A Very Merry Hexmas: A Woolven Secret Christmas Novella (The Woolven Secret)

by Saranna Dewylde

  “There are worse things.” He put his finger to his chin, as if imagining them.

  “Yeah, like being married to you.” She pinched her mouth closed. “Okay, that wasn’t nice. I’m so used to saying nasty things to you, it’s ingrained in me. I won’t say I didn’t mean it, because… well… hundreds of years of this. And all the nights I went to bed crying because you were so mean to me.”

  That seemed to pierce him more than anything nasty she said to him.

  “You cried?” His shoulders slumped.

  He seemed to be very serious about this whole mate thing. There was part of her that was sure it was all a trick. This wasn’t something she’d put past him. But she’d read about goblin mating ceremonies, or weddings, as the other supe folk tended to call them. Cuffs were usually involved—of the jewelry variety like he’d put on her, not the law enforcement variety.

  “Well, not that I ever wanted you to know that.”

  “I guess I should’ve told you. But it had already gone so far, I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”

  “So, say I buy this pile of orc shit you’re trying to feed me with a spoon. Why is now the time you don’t have to protect me anymore?”

  “Uh, hello? Have you met you? You’re terrifying.”

  “Flattery will get you nowhere.” She cocked her head to the side.

  “My brother is dead. So are all of the other goblins who’d try to take my throne. The populace is demanding I take my mate by Christmas. It’s not an unreasonable request.”

  She supposed not, but… “You don’t even celebrate Christmas.”

  “It’s a new thing. They like the snow, the presents, and the food. It’s close enough to the solstice.” He shrugged.

  “Oh and I suppose I’m supposed to give them their white Christmas?”

  “Blue, actually. They like blue snow.”

  “That’s… different.”

  He shrugged, as if he were helpless against their wants and needs.

  “Why not kidnap a sugarplum fairy?”

  “I don’t want to kidnap anyone, if we’re being honest.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Why not?”

  “That’s not how I do things.”

  Eleanor looked down meaningfully at the cuff on her wrist.

  “Ah, well. I knew there was no chance in all the hell dimensions you’d give me the time of day without it.”

  “So I gave you the time of day. What will you do if my answer is still no?”

  “I really don’t know,” he answered her. “That never really fed into the equation. You called for the Goblin King, and here I am.”

  She nodded. “Well, you don’t know that if I’m to give them a blue Christmas, you have to take the cuff off.”

  “In the Goblin realm, you can’t cast any magick against me without the cuff.” He grinned.

  “Even if all of this worked for me, the whole being your mate thing—” At one time, she would have shuddered with disgust, but she was coming around to the idea of having a good one off with him. “I can’t possibly leave the pack alone. This is what I do. I’m dedicated to the health and well-being of the Woolven Pack.”

  “I know. So too would the Goblin nation, if you become my queen.”

  She arched a brow. “Oh really? Would I have access to the goblin armies?”

  “If you prove you can lead them.”

  “I’ll consider it. But let’s get down to business. First things first, before this goes any farther. Take. Off. The. Cuff.”

  “You swear on your Woolvens you won’t turn me into a pile of shit?”

  “I swear. Goddess.” She rolled her eyes. “You know, part of your appeal was that you weren’t scared of me.”

  “There’s scared, and then there’s common sense.” He took her hand.

  She didn’t hate that either. His skin looked like it would’ve been cold, but it wasn’t. It was hot. So hot, his touch practically burned her.

  “There. You still have to wear the cuff, but your magick is free.”

  She didn’t feel any different, but when she thought about casting dark spells, electricity crackled around her fingertips. “Thank you. That feels much better.”

  “So. Details. You’re going to be my Goblin queen?”

  “Oh my goddess. Slow down. Take me to dinner or something. Woo me, fucker.”

  Enoch cocked his head to the side. “I…okay. I’m not sure how to go about it.”

  “For fuck’s sake. How would you woo a goblin lady?”

