Vampire Soul Box Set (Vampire Romantic Comedy)

by Mac Flynn

  All-in-all the place was a complete disaster. Among this complete disaster was Roland. He sat in his usual chair with his soul box on his lap. There was a faint glow from the box, and a frown on its owner's lips. At his feet was the splintered remains of his coffin. There wasn't enough wood glue in the town to fix that many busted boards.

  "Something is wrong," he told me.

  "Yeah, I kind of got that vibe, too," I quipped as I picked up a disemboweled couch pillow. "If they were looking for the box then we kind of disappointed them."

  "This was a warning," he explained.

  I snorted. "I didn't think someone accidentally stumbled into my locked apartment and turned into a slasher."

  "What delayed your coming up here?" he asked me.

  I hefted the couch onto its upright position and frowned at him. "I met a friend, but is that really important? My apartment looks like a trailer park after a tornado."

  "My soul illuminated the moment it entered the building," he told me.

  I grasped the back of the couch and raised an eyebrow. My eyes flickered between the glowing box and the pale vampire. "So I'm guessing you've figured out what that means."

  He nodded. "I also sensed a presence when I entered the building. The devil's minions are near."

  "Wait, so you can't sense a vampire unless you see them, but you know when the devil's errand boys are around?" I asked him as I righted an end table and picked up the remains of my lamp. I could see some shopping in my near future.

  Roland's face darkened. "His minions give off a particularly strong unnaturalness."

  I glanced at the clock. "I'd love to talk more, but you think you can sniff them out quick? I've got a date waiting and some serious security issues to discuss with the apartment manager when I-" There came a knock on my apartment door.

  "Misty? You in there?" came Owen's voice.

  Roland jumped to his feet and his eyes narrowed as he looked at the door. I heard a faint hiss escape from his curled lips. I jumped between him and the door, and stretched my arms out on either side of me.

  "Oh no. Don't do this to me, Roland," I whispered. "I've got enough trouble on my broken kitchen plates then to have you go all Mr. Stabbity-Stab on somebody's neck."

  "That human must leave," Roland hissed.

  "He's not going anywhere, but you are," I countered.

  I marched up to him and tried to turn him about face towards the bedroom., but Roland grasped my wrist. He pulled both of us to the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind us.

  And Owen out of my life. Sort of.

  CHAPTER 6

  The bedroom had also been redecorated in Early Vandalism. The covers were torn off the mattress and the pillows were strewn about the room. The dresser drawers had been pulled out and their contents strewn about the floor. My underwear decorated the floor in front of the foot of the bed like a psychotic Valentine.

  I yanked free of his hand and spun around to face him. Roland's soul box glowed brighter than a semi truck's headlights on a dark country road.

  "What the hell are you doing?" I growled at him.

  Roland stalked up to me and stood over me. "Have you invited him inside the apartment?"

  "Not yet. You didn't give me a chance to show him my lovely redecorating," I quipped.

  "Do not invite him inside," he ordered me.

  "Because he's what? The devil's advocate?" I quipped.

  "Because exactly that," he agreed.

  I threw my arms up. "Come on, Roland, he's just a normal guy who-"

  "When did he come into your life?" Roland questioned me.

  I frowned. "What's that got to-"

  "When?"

  I rolled my eyes and folded my arms across my chest. "Just after some. . .annoying. . .vampire. . ." My voice trailed off as I understood the implications.

  "And why did he come to you?" Roland persisted.

  My eyes widened and I ran a hand through my bangs as I looked at the floor. "He said his client wanted to see me."

  "Did he say why?" Roland asked me.

  I shook my head. "No, he said his client would explain, but that's not why he's here. He's here to-"

  "Whatever false reason he's given you, his one true purpose is to return this soul-" he held his soul box between us, "-to his master. Everything else is obfuscation for that end."

  I wrinkled my nose. "Obstacle what?"

  Roland set a hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. "His interest in you is a lie to get at my soul."

