I confess more to myself.

  Nev jumps up to look at me, shock written all over her face, “He kissed you?”

  “Twice,” I still haven’t looked at her; I know well the look she’s likely wearing. “I don’t know what came over him, it was completely random and wrong and I liked it and it pissed me off and turned me to mush.”

  “I can’t believe he kissed you. What’d you do?”

  “I told him off. I tried to play it off, but I’m sure he could tell from my look that I was more surprised than angry.” I roll over and rest my head on my hand to see her face. “Why didn’t you tell me Drew was coming?”

  “Because I know you miss him and despite everything, whether you want to admit it not, you belong with him.”

  “I admit that I’ve thought about him quite a bit recently, but it doesn’t change anything. It’s a little hard to overlook his lies, even though he was just trying to tell me what really happened,” I admit sadly.

  “I know you were hurt, I sat with you while you cried over him, but I still think you were too hard on him. You didn’t give him a chance to defend himself and I think it’s because you were too scared. I still think there’s hope for you two ending up together.”

  “What could he have possibly said that would’ve made a difference?” I ask, curious as to where she draws the line at lying.

  “I guess you’ll never know since you didn’t even let him try.”

  “Are you really defending him?” I ask, barely able to contain my frustration with her.

  Nevaeh is good because she knows when to keep quiet so I take her silence as agreement. That is until she speaks to rebut anything I have said so far. “Just because everything changed doesn’t mean that you can’t still have what you want.”

  “Okay, that’s enough, we need to change the topic,” I interrupt her knowing she’s got more to say.

  “Did he tell you that he’s not seeing anyone?"

  “What does that matter?” I ask curtly.

  “Well, I just think things happen for a reason and of all people I could fall for, I fall for fall for someone who has a connection to the one guy my best friend once shared so much with. There’s something there. You can deny it all you want, but you do still love him, even if it’s just as a friend. The two of you were too close for there not to be residual feelings. There’s something to it. Call it fate, destiny, luck, Devine intervention or whatever, but the fact that you are both here means something. And clearly there’s still a spark."

  I can’t respond to that, where would I even begin? So, I just roll my eyes at her, because that's what I do when Nev decides to get wise and knowing on me.

  “When we were sitting in his truck before, he asked me about the night we were together.”

  “See! I’m telling you now that that man still loves you! I get why you kicked him out then, I would have too, but to not give him a chance and talk it out with him, that’s on you. Do you want him back in your life, even as just a friend?”

  She’s not looking for an answer and I don’t give her one because I don’t know what I think. Sure, it would be nice to have my friend back, but could things ever be remotely the same again. “It sounds to me like he needs closure, Cass. So one way or another, I think you need to give him that.”

  I somberly nod my agreement.

  “What do you think he’ll say?” I ask quietly.

  “You’ll never know if you don’t give
him the chance.” For the second time, this girl has sobered me with truth and I love her for it. She pats my leg in finality as she gets up to leave the room. “We are gonna have fun tonight, right?”

  “Hell yes we are!” I shout unconvincingly, but a few drinks and I’ll be good to go.

  She gives me the most infectious smile and I return it with my own fake one. “For the record, I’ve missed that look.” I roll my eyes because I swear she’s seeing something that isn’t there, I don’t have a look for Drew, and any feelings I have for him are laced with disappointment.

  Nevaeh had told Luke to take Drew and the rest of the guys to head out to The Garden because she wanted us girls to have a chance to catch up while getting ready. Virgie called my cell about an hour after Drew and I got back from our adventure to let me know she wasn’t going to make it after all and I was so disappointed. I’ve missed Tabitha and Alana, but they were always more Nev’s friends than mine and I would just tag along wherever they were going. However, Virgie was mine. Inexplicably, she and I clicked and I loved her quirky ass to no end and I needed her here with me because she always made me feel like I belonged. Ever since I moved to Houston, I don’t get to see any of the girls as often as I would like, and I see even less of her.

  “Ladies,” Tabitha announces lifting her beer, “I wish I saw you more often, but I’m so damn happy we’re together now. Here’s to us!” I raise my glass and toast with my friends and enjoy the various conversations they’re engaging in. The girls are laughing and having a good time when Alana looks over at me, but looks unsure if she wants to say whatever she’s thinking.

  “Why are you looking at me like that? Everything okay?” I finally ask her, curious as to what’s on her mind.

  “Yeah, fine,” she drags before finishing, “what’s going on with you and Drew?”

  I laugh it off, “Nothing’s going on with us. I didn’t even know he was going to be here, did I Nev?” I turn to look at my closest friend who at least as the decency to look ashamed this time.

  Alana decides to continue to be nosy, “What happened with you two? I know how close y’all were, but was it always just friends?”

  I weigh my answer, debating on the details I choose to share. Alana and Tab may be my friends, but they’ve always had big mouths and will read into anything. “Just friends,” I say with a shrug. “We grew apart like people do, that’s all.” I turn to look at Nev silently pleading with her to get me out of here.

  Tab joins in on the interrogation all too quickly, leaving me feeling overly exposed. “Why didn’t y’all give it a try? Everyone thought you guys would hook up at some point, hell that’s why Sage dumped him. She thought y’all already were.” Alana elbows her, effectively shutting her up.

  “There was nothing going on,” I concede. “In fact, I know that she wanted to get back together with him when she was accepted to UT.”

  The girls exchange some looks and then Tab turns to me, “Don’t hate me, Cass, but I ran into Sage the other day and I was telling her about our annual girls trip and I just kept running my mouth and I may have mentioned that Drew was going to be out here too.” She wrinkles her face as she spews out the last bit. “I know you two didn’t exactly like each other,” she adds.

  “Did everyone know he was coming?” I ask Nev defensively. “Am I the last to know?”