  “I’d throw her over my shoulder and fuck her against the wall. Then I’d bite her neck and mark her as mine. But I don’t think you’d enjoy that.”

  Oh, maybe she would. If he could actually throw her over his shoulder and… Her face might have gotten just a little warm. Along with the rest of her.

  “That might not suck, but witches like that later. Write me a poem or something. Some flowers. Some rare night-blooming flower from your realm. Or you know, dinner. We could do dinner.”

  He nodded slowly. “Dinner could be good. Do you like Thai?”

  “Okay, so you mean going to a restaurant, right? Not like grabbing some Thai villagers and…”

  “We don’t do that anymore. A restaurant.” He smiled at her.

  “Okay. Tonight?”

  She was probably certifiable. What the hell was she thinking?

  Eleanor stole another glance at the goblin king. Well, he was royalty. He had all of his teeth—they were very sharp. He had armies. Gold. Lots of resources to benefit the Woolven Pack.

  He also was hotter than sin with his hard, sculpted jaw. His pretty spider web hair. And not to mention the gun show. Yeah, rolling around naked with him could be fun.

  “Tonight, it is then.” He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

  “Fair warning. If I find out this is a long con, I’m going to make you wish I’d only turned into a living shit pile. I mean, I’m talking Carrie level epic of crazy.”

  “My lovely Eleanor, I wouldn’t expect anything less.” He flashed her a toothy grin that she kind of liked.

  She found she was getting slightly obsessed with all of those teeth.

  Eleanor realized that she had a problem. What else could one call it when thinking about banging the goblin king?

  “So,” a voice drawled from behind her. “Do you think he’s going to wear the loincloth when he shows up to take you out to dinner?” Parker, the baby Woolven said.

  Not that he was actually a baby, he was just the youngest and the most irresponsible. Of course, they were all babies to her.

  “You need to mind your business.” She turned on him, wearing her grandmotherly face.

  “That bothers Drew, not me. I don’t care if you look like you’re baking cookies or turning tricks. It’s all still Westwood.”

  She grinned at him. “Young pup, you better keep a civil tongue in your head.”

  “Don’t I know it, ma’am.” He nodded. “So, who’s the lucky guy?”

  “That was Enoch.”

  “The goblin king?” Parker whistled. “You’ve got balls, Westwood. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “He has armies that could strengthen the Woolven power base.”

  “That he does. But you don’t have to have sex with the guy just to protect us. I’d like to think we’re a little bit more self-sufficient.”

  “Turns out I might be his mate. He’s the only prospect I’ve had in a hundred years who isn’t terrified of me. So, I thought what the hell.” She shrugged and conjured a molasses cookie and handed it to him.

  Parker accepted it gratefully and popped it into his mouth. “What the hell, indeed.”

  Chapter 3

  Eleanor Westwood wasn’t usually at a loss for what to wear.

  But tonight was about new experiences.

  Noah, Drew’s son was hanging out with her on the floor, chewing on a piece of mammoth rawhide in his pup form.

  “Noah, which one do you like?” She held up a dress with skulls
on it and one with a delicate flower pattern.

  He barked at the one with the flowers.

  Of course he did.

  She sometimes she felt like her clothing choices were an armor. Like if she pasted enough skulls on everything, people would get the whole nature’s warning label thing—do not touch.

  Except, maybe it worked better than she thought. She hadn’t been touched in a really long time.

  “I guess you’re right.” She looked down at the mess he’d made on the floor. “Why don’t you change back into your human form?”

  He shook his head.

  “I’ll take you to play in the mud pits with the gnomes,” she offered.

  He was suddenly a very naked little boy again with a chew toy in his mouth. She held out her hand.

  “Give Westwood the chew toy. Come on, now.” She wiggled her fingers.

  He opened his mouth and dropped it into her hand.

  “That’s a good boy. I think we need to talk about school.”

  “No.”