  My shoulders slumped and my face fell. "Seriously? I meet a cute guy and he turns out to be a stooge for the devil?"

  Roland slipped his hand off my shoulder and nodded. "I'm sorry to say, but yes."

  I sighed and plopped myself onto the end of my bed. "Perfect. You couldn't have waited to tell me until after I got a free meal out of him?"

  "It was unavoidable," Roland countered.

  "So now what do we do? Tell him we're not on speaking terms with his boss and for him to just go away?" I suggested.

  "That sounds like a very bold thing to do," a muffled voice piped up. Roland and I spun around and faced the window. Derdrom's face was pressed against the window and he wore a wide grin on his face. "And what an interesting design scheme. Post-Modern?"

  "Post-Destruction," I corrected him.

  Roland handed me his soul box and stepped between me and Derdrom. "I ordered you to remain at the house."

  Derdrom floated a foot away from the window and shrugged. "There was nothing there to entertain me, so I followed you here. I'm very glad I did. This is much more exciting."

  "If you're going to float there watching then I'm going to start charging admission," I quipped.

  "I can't blame you. Your little show here is worth quite a bit, but not near as much as your little secret." Derdrom's eyes fell on the box.

  Roland stretched out his arm in front of me. "What do you know of it?"

  "Only the rumors I've heard about a soul," Derdrom replied.

  "Then that was your objective from the beginning. To investigate the rumors," Roland guessed.

  Derdrom laughed. "Next you're going to tell me I hurt myself on purpose just to get you to show me that lovely box of yours."

  "Did you?" Roland questioned him.

  Derdrom's laughter died and he glared at Roland. "No. These scars are very real, and very much not created by my hand."

  "Um, guys?" I spoke up. "I'd hate to interrupt your bonding session, but there's a devil's minion outside my wrecked apartment, so you think we could talk about this some other place less depressing?"

  "We will return to the house," Roland suggested.

  "And then?" I asked him.

  "Then we will discuss these problems further," he added.

  Roland swept me into his arms and walked to the window. Derdrom backed up to give us some takeoff space. Roland threw open the glass and jumped out. I glanced over my shoulder and caught one last glimpse of my ruined apartment. Whoever had done that was going to pay. Several thousand dollars, at least.

  We flew straight towards the woods and the rundown house where I'd first made the acquaintance of Roland's soul box. Derdrom flew beside us and he had a grin on his face.

  "A wonderful night, isn't it?" he commented.

  "Just peachy," I quipped. I pressed myself against Roland's cold chest. The night was chilly and I hadn't bothered to grab the blanket to wrap me inside.

  "If you don't mind my asking, what is your soul capable of doing?" Derdrom asked us.

  "Nothing of use to you," Roland warned him.

  Derdrom frowned and flew a short distance away from us. "You can't possibly blame me for my curiosity. You are the only vampire with their soul."

  "Your curiosity is yours to control, and we have greater concerns than to appease it," Roland countered.

  "Your coffin?" I guessed.

  Roland nodded. "I have no place to sleep. Though the sun won't harm me, a vampire rests better in perfect darkness."
>
  "You could try mine," Derdrom offered. He pressed his hands against his chest. "Rest won't heal these wounds, but I'd be glad to be of as much help to you as you've been to me."

  "We will see," Roland returned.

  We reached the abandoned house and touched down on the porch. Derdrom led us inside. His 'bed' was set up in the living room in the same place where I found Roland. The lid was shut. Derdrom dropped onto the dusty sofa and draped his arms over the back. He put his heels on the top of his coffin.

  "Home sweet home," he commented.

  I moved towards the metal box to inspect the coffin, but Roland grabbed my hand and stopped me.

  "I wish to speak with you for a moment," he told me.

  Derdrom grinned as his eyes flickered between us. "I hope I didn't start a lover's quarrel."

  "It's merely a matter of protocol," Roland replied.

  Roland half-dragged me through the center hall and out the back door. The backyard was landscaped with half-dead trees, thorned bushes, and dead weeds. There was an uncovered porch with creaking wooden boards that begged to be stepped on so they could break someone's leg. I wrangled myself from Roland's grasp and tiptoed off the boards and onto the weeds.