  “We all thought you knew,” Alana interjects quickly.

  “It’s no big deal. Hell, if she and Drew can get over their shit, more power to ‘em,” I concede with ease. Thankfully, before anything else is said, Nev bails me out and rallies the group telling us it’s time to go because the guys are waiting on us.

  We arrive to The Garden just past nine o’clock and the place is already packed. The dimly lit bar smells of stale smoke, alcohol and sweat, and I can barely make it through the first herd of people to where our crowd is hanging out. Somehow Tabitha and Alana each find their guy as soon as we open the doors, but that’s not surprising, they probably made arrangements where to meet before the guys left. Nev disappears last, which means I don’t have the security of my friend to occupy my time and gossip about everyone while Tab and Al run around trying to collect eligible men. Things are so much different than they were a year ago, but I guess that’s a good thing. Looking over I can’t help but take notice that my best friend has joined the ranks of the attached and a small twinge of jealousy builds, but I’m happy for her because she looks good with Luke. Unfortunately singledom isn’t appealing without my girl.

  Rather than mope over my sad single state, I head to the bar to order myself a shot of Patrón because I’ll to need it to get through this night unscathed. The bartender is pretty cute, so I don’t mind that he gives me a wink when he hands me the small glass. I down it quickly and cringe as the burning liquid goes through my throat, slowly warming my stomach. I breathe out liquid fire and decide I’ll have one more before I join in with everyone. That should hold me for a while. I think to myself.

  “Easy there tiger,” a male voice says near me. I’m not sure that it’s directed at me, so I ignore the comment and continue doing whatever it was I was going to do. “What? Still too good to mingle with the common folk, huh?” I turn to see who is on the receiving end of the asshole’s insults, but the moment I see his face, I know it was directed at me. In front of me stands an older, unfortunately, more attractive Rhen, giving the one grin that just about any girl would have killed to see.

  Once upon a time, seeing Rhen and his messy blonde hair and piercing green eyes would have me at a loss for words. His tall and slender physique is as far cry from the scrawnier, but still handsome guy I dated in high school. His smile is still as sexy as ever, but unfortunately for him, his charms don’t work on me anymore.

  “Hey Rhen, how’s it going?” I ask; not at all interested in the answer or pretending I really care.

  He steps back and opens his arms, “No hug?”

  I surrender my bitchitude stance and step into his arms and return the hug before eyeing him questioningly. “So you decided to grace us with your presence this year, huh?”

  “Ah, so you have missed seeing me?” His smile grows wider, happy with the knowledge he’s been the topic of discussion.

  “Eh, not so much,” I say waving my hand, “we just figured you had gotten fat and bald and didn’t want to show your face around here.”

  “And what’d you think now?” He opens his arms, pretending to model so I can get a better look at him. He was always such a showoff.

  I squint my eyes evaluating the Rhen that now stands before me, “Not bald. Not fat,” I remark coolly. “Broke?”

  “Nope.”

  “Married?”

  “Nope.”

  “Gay?” I ask hopefully and wide-eyed.

  “’Fraid not, cutie,” he says with a single shake of his head.

  “You mean you just missed all of us?” I say feigning embarrassment.

  “No, not everyone,” he says raising an eye at me. “I heard you might be here, thought it could be fun to see you again.”

  Now I really am embarrassed. “Aw Rhen, your lines didn’t work on me when we dated, why would they work now?” I don’t care that I sound like a total bitch, but he doesn’t seem to care anyway.

  “Glad to see you’re feisty as ever,” he says when he hugs an arm around my shoulder.

  “What? Are you saying you’re a changed man?” He just laughs, seemingly amused with my commentary on his person. I really liked Rhen when we were younger, but as most high school guys are, he turned out to be an ass of a guy. Then again, Drew was far worse in my book, so maybe I need to back down a little and play nice. We spend a few minutes catching up on what’s been going on since I last saw him. Apparently he went to work for his dad and is being groomed to take over someday and he seems pretty content with that.

  “Can I say something?” He looks unsure if he wants to continue, so I nod. “I just want to apologize for being a total dick. I know I treated you badly
.”

  I’m stunned, “Where did that come from?”

  “I don’t know, I guess just seeing you again, remembering the kind of person I was,” he says sincerely.

  “No apologies needed, besides we were kids and it was a long time ago.”

  His lopsided smile makes him appear boyish and vulnerable, which makes me smile back. We both quietly observe the crowd before us but our exchange has left the air a bit too heavy for my liking, “Who knew you would turn into a decent guy, Rhen?” I elbow his side and wink at him playfully.

  He grabs my hand and pulls me away from the bar, “C’mon, let’s go dance.” As he leads me to the dance floor, I spot Drew off to the side of the bar talking to several people, one of whom is Sage. I turn my gaze from him in a hurry because I don’t want him to know that I’ve spotted him, let alone to see that I’m a little jealous when I have no reason to be. Dancing should be great because I have the opportunity to observe an oblivious Drew while he entertains the crowd around him. He always was the center of attention and he has mine, even from here on the dance floor. I always liked how easily he fit in social situations; he had a way of commanding a room that made everyone feel involved. It was one of his traits I wish had rubbed off on me.

  Drew was always attractive in that jock, sort of way. He was always pretty proud of his looks, and why not? Even now, dressed casually in khaki cargo shorts and a blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, he is fucking hot. Clearly Sage has noticed too because she keeps finding ways to touch his arm when she talks to him, but who can blame her. I smile to myself because I know he’s not completely comfortable with the attention she is showing him because he keeps running his hand through his hair, messing it up a little more each time. It was always is tell. I mean, he still looks sexy, damn sexy, but that’s how I know he’s feeling uncomfortable.