  “Yes. But you’ll like it. Not stupid mortal school, but Academy. Where you can be a wolf as much as you want.”

  “Okay…” He seemed doubtful.

  “You’ll see.”

  “I will.” He nodded along.

  Oh, how she adored him. She cupped his round little cheek and smiled. She wouldn’t hate having her own little monsters.

  She wondered briefly what he children would look like if they were half goblin. Eleanor didn’t actually have to wonder. She could peer through the river of time and see.

  So she did.

  Like Parker said, what the hell, right?

  She saw not just one, not just two… but ten. TEN children.

  “Holy shit.”

  “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.” Noah chortled.

  She didn’t even bother to correct him. Because ten kids—holyshit. Eleanor began investigating the threads of magick and saw that at least they weren’t all at once. It was over the course of a thousand years.

  That was kind of forever.

  With him? With the pasty demon who made her life so miserable?

  Inconceivable.

  Or was it?

  He wasn’t exactly a demon. They’d both been children.

  And what she’d seen was proof that even if today was part of a long con, it would turn into the long con of the ages. They’d live… happily ever after.

  Gross.

  That wasn’t a thing that wicked witches did.

  Or maybe it was, if their Prince Charming just happened to be a goblin king.

  The whole idea of being royalty didn’t suck either.

  She peeked again, just to make sure she was seeing what she thought she saw.

  Yep. Noah Woolven, who would lead the Woolven Pack, become the Alpha, would marry her oldest daughter.

  Goblin-witch girls were really quite lovely. Her name would be Andromeda, after Eleanor’s mother. She’d be tall and strong, like the goblins, but dark like Eleanor herself. She’d be contrary and refuse to serve a werewolf pack, but instead lead the goblin armies.

  Eleanor was proud of this being who would one day be hers.

  The cloud began to disappear. “She’s pretty.” Noah pointed at the vision of Andromeda.

  “Isn’t she?” Eleanor smiled. “Wait, you can see her?”

  “I can see all the cloud people.”

  That was interesting. She’d have to tell Drew that his son had some witch in his woodpile.

  She wasn’t sure how she felt about this date, knowing the outcome before going into it. Eleanor decided she didn’t care much for it and muttered a spell to cleanse her memory of looking.

  She remembered looking, remembered not wanting to know what she’d seen…

  At least it wasn’t like the first two times she’d cast the spell on herself. She hadn’t remembered her own name for weeks. One of the hazards of the job, she supposed.

  Noah liked the flowers. She remembered that.

  So, the flowers it was.

  She put the dress on and felt decidedly feminine.

  And vulnerable.

  But pretty.

  She pursed her lips and then added a crinoline, so her dress was properly poofed. Eleanor decided to go with some soft waves in her hair 50’s style. That was her whole look. She figured he’d dig it.

  Why not use every advantage?

  Eleanor had to wonder at the blue snow—the reason he said he wanted her in the underworld for Christmas. Goblins and Christmas, bah. How did one acquire naturally occurring blue snow? She could call one of the frost fairies, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to pay their fee. It was sure to be something horrible.

  “Okay, Noah. Westwood has to finish getting ready. You need to go see Uncle Blake.”

  The little werewolf tore out of her room like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. He loved playing with Uncle Blake.

  She didn’t think he needed to be present for the underwear choosing. Granny panties, thong, or commando?

  Commando, she decided.

  Eleanor got ready, only using magick on her hair. Everything else she did by hand. Just so she wouldn’t get out of practice.

  It was so completely surreal that she was going on a date with Enoch, the goblin king.

  Would he show up in his bone belt and his loincloth?

  She didn’t have to wonder for long because when her magick wards warned her of a guest, she knew it was him.

  Good thing she was ready.

  She made her appearance and she was rather startled by his.

  He definitely wasn’t wearing a loincloth.

  Or the bone belt.

