“I was wondering when you were going to let it out, sweetheart.”
“I’m so stupid,” I whisper, like it’s a dirty secret. It might not be a secret, but I definitely feel dirty. I have for so long, nothing will ever make me feel clean again.
“You’re just searching,” he says applying pressure to my neck so I will hold my head down. Once I do that, he wraps a towel in my hair. Then, he picks me up and carries me out of the bathroom. I should argue, I should insist he put me down. I don’t. I lay my head against his shoulder and rest, as if I’m boneless. When he places me on the bed, I still don’t argue. The time to panic should be when he gets on the bed behind me. I don’t. He spoons me, gathering my body up close and pulling it back against him. His warmth reaches me, but I still feel so cold. This whole time, I’ve been crying. I feel like I could cry forever. He places a kiss on the top of my head and doesn’t say anything else. He just holds me, letting me cry. Eventually I feel a shift on the bed and then he’s reaching me some tissues, before settling back down behind me.
“You’re going to make yourself sick, Hellcat,” he rumbles, his head is somewhere over top of me. I’m burrowed against his chest, absorbing his heat.
“Nicole could die and it’s all my fault,” I whisper my biggest fear.
“She’s not going to die,” he argues.
“You don’t know that,” I answer, wishing there was some way he could tell me for sure Nicole will be okay. I need to know with a hundred percent certainty that my best friend, the only person besides Ray I’ve ever cared about in my life, is going to be okay.
“You don’t know she’s not. Don’t borrow trouble, it comes knocking on its own too easily.”
I’m mad at him. Mad that he won’t tell me she’s okay. Mad that he won’t give me the words to make the fear inside of me go away. It’s not logical, but it’s the truth.
“You should leave,” I tell him. It’s childish considering everything he’s done, but if he can’t make Nicole better then he’s just someone else to witness my guilt.
“Go to sleep Hellcat, tomorrow you can fight me. Tonight let it go and let me take care of you.”
We lie like that in silence. Zander holding me close. I should put a stop to it, but there’s that feeling again… that sense of…safety. Sleep is coming for me, but I can’t shut my brain down entirely.
“I only wanted to save her…save her like I wish they had saved me…”
Chapter 10
Crusher
Save her, like I wish they had saved me….Those words strike something inside of me that refuses to let go. I’ve replayed them for days. She needed someone to save her and no one did. What does this woman have hidden? Why do I care so much? Why do I need to be the one she reaches out to? I have all these questions and very few answers.
I’ve been staying at Dani’s every night for a week. It’s been heaven and hell. She’s as prickly as a cactus and I have to handle her with care. At the same time, she makes me laugh. We have a lot in common and every once in a while she lets her guard down and I see this other side to her. It’s vulnerable, soft, and sweet. It soothes me. Still, I’m enough of a sadistic jerk to admit I get off when she comes at me with her sharp claws and lethal tongue. There are times I want to grab her and show her exactly what I want her tongue for. I haven’t. Fuck, I’m getting blue balls holding back with her. Still, when she lets me see her vulnerable side, and her words come back to me, I hold back.
If something doesn’t give soon, I’m not going to be able to control myself much longer. Every night she crawls into bed. Every night she rubs that deliciously perfect ass against my crotch and my dick weeps with need. I’ve been a walking hard-on since that first night. After a week of no relief, you would think my cock would get the damn message. It hasn’t.
Today has been the worse yet. All day Dani has been prancing around the house in these barely there shorts and a black tank top and the bitch doesn’t even have a bra on. Does she know what she’s doing to me? Fuck, she probably does. It’s almost time for her to crawl in our bed. If I don’t blow off some steam then I’m not going to be able to lie next to her without my head spinning in circles and smoke coming out of my ears. I’ll need to be locked up in a padded cell.
With that in mind, I jump in the shower and do something I haven’t done since I was a horny teenager. I take matters into my own hands. As the water beats down on my back, I lean against the shower wall and close my eyes. Immediately Dani’s face comes to mind. I know everything about that face now. I know the scar under her chin, the full lips that smile ever-so-slightly when she thinks I can’t see. The way the glossy red lipstick she wears makes them shine and seduce with just a glance—all of it comes to mind so easily. Yet, the thing that hits me the hardest are her fucking eyes. Eyes that set me on fire. They’re deep brown with a hint of yellow. Bottomless pits of feeling, which sparkle at me as if they hold secrets only I should ever know. Nothing in my life has heated me or torn me up like they do.
My tongue slides out against my lip and goddamn, I wish it were her lips I could taste. If I keep my eyes closed and concentrate on the water sliding on my skin I can almost convince myself it’s her hands, her fingers, tracing my body, touching me slowly and driving me crazy. I reach for her shampoo…strawberries. I never thought of that scent as sexy before, but it is. I pour a generous amount in my palm and then slide my hand over my cock, applying a tight pressure in my grip and get lost in the pleasure. I remember the feel of her ass, so firm and rounded to perfection raking against my cock and brushing against my balls, begging me to fuck it. For the last week all I’ve thought about is digging my hands into her sides, pulling her hard against me and riding that ass until I explode. Damn, she’d be so tight there, she’d come close to choking my cock. I picture it in my mind. Me bending her over and fucking her ass, my balls slapping against her pussy, one fist wound tight in her hair as I order her to play with her clit. My other hand would be full of her breast, kneading and pulling on those taut nipples, bringing her just enough pain so her muscles would squeeze me even more.
