Heart Of A Cowboy

by Margaret Daley

  “I zigged when I should have zagged.” Although he shrugged, the set of his shoulders sank back into a tensed stance. “It happens sometimes to a bull rider. I knew the risk when I took up the profession.” If he’d known what he could have lost—his ability to have children—would he have still risked riding a bull? He’d loved the thrill. For eight seconds on the back of a bull, he’d come alive. He hadn’t felt that way—like anything was possible—since he and Jordan had dated. Now he knew anything was possible only through the Lord.

  “My son isn’t gonna do anything remotely like that. Is that what you want for Nicholas?”

  He pressed his lips together for a few seconds, causing a quiver in his facial muscle. “I don’t know my son well enough to start dreaming his future. I do know I will not dictate what he does but guide him.”

  She stepped back. “Ha! This from a man who has been a father for half a week. Walk in my shoes for a few years or for that matter months then tell me you won’t worry about his choices and try and change the ones that aren’t good.”

  “Hey, guys, you’re shouting,” Nicholas yelled from the fence.

  She moved within inches of Zachary and lowered her voice. “He’s fragile. He gets sick easily and doesn’t need to do a lot of physical activity. Just a little.”

  “Why? He was fine today. I thought his heart defect was fixed.” Was there something he didn’t know? He was discovering so much about Nicholas—and Jordan. What had made her so afraid of life? He wanted to know. He wanted to get reacquainted with Jordan. Stunned by the thought, he curled his hands into fists and jammed them into his pockets.

  “It is, but we still go to the cardiologist for checkups. He has one with his new doctor in a week in Tulsa.”

  Zachary folded his arms over his chest. “I’m going with you. Let’s talk to his doctor about how much activity Nicholas can do and what kind. Let him decide.” Nicholas was his one chance at being a father. He had to know his son would be okay. He narrowed his look and dared her to take the challenge.

  “Okay. A deal. If the doctor says he can do more, I’ll consider it.”

  The second she agreed, he thought of being in a car for two hours with Jordan. He didn’t like the emotions Jordan stirred alive in him. He didn’t want to remember the past, to care for her. That gave her the power to hurt him all over again. “No, Nicholas will then have the choice. He’s my son, too.” His gaze strayed to their child. “I’m warning you now that Nicholas wants to ride in the barrel race during the HHH Junior Rodeo competition next month. He’s asked me to help him. There are two events set. One for beginners and another for advanced riders. He’ll be able to do the beginner one. He’s a natural when it comes to riding.”

  “Why can’t he run in some other race like the fifty-yard dash?”

  “Because he told me he doesn’t run fast and isn’t strong. I think he believes being on a horse makes him more equal physically to the other kids. It requires a certain amount of skill, which he thinks he can learn.”

  “He probably can if he sets his mind to it.”

  “Speaking of mind, just how smart is Nicholas?”

  “When he was tested, his IQ was one hundred sixty-two.”

  Zachary whistled. “I’m gonna have to hustle to keep up with him.”

  “Welcome to my world. There are words he’ll throw out when telling me about something he’s read that I’ve got to go and look up their definition.”

  Her chuckles sprinkled the air with her amusement. The sound reminded Zachary of a time when they had been carefree teens dating, falling in love. He couldn’t shake the question: what could have happened between them if he’d received her messages?

  But he hadn’t. She was a good mother—a bit overprotective but Nicholas was a fine young man. Jordan had always wanted three or four children, and she should have them. He couldn’t give her what she always talked about. He had to accept that fact and try to keep his distance.

  Chapter Eight

  “Hi, Granny. What are you doing out here?” That evening Nicholas plopped down next to his great-grandmother on the porch swing.

  “Enjoying the beautiful evening while waiting for my friend. How did you enjoy your day with your dad?”

  “I’m learning everything I can about ranching. Did you know that Dad has a pregnant mare? She should give birth any day. I hope I’m there when she does. I’ve seen videos, but I’d like to see it in real life. The more I’m around the animals the more I’m thinking of being a vet instead of an engineer.”