  Hecate Almighty, he looked like deliciousness personified. Maybe he always had and she just never let herself see it. Or maybe he’d done this for her. Either way, he was hot as shit.

  He was wearing an Italian three-piece suit. His pretty hair swept back in a kind of hipster man-bun that actually worked for him. It made the blade of his jaw seem even sharper.

  His claws had been filed down to a reasonable length and his scarred hands looked all the more powerful and strong.

  The scar on his face was damn near mesmerizing.

  She was in deep, deep shit.

  She didn’t like the idea of a male having this much power over her—and he did. Her witchy parts were driving the bus and they demanded she ride him like dragon derby tonight.

  “You look beautiful, Eleanor.”

  His voice washed over her and settled low in her belly. Why hadn’t she noticed how hot he was before? Maybe she had and she’d just hidden from it because he was such an asshole. Only, he wasn’t an asshole now.

  He presented her with a box of goblin chocolates—a truly sought after delicacy. They were frosted with pure gold flake and tasted like the warm dawn after fleeing a nightmare. Literally, they evoked just that unsettled, but soothing feeling.

  She popped one into her mouth. Strange, and delicious.

  “You enjoy them, then? I’m glad. I debated bringing the elf truffles, but for some reason, I thought you’d enjoy these more.”

  “You’re right, thank you.” She decided to reward his effort. “I see that you took this wooing seriously.”

  “Does it meet with your approval?” His question was serious, no trace of a taunt.

  “Yes, it does.”

  He smiled at her and opened the car door.

  “You drive?”

  He arched a brow. “Eleanor, that would be like me asking if you only ride your broom.”

  She might have felt a little sheepish. “Well, I don’t know.”

  “We goblins aren’t as backward as you might think. Since I’ve taken the throne, I’ve made lots of improvements to our infrastructure, education, and quality of life.”

  “Fair enough.” She nodded. “I’ll be honest, I haven’t spent much time out of the mortal world. I spend most of my days with my Woolvens.”

  “I can see you’re very devoted.”
>
  “They’re good people.” She nodded slowly. “And I like to think I’ve had a hand in that.”

  “I’m sure you have. But now it’s time for something for you, don’t you think?”

  “Yes,” she agreed. “But you know I can’t—won’t give them up.”

  “Of course not.”

  “Hmm, I really thought that would be a sticking point. You’re just full of surprises.”

  “Things have changed everywhere. I mean, as much as I’d love to carry you off down to my labyrinth and keep you forever, things don’t really work that way anymore.”

  “Yet, you still tried.”

  He shrugged. “Well… I mean, if you enjoyed it, who am I to say no?”

  She giggled. Hecate above, she fucking giggled. Wicked witches did not giggle. Well, maybe in the company of handsome goblin kings, it was allowed.

  “Aha! I knew you didn’t hate it as much as you said you did.”

  “Nothing about you is what I thought and I’m still kind of afraid to trust it.”

  “You could always look.” He shrugged.

  “You mean, use my magick?” She smiled as she slid into the car. “I did, but then I made myself forget.”

  “So, this is going to end really well or really bad.” He smiled again.

  “This is all still pretty surreal.”

  “A little bit, yeah.” He agreed. “I thought I’d done irreparable damage at Academy, and I didn’t know how to fix it.”

  “Time, I guess. Which is lucky that we have it.”

  He turned to her and took her hand from the driver’s seat. “I never wanted to hurt you.” He brushed his lips over her knuckles and she shivered with delight. “I couldn’t take the chance that my brothers would see who you were to me.”

  “I do understand. It doesn’t make the pain any less that I felt as a young witch, but I will allow it made me strong.”

  “I have something else to tell you, and I hope you believe me.”

  “What?” Her stomach began to twist in knots, wondering just what it was he had to share with her.

  “I wanted to kill him for you.”

  “My husband?”

  “Yes. But then you’d have never been safe anywhere but with me.”

  “And I wouldn’t have the reputation that I do. Or the power. I understand.”