I jerk my cock harder and faster, in rhythm with the fucking I’m giving Dani in my mind. My balls tighten and my heart is thudding heavily in my chest. I’m so damn close. I imagine her calling my name out as she shatters into a million pieces and I can’t stop her name falling from my lips as I come. It feels good for the space of a minute, maybe two and then I hate the fact that my cock isn’t inside of her. I lean against the shower door, wishing she was with me.
It’s then I see her body shadowed through the frosted glass. She’s outside the shower watching.
“You could come in if you want, Hellcat. It’d be a lot more enjoyable than staying out there.”
“I…uh… thought I would brush my teeth before we go to bed,” she stutters and it’s damn cute and just another piece of the mystery.
She can be such a hard-ass away from here. The boys at the club have nicknamed her Ice, because they swear her pussy would freeze a man’s dick. They don’t see the side of her I do, and that’s fucking fine with me. I don’t want them to. I want to save all of her sides for me and me alone. I don’t want those horny bastards anywhere near her. Which hasn’t been an issue because, Nicole got out of the hospital yesterday and Dani still refuses to go to the club. They talk every day and Nic has tried and tried to reach Dani and ease her guilt. I don’t think it’s working, but I know the fact that Nic isn’t blaming her outright in front of the club, is making things easier for Dani.
You could say the devil made me do it, but I open the door and let her see me. My dick should be good after just coming, but the instant I lay eyes on her, it begins to harden. She’s got on a long white t-shirt… fuck it’s my t-shirt. Her hair is pulled back in a pony-tail on her head and she doesn’t have a trace of makeup. It’s official, this is how I like her best. Jesus.
“Crusher, you’re naked….”
“Say my name.”
“What….I
just…”
“I am not Crusher to you. Say my name, Hellcat.”
She watches me closely, her eyes dart down to my dick and then back up to my face. There’s heat in hers. She blushes. Another piece to the mystery that is Dani. I feel like I just keep unraveling them.
“Zander…”
Why does it feel like I won a fucking war when she says my name? Her eyes go back to my cock and stay there. She’s killing me.
“Come here, Hellcat,”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea…”
“I think it’s the best one I’ve ever had. Now get your ass over here.”
I wait to see what she does. I’m convinced she’ll turn and run. I’ve not pushed anything between us this last week, but hell everyone has a breaking point. I’ve reached mine.
When she takes a step towards me, stands in front of me and looks up at me with those beautiful eyes, that’s when I tumble. I don’t do relationships. I don’t even chase after women. Dani made me break that second rule and right here, right now with her looking at me as if I might destroy her, but she still does it? I fall completely for this woman. There is no rhyme or reason. There hasn’t even been a great build-up. It just happens. She owns me in ways she’ll never know, because I’ll never tell her. The only thing she needs to know is that she is, mine.
I reach out and run my fingers through her hair, letting the dark curls weave around them, then I look into her eyes.
“Tonight you’re mine, Hellcat.”
My voice is hoarse and full of need, but I notice from the look on her face she’s pulling away because of panic. Before she can run away, I use the hold I have on her hair and pull her in closer to me.
“Zander…you’re all wet…I…”
“I’m about to make you just as wet, sweetheart. Just. As. Wet.” I whisper each word as if it was its own sentence, right before my lips touch hers. I forge into her mouth intent on conquering it. After a week of thinking of nothing else but getting inside this woman, I don’t have time to make it pretty, all I can show her is my need.
Chapter 11
Dani
Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, Oh God. What am I doing?
The refrain plays over and over in my head.
“….now get your ass over here.”
That should make me run. I should tear out of the house and not look back. Instead I’m walking towards him. Can I do this? I want to. Oh God, I want to! Acknowledging that alone, scares the hell out of me.
I’m scared…no, check that. I’m terrified. I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing and then…he kisses me. It’s not like our previous kiss. It’s unlike any kiss I’ve ever had before. I didn’t even know kisses like this existed. He takes over my mouth. His hand is pulling my hair and pulling me into him. My body is not my own, it’s frozen. I can’t move, so when he pulls, I fall against him. His body is wet and warm to the touch, my hands rest on his stomach and he continues owning my mouth. I’m lost in the soft feel of his skin beneath my fingers, the taste of him, and the way his tongue completely devours me. I’m lost in the moment and it feels…great. What have I been afraid of?
His hands move down to my thighs. The pads of his fingers are rough and calloused and they tease against my skin, sending goose bumps down my spine. He breaks away for a minute and looks at me. I have always wondered what they meant in books when they said someone had obsidian eyes, but now I can see it—dark, mysterious and sexy as hell.
This last week has been torture. It’s been so long since my body has even had an interest in a man that I’ve spent each day wondering what I’m doing. I want the day to hurry and end, all so that I have an excuse to get in bed with Zander and let him hold me. When his arms go around me, I don’t worry. I don’t panic. I don’t do anything, but lie here and listen to him breathe, taking in his scent, his touch and feel at peace.