  "I hope this protocol is about you be finding a resting place, or do I get to prop you up in a closet?" I asked him.

  My joke fell flatter than one of Ralph's steaks in a trucker's stomach. Roland moved to stand in front of me and he looked me in the eyes with his creepy no-blinking stare.

  "There is a vehicle in the trees behind this house. Whatever happens, you must take the box and escape in that," he instructed me.

  I frowned. "You sound like you know something's going to go wrong."

  "Our new acquaintance is not to be trusted," he warned me.

  "That's a little vague, and a little bit of an understatement. Care to give me some details?" I asked him.

  "There is no exception to blood and rest healing a vampire's wounds," he told me. "And his following us back to your apartment gives him far more information over us than we have over him. A tactic like that is not used for the benefit of good."

  "Yeah, but you said you could take him in a fight," I reminded him.

  "I don't believe he would allow himself to fall into a fight fair," Roland pointed out.

  "If that happens then we're both getting out of here," I insisted.

  Roland pressed the box closer to my chest and smiled at me. "You carry me with you in this box. If I know you're both safe then I can survive a great deal."

  "What about a stake to the heart?"

  "Perhaps not that."

  "I didn't think so."

  "You two are quite a cute couple," a voice spoke up. Derdrom stepped out of the shadows around the corner of the house.

  Roland glared at him. "How long did you stand there?"

  "Long enough to learn that you don't trust me," Derdrom told us. "What could I do to convince you otherwise?"

  "A century of good behavior and some cotton candy would be a good start," I quipped.

  Derdrom furrowed his brow and rubbed his chin. "I might have a better idea. Why don't we both show our trust for one another by your laying in my coffin?"

  I raised an eyebrow. "How's that going to help anybody?"

  "I will entrust you with my sole possession, and you will trust me by setting yourself in a confined space," he explained.

  "I think Roland would rather be stuffed into a closet," I argued.

  Roland turned to me and raised an eyebrow. "You seem intent on fitting me into a closet."

  I shrugged. "If there's some coat hangers then I'd know where you're hanging out all day."

  Derdrom leaned one side against the rear of the house and chuckled. "You are an extraordinary human. Much like another I met only a short time ago."

  "What happened to her?" I asked him.

  He closed his eyes and shrugged. "She changed, but back to my offer. It still stands."

  "We'll figure something out when the sunrise hour approaches," Roland assured him.

  I glanced up at the dark night sky. A cool breeze blew past us and I wrapped my arms closer to myself. Our quick evacuation of my apartment meant I didn't have my coat, and the autumn air cut through my clothes like a knife through melted lard.

  "How long do you think that is?" I wondered.

  "Several hours away," Roland replied.

  "We should get inside. The young lady looks cold," Derdrom commented.

  "Cold was ten minutes ago, five minutes before hypothermia set in," I chattered. Roland pulled off his long coat and wrapped it around my shoulders. "You don't have to," I argued. "I'm not really that cold."

  "The cold doesn't affect me, and I can't catch a cold," he pointed out.

  I shuddered. "Yeah, I could go without another head cold."

  "Then let's get inside," Derdrom persisted.

  He led us inside and down the hall to the living room. I plopped down on the couch and noticed the coffin lay open. There was a chimney opposite the entrance, and Derdrom tossed in some broken bits of the house. He crouched down beside the mantel, and turned and glanced from Roland to me. There was a strange smile on his lips.

  "Does anybody wish to see a trick?" he asked us.

  "I'd rather have a treat," I quipped.

  Derdrom chuckled. "It's quite a treat to watch." He snapped his fingers and a flicker of flame jumped from between his fingers. The flame landed on the try kindling and ignited a small fire beneath the mantel. "Well? What do you think?"

  "How'd you do that?" I asked him. I looked at Roland and noticed his eyes were narrowed and glaring at Derdrom. The short hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention, and so did I.