  “That’s a wonderful profession. So you don’t have dreams of going on the rodeo circuit like your dad?”

  Nicholas shook his head. “Me? I found a clip online of when my dad got hurt at the National Finals.” A shudder rattled down him as if he was in his dad’s truck bumping over rough terrain.

  “Did your mom see it?”

  “No. She would freak out. It made me think twice about learning to ride. But then he was on a bull. A horse is different.” Nicholas remembered the feel of power beneath him, the sense of freedom when he’d ridden. “I like how I feel when I’m riding.”

  Granny patted his leg. “Well, a word of advice, don’t let your mom see that clip. She will freak out. She used to when Zachary was in a rodeo when they were in high school. She hasn’t totally learned that the Lord is in control. She still tries to control everything.”

  “I know.” Nicholas leaned against the side of the swing, fitting his chin in his palm. “Dad told me how he met Mom today. When he talked about it, he smiled. There was a look on his face that makes me think he still likes Mom even though they fight.”

  “They’re fighting?” One of Granny’s penciled-in eyebrows rose.

  “I heard them today, fighting over me. I don’t want to be the reason they’re arguing.”

  “Then we need to do something about that.”

  “What?”

  “How about we give them something else to think about? It’s time those two got together for good. They’re meant to be a couple. They just don’t know it.”

  Nicholas angled toward Granny. “Fix them up? I like it. What can we do?”

  “Well—” she rubbed her chin “—let me think a second. Maybe you could have them both take you somewhere.”

  “Dad’s going with us to Tulsa this week to see my cardiologist.”

  “Good. That’s a start.” Granny snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it. Homecoming at Tallgrass High School is in two weeks. Get your dad and mom to take you to the game. You know your dad played football?”

  “He told me. I guess I could. I’ve never understood the lure of the game, but maybe if I went with Dad, I could see what the big deal is.”

  “Yeah, a lot of folks around here live for the games on Friday nights.”

  “We’ll be in the middle of a lot of people in the stands. How’s that going to help?”

  “Time spent together is good. They need to get to know each other again. A lot has happened in eleven years.” A brilliant smile lit his great-grandmother’s face, the dark twinkle illuminating her mischief. “And I’ll get them to take Mr. Bateman and me to the Alumni Homecoming Dance the following night.”

  “You’re going to a dance?”

  Straightening, she peered down her nose at Nicholas, both eyebrows lifting. “I’ll have you know I’m eighty years young and can still dance.”

  “I think this can work. I’ll say something on the trip to Tulsa.” Nicholas hugged Granny, kissing her cheek. “You’re the best.”

  Two patches of red colored her face. She looked beyond Nicholas. The impish gleam metamorphosed into a sparkle of delight. “My date is here. Help me up.”

  As Nicholas assisted his great-grandmother to her feet, a thin, balding man with a matching glimmer in his brown eyes ascended the steps to the porch. “Do you want me to get your walker?”

  “I’ve hidden that thing. I’m perfectly fine getting around on my own. And don’t you forget it, young man.”


  “I won’t, Granny.”

  After finishing her meal, Jordan sat back in her chair at the Osage Restaurant within Gilcrease Museum and stared out the floor-to-ceiling window that afforded a panoramic view of the surrounding hills. Across from her Zachary savored his last few bites. He glanced up and found her staring at him. She quickly returned her attention to the beautiful scenery outside. She enjoyed watching Zachary. Always had.

  Nicholas stuffed the last of his cheese pizza into his mouth then finished off his milk. “May we stop by the museum gift shop before we leave? I want to see if they have any books about the tribes that settled in this area. I haven’t read much on them yet, but don’t you think that should be something I study, Mom? Oklahoma is unique. Over half the state was Indian Territory until the early twentieth century.”

