More of You

by Gretchen Tubbs

  Finn looks at me, raising an eyebrow. I smile, knowing exactly what he’s thinking.

  “Not exactly, Ava,” he tells her with a shake of his head.

  “Yes I am Finn. I have a baby and Maggie is having a baby. We’re exactly alike.”

  “If you want to be exactly like Maggie you need two babies, not one. Maggie and I are having twins.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lucy, Momma, and Ava jump up from the table for hugs, Momma and Lucy of course crying.

  “Oh My God, Maggie, when did you find this out?”

  “Twins? My Goodness!”

  “I get to be an aunt for two babies? Awesome!” Ava runs out the room, yelling something about getting another doll from her room.

  When I finally gain the breath back that they have squeezed from me, I sit back down and explain to them how we only just found out a few days ago.

  “But everything is alright?” Mom asks. “What did Dr. Redmond have to say about this?”

  Finn takes over. After all, my pregnancy is his favorite subject. “Everything is perfect. The babies are growing and healthy. We have to start going to a specialist in a few weeks, but that’s just protocol for multiples.” His hand starts absently rubbing the side of my belly while he’s talking. “Dr. Redmond did give Maggie strict instructions to stay stress free and relaxed. She doesn’t want her overdoing anything. She needs to take it easy and concentrate on staying healthy. This is another reason why it’s a good idea for me to be at the apartment with her.” He looks away from my mom and turns his gaze to me. “That’s my main focus right now. I’m gonna do everything I can to keep her and my babies well.”

  Every set of eyes at the table is focused on Finn. Here sits this tall, pierced, tattooed bad-ass, talking about how his main goal in life to take care of me and our unborn children. Momma starts crying again, go figure.

  “Momma, I’m fine. Please don’t cry,” I tell her, making my way around the table to hug her.

  When she pulls me into her arms, I can feel her breath hitch. Her voice is soft and broken in my ear. “That speech would have reeled your dad in, hook, line, and sinker. I wish he were here to see the kind of man Finn is. He’s going to take care of you. That’s all your dad wanted for you girls. Someone to love you and take care of you. Lucy’s found it. Now you have it, too.”

  I pull back and look at Momma. Now both of us are crying, missing him fiercely. But I know she’s right. Daddy would appreciate how Finn’s stepping up and doing what’s right. But love? I don’t know about that, but that’s not something I’m not going to share with her. So, I just nod at her and smile. She attempts to clean up my face before I go back to my seat.

  Finn wipes the last stray tear from my cheek and kisses my temple. “You good?” he whispers into my hair.

  I pull back from him and give him a small smile, but don’t know if I can say anything just yet.

  “We will add that to the list of things to talk about tonight,” he says quietly, just as Ava comes running back in, two babies in tow.

  We finally eat our dinner, with the conversation fueled by Ava’s questioning of all things babies.

  Just as I’m getting into bed the door opens. Finn’s standing in the doorway, in a pair of old faded sweatpants.

  Does he not own shirts?

  “Can I come in?”

  “Depends on what you’re coming in here for.”

  He smiles and walks over to the bed. “You said we could talk when we got home. I’m just in here for that, Maggie, promise.”

  I scoot over, expecting him to sit on the edge of the bed. Instead, he pulls down the covers and gets in the bed beside me, making his body mirror mine. We are both on our sides, knees slightly bent, hands tucked under our pillows. This feels more intimate than when we’ve been in bed together without our clothes on.

  “I enjoyed meeting your family tonight.”

  I roll my eyes at his ridiculous statement. “Which part? Getting the third degree from my mother or seeing my fight with my sister?”

  He shakes his head. “They only did that because they love you and want what’s best for you. Trust me, it’s a good thing. You’re lucky to have a family that loves you and wants to protect you. It’s a gift.”

  “I want to hear about your family, Finn.” As soon as I get the words out, a blank expression passes over his face. He blinks, and then it’s gone. He shakes his head once more and tells me no.