Still, it’s been building—this feeling to be closer to him, this need to touch him, taste him and see if he can make me feel normal. Is he someone I can trust? He’s giving up so much to stay here and take care of me. They captured Irish and really any threat there might have been to me, is gone. Still, he insists on staying here to keep me safe.
When I’m in his arms…I forget the past and all the reasons I shouldn’t want to get close to a man and I remember that I’m a woman and I have… needs. Zander awakens those needs. He has since I first laid eyes on him, but it’s worse since we’ve been living together. I’m tired of fighting it. I’m curious to know if it could be…good…
So, I’m standing in front of a naked Zander, his hands on my thighs, his fingers brushing underneath the rim of his t-shirt I’m wearing, and he’s looking at me as if I’m his next meal. I’m nervous, I’m scared, but I want him to consume me too. For once, I want to let go and experience…to feel.
“You’re sure, Hellcat?” He asks.
“Not really,” I answer honestly and his sigh echoes in the room. He starts to pull away. “But, I want to try…” I add to stop him.
His hand comes up to the side of my head and he massages his fingers into my hair and keeps this intense stare-down aimed at me.
“Time for truth, Hellcat. What are you hiding behind those beautiful eyes?”
“I don’t want to think about the past. Not right now, Zander. Not with you.”
“Will you tell me someday?” He asks.
My stomach sinks. “This was a mistake,” I tell him, feeling let down.
“Don’t do that, sweetheart. Don’t run, not now. I just need to know that someday you’ll be able to trust me with those damn secrets that haunt you.”
I take a deep breath. His words turn over in my brain. They mingle with the want, need and fear…lots of fear.
“Before I got shot, we barely had a conversation, Zander. I don’t want to even think about my past. For once in my life I want to know what it feels like to have a man between my legs that I don’t hate. You have a reputation for being the Savage MC stud. The one who satisfies and makes them beg for more. Tonight, I just want to see what makes all the girls throw caution to the wind for a man and not regret it. So if that’s not you…forget it.”
I’ve said too much. I always do when my anger and fear mix, but I don’t want this from him. I want him to take. I was trying to shore up the courage to offer and not fuck it up with all the other shit that always stays in my head. I turn away from him, taking this as just another sign that I’m not a normal woman. I never will be. I get to the bedroom, pulling clothes out of my dresser. Tonight is not going to be a sleep night. I’ll go study the dancers or something. It’s time I wake back up to reality. This past week with Zander made me forget who I am.
I slide my jeans on, button them and then try to remember where Nailer left Nic’s car keys when he dropped off a few days ago. I keep Zander’s shirt on. Screw him. I’m claiming it. When I go to leave the room I realize Zander is standing in front of the door, a white towel swung low on his hips.
“Come here, Hellcat.”
“I think the time for that is gone, I’m heading out to Pussy’s.”
“What the fuck for?”
I wonder what he would do if told him the truth? Fuck it, tonight seems to be the night for truth.
“I go to study the dancers.”
“The dancers? Is that it, you like chicks too? Cause sweetheart, I’m okay…”
“God, how did I forget you are an asshole? I go to study the dancers, so I can be better.”
“I don’t think you should be dancing.”
“I don’t actually care what you think. Anyways, I’m heading out. I’ll talk to you later, Zander.”
“Why does it matter if you dance better?” He asks, and this time the tone of his voice changes. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me feel like he really wants to know and apparently tonight I’m in the mood to just tell everything—almost.
“Because, my body is all I have to depend on. If I’m good at dancing and make sure I
stay in shape, then I’ll be able to take care of myself wherever I have to go.”
He frowns, like he doesn’t like my answers, but then why would he? He doesn’t know who I am.
“Is that why you starve yourself all the time and drink that damn tea shit that stinks to high heaven?”
I shrug, “It’s called a cleanse. It keeps my metabolism up, and I don’t starve.”
“Hellcat, you have so many twists and turns you make me dizzy.”
“Don’t worry about it Stud, not like it matters. I’ll talk to you later,” I say feeling defeated now. I got up the courage to take the plunge and it didn’t happen. Now, I just feel stupid, and I need to get away from him.
“I accept your terms,” he says just as I begin to push through him to leave the room.
My hands freeze on his chest and I look up at him.
“My terms?”
“Yeah. You don’t want the past brought up. You want to use my dick, I say absolutely. I just have one question. You answer it, and we’ll get this party started.”
I take a step away from him, wondering exactly what he’s got on his mind now.
“What’s the question? I already told you, I’m not discussing my past.”
“I get it, but what I have to ask you is very important on how we proceed here.”
His answer confuses me, but I’m curious and I still….want… him.
“Okay shoot, but I’m not promising to answer.”
I thought that would make him smile, it doesn’t. He looks totally serious and asks the one question, that I kind of hoped he would never ask.
“You said you have never had a man between your legs you didn’t ha….”
“I told you I’m not talking about this,” I interrupt him.
Claiming Crusher: Savage Brothers MC Page 9
