by Rebel Carter
Juana rolled her eyes at me. “That’s your umbrella now, Honey. I’ve had it for years, it’s not like anyone will use it, so don’t tell me that you can’t take it when it’s just taking up space in my closet.” The fear that had touched my skin vanished and I let out the breath I had been holding. She didn’t know. It was all a coincidence. “Now come here, give me a hug and go eat, and make sure to eat seconds. You don’t eat enough.”
I opened my mouth to protest but right on cue my stomach growled. Traitor. It was true I did skip meals but it was just because I was so...scattered. I didn’t know where the time went, or where I was when the time went, but my mind was somewhere else. Lost on a thought or busy thinking about what I needed to do later, that I just forgot about what I needed to do right now.
“Oh, all right,” I sighed, obediently hugging her. Juana was a small woman, short and slight, her body felt light against mine and I closed my eyes when she squeezed with more strength than her small body indicated she had. She patted my back and leaned back, smiling broadly at me.
“I’ll keep an ear out for you when you get back. Be careful crossing Queens Boulevard, you know how they drive. Todo loco,” she said with a shake of her gray head.
I smiled and leaned in close to her, pressing my lips to her cheek. “I know, I’ll be careful.”
“Have fun.”
“I will.” I raised the umbrella and gave her another smile. “Thank you for this, Juana. I mean it.”
“De nada, mija,” she said, and then shooed me towards the door, “now get a move on, or you’ll be late for dinner.”
I left Juana’s apartment, my footsteps sounding loud on the wooden stairs as I descended to the street level. When I shouldered open the heavy metal door I was hit with a wave of chilly wet air that had me frowning and opening my umbrella with a jerk of my hand. It unfurled, the great big whoosh of it’s canopy extending above me making me jump. The pink material of it was...well, it was fucking great, and I smiled watching the pink bows bounce merrily along as I walked.
It was a sweet umbrella. I wouldn’t tell Juana but I loved it far more than she would ever know. I reached out, touching the soft pink end of a ribbon briefly before I adjusted my grip on the surprisingly large and heavy handle. The umbrella was a lot bigger than I had anticipated and I shifted, making sure to hold the curved pink handle with both hands when a man’s shoulder grazed, it but he was effectively bounced back and away by the sturdy umbrella canopy. The pink bows danced merrily and I was only vaguely aware of the man’s frown as I lifted the umbrella to get a look at what had made contact with me. I was going to have to concentrate on navigating the busy street if I wanted to get there without knocking anyone down. But because of its size and height, plus the sheer overwhelming power of it’s bubblegum pinkness, the umbrella did wonders for helping me slice through the crowd. It was a little oversized, the canopy of it forming a pastel bubble around me that kept other walkers a foot away from me. Then I knew why Juana had given me the umbrella. Not for the pink material or the big bouncing bows I loved, but for the distance that it put between me and the other people in the city.
Juana was a smart woman. But not even she had figured out my secret. And that secret was that I was, at the core of me, a Middle.
A Middle with a taste for BDSM and submission.
I shifted, gripping the umbrella tighter. Would Juana like me if she knew? I didn’t know. Probably not. Not that she would ever be let into that part of my life. Not that anyone I ever held in my day-to-day existence would discover the secret about who I was.
Not that it matters on account of how far away you keep everyone, the voice in my head insisted, and I flinched. There were times I hated my thoughts and now was one of them. I hated it when my thoughts told me the truth. I did hold everyone at arm's length, but that didn’t have a thing to do with the person I chose to be when I put myself in the hands of a Daddy Dom. My skin tingled, the blood rushing to the surface in a mix of adrenaline and lust that warmed me through better than any shot of alcohol could ever hope to. I barely felt the cold rainwater sloshing off my umbrella and onto my arm when I turned the corner sharply to avoid careening into a pack of school children gleefully screaming and running down the street.
Daddy.
That one word was enough to make me weak. I bit my lip, fingers gripping the hard plastic handle tighter, checking before I joined the group of pedestrians crossing the street. It had been awhile since I’d played, which probably explained why I was so in my head lately. I needed it. Craved the release of letting someone else have my control, even if only for a few hours. The time spent being a Middle reset me. Let me breathe a little easier when I could let Daddy make the decisions. Although...it wasn’t like I would be docile about it. I made up my mind to play that weekend. There were only so many days a woman could go on like I was, with zero play and all work. I would go to Cairn and put out my feelers for just the right Daddy. Because not just anyone would do. I needed a Dom with a strong hand, but also with a soft spot for brats.
I liked giving it as good as I got. The sassier side of me, the sharper edges I kept carefully hidden away from the world, had no qualms at revealing themselves to those who also participated in the lifestyle. It was easier to reveal all those jagged and raw bits of myself to others who chose to lay themselves just as bare. There was a vulnerability in kink that went unnoticed by much of the public who either didn’t have an interest in, or hadn’t experienced the delicate dance of release through kink. I loved it when I was able to sink into my role as a Middle. I was absent more than not lately with my work schedule and it had only added to my anxiety and general scatteredness.