  “You promised to tell me what happened tonight with Ava. I want to know why you got so upset when you were talking to her.”

  I close my eyes for a moment. Finn’s hand seeks out mine. With our fingers entwined, I start my story.

  “Ava is not my sister in the traditional sense of the word. She’s my adopted sister. She’s actually one of Bennett’s patients. Lucy met her when they were both going through dialysis, and my sister fell head over heels in love with her. She told Momma about her, so Momma just had to meet her. Turns out Ava was an orphan, living in a state run home. Momma was devastated and convinced Daddy to take her on as a foster kid.”

  I smile at the memory. Daddy would put up such a fuss about being ‘too damn old’ to take on something like that, but he loved every minute of it. Ava had Daddy wrapped around her chubby little finger from the very first time he ever laid eyes on her.

  “Anyway, after taking her home, they decided to push for adoption. Ava was a perfect fit in our family. She had medical needs that my parents were already experts at dealing with because of Goose. In the meantime, Lucy’s health took a nosedive. Dialysis wasn’t working anymore and she needed a kidney transplant. The plan was always that I would be her donor, ever since we were kids and Lucy was diagnosed. Lucy fought it, not wanting to put me through the surgery, but at that point, it was inevitable. So, I went to the hospital to do all the bloodwork for the surgery. A few hours later, I got a call saying that I couldn’t donate because I was pregnant. My sister was going to die because of me. I was a wreck.” I look down at the sheets, unable to look at Finn.

  He loosens his grip on my hand and moves it to my face. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Magpie. I wish I would have been there for you.” I know every word he’s saying is sincere. He pauses for a minute, thinking. “She seems healthy. What happened?”

  “We went to my parents to give them the news, about both the transplant and the pregnancy. Needless to say, they were pissed at me. I was a complete disappointment to my entire family. My irresponsibility had basically killed my sister. Daddy was a match, but Lucy refused to let him be a donor because of Ava. He needed to work. The attorney bills for the adoption were through the roof. They couldn’t afford for Daddy to miss work while he was recuperating from the surgery. For weeks, Lucy locked herself away, cut herself off from everyone, preparing herself to die. She even ended things with Bennett for a while. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to watch.” I shake my head at the memory. “Between her depression, and me being so sick from the babies, we were quite a pair.”

  “You should have told me. I would have taken care of you. You shouldn’t have been alone through all of that.”

  “We had Miller.” I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and then look back at Finn. I’m already crying because this is where this story gets really hard. “My dad ended up saving my sister’s life anyway. He was a cop, killed during a traffic stop one night, right after Ava’s adoption went through. He was a match for both Lucy and Ava. He saved both of them. That’s why I was upset when I was with Ava earlier. She shouldn’t have to grow up without Daddy. He was an amazing person. She only had him for a little while before he was ripped away from her by some asshole drug addict.”

  The tears are falling faster and faster. I miss him terribly. He should have been there tonight when I told my family about the twins. He should be there when they are born. He should be there for all the milestones they will have growing up.

  “I miss my Daddy, Finn. He and I sat on that old porch swing
a few nights before he died and he convinced me that I had to tell you about the baby. He didn’t know anything about you, but he told me that I needed to tell you, and that you just might surprise me with how you would take the news.”

  “Did I?” he asks, the gleam in his eye even visible in the near darkness of my room.

  I laugh a deep and loud laugh, which pushes more tears from my eyes. “You’ve shocked the hell out of me, Finnian Thomas O’Leary.”

  I touch his cheek, and his smile drops, his eyes widening in shock. I usually don’t initiate physical contact with Finn, no matter how small. “My Dad would have been impressed with you tonight. That’s what my Mom was telling me at dinner. He still would have given you shit, though. That’s just how he was. But I think he would have really liked you. You know, even though you knocked up his daughter in a supply closet.”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” he says, smiling as he wipes all the tears from my face. “I really like this.”

  “What?” I have a pretty good idea of what he’s talking about, but I want to hear him say the words.