  Derdrom also stood and smirked at Roland. "The same way I can do this." He lifted his hand and snapped his fingers.

  A green glow appeared around Roland's body, and he levitated off the floor. His body was flung into the metal coffin and the lid slammed shut behind him. A moment later I heard his fists pound against the inside of the lid.

  "Let me out!" Roland shouted.

  "I'm afraid I can't do that," Derdrom refused. "You see, my associate would like a long chat with you, and to have his box back."

  I pressed the box against my chest and backed up towards the living room doorway. "So this was a setup," I guessed.

  "A long one in the making," a voice spoke up. I spun around and saw Owen appear in the doorway.

  CHAPTER 7

  Owen leaned against the frame and smiled at me. "You seem to have stood me up."

  I stepped aside so I could have one eye on Derdrom and the other on Owen. "Sorry about running out on you like that. I'm just not that into lawyers, especially ones that have clients with red tails and horns."

  Owen chuckled. "He isn't that bad, and to tell you the truth he's quite interested in you. You have a resilience that's very rare for anyone, much less a human."

  "Run, Misty!" Roland yelled.

  "Yeah, about that. . ." I whispered to him. I slipped around the back of the couch as Derdrom walked along the way to cut off my escape through the windows on either side of the fireplace.

  "My client wishes to see you tonight, Misty," Owen told me.

  "I think I'm booked for the next couple of decades. He can ring me up on my deathbed and duke it out with the other guy," I replied.

  Owen pushed off from the doorway and followed me. "I'm sorry to hear that. I really did like you, but business before pleasure, and my client hates to be kept waiting."

  "No rest for the devil or his minions, huh?" I quipped. Derdrom and Owen herded me into a corner.

  "Something like that," Owen replied. He stretched out his hand towards me. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to take that box, and you're going to have to come with me."

  Roland pounded his fists against the lid. The whole thing rocked and slammed against the floor. The floor creaked and groaned, and the walls rattled. Owen whipped his head to Derdrom.

  "You're sure tha
t will hold him until we reach the house?" Owen questioned him.

  Derdrom scowled at him. "The coffin is made out of the highest-grade metal Indigo Industries has to offer. If you have a complain you can take it up with Mr. Fox."

  Owen pursed his lips and turned back to me. "Never mind. Misty, give me the box and let's go."

  My back hit the corner and the pair of them crept closer. I pressed the box closer to me and glared at him. "Hell no," I replied.

  "You don't know what it's capable of," he argued.

  "In this case I'll take the devil I don't know," I quipped.

  Owen frowned and reached for the box. "Misty, give me the-ah!" A bright blue light burst from beneath the lid and hit him in the face.

  Owen's arm flew up to protect him, but the light pierced through his flesh and into his eyeballs. His cry became a duet as Derdrom joined him. The vampire creature slapped his hands over his eyes and stumbled back.

  I pushed past Owen to get at the doorway. He clawed at me, but caught air. I stampeded down the hallway and out onto the rear porch. My foot fell through one of the boards. The box flew out of my hands and tumbled onto the backyard. Its glow faded to the level of a weak night-light. I grabbed my leg and tried to pull it out of the hole, but it wasn't budging. There was almost a minor problem with a sprain and the splinters buried in my pants and skin. Nothing that would kill me, but I did resemble a wooden porcupine.

  I heard a noise behind me and turned to look down the hall. The door was still open close beside me and I saw Derdrom stumble out of the living room. He shook his head and his bleary eyes fell on me. His lips curled back in a snarl, and he jumped into the air and flew at me.

  "Give me that box!" he growled.

  "Sorry about the draft. I'll get the door," I told him. I slammed the door shut and the door shook when he crashed head-first into the solid wood.

  I pulled my leg out and scooped the box up as I hobbled across the yard to the trees. There was an old path that led twenty yards into the trees before it opened up to a back road. On the road was a black jeep.

  "Just like a vampire to have a black car. . ." I mumbled as I jumped into the seat.