Tonight with Tiff would help reset me some though. Good people, good food, the closeness of dinner and gossip with a new friend would come close to taking the edge off the ball of anxiety I felt growing in my chest. Tonight would be good. Just what I needed. I knew it. My lips turned up in a smile, steps quickening as I all but set off in a jog to stay with the flood of foot traffic.
Overhead thunder rolled, the crack of it reverberating along the tall buildings and I swore I could feel it shaking up through the concrete as I ran, trying to get out of the rain that didn't seem to be letting up any time soon. Water splashed my legs but I kept going and before long I saw the familiar lights of Sik Gaek come into view. The warm glow of it made me smile as I walked toward the door, and I began to wonder how long Tiffany wanted to stay out—as in how many bottles of Soju I might be able to persuade her to order with me tonight.
With the way I was feeling whoever I played with would have their work cut out for them.
I could not wait.
Chapter Five
LAW
“You’re brooding.”
I glanced up from my cellphone to look at Addie. “This is just my face. We’ve been over this.”
She snorted but tilted her head to the side and placed a folder on my desk. “Liar.” It was an early evening on Thursday and the end of another work day. We should be gone by now, but I’d lingered as usual, and Addie hadn’t strayed from my side, also as usual. A crack of lightning flashed across the sky, lighting up the city better than any sunny day. It was blinding and I squinted with a frown.
“I’m having the car brought round to take you home.”
Addie waved a hand. “I’m fine on the subway.”
I shook my head. “You know I don’t like that you insult me by taking that damn thing to begin with,” I jerked my chin towards the window where another brighter than daylight lightning strike was making itself known, “I’m not having you do it now when you stayed to work late.”
Addie blinked hard. “I’m fi-,” she began, and I pinched the bridge of my nose.”
“I’m calling the car. That’s final. Or you are banned from staying to work late for a week,” I threatened.
“But boss-”
“A month,” I threatened.
She stamped her foot and crossed her arms. “Fine,
fine. I’ll just go get my coat then.” I knew she would cave when I brought work into it. There was nothing Addie loved more than working—she would stop at nothing to keep herself in all the late nights she could handle. Some people had hobbies they did to relax, but from what I could see Addie worked to relax. The woman was a machine. I was sending her to a damn beach somewhere once the next fiscal term was over.
“See that you do.”
Addie glowered in my direction but I ignored her in favor of my phone. She was getting home, dry as a bone, and that was that. I didn’t need my assistant turning up sick. I hit the button for my driver, Taylor, and a ring later they were answering.
“Sir?”
“You’re taking Addie home tonight. She’ll be down in five. Don’t let her out until she’s home.”
I heard Taylor huff out a laugh. “Understood.”
“Good man.” I ended the call and turned, looking out at the rainstorm. It was practically a fucking hurricane and Addie would have been blown sideways if I’d let her make her own way home. I rolled my shoulders, letting some of the tenseness out. If Taylor had the order it would be carried out. He was a man who had a similar understanding of this world, someone who had worked his way off the street to lead a quieter life. Someone looking for, and willing to protect, one very important thing.
Normal.
Honey’s dark eyes came to mind and I almost groaned. As plain as day I could see her eyes, those ocher flecked brown eyes that I’d seen four days ago. I glanced towards the empty cup of coffee sitting on my desk. It was from A Different Brew, courtesy of Addie, of course. The damn meddling woman had caught on that something had happened in the shop and had made her play to force a reaction from me. I kept myself calm and in check the first time she gave me the cup, though I might have held onto it for a minute too long, the memory of Honey coming to me and waking me out of my early morning routine.
“Something the matter, boss?” Addie had inquired, watching my face carefully.
I didn’t answer, favoring a noncommittal grunt before I took a swig of the coffee before stalking back into my office. Addie had let it slide, but she had made a point to bring in a cup every day since I’d seen Honey.
Not just seen, but claimed her as my own.
My palms itched and I rubbed them against my thighs in frustration. Thinking about Honey, just what her eyes looked like when staring back at me, made me like this. Too restless, like my body was overheating, blood rising and making me want.
I shouldn’t want.
I had everything I had ever wanted. A man like me didn’t want, because when I wanted something, I fucking took it. But that was when it came to things, people, anything that wasn’t Honey. She deserved better than that.
You didn’t just take a woman like that. She’d come willingly enough if I asked. I could see it in her. Even in the brief interaction we’d had in the coffee shop, I knew if I so much as held my hand out, Honey would take it. She’d been intrigued by me and not just because I’d taken up for her, but genuinely. I hadn’t missed the stunned look in her eyes or slightly flushed color that had dusted her cheeks when I’d done it. When I’d called her mine. Honey wasn’t taken, she offered herself, and if she did that to me...My palm prickled again. I clenched my fingers, chasing away the feeling, and scrubbed my hand across my thigh. It would be like offering a starving man a feast on a silver platter.
There would be nothing left of her. I would do what I always did. The only thing I knew how to do. I would have her, have all of her and consume every last bit of her until she couldn’t tell where she ended and I began. I would fill her so full of me that she would be ruined for anyone else.
“Don’t even know her,” I reminded myself.