  “Everything. Being with you like this in your bed. Having conversations with you about things that really matter. Having dinner with your family. I like it all. I want more of it.”

  My breath catches. He said more than I expected. “This should probably be Rule Two,” I whisper. I like it, too. More than anything else we’ve ever done. I want to do this every night with Finn. I close my eyes and let myself conjure up an image of the two of us just like this, but with two little dark-haired baby bundles in the space between us. Everyone is smiling and happy. It’s a beautiful sight.

  I feel his lips pressing into mine. They are soft and full, just slightly open. His tongue touches mine quickly. He pulls back, pushes his mouth against mine once more, and rolls out of bed.

  “Rule Three,” I tell him.

  “As soon as you write them down, I’ll start listening. Goodnight, Magpie.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  The grass is slightly damp underneath my bare feet. Drops of dew are clinging to the blades before the sun burns off the last bit of it. I make my way over to the huge, gnarly Oak towards the back of the park. I miss that tree. Daddy and I spent countless hours under that tree while Momma and Lucy were at doctor’s appointments or gymnastics, or when I just needed to get my head on straight. I haven’t been here in such a long time.

  I smile when I finally reach my destination. Daddy is sitting on one of the giant roots, his back pressed against the trunk, one leg stretched in front of him and the other knee cocked. His eyes are closed, like he’s napping, but I know he’s just thinking.

  A twig snaps as I approach and his eyes pop open. He springs up from his position and engulfs me in a hug. We stand under our tree, holding on tight, breathing in each other. I feel fluttering in my belly, shocking me and causing me to pull away. I’ve never felt the babies move before now. It’s like a bubble tumbling around, accompanied by a light fluttering of butterfly wings. It’s the coolest thing ever! I laugh when it happens a second time.

  “Those boys already givin’ you trouble, Momma?” he asks, placing his hand on my ever growing bump.

  “Boys?” I whisper, fascinated.

  He just gives me a knowing look and changes the subject. “You look happy, Mags. That boy of yours must be takin’ good care of you.”

  “He is, Daddy.”

  “Well then, what you waitin’ for? I never figured you’d be as stubborn as Goose.”

  I look at my Daddy, confused. Is he telling me to do what I think he is? Does he think a relationship with Finn is a good idea?

  “What do you mean?” I ask him.

  “Remember what I told you about me and your Momma? I shocked the shit outta everyone when we got together. She changed me, and I never looked back. I get the feeling you’re doin’ the same for your boy. So take what he’s offerin’, Mags. Make a home with him, a life, a future.”

  I shake my head. “I’m scared, Daddy. I don’t want to get hurt.”

  “I get the feelin’ it’ll hurt more if you don’t even try. Trust me, Mags. When have I ever steered you wrong?” he says, pulling me in for another hug.

  I don’t say anything else. We stand in the shade of the tree for a few minutes before he tells me he has to go.

  “Just try, Mags. That’s all I’m askin’,” he tells me while walking away.

  My beeping phone wakes me and I sit up in bed, confused at my surroundings. I take a few deep breaths and realize that I was dreaming. I can’t remember exactly what it was about, just that it felt so real. I was with Daddy at the park, hanging out by our old Oak tree. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and I feel a tiny fluttering and rolling sensation in my belly. I stop moving and put my hands over my bump, waiting for it to happen again. After several seconds, it comes again. I smile, a feeling of happiness washing over me. I can’t wait to feel that all day long. I can’t wait for Finn to feel it, too.

  The beeping from my phone pulls me from my thoughts. I grab it from the nightstand and look at the screen.

  Finn: 16 weeks! Our apples can suck their thumbs now

  Finn: Wake up and come get some breakfast

  Finn: I’ll be forced to bring you coffee if you don’t get in the kitchen soon

  Finn: Clock’s tickin

  As I read the texts from Finn, smiling, all the details from the dream come pouring in. We were talking about Finn. Daddy was telling me to take a chance on him. Can I do this? The more time I spend with him, the more I want to be with him. Is it just his feelings about the babies that have me feeling this way about him? Would he feel the way he does about me if I wasn’t pregnant?