  “I remember once in elementary school we reenacted a land rush like they did to settle part of Oklahoma.” Jordan sank back in her chair, relaxed despite Zachary being so close. The visit to the cardiologist had gone well. Nicholas was happy. Today for a short time at the doctor’s she’d felt as though they were truly a family. She’d liked that feeling.

  “Some people cheated and jumped the gun. They snuck onto the land ahead of time and staked their claim. Those folks were called Sooners, and that’s where the name Sooner State came from.” Zachary lifted his iced tea and took the last few swallows of it.

  “Isn’t the University of Oklahoma’s football team called the Sooners? They have a good football tradition there.”

  Surprised by her son’s comment, Jordan stared at him. “I didn’t know you followed college football.”

  “I haven’t, but Granny told me football is important to this area so I’ve been reading about it. I think I have most of the rules figured out, but I’d like to go to a game. Granny said something about Tallgrass High School where you two went is having its homecoming game next Friday night. Will you take me?” Nicholas swung his gaze from her to Zachary. “It would be fun to go together.”

  The last sentence thrown out so casually made Jordan shift and study Zachary’s suddenly unreadable expression. Going to a football game with Zachary would certainly bring back memories of how it had once been between them. Was that wise? “I don’t—”

  “Please, Mom, Dad.”

  “Sure, why not. I had planned to attend, and it would be easy for me to swing by and pick up you two.”

  “That’s fine with me.” There was no way she would be the one to say no, not with her son looking eagerly at her. But the idea of football and Nicholas didn’t go together. She would go for no other reason than to make sure her son didn’t decide he should play the game like his father had. Picturing kids twice Nicholas’s body mass barreling into him sent a shudder through her. But she was concerned visiting their old high school haunts would make her dream of a future with Zachary. A risk she would have to take.

  “I do have a question.” Nicholas’s forehead crinkled. “How come it’s called football? From what I’ve found you use your foot more in a game like soccer than you do in football.”

  “You’re right. And in other parts of the world soccer is called football.”

  “It makes more sense,” Nicholas said in a serious tone.

  “What would you call it?” Zachary took out his money to pay the check.

  “Tackleball. It seems like that is the focus of the game.”

  Leave it for her son to question the name of a national sport. “I think you have something there.”

  “Ready to go to the museum shop?” Zachary rose.

  Nicholas hopped up and hurried ahead of them out of the restaurant.

  “I guess he’s ready,” Zachary said, the laugh lines at the sides of his eyes deepening.

  “Dangle a book in front of him and he can move fast.” Jordan paused outside the gift shop in the museum hall. “You aren’t gonna encourage him to play football, are you?”

  “No, in fact, we talked about it last week. I suggested if he wanted to play a sport soccer might be a better fit. But ultimately I want Nicholas to do what he wants. If his heart isn’t in it, it’s a waste of time.”

  “A parent has to sometimes say no to certain activities.”

  “True, but there’s nothing wrong with soccer. Yes, he could get hurt, but he also could crossing a street.” His gaze fastened onto hers, narrowed slightly. “But soccer isn’t what you’re really worried about. You think he’ll want to participate in rodeo events like I did.”

  “Just because the doctor said exercise would be great for Nicholas doesn’t mean he should do that.” Zachary’s triumphant expression at the cardiologist’s office played across her mind. She drew herself up taller.

  He cut the space between them. “Do you think I’d purposely put our child in danger?”

  The low rumble of his voice rolled over her. “Well, no.”

  “A lot of events in a junior rodeo are safe. As safe as any other sport. You won’t always be able to protect him. What parents do is prepare their children the best they can and then leave the rest in the Lord’s hands. What are you really afraid of?”

  Being on the outside looking in. Losing Nicholas to you. Losing control of my life. But she couldn’t tell Zachary that. When she’d nearly lost her son, she’d clung to anything that she could control. She set up a routine for herself and Nicholas, and it had worked until she’d moved back to Tallgrass. Now she was struggling to fit homeschooling into their lives. And to fit Zachary into their lives. “What any mother would be afraid of.”