I didn’t know her and I was going to keep it that way—no matter how many coffees Addie brought me from A Different Brew, five counting today, or how often I daydreamed about Honey like some shitty high schooler crushing on a pretty girl they didn’t know how to handle. I knew exactly how to handle Honey—and that was the problem. A woman like that would bend and form in my grasp, every bit of her mimicking her namesake as easily as if I were pouring her from a heated spoon into my morning coffee. She’d be sweet. I knew that, god she wouldn’t just be sweet—she would be perfect.
I snatched up the empty paper cup from A Different Brew and stared down at the stamped logo, a mug inked in black, little curlicues of steam wrapping itself around the shop name, and I glared at it. It was what Addie would declare to be ‘cute,’ but I didn’t have time for cute, not in my real life.
I tossed the paper cup into the wastebasket beside my desk and tagged the leather folio full of that week’s numbers before sinking down into my chair. I would be here for a while longer, plenty of time for Taylor to finish dropping Addie off and return for me. This was what I needed to focus on. A night at the office. Work. Numbers. Nothing that asked too much of me. Certainly not a pretty woman that would be far too fragile to handle my taste for control and sex. If I wanted cute, if I wanted sweet, I knew where to find it.
The Cairn.
Not in a woman I met in my everyday life. Not even a woman that I declared to be mine in a shop full of strangers. I would take my pleasure not in a woman, but a submissive who understood my wants and needs.
A submissive that understood why I wanted them to call me Daddy.
One that would relish being broken and put back together by my hands, and they would thank me for it. My fingers flexed on the leather of the folio and I paused before opening it. My mind was already being a fucker and not concentrating, thoughts of submissives and pretty pink lips whispering, ‘Daddy,’ were settling in too damn easily for my liking, which meant only one thing.
“All work and no play makes me a fucking asshole,” I muttered, reaching out and picking up my cellphone in favor of the folio. I hit the number that I had saved and waited. It rang once, twice, and then it was answered with the cool, even voice that I knew well.
“Hello.” That was it, no fake ass customer service voice cheerily greeting me, no explanation of where the fuck I was actually calling, because only the city’s most affluent with a taste for more had this number. Calling it by mistake was not done. If you called, you knew.
“Connie, how are you?”
I could practically hear her smile through the phone when she said, “Sir, what a pleasure to hear from you and so soon after your last visit. I can say that you left quite an impression on your little guest.”
I grinned and leaned back in my seat. That weekend she referred to had been just over a month ago. Time that I had taken out at Addie’s demand before I’d launched myself into a month long marathon of work and well, more fucking work, that I’d managed after high-jacking Addie’s planner.
My assistant hadn’t been pleased and the price had been a weekend of mandatory fun I’d enjoyed at The Cairn. I’d returned from it balanced and ready to take on my work. If my brain and dick seemed insistent on thinking of Honey, of conjuring up images of pretty submissives splayed out for my attention, then why not give it what it wanted?
Scratch the itch so to speak. If I fucked a submissive into next week, then I was sure Honey’s hold on me would be put to rest. It had to fucking work. Anything to stop my idiot brain from putting Honey in the place of the submissives it was already craving.
That would be a stupid as shit thing to think.
“I’m glad to hear it. She needed to be taken care of.”
“Indeed.” She paused and then asked, “Will you be joining us for another weekend?”
“Not sure if I’m in for the weekend, but a night would do me right.”
“Mmm, let me check the books, but I’m certain we have your suite available.”
“Thank you, Connie.”
“Anything for you. Now let’s see here…” Her voice trailed off as she checked the appointment book for the weekend. I drummed my fingers on the desk while I waited, the nervous energy in my body taking hold until I
was bouncing my knee. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to sit still. How the fuck had Honey gotten me this wound up from a meeting that meant nothing?
I turned my head and almost kicked the wastebasket when my eyes landed on the paper cup displaying A Different Brew’s logo. I glared at it. Cute. It was too damn cute. No wonder she worked there. I was still glaring when Connie began speaking again.
“We do have Saturday evening open for you, if that fits your schedule.”
“It does.”
“Perfect. I’ll pencil you in, and as always I’m happy to know we’ll have you with us, if even for a night.”
I smiled hearing the genuineness in Connie’s voice. I didn’t hear sincerity often, not in my line of work, and I appreciated it where it was offered. “Thank you, Connie. I’ll see you then,” I told her, and I was glad to hear my voice already sounded less stressed.
“Have a good evening, sir.”
“Same to you.”
The line went dead after that and I put my phone down with a sigh, shoulders dropping down from where they had hunched up. I rolled them, relaxing into my chair with a nod. I picked up the folio then and with nothing else to do, I did what I did best.
I worked.
Chapter Six
HONEY
“So we are getting the pork belly, right? If we aren’t, then I’m going fucking home and I don’t care if I have to swim home in the storm outside. I’m doing it.” Tiffany crossed her arms and stared at me with a look that told me she meant it. Storm or no storm, she was out if I didn’t say yes we were getting the delicious fatty pork.
“You’re in luck,” I told her, picking up my spoon and digging into the egg Gyeranjjim, “because I insist on the pork belly. And if we don’t get at least two bottles of Makgeolli, then I’ll swim home in this monsoon.”