  The potential for devastation if this goes bad is huge. We’re talking about damaging a family, not just a bad break up that would result in getting drunk and eating too much junk food. The consequences of our relationship ending could hurt our children.

  I get the feelin’ it’ll hurt more if you don’t even try. Trust me, Mags.

  Daddy’s words are flittering through my mind. Am I losing it for wanting to listen to my dead father? Did I just dream all of that up because that’s what I really wanted to hear? My phone beeps once again.

  Finn: Time’s up. Hope you’re ready for me

  In some twisted way, I think Finn just gave me my answer. I get out of bed and go to the bathroom before he can come in. I brush my teeth and try to make myself look halfway decent. I’m about to offer myself to Finn and I want to look presentable.

  He’s sitting on my bed, cup of coffee and plate of breakfast in hand. His smile reaches his dark eyes when I step in front of him, taking the cup and plate from him and setting it down on the table. Standing between his outstretched legs, I rest my hands on his shoulders, while his go to the sides of my nonexistent waist.

  “This is a good morning,” he says, placing two kisses on my belly. That causes an entirely different type of flutter than what I felt this morning.

  “I don’t want any rules, Finn,” I shyly tell him. His eyes widen, his smile getting bigger.

  “Tell me, Magpie, what do you want?”

  I take a deep breath and let it out. “I want us. I want what we had last night, plus so much more. I want us to be a family. I want to make a home with you and our babies. I want everything. Are we crazy, or can we do this?”

  “Absolutely. To both.”

  He stands up, his hands leaving my waist and nestling themselves in my hair. His eyes search mine, his lips moving close to mine, but his movements are hesitant and unsure. I grab his shoulders and close the gap between our mouths. I’m starving for him. I would climb into his body if I could. He pulls away and starts kissing me lightly. I move my hands to his hair, pulling him closer to me. He laughs in my mouth, sending a shiver down my spine, causing my nipples to harden. He pulls away from me and looks into my eyes. He holds the gaze for several seconds, his smile gone. The look on his face is humble and unassuming. It’s the most honest and
unmasked I’ve ever seen Finn.

  In that moment, conveyed through that one look, I know that he’s giving himself to me. Finnian O’Leary is going to do everything in his power to be the best that he can for me and the babies. That look is all the reassurance I need. I know I’m doing the right thing. I am making the right decision.

  Finn’s mouth moves back to mine, as if in slow motion. Hands-down, the best kiss I have ever had in my life. It’s a kiss of hope, promise, love, and devotion. Neither one of us is ready to say the words, but we are going to commit ourselves to making this work.

  We pull apart, giggling like high schoolers.

  “Are we really doing this, Finn?”

  He nods. “I just have one rule for you.”

  “If it involves walking around the apartment naked or some other nonsense, forget it, Irish. Do you see how big this thing is getting?” I place both my hands on my stomach. “And, I think my ass is growing just as fast.”

  He laughs, shaking his head. “My rule is quite the opposite. No Sex. I want to date you.”

  I can feel my face morphing into a look of puzzlement.

  “I mean it, Magpie. I want to earn your trust back, 110%. I know this is ass-backwards, but that’s how it’s gonna be. Deal?”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  I’m giving him a green light to have me whenever he wants me, and he’s putting a no sex clause on our relationship?

  “Nope. This could be a deal breaker. I want to do this right. Deal?”

  I huff and cross my arms over my chest. “Deal.”

  He smacks me on my growing ass, sealing the deal. “Good. Now let’s go eat in the kitchen,” he says, grabbing my long forgotten plate and coffee cup. “I need to get you away from this bed.”

  “I’ve never wanted to call in sick so bad in all my life,” Finn says, hugging me at the door of our apartment. He’s all dressed and heading out to Ink Addiction for the day. He’s got those glasses on again that make me absolutely crazy.