  As she started for the gift shop, he stilled her movements with a hand on her arm. “I want what is best for our son, too.”

  She could barely concentrate on what Zachary was saying. His touch branded her his. She was going to get hurt.

  “I’m just finding out how bright he is. But I also see his shortcomings. He isn’t comfortable with his peers. He’s even told me that. Thankfully he and Randy have hit it off, but then Randy is a smart kid, too, so they talk the same language. He has trouble doing things with his hands like tying a knot for his rope. He isn’t in the best physical shape. He probably sits too much at a computer. He needs to be more active.”

  His words slammed her defenses in place. “He’s not playing video games. He’s researching. He uses the computer for just about everything because his handwriting is not legible.” Needing to sever their physical connection, she pulled her arm from his grasp and backed away. This way she could think straight while around Zachary.

  “I’m being realistic here. I’m not putting him down. Like everyone, he has strengths and weaknesses.”

  She knew that. And what Zachary said was true. Her son needed to work on his social skills as well as his fine motor ones. He needed to become more physical.

  Zachary moved again into her personal space and glanced over her shoulder into the store before he returned his gaze to her. “I may not have the book smarts like Nicholas and you, but I can help our son. Let me help him become more active. Get more involved in life and the people around him.”

  For a moment she wanted to protest. She was doing a good job with her son. Then she remembered the doctor had suggested he do more physically, that he was perfectly healthy now. Finally she said, “I’m doing the best I can.”

  “And anyone who sees you two together sees the bond you all have. I’m continually amazed at how smart Nicholas is, and you’ve cultivated that. You’re willing to give up your time to homeschool him because he isn’t thriving in a public school. No one doubts the type of mother you are.”

  His praise lifted her shoulders, raised her chin a notch. He thought she was a good mother. That meant a lot—perhaps too much.

  “But I want to be his father. I want to share equally in raising him. But you’re still holding on so tight.”

  His words deflated her, lashing like a whip against a horse’s flank. She blew a breath out. “You don’t pull any punches, do you?”

  “No, this is too important. I’ll make you a
promise. I won’t let Nicholas do anything he isn’t prepared to do. He’s too important for me to do that.”

  “I’ll try my best. Now I’d better go get Nicholas. It’s gonna be late when we get back to Tallgrass.” Needing some distance from him, Jordan quickly entered the store. Each day she was with Zachary more of her heart surrendered to him. And that scared her.

  Zachary stayed in the hall, waiting while Nicholas paid for a book he wanted to buy. This was his one shot at being a father. He didn’t want to screw it up.

  Am I doing the right thing, Lord? How does a parent know if he is? He felt like the first time he rode a bull: ill prepared. In over his head, careening toward disaster.

  “Look at the book I got, Dad. It’s all about the tribes that settled this part of the Oklahoma.”

  His son’s contagious smile warmed Zachary. He’d make mistakes—what parents didn’t—but Nicholas would always know he loved him. “My great-grandmother was part of the Osage tribe.”

  “Really? Then that’s the first one I’ll research.”

  “C’mon. We need to get on the road. I have a pregnant mare to check on.”

  “Will you let me know when she’s going to give birth?”

  “Sure.”

  Nicholas turned toward his mother. “Then you can bring me out to the ranch. Maybe I can be there for it. It could be a biology lesson.”

  Jordan nabbed Zachary’s look. “If it’s okay with you.”

  “It could be in the middle of the night. I try to bring my pregnant mares into the barn and keep an eye on them when their time gets close. Usually there isn’t a problem, but my stock is important to me. I like to be there if something goes wrong.” He held the door open for Nicholas and Jordan at the exit to the museum.

  “That’s okay with me. I can sleep the next day.” Nicholas clutched his book to his chest.

  “How about you, Jordan?”

  “Sure. I’ll have you call my cell so it won’t disturb Mom or Granny. I’ll warn them about what’s going on so they won’t worry if we aren’t there in the